46

Jungkook

I had successfully avoided Taehyung pretty much all day.

It pained me to do so but I had spent most of the day thinking. About him, us, and what had happened, and every single time, I came to the same conclusion - I was scared.

I was scared that what he felt for me was a lie.

I was scared that he could move on so easily, forgetting me.

After all, he had so many others lining up for him.

I was always second… even with Byungchan.

Even though he claimed that I was his, he was never mine. I had to share him with others. He would fuck them in front of me, forcing me to watch.

And then he would fuck me right after.

Closing my eyes against the painful memories, my fingers tightened around the comforter.

Behind my closed lids, all I saw was Jeongyeon coming out of Taehyung's office, holding her ripped thong.

It was painful to think that Taehyung had touched her so easily.

I lost track of how long I sat there lost in my thoughts when I finally looked at the time, it was time to prepare dinner.

Getting off the bed, I walked out of my old bedroom, I was making my way downstairs when my steps faltered at the sight of Taehyung coming up. His head was cast down as he stared intently at his phone.

My throat was suddenly dry, and my hand clenched the bannister. He continued upstairs, completely oblivious that I was standing in his way. When he was a few steps below me, he froze, his head slowly coming up to stare at me. I think I stopped breathing at the sight of his beautiful, tired face.

His expression softened and he slowly walked up the stairs until he was one step below me. In this position, we were almost the same height.

His blue eyes, filled with pain and longing, raked over my face as he took me in with a sorrowful expression.

His eyes spoke volumes.

For the first time, he was letting me see what he was feeling.

It was right there in the open, his eyes shining with vulnerability, something I was sure he had never shown anyone before.

Here he was, giving me yet another part of himself.

His hand slowly came up until his finger was tracing a line down my cheek.

His touch was gentle, almost feather-light.

"Jungkook," he whispered, my name sliding past his lips as if he was whispering a prayer.

His thumb brushed over my lips as his eyes stayed on mine.

With Taehyung so close, I was lost in his pain-filled eyes.

My body was instinctively drawn to him before I could think.

"Taehyung," I breathed, moving just a little closer. At the sound of my voice, he cupped my cheek, holding my face gently.

"Boss."

I felt Taehyung's warm touch disappear from my face as he pulled away and turned toward the voice that had called him, Hoseok looked between us and then fixated his eyes on Taehyung.

And then the connection was broken, the spell that had bound us together at that moment vanished in thin air, leaving us both stunned and completely dejected. Hoseok was saying something, but I tuned him out.

Quickly looking down, I released the breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding.

Feeling disappointed that my moment with Taehyung was interrupted, I continued my way down.

I felt Taehyung's eyes on me the whole time, his stares burning holes in my back. My body was strung tight with tension, I rubbed my sweaty hands over my trousers, trying hard to control my breathing.

Stepping into the kitchen, I sent Jimin a quick smile, acting as if everything was fine when I was feeling anything but fine.

I couldn't keep doing this any longer,t was only hurting me and in the process, it's hurting Taehyung too.

And the thought of him being hurt felt like a knife stabbing in my chest.

He was a confident man, arrogant and so self-assured but the Taehyung standing on those stairs was a completely different man.

For both our sakes, I willed myself to be strong.

A hand on my arm snapped me out of my thoughts, Jimin stared at me, an eyebrow raised in question.

Swallowing nervously, I looked down at my feet and looked back up again, finally speaking my thought.

"I need your help."

***

Jungkook

My legs bounced up and down almost frantically, it matched the beating of my wildly pounding heart.

If the bouncing of my knees were not enough to show my anxiety, then my hands showed it clearly.

My trembling hands rested on my lap, my fingers clenching and unclenching around the fabric of my sweater.

It wasn't a surprise that I was slowly going crazy with tension.

After all, I was sitting at the piano, waiting for Taehyung to make his appearance.

It had been two nights since I last played the piano.

The last two nights, it was Taehyung hoping that I would come to the piano room and play for him.

Now, it was me waiting for him.

Was he going to come?

Or was he angry at me?

Was he going to make me wait like I did to him?

With each passing second, I was growing more alarmed at the thought that Taehyung wasn't going to come.

What was he doing right now?

Did he receive my note?

The flower?

Did he smile while reading it?

Was he happy about them?

Or did he ignore them?

My lips turned down in a frown at the thought of him refusing my gifts, then I shook my head.

"Stop it, Jungkook," I muttered.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I heard a sound at the door, my head snapped toward it.

There he was.

Taehyung.

He was standing tall, his hands resting on the door as he struggled with his breathing. It appeared as if he had run all the way here. There were beads of sweat dotting his forehead, a few strands of hair clinging on his skin as his eyes fixated on mine. His breathing was almost frantic, his eyes presenting a wild look as he walked further inside.

I saw him swallow several times, throat bobbing up and down with the movement. Taehyung walked to his sofa chair, which was directly in front of the piano. Taking a seat in his usual spot, he extended his legs forward in the same position he would take every single night while I played the piano.

We didn't say anything.

The silence between us was enough.

It was always enough.

We only needed each other's presence, our eyes on each other.

Words were never needed to express what we were feeling.

And I kept my eyes on him and he did the same.

Taking another deep breath, I tried to relax my tense shoulders, I placed my trembling hands on the piano keys. My touch was light, barely even touching. My fingers softly moved over the keys, and my mouth curved up in a small smile.

I missed this.

Not just the piano, this moment between just Taehyung and I.

I missed him.

His presence.

His unique boxy smile.

His twinkling blue eyes.

I missed everything about us.

While we never took our eyes off each other, I played to him like I did every night.

I played for us.

The music flowed, a sweet, gentle melody cocooning us in its warmth... It's something I had learned while I was trying to escape the darkness that Byungchan would always throw me in. It always brought me peace.

At this moment, I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it for Taehyung, hoping it would bring him peace, to ease the pain I had caused him.

I didn't have much to give him, so I gave him the only thing I had.

The only thing I knew I had, something I had treasured close to me for years.

My eyes caught Taehyung's shoulders relaxing in his sofa cha, a breathy sigh escaped past his lips, the pained expression on his face slowly started to fade away.

Until he was staring at me with soft eyes, I melted into his stares, my heart accelerating as I took him in.

As the song came to an end, I paused, my fingers laid gently over the keys as I breathed. Taehyung stayed still, and he waited for my next move. Slowly pushing the bench away, I stood up and walked around the piano until I was standing in front of Taehyung.

One second, I was right in front of him, the next I've walked and is standing between his spread legs. My knees touched his sofa chair as I looked down at him. My eyes moved over his hard, muscled chest and then down the length of his arms until they landed on his right hand. He was still holding the flower I had given him - A single white peony.

His fingers were wrapped around the stem like he never wanted to let go.

Even so, his hold looked almost gentle, as if he's scared to ruin the delicate flower.

I choked back a sob as my eyes moved to his other hand.

He was holding the note I had sent him before coming to the piano room.

I knew what it said, I had stared at it for hours before finally having the courage to send it to him.

Please come to the piano room. I want to play for you.

Simple words, yet it meant a lot to both of us.

Glancing away from his hands, I looked into his eyes again. I sat down on his lap, settling myself against his chest. I felt Taehyung's shocked gasp, then his arms were wrapped around me, so quick that it took me by surprise. He crushed me to him and buried his face in my neck.

My name was barely a whisper against his lips but I heard it.

I felt it.

Placing my head on his shoulder, I wrapped an arm around his torso, we were both silent.

Taehyung's face is still buried in my neck when I felt him place a soft kiss on my skin before tightening his arms around me.

"Jungkook," he started, but I squeezed his waist, stopping him.

"Just let me talk, okay? I need to say something."

"Okay, I'll listen, Jungkook."

Moving my head from his shoulder, forcing him to shift away, I sat up straight on his lap, our faces a few inches apart. My hands came up to cup his cheeks, my fingers rubbing gently over the slight stubble.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Taehyung's eyes widened and quickly shook his head. "No. Don't—" But his flowing words were stopped by my fingers pressed over his lips.

"No, listen to me, Taehyung. Please, just let me get this out, okay?"

He sighed and gave me a sharp nod, his fingers digging into my hips. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I was angry, hurt, and I wanted you to hurt. I'm still angry and hurt from what you did but I can't hurt you. It torments me to think that you were in pain because of me."

Taehyung made a strangling sound, lifting his hand and placed it over mine. I looked at his stunning face, my heart thumping at how beautiful he was, even when he looked so tired and forlorn.

"I get why you did it," I continued. "I get why you thought I was the spy. It makes sense, I don't blame for you not trusting me before. These last two days, I kept thinking if it were possible that whatever we had was a lie... I am scared." cupping his jaw and rubbing my thumb over his lips. "I can forgive you for that." then continued to trace his features with my eyes until I made way to his eyes. I paused and swallowed hard before uttering the next words. "But I don't think I can forgive you so easily for what happened with Jeongyeon."

Taehyung opened his mouth, I shushed him again. "Even if you didn't have sex with her, you still t-touched her." I choked on the last words. The thought of Taehyung touching another was gutwrenching, I might have been lying too. I was keeping a big secret from Taehyung, I was just as guilty but I couldn't accept it.

"The thought of you touching another - the thought of you being with someone else so easily... it's painful, so, so, painful for me, Taehyung. I don't think I'll get over that soon, I might forgive you for the rest but it'll take me time to forgive you for touching Jeongyeon."

"Jungkook," he whispered brokenly, his eyes filled with guilt. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know the whole story. The only thing I know is that you touched her. I have my reasons why I don't want you to explain," I murmured, my fingers brushed over his eyebrows, my whole body tingling like it always did when I was touching him. "Because if you explain now, I will believe you. But then my judgments will be taunted by my doubt and fueled by previous anger and hurt... In the end, I'll just doubt it all. And I don't want to ever doubt you."

I cupped his jaw again, he leaned into my palm, nuzzling into my touch. I felt my heart crack and then slowly piece together at the show of affection. Leaning forward, I placed a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose, right on his mole. I felt Taehyung sighing almost contentedly.

"I have thought about this for so long. You have shown me so many times that you care, Taehyung. You helped me, stood by me, and made me strong. You never gave up on me and never left me in the darkness. When I think about everything we've been through and everything you have done for me, I think I can forgive you. I will eventually forgive you."

"And that's all I need. I just need your forgiveness, Jungkook." The words were spoken low and almost like a vow.

Giving him a tentative smile, I continued. "When it's time for you to explain, I want to be ready to believe you without a doubt. And for that, I just need some time to get over this anger and hurt that's filling my heart right now."

"How much time? How long do you need, Jungkook?" he asked, his eyes wide with caution, layers of desperation clouding his expression.

"Just a few days. That's all I'm asking."

After those words were spoken, we fell silent. I leaned my forehead against him and we both breathed. My hands went to the back of his neck, my nails softly dragging up and down the skin, just the way I knew he loved. He slowly started to relax, his tensed muscles loosening under my touch.

"Being away from you hurts, Jungkook. It's painful."

My eyes snapped open at his words, and I quickly blinked away my unshed tears. "I'm sorry."

"Angel, I don't want you to be sorry," he interrupted quickly. "You have every right to be angry and hurt. I fucked up bad. This mess we are in right now is my fault. So I understand. If I saw another man touching you, I would probably kill him without a second thought."

At his words, I remembered the scene that took place yesterday, when Seokjin had kissed me. Taehyung had snapped and went ballistic at the sight of Seokjin touching me.

"So I don't blame you, Jungkook, I'll give you however much time you want. Just please don't take too long. I don't think I can wait for that long." Taehyung paused before confessing softly, his next words taking my breath away. "I need you."

I need you too, I wanted to say.

"Okay," I agreed before placing my head on his shoulder again. Taehyung wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

"Where will you sleep?" he suddenly broke the silence that we were both basking in.

"In my room. I don't think I can sleep in our room without touching you. I can't bear having any kind of distance between us," I replied dejectedly, hating the thought of sleeping without Taehyung.

"I don't think I can sleep in our room without you, either," he confessed, his fingers tracing random patterns on my back. Pushing my head up, I looked at Taehyung, my gaze searching his in question. "Our room will stay empty until you are ready for me to explain. When you are ready, we'll meet in our bedroom," he explained, his eyes holding me captive.

That sounded perfect. "Okay," I agreed.

Taehyung sent me a small smile and quickly gave me a peck on the lips. I pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes again, letting myself feel his arms around me. Trying to absorb his warmth for the last time, knowing that it was almost time for me to go.

After a few minutes, I leaned back and Taehyung's eyes turned sorrowful.

"I have to go now," I whispered.

Taehyung nodded, I slowly got off his lap. His arms fell to his lap, a shuddered breath left his body, an agonizing expression passing over his face.

Giving him a final glance, I turned to walk away, but a hold on my wrist stopped me. Looking down, I saw Taehyung's hand wrapping my wrist, refusing to let me go. I faced him and he stared up at me, his eyes glistening in the light.

"Don't take too long," he ordered gruffly in an authoritative way that made my toes curl.

His voice was hard, demanding, and held a clear warning.

I couldn't help but smile before nodding.

He still didn't let go of me, this time, I answered verbally. "Okay."

When he was satisfied with my spoken answer, his fingers unwrapped around my wrist as he let me go.

I walked backwards a couple of steps before turning around and leaving.

Entering my room, I closed the door and got straight in bed, removing my clothes and taking my sleeping pill, I burrowed deep under my soft comforter and closed my eyes but sleep didn't come as fast as I expected. Instead, all I could think about was Taehyung.

My body was tingling and warm under the comforter, Taehyung wasn't holding me any longer I still felt him on my skin. It was as if he branded me, letting me know that I was his.

And there was no denying it.

I was his.