Why does it never rain when I think about you?

"We're Fuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkked!" The shrill-voiced figure paced madly about their small alcove.

There were four retarded villagers. Gathered around a small campfire, they were Lv1, lv1, lv1, and lv6.

Another voice, the languid one, furtively glanced around, then said, "Alright, then. I don't know about you fuckers, but I don't want to die as a virgin. So all in favor of an orgy, say aye."

"去你妈的" A third, wrathful-sounding figure joined their discussion. While the others cried, he watched the empty pot.

Wait, what did I smell then?

"What's he saying?" The languid voice pondered. He had one hand already undoing the buttons, and I could see his massive beer belly despite the thick adventurer's cloak.

"I think he wants to go to your mother." The final figure, a polite-sounding one, inspected a quarter-staff-looking weapon.

"You leave my mama out of this." The languid voice tried to be angry but sounded frightened instead.

"He can go to my mother. Hehe, it's only fair since I always go to his!" The small, shrill figure laughed to himself, like one of those hyenas from Lion King. Then, he crossed his arms in a stupid dance.

"Eh ya, 上帝在惩罚我, ya" The wrathful figure hung his head in sorrow.

"What's up... y'all?" I whispered, trying to assert my presence.

"Oh shit, it's the ghost of those goblins we ate!" The shrill-voiced figure screeched.

"Please, sir, I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me." The languid-voiced fatass put his cloak back on, and he dropped to his knees and begged.

"Sorry. He's just a poor boy from a poor family, and he didn't mean to devour yours." The polite voice pointed at the fatass.

"Fuck you guys. Do I look like a goblin to you?" I weakly yelled.

"Wait, hosers; I think that's a human." The polite man lowered his quarterstaff.

"原谅这些白痴, ba" The last figure handed me a stone that was just concave enough to be a bowl, and he had filled it with brown water.

"So... what's in the soup?" I sat down but kept my distance and studied the murky liquid.