Chapter 5

The ice cream 'date' with Nick the following day (a Sunday) is highly anticipated. I hope we will both act as though it never happened. I am still so embarrassed that this is the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up. I want to get over it and I will but first I have to look my best to feel my best today Emma Roberts words made sense to me. I pick out a cute mini dress for the date and pair it with Doc Martens to make it seem like less of date. I put my cute statement outfit and head to the shower only to be surprised by the cold sting of the water. "Ma!" I call out my mom dressing up to rush to her. "Yes?" She asks

"The water is cold and I want to bath"

"We put the geyser off but it'll be on just now and then you can bath. Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes, why? Do you need something from the mall?"

"No, not really, it's just that you are up early and you never wake up early on weekends not even when you have to see grandma - and that says a lot"

"Well I just thought of changing bad habits" I shrugged and I left for the shower. I wonder if their debts are that bad. I once caught a conversation between parents saying that the restaurant is not making as much money as before. I wish I could help but my parents put me off every time I ask.

I showered and put my outfit on I like feeling pretty however I do not think I am equipped enough to try a face beat - as people call it. I think if try I'll look like my face was literally beat. I look in the mirror once more and I feel more anxious than ever. My legs are an inch close to being noodles. After looking in the mirror I grab my bag and phone and go downstairs to let my parents know I'm leaving.

"Bye!" I said while running to the door. "The outfit isn't complete honey" my dad said. Before turning I rolled my eyes and said and as I turned my mom mouthed "tights" to me. I don't look flashy - at least my boobs were fully covered this is just convenient.

With that I head upstairs to my room to search for tights. I search in the drawer of my dresser and find them. Wearing tights needs diligence and time and I cannot waste any time. I want to get to Maggie's it's the ice parlor we agreed on - it's cheaper and is organic. I pull them up bit by bit and oh it's taking time. I take a few and adjust my dress and put on my boots. I head out again and this time my parents are at the backyard. I grab the car keys and leave for Maggie's.

I get to a local ice cream parlor and spot Nick sitting at the table outside waiting for me. As I approach the table and he notices and stands up for a hug and I offer him a fist bump.

He sighed before accepting and I smiled and I honestly don't care if it looked genuine or not.

"I ordered the usual is that okay?"

"Yup"

"You look good - really good"

That's the whole point.

"So... are we seeing a movie after this?"

"We could do mini golf" I suggested but wait I'm not try to show off my dress I should not have suggested that.

"I guess" he shrugged as he answered.

"Or the arcade" better its darker and I still keep my dignity. Believe it or not my parents questioning my outfit left me questioning myself and I honestly don't need to feel worse by doing anything that could give ideas.

"Arcade? I thought you hated crowded areas - why the sudden change?"

"I did but trying new things doesn't hurt and I might as well have fun before finals"

I do not like crowded areas but then again I don't need to be in an area that will lead to any heartfelt conversation with Nick and the arcade will stop that.

"You and fun don't make sense, again - why the sudden change?"

"I don't know I guess people change and it's not bad to live a little as you always say. It seems our roles have been swapped I come up with ideas and you object."

"I guess. How are college preparations?"

"Okay I guess, I'm waiting on a few schools but I everything else seems in order."

...

The "date" was actually really fun and to my (not so much but rather a prayer) Nick was such a gentleman about everything and made everything feel okay. They aren't though. I wonder if they'll ever be. If Nick and I will truly get over this and not ignore it for peace sake. However it's not as if things were okay. I was always trying to get him to think of me as more than a friend. I never experienced a truly platonic relationship with him therefore going back will not really work but going forward seems useless too. My head is spinning as I drive home. I don't want to deal with such things I would rather be doing things that bring forth productivity in my life.

I'm deciding on completely cutting ties with Nick. Being close to him is bad for my health. My health comes first, right? I should be around someone who actually likes me and does not find me fun and easy. I should be appreciated. I shall be appreciated. Not only by a boy but by my friends. I'll get rid of the "so you're insecure because you are never asked out" tag. I'll make a successful person out of myself and I'll do it without a boy by me. I'll give myself the happiness I always hope to get out of others.