Chapter 3: Bad Memories

Audrey

I woke up this morning looking for Alissa to talk about last night, it was wild to say the least. Tim went home a little bit earlier and I think Bryson did too, I can't wait to hear what happened.

I walked into the guest room and lis is gone. That's strange because usually she stays until she just have to go home. So I called her phone and it went straight to voicemail.. Which is also strange because she always keep her phone charged and on.

But she could be fine...

I'm just going to wait a couple of hours for her to get back to me. I went and started my day, cleaned the house and showered. "Today will be a great day." I said to myself.

*Flashback(FB)*

"You know I love you right?" He said as he stood over me with blood on his fists.

I laid there..

Lifeless.

No thoughts.

No tears.

Numb.

*End of Flashback (EOFB)*

Alissa

I stood frozen in the doorway to our small apartment. So many thoughts running through my head: "THIS CAN'T BE!" "why is he here?" "RUN".

I couldn't do anything but look at him in fear. Why is my ex here? How does he know where I live? How is he out of prison?

"Well don't just stand there, come give your boyfriend a hug, you know he been locked up. You know you miss him." My mom said. After all I been through.. WITH HIM... I can't believe..

He came towards me and it felt like everything was moving in slow motion. My world seemed so cluttered. I felt suffocated.

As he hugged me I just felt my body shutdown. Not completely to where I wasn't mobile but to a point where I can't feel anything. I can't move.

"I missed you so much babygirl. I know that I hurt you.. And I'm more sorry than you can ever know. I'm ready to work for you. I'm ready to work for us baby." He looked in my eyes and it seemed so genuine.

I feel myself wanting to believe him and I don't want to. Why, why, why? Why me.

"You don't have to say anything, just hear me out ok? I had some of my people set us up with a crib out here and everything, you coming to live with me. Your mom was so excited she packed your bags already." When he said that something clicked.

How could she?

"Wait, you packed my things? What have I ever put you through? Why do you treat-" she cut me off with a slap to the face.

"I'm tired of yo back talk. I'm tired of you. If it wasn't for you your daddy wouldn't have left me. You gotta go, YOU'VE MADE ME MISERABLE ENOUGH! GO!" She screamed at me.

I was helpless. I felt.. Helpless.

"Babe don't listen to her, I promise I got you now.." He didn't have to say anything else. My feelings were honestly so hurt I couldn't feel anything.

"Ok.." is all I said, I went to get my bags and left with him. His name? Tyler..

Bad memories.

Burned in my mind.

—————————————————————-

It's been a couple of days. I've been living with Tyler and it hasn't been horrible. Yet. I haven't really said anything to him because why should I be so forgiving when he hurt me? In so many ways he broke my heart.. I loved him and would do anything for him but he hurt me.

Even with everything going on I still manage to get up everyday and go to school. That seems like the only thing I have going for myself right now, that's not all bad.

I had an exam to make up so I had to stay a little bit late. Tyler was supposed to pick me up but he said he got stuck at work. Which is just so great for me because I missed the last bus.

I just sat. Thinking. Contemplating on decisions in my life I'm just lost. I'm so indecisive and scared. I don't ask for help because I already know what to do I'm just scared to do my own thing. Will I be able to? Will I be able to be my own person one day?

As I sat in the front parking lot of campus I was in a daze. I had no way to get home, walking would literally take all night and plus it's too dangerous. So what can I do?

"You waiting for someone?" Mr. Gooden came from behind me.

I snapped out of my daze, "Umm no, I'm not.. I'm waiting for a ride that's never going to come." I said thinking about my life but also literally I had no ride.

"Come on.." is all he said as he started walking to his truck. I reluctantly followed, he opened the door for me and shut it after.

"Thank you, I missed my bus earlier and I stay too far to walk and I really appre-" he cut me off.

"One thank you is enough love. I don't mind. I mean I wouldn't do it for anyone else but for you I don't mind." I didn't know what to say. Like he's my professor and he's flirting with me. I can't say I don't like it, I do it's just it's hard to believe someone like him is even looking at me in that way.

"Why me? It doesn't seem like I'm the type of person you would be interested in.." I said shyly.

"Well we just have a lot in common, you're more interesting than you think.." he paused, "can I take you somewhere?" He hesitated. I could tell he was genuine.

"Sure.. I have no where else to be." He nodded and proceeded to the destination. The whole ride I tried so hard not to sit and stare. I couldn't help but to admire his beautiful brown complexion.

He was so settled and peaceful. He gave me a sense of stability and contentment. I would feel safe with this man through anything and I barely know him.

We pulled up to a quiet place by Santa Monica beach. I never noticed it before. It was a peaceful place. I can see why he chose this spot.

"I come here a lot. I sit and think, even write music from time to time. This is a clear and calming space. I just thought you would like it, looks like you need to get some things out." I've never thought that people could read me and how I feel but he did just that.

"I do have something's weighing on me but I'll be good. It's nothing that I won't shake back from." I said. I knew I wanted to but I couldn't. Even if he does know I don't want to talk about it.

"You don't have to say anything, scream, cry, curse, do whatever you need to do to get at least a little release. This is a safe space and I'm here to help not judge. But you knew that already." With that being said I let it out. I want to be free.

I need to be free of these bad memories.