5

Taehyung heard the door close quietly behind him and bracketed his head with his hands.

This entire exercise was proving harder than he anticipated, he'd thought it would be simple.

Come here, stay at Astro Inn.

See his son.

End.

But, he hadn't expected for a moment to feel irrevocably drawn to the baby's father, nor had he expected him to remind of his late wife.

It wasn't so much in a physical sense, the two looked nothing alike.

Yoona's porcelain skin and dark auburn hair had been nothing alike, but it was in their natures, their nurturing instincts and it attracted and repelled him at the same time.

After Yoona's death, he had sworn not to love another again.

Not only did he not deserve to - he couldn't trust himself. 

Everything in his life he'd done to the very best of his abilities, he'd set the bar high. 

Yet with his wife, he'd failed. 

Failed on the most basic level, that failure had cost her life.

As he lay in a hospital bed in the aftermath of their car smash he'd welcomed the pain of his injuries, afterwards, the agony of rehabilitation and learning to walk again. 

Every torturous step was a just punishment for what he'd done. His life had become defined by his guilt and his failure. 

Even the company he'd created from nothing into an empire failed to hold his interest any longer.

He'd dwelled within a very dark place for the past year.

A place lit by the information that Cha-Jeon Haru may be his son. 

Suddenly he had something to strive and live for again. 

Someone to build a world around.

Even now, just thinking about the baby boy made his heart squeeze.

Taehyung could see a family likeness, he possess' distinct traits such as the nose and the stubborn set of his chin was so like Taehyung's own and his father's before him.

Was he seeing things he wanted to see? 

He wouldn't know for certain until Jungkook consented to the DNA testing.

He huffed a deprecating laugh, they'd gone beyond consent the minute he'd seen Jungkook walk into that lawyer's office today.

Seokjin would rustle up that court order, using whatever favours he could pull and Jungkook would have to agree.

Taehyung didn't want to wait any longer, he wanted to know now.

He needed to be a part of Haru's life, his future.

Taehyung pushed his chair away from the desk and strode over to the window, staring out at the lake.

It was beautiful here, an amazing place for a child to grow up.

How would Haru cope, he wondered, sharing his time between the edge of the lake and his inner-city apartment? 

It would be all very well while he was small, but he wanted his son to attend the best schools, have advantages geared toward his future that he wouldn't have here. 

Would Jungkook agree?

He shoved a hand through his hair, he was jumping the gun a bit.

A bit? 

Taehyung asked himself ruefully. 

A whole lot. 

Everything hinged on those tests. 

Everything.

His very world.

By the time he headed downstairs later that day, he'd pushed his mood behind him. As he approached the kitchen, he could hear Haru's fractious griping followed by Jungkook's soothing tones and he felt a new appreciation for him. 

Jungkook has been raising Haru single-handedly, it was no easy task and yet he hadn't heard a single word of complaint about it.

The young widow was stirring something on the stove as he entered and Haru gave a squeal of recognition as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's you. I'm sorry, but dinner's running a bit late tonight," the host said over his shoulder.

Jungkook sounded tired and distracted.

"No problem and it's not as if I've been burning off energy," Taehyung said, lowering himself to the table and handing Haru the toy he'd flung to the tabletop.

"Do you want to go into the main sitting room, watch a bit of TV maybe?" Jungkook suggested.

Was he trying to get rid of him? 

"No, I'm fine. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Taehyung, you're a guest here. You're not supposed to help."

Taehyung smiled in return, "I don't mind chipping in when I can."

Haru threw his toy down again and instantaneously began to fuss, Taehyung picked up the toy again and handed it back, wondering just how long this game had been going on.

Quite a while, if the tense set of Jungkook's shoulders and pale face were anything to go by.

"I'm sorry," Jungkook said, putting down the spoon and wiping his hands on a towel tucked into the waistband of his jeans, "He's not normally this demanding. He slept a bit too long while we were away and then wouldn't settle for his afternoon nap, so he's overtired and grumpy."

Taehyung chuckled, "I know how he feels. Can I take him for a walk outside for a bit? Would that help?"

He saw the relief on Jungkook's face, rapidly chased away by guilt, "I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Hey.. I offered."

He could see the battle on Jungkook's expressive face and knew he'd won when he sighed.

"I'll get his stroller and blanket."

Outside, the evening air had a slight chill to it, a reminder that summer was on its way out and that fall was nearing. The bay was still and settled with the dark shadows of the tall trees beginning to cast long shadows across the surface. 

Taehyung hunkered down beside the stroller and pointed to a pair of birds flying by, but Haru's attention was already captured by them. He took the opportunity to study the baby's face in more detail.

No, he hadn't been mistaken, Haru's chin hinted at the same line of his own, of the same mole on the tip of the nose and eyeline te that was a trait of all the Kim men.

Haru had to be his, he just knew it, felt it, and when the little boy turned his face back to Taehyung and gave him a gummy smile, he felt his heart squeeze tight.

"He's settled down then," Jungkook commented from behind him.

Taehyung straightened to his feet, saw Jungkook looked more relaxed, like the capable man he'd seen from the day he'd arrived.

"Yeah, I'm guessing Haru just needed a change of scenery."

"You're good with him. Do you have kids of your own?" 

Taehyung swallowed against the lump that formed in his throat, "My wife and I had hoped for a family. She died before we could start one."

And here it would come, he thought, mentally bracing himself.

The same platitudes that his family, relatives and friends had cast at him with the best of intentions.

They say I could still meet someone new, start again, have a family.

But he couldn't, it would be a betrayal of Yoona's memory. 

But Jungkook surprised him.

"It must be hard," he said simply.

"Some times are worse than others, but I'm getting there."

"As we do," Jungkook sighed and looked out over the lake.

Taehyung followed Jungkook's gaze and saw the large pathway at the pier.

"Yours?" Taehyung asked.

Jungkook nodded, "It's part of the inn. Fishing charters used to be part of the appeal of staying here. We stopped them when Haru's dad got sick."

Taehyung fought back the bitter taste that flooded his mouth every time he heard the other man referred to as Haru's father. 

He wanted to point to his chest and say firmly, 'No! I'm Haru's father!'

But he didn't have the right.. Yet.

"Are you going to start the charters again?" he forced himself to ask before he said something else he might regret.

"I don't have a license, Eun-woo did all that. But now.. I think I'd be better off simply hiring someone to take charters for the inn again. It would increase our guest traffic. It's on the list of things to do," sighing, "Well anyway, dinner's ready. Are you coming inside?"

Taehyung wished he could hold on to the moment here a little longer, but he knew the temperature would drop rapidly once the sun was gone.

"Sure."

Jungkook then took control of the stroller and wheeled Haru back toward the house as Taehyung followed slowly in their wake.

~~~

Jungkook was just doing his rounds, checking the downstairs of the house to ensure that everything was all locked and secure for the night when he noticed the library light was still on.

He popped his head through the door and smiled at Taehyung who was seated in a deep leather chair by the fireside, a book open in his lap, but his attention fixed on the flames cavorting merrily over the logs in the fireplace.

Jungkook lit the fire after they'd finished their meal as a sudden chill had invaded the air. The flames' cheerful brightness was a strong contrast to the solemn set of his face.

"Everything okay?" he asked, "I'm turn in for the night, but can I get you anything before I go?"

"Sit with me for a while, Jungkook. It's still early."

Jungkook was torn, despite his apology, he still felt the caustic curtness earlier today. 

It made him wary, but he had enough on his plate and certainly didn't want to make things even more complicated by falling in love or anything silly like that.

Falling in love? 

What on earth was he thinking? 

He was still newly widowed. 

Granted, Jungkook's marriage had been strained for some years before Eun-woo had died, the love wrung out of it rather than strengthened by their attempts to have a family, but he still owed something for Eun-woo's memory.

He hadn't been the perfect husband he'd fantasized about when he'd planned his future as a teenager, but he'd still given him so much. 

All he'd ever wanted, was a real home and a family, and thanks to Eun-woo he had a beautiful house and a perfect son.

Jungkook is always grateful for both.

Taehyung had given Jungkook nothing but heated surges of attraction that reminded him how long it had been since he'd felt like a beautiful, desirable man...

The young widow gave himself a mental shake.

No, he couldn't justify his crazy reaction to a handsome man.

Especially one he'd known little more than a few days. 

He was better than that. 

Stronger than that.

If only to prove to himself that he could overcom this ridiculous hormonal allure, he found himself seated opposite Kim Taehyung.

"Good book?" he asked in the silence that suddenly opened between them.

Taehyung flicked a look at the book on his lap, almost appearing surprised to find it there. He then laughed, the sound making his gut clench.

He didn't laugh nearly enough and the sound of it warmed Jungkook to his core.

"To be honest I couldn't tell if it's good or not. I grabbed it off the shelf and opened it, that's pretty much it."

Jungkook laughed with him.

It felt good to be relaxed in each others company.

"Not a huge amount of pop-fiction in here," Jungkook commented, letting his eyes slide over the many hardback, leather-bound covers, "How's your book coming along?"

"Slow.. It's more of a manual for my firm that designs and develops software."

"Sounds.. exciting," he said drily.

"It's not, which is why I'm here rather than where I should be working," Taehyung sighed deeply, "I normally have done this at home, but there are too many reminders."

"Your wife?"

"Yeah, Yoona."

"She has a pretty name."

"..She would've given anything to be a parent, like you," he raised a hand and rubbed his eyes, "I blame myself for her death. It's not something I find easy to live with."

Jungkook stiffened, breath frozen in his chest, "Surely you're not respons-"

"I was driving the car when we were hit, it was my fault. I ran a red light because we were late for an appointment. No, I was late, so I tried to make up for the time," his voice was bitter and angry.

Jungkook didn't know what to say in the silence that stretched out between them.

What could anyone say when the facts were stated so badly?

He jumped as a log of wood suddenly snapped, sending a shoot of sparks up the chimney.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung said, carefully placing his book on a side table and getting up to stand by the fire, "I shouldn't be off-loading to you."

"It's oka-" Jungkook said.

"No, it's not. I have tried to come to terms with what I did, the choices I made that day. I still can't believe I was so stupid, so reckless and -" his hands balled into fists at his sides.

"Are you succeeding in dealing with it?" the younger asked softly.

Jungkook could see the muscles in Taehyung's jaw clench tight for a moment before he spoke.

"Most of the time. She just deserved so much more. I put my business first for most of our marriage.. And if I'd just delegated one small thing, or maybe left the office on time.. Yoona would still be alive."

Jungkook rose to stand beside him, placing one hand on his forearm, beneath his touch he felt his muscles were tense, his rage against himself a palpable thing.

"You can't say that. Anything else could have delayed you, any number of things could have come up."

Taehyung gave Jungkook a twisted smile, "You're a fatalist then?"

Jungkook shook his head, "I just think that questioning them after the event is futile. We can't turn back time. No matter how much we want to."

"And the future? Do you think we can change what's going to happen there?"

There was a note of desperation in his voice that pulled at Jungkook every instinct to comfort, to offer solace from whatever demons that clamour inside him.

"I don't know," he said after a small hesitation, "I'd like to think we learn from our mistakes.."

"Yeah," Taehyung responded brokenly.

He still sounded so lost and unhappy, as if, even though he'd said the words, he didn't believe they were true. 

Taehyung didn't stop to think, he lifted Jungkook's face to his, lips slightly parted and kissed him.

His body jerked as if he'd received an electric shock, instantly he felt him begin to relax.

Jungkook angled his head slightly, the better to return the kiss, Taehyung realized and his hands slid around a tiny waist the other on the lower back, pulling into him.

When he pulled Jungkook hard against him, he felt a jolt of pure sexual hunger spear through his, he knew he felt the same way.

Jungkook went willingly, not allowing himself to think about how wrong this was.

All the younger could think about was how right this felt and when he opened his mouth to deepen their kiss, how right Taehyung tasted.

His dormant body attuned only to the most basic need to survive and provide for his son, began a slow burn.

Jungkook's hands slid up Taehyung's arms, feeling the muscles that were so taut with anger a moment ago, loosen and soften under his touch.

The hardened ridge of Taehyung's arousal pressed against his and let his instincts override the last thread of sense.

His entire body roared to life with the need for Taehyung - his touch, the taste and scent of him.

When Taehyung shoved his hands under Jungkook's shirt, he quivered with delight as his long fingers stroked his warm, smooth skin.

Taehyung's lips left Jungkook's mouth, tracing a path along the jaw and the cord of his neck. He arched his back, pressing his hips against him once more.

The younger then shivered as he felt the slightly rough, unshaven jaw on his skin and welcomed the feel of it.

Taehyung made Jungkook feel vital, desirable even.

When his lips travelled back up his throat, recaptured his mouth and moaned, parting his lips to give him free access to the soft, moist lips. His tongue gently swept his lips before probing deeper.

And then, suddenly, awfully, it was all over.

Jungkook's breathing laboured, he wanted to protest, to reach for him again. His hands pulled away, he let go and took a step away.

The younger's eyes went wide, trying to grasp what just happened, "We shouldn't-" he started.

"No! Don't! Don't say we shouldn't have done that," Taehyung said as firmly as he could.

Summoning every last ounce of strength he possessed, he smiled, "It was- Let's not do this, shall we?"

Taehyung couldn't bear to hear his denial.

To reduce what they'd just shared to a mistake.

Jungkook quietly turned and forced his legs to move, to take him away from the temptation he offered.

So much for proving himself better than his hormones, Taehyung thought.