Chapter 4: Chaos

Christian

I woke up early this morning thinking about yesterday with Alissa. I don't know what it is but everything about her makes me feel a way. A way that I have felt before but not in a while.

I don't usually don't do this but she's mature. I would honestly quit if I knew that would jeopardize getting to know her. I can't risk my job though this is all I have. Losing everything last year down to the last penny in my account.

My last marriage didn't end well. It's taught me a lot of things and now I don't often let people in. But Alissa. She's....

Different.

Alissa

Yesterday was a lot. I felt something yesterday. Something new. It felt good honestly. It felt my soul connected with someone else for the very first time. Ever.

Christian is so heaven sent. His whole existence is just peaceful and makes you want to be around. It's shocking knowing that he's interested in me. I haven't opened up to anyone like him let alone anyone else. I like this feeling.

I didn't go into the house yesterday after Christian dropped me off. I actually slept in the car as Tyler was home and already in the bed by the time I had gotten back.

Trying my best to sneak in, Tyler was already on the coach in the living room. "I was worried about you, why didn't you call?" He asked in a worried tone.

"I didn't think to, I was fine yesterday and I'm fine today." I said with a slight attitude. Although he hasn't done anything to me I have a feeling. Maybe I shouldn't have a attitude but all the times I tried to make the best out of our situation he would always pop off.

His worry turned into irritation.

"So you mean to tell me, even after everything I have done in these years past couple of days, you still have an attitude? About what? Old shit that I've apologized over and over for?" He said frustratedly.

"A couple of days is supposed to make up for years of pain? Oh let me guess since you think you're doing everything for me now that makes up for the heart ache? The body aches and bruises? How about the broken jaw? Did you forget about these things or you just don't care?" I said slightly yelling.

"No Alissa I didn't forget, and I know I hurt you but baby—"

"Don't call me baby.. You don't get that privilege." I cut him off.

"Ok I'm sorry, I'm trying to earn back your trust, I want you to love me again. What do I have to do?" He begged.

"I don't know. It's not easy to forgive you. I don't even know if I want to after everything. I don't know if I want to be with you again. Why shouldn't I be with someone else?" I screamed.

"WHO? The guy who dropped you off here last night? You don't think I seen him? What does he have that I don't huh?" He yelled backing me into a corner.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

(Flashback FB)

"Babe nothing happened, I just helped him with homework he had to catch up on what's the big deal? I didn't do anything with him!" I argued. Tyler is mad because I helped a guy from school. Big whoop.

"You didn't ask me, or tell me. How would I know if y'all didn't do anything? Let me see your phone!" He yelled.

"What no-"

"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE ALISSA! NOW!" He exclaimed pushing me into a wall with force.

"No! What the fu- what's wrong with you? Ahhh!" I screamed in pain.

"I'm so sorry babe, I'm sorry hold on hold on let me help you!" He panicked as I was hollering from the excruciating pain.

Why? Why did he hurt me?

(End Of Flashback EOB)

I sat in the corner he backed me into shaking. He didn't hit me no. But him coming towards me backing me into a wall triggered me and I just.. Shut down.

"Lis.. I'm sorry." He realized what he had done and backed away.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so-" he stopped and started hitting himself.

"I'm so stupid! STUPID! STUPID!" He was hitting himself so hard he started to bruise himself.

I got up and slowly approached him. Of course I'm scared. I just feel the need to help him. He didn't want to scare me, I could tell.

"No, no, no, back away lis I'm so stupid."

"No you're not Tyler stop it, stop hurting yourself, come here. Please.." I finally reached him and slowly brung him into a hug.

I don't know what happened but I embraced him so tight and he did the same. It felt good. Memories of good times that we had over powered the bad in my head and it felt.. Good.

"Tyler I don't hate you ok? I'm just still trying to heal you know. I still.." I paused not even sure if I wanted to say what I was about to say or not.

"You still what?" He asked.

"I still.. Love you." I said slightly above a whisper. I honestly can't even believe I said that. His eyes lit up and he embraced me for another hug.

This hug felt more intimate than the first. This hug felt like the very first hug he gave me after I told him I loved him back after he told me over a million times. Although he had anger problems he tried so hard and he was so sweet. That part of him never changed. He use to be so cheesy and corny but I could always tell he was genuine in everything he did. I loved every bit of the things he did for me.

We sat in the same spot for quite a while. In silence. Thinking. I loved him.

I love him..

My Ty.