2.12 ARTIFICIAL LOVE: Mother

Beomseok's hometown is situated far out from civilization. Okay, not really, it's not like his family lives in the wilderness or something but it did feel like that growing up. Their tiny town has a population of a mere four thousand. Everyone knows everyone. The 'town' is more like a rural village, surrounded by long green stretches of farmland and sloping mountains.

Some people might describe such a tiny little rural town as picturesque, but growing up, Beomseok hated such a place, knowing that his heart and soul always belonged to the city. When he left he never thought that he would return. He never thought that he might even be excited at the prospect.

It's the nostalgia, he thinks as he watches the scene blur on the train. The busy city melts away, giving sights of long green fields and patches of forest that scatter about the land. The sky is a crystal blue. A cable line draws a streak across the scenery and Beomseok's eyes follow it to spot a farmer herding a flock of sheep.

He sighs, eyes closing as he rests his head back against the economy seat. There are still a few hours before he arrives in his hometown. He wonders if his childhood home remains as it is, unchanging in all the years he had left it. He wonders if the graffiti-ed park walls host the same slew of profanities and jokes. He wonders if the hidden path behind his neighbor's house still remains intact, with all the stray cats that gather there.

Compared to the ever-changing cityscape, Beomseok's impression of the countryside is everlasting. He looks forward to it. He looks forward to seeing his mother, and his shitty little brother, and his apparent fiancee. 

Beomseok hums and lets sleep take him. His phone buzzes in his lap but it melts away with the rickety train. Beomseok doesn't wake.

…

Beomseok's hometown is as quiet and quaint as he remembers it. Evening falls on the rural landscape, painting the sky a lazy cerulean with washes of gold and orange.

His mother isn't at the train station which does strike him as a bit odd but he decides that he's going to be a good son for once and not bother or nag her. Thanks to Dayoung's altruism, Beomseok still has a bit of money to spare so he hails a cab with his two large suitcases. 

The taxi driver gives him a look, because of the tattoos and piercings but after a double-take he seems to recognize Beomseok's features. The apprehensive stare melts into a warm grin. "If it isn't Seok-ah! Happy to see you back in town, your mom misses you mighty, you know?"

Beomseok smiles wryly and nods, "Yeah, don't need to state the obvious, ajusshi! Never thought I'd say this but I'm glad to be back."

The old uncle nods approvingly and ushers Beomseok inside the car. Beomseok doesn't need to share his address and the old man drives off.

The house is just as it is in Beomseok's memories. The single-story building with a dirt path for a driveway is rustic in appearance and holds no semblance to the sky-reaching blocks of concrete that Beomseok has grown used to.

A dog barks at his arrival. The little black and brown mutt looks like the childhood pet he once had but Beomseok knows that poor thing has long passed.

The yard is kept quite well and there's a fresh line of laundry swaying in the wind. Beomseok feels sorry for his old lady who has to attend to so many chores by herself now that both her boys have moved out.

Well, Beomseok supposes not for long. He quietly vows to give back to his old lady.

"I'm here!" The front door slides open with no resistance.

But no one greets him.

"Mom?" He pulls his suitcases inside and looks around at the dusted furniture and tidy living space. "Hey, old lady, I'm back!"

Her hearing's likely starting to go, Beomseok thinks absently to himself. 

Beomseok searches the house.

He goes upstairs and finds his old room, where the bed lies, made and his old belongings laid out neatly. In the master bedroom, there's clothing left on the bed, waiting to be made and put away.

His mother isn't upstairs nor downstairs so Beomseok goes outside and searches the yard.

There's nothing but the sound of swaying grass, rustling leaves, and a barking dog that greets him there.

Puzzled, Beomseok turns to his phone for answers. But before he can unlock the screen, his attention is summoned by the sound of a car pulling up along the dirt driveway.

Beomseok rushes to the black car pulling up and wonders if it's his mother.

But he doesn't recognize the man that steps out of the car, at least not right away. The man has hair cropped short. He wears a regular black shirt and fitted sweatpants and is taller than Beomseok himself.

The only thing that Beomseok recognizes about his little brother is the similar facial features that the two of them inherited from their parents.

Even the expression that Yejun wears is alien to Beomseok, because his eyes are red, his face swollen and his lips pulled into a tight frown.

This isn't the little shit that Beomseok remembers and he hesitates before approaching. "Hey, Yejun? I erm, don't know if you remember that you had an older brother but you do, and it's me." He's not really sure what he's saying because he has no idea how to approach this Yejun who looks like he's just experienced the worst heartbreak in his life.

Yejun stares at him. He's quiet in a way that's utterly disconcerting and Beomseok lets the tension sit between them and brew. 

But eventually, Beomseok can no longer take it and breaks the silence with an awkward, "Um—"

"Hyung. Mom's dead."

Beomseok thinks that he heard wrong, "What?"

Yejun's voice trembles, "Sorry I couldn't tell you earlier. I went to identify her body."

No, he definitely heard wrong. Stupidly, Beomseok repeats, "What?"

"She's dead, hyung," Yejun's voice is ice cold and strikes Beomseok like a knife. There are tears in Yejun's eyes and Beomseok only stares like an idiot.

Time slows and the wind that tickles his face doesn't feel real. He sways on his feet, disorientated by reality, and wonders absently if he's dreaming. "What?" he says again, like a broken record. Yejun, the fucker, doesn't even elaborate on the story, on what the fuck even happened, but Beomseok isn't one to talk, because he doesn't ask either.

If he asks, it might just become real. A hand comes up and he's touching his own brow. Beomseok sits down on the patio. The evening sky falls into twilight and that cursed dog continues to bark. Beomseok's phone explodes with messages but he doesn't even know how to think anymore, nevertheless figure out how to work the lock screen.

Yejun's grown, Beomseok thinks, staring at his brother who paces back and force around his car. He has his phone to his ear and speaks quickly with a person that Beomseok assumes is the rumored fiancee. Yejun cycles between hysterical shouting, soft crying, and calm speaking. He calls the person on the other side 'dear'.

Beomseok wishes that he could just stop existing. That maybe he might melt into the wooden panels of the patio because he's still shocked, confused, and cannot reason with the fucked up fate that he's dealt.

He sits there and chuckles to himself, curling into his knees in his seated position.

Life just seems to love fucking with him, he thinks, thoughts slowly churning once more.

Maybe this is just another fucked up part of his twisted karma and he's done something to earn the ire of curse.

Fuck. The laughter becomes uncontrollable. There are tears dotting his eyes and fuck he hates everything.

Yejun finally hangs up and looks toward his older brother. He doesn't comment on the laughter and waits for Beomseok to calm, at least a little. "If you want," he says with a strained tone, "You can come back to ours for now."

Beomseok looks up and thinks that his little shit brother grew up a lot better than he did. He's sure that Mom is— was proud of him. Heck, he's sure that their shitty dad is proud of this brat too.

Beomseok ignores the offer and asks instead, "Is she really…?"

"Yeah."

Beomseok nods stiffly, "I'll stay here for now." He doesn't think he can stomach meeting his brother's fiancee at that moment. He doesn't think he has the willpower to even move from his spot on the patio.

"Okay," Yejun mirrors his stiff nod, "I'll be back later. Probably tomorrow evening, when I get time off work."

Yejun leaves.

And Beomseok is left alone with that barking dog that looks like his dead puppy from years ago.

He sits on the patio until the sky turns dark and the wind turns cold. Beomseok feels numb and he wonders what he did or his mother did to deserve such a shitty end. And why fate had to be so damn fucking cruel.

Beomseok laughs to himself and then he cries. In his old childhood home, he's alone.