Chapter 8: Emotions.

😔 "I smile and laugh because if the people that care about me knew my real pain, they would be worried and I cannot burden them with my weakness. I'm the strong one. I do the saving I don't get saved."

-Unknown 😔

⚠️ Warning: Please Proceed With Caution! This chapter may contain alot of Violence, Disturbing Details, and/or Mental Illnesses/Disorders! This chapter will contain Self-Harming!!!! Please Be Advised And Proceed With CAUTION!!!⚠️

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😰" Max's and Scarlet's Dorm "😰

😢" About 6:30 In The Morning "😢

😶" Max's POV "😶

"Max. Max come on. Wake up.", I hear Scarlet say as she lightly pokes me my arm as I lie on my side facing away from her.

"Scarlet. I'm awake. Please stop poking me.", I say in a monotone voice.

"Oh. Sorry, it's time to get up and get ready.", she says and I sigh.

I sit up and start getting off my bed. I grab the clothes that I had taken outta the suit case about an hour or so ago. I get my toothbrush, toothpaste, my towel, and my hair brush and walk into the bathroom.

I close and lock the door behind me. I walk to the shower and turn it on. I strip outta my clothes and get in the shower. Do I care that it's ice cold? No, I don't give a damn if the water is ice cold, hell I wouldn't give a damn if the water was scolding hot right now.

I don't really feel the strength to be doing anything today. Well, I mean I have the physical strength but mentally, I just feel exhausted. I feel like my mentality was hit by Thomas the Choo Choo train but is still alive and exhausted. Does that make any sense? Probably not, oh well.

I start washing my hair and after I'm done washing my hair and putting the conditioner in my hair and rinsing it out after washing my body, my legs feel like they can't hold my weight anymore so, I slowly sit down under the running water.

I pull me legs up to my chest and wrap one of my arms around them then put my other arm on top of it to rest my head on.

😶" 20 Minutes Later "😶

I hear knocking on the door that pulls me outta my dark, negative, full of self blame thoughts.

"Max? Are you okay in there?", I hear Tyler ask.

I'm confused, when did Tyler get here. It probably also means Haylee's here too.

"I'm fine. Give me about another 5 minutes.", I say to him even though I know it's gonna be longer than 5 minutes.

I look down at my arms to see burn marks. Probably from me scratching. I didn't even realize that I was scratching at my arms, again.

I go back to my thoughts.

😥" About 10 Minutes Later "😥

I hear knocking on the door again except this time, the person actually opens the door and comes in the bathroom.

"Max?", I hear Haylee ask. I feel wetness rolling down my face. I couldn't tell if it was tears or if it was water from the shower.

"Yeah.", I say and she sighs.

"I know we haven't gotten to know each other all too much but, I just wanna ask, if you're okay.", she says and I nod then remember she can't see me.

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm fixing to get out.", I say as I slowly stand up.

"It should be about breakfast time. You guys can go ahead, I'll meet y'all there.", I tell her and she sighs.

"Okay just, please Be careful.", she says.

"Okay, now. Could you quite possibly get out so I can finish getting ready?", I ask poking my head out from behind the curtain.

She giggles and walks outta the bathroom locking it back.

Wait, how the hell did she unlock the door in the first place?! I ask myself as I turn the shower off and get outta the shower. I grab a my towel and start drying myself off.

I start getting dress after I'm done drying off then, I use Scarlet's blow dryer, hoping to God (not literally hoping to God) that she doesn't mind me using it just this once.

I don't really know how to use one of these things, I've only ever saw Scarlet use this thing once so I'm gonna try using it cause, it's easier to brush my hair when it's dry instead of when it's wet.

😅" I'm gonna guess that it takes about 3 to 5 minutes to use a blow dryer thing cause I legit, don't know how to use one "😅

Success, I think. I finished blow drying my hair then brush my hair.

After I'm finished brushing my hair, and my hair comes out looking extremely poofy, I brush my teeth then put my hair up in a high ponytail.

Probably the world's worse ponytail but, do I care at the moment? No.

I walk outta the bathroom get my things together and walk outta the dorm with my things.

The first bell rings signaling that we have 5 minutes till we're late for our first class.

I make a not so very humanly groan and I get a few weird looks from others.

"What?! Take a picture it'll last longer!", I exclaim literally not in the mood to deal with anyone.

☆What the hell do you call that sound?!☆ My demon side exclaims only to be punched by angel side which makes me laugh.

☆Ow! You don't have to be such a bi- I mean witch!☆ My demon side exclaims again.

♡In all seriousness, what the hell do you call that?♡ My angel side asks and I giggle.

♤I call it my most famous groan♤ I say in a matter-of-fact tone.

☆♡You're to weird for me.☆♡ Both my demon and angel side say and I laugh.

♤Aww, thank you soooo much, that just means you guys can't handle how uniquely different I am.♤ I say to them and my demon side groans.

✌" At Art Class "✌

"Alright everyone. I've noticed how many of you have been extremely chatty with one another so, I've decided to make assigned seats.", the art teacher says and I roll my eyes as everyone groans. I raise my hand and the teacher points at me.

"Yes Max?", she asks

"What the point in the whole assigning seats thing? Can't you just ask the students that are being chatty to move to a different spot instead of having everyone moving seats?", I ask and she chuckles then walks up to me.

"Silly, silly girl.", she says shaking her head.

"You shouldn't back talk your elders.", she says and I gulp.

"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am.", I tell her and she smiles.

"Good. Now, let's get started.", she says walking back to the front.

👿" 30 Minutes Later "👿

I'm sitting next to a person that, by the way I don't know, in the back of the class and the only person I know in this class, Tyler, is all the way across the room in the front.

This dude I'm sitting next to won't leave me the hell alone! Like, seriously dude, I get it, you want me to pay attention to you but I'd prefer to draw!

He continuously pokes me with the eraser part of his pencil and I start to get annoyed. After the last time he's fixing to poke me I grab his pencil, break it in half then get up and throw it away. I sit back down and look in his direction. I can feel people's eyes on me as I do so.

"Look dude, I don't know who the hell you are and quite frankly, I don't really care at the moment. Just please, please leave me alone!", I whisper yell at him then I immediately look back down at my drawing to see that I messed it up.

"GOD DAMN!", I yell and storm outta the room not caring that the teacher yelling at me.

Honestly, I don't care for just about anything. I mean yeah, I still care about helping people out when they need help or when they're getting bullied but other than that, I don't have the mental strength to care.

Numb. That's what I feel right now. I feel numb but yet I feel alone, upset, sad, and most of all self-hate.

I feel as if I'm being pulled down into the deep dark depths of a hole, just drowning in the darkness yet, as I look around I see all the light that surrounds me.

I feel as if I have to always be the strong one. The one that has to be there for everyone else. The one who can't show weakness. And most importantly, the one who doesn't deserve to be saved from myself. From the darkness in my life.

Does that make sense? It probably doesn't but nowadays, nothing ever makes sense. What I said makes enough sense to me though.

I walk into one of the girls bathrooms and then close and lock the door behind me. Yeah I know, I shouldn't do that but oh well. Like I said, I honestly don't care.

Ya know that feeling when you feel suffocated yet, you can breath perfectly fine? Yeah, that's one of the many things I'm feeling at the moment.

Yeah, I may feel like this all the time but, there's a difference between most of the time and now. The difference is, my true emotions are starting to show.

Do I want them to show? No.

Do I think I'm weak when I show my true emotions? Yes.

Do I think emotions make you weak? No, I don't. I think if you show your true emotions, it makes you strong.

You're probably wondering, why the hell are you rambling on about what you think about other people showing their emotions compared to you.

Well, I'll tell you.

In this world, you go through ups and downs. Highs and lows. And many difficult to past obstacles. One of those things are emotions.

We don't all show our true emotions for the simple facts that can cause more damage in the end. Take what made me the way I am now for example. I used to have a bestfriend.

I know right! Who wants to be bestfriends with me. I mean yeah, I have friends here but who says they won't do the exact same thing she did.

She was like family to me. A sister that I never had. She betrayed me. She ripped Mt heart right outta my chest, ripped into a million different pieces, and left it in the dust just for me to pick it back up and put it back together.

Why would she do such a thing? Why would she throw away our friendship that we've had for 7 years?

Easy. Popularity makes you do stupid things. It makes you betray your life long friends. It makes you stomp them into the ground, stab them in the back, or even just pretend you don't know them.

The worse part is, I didn't even try to make her stay my friend. S friendship of 7 years all thrown away. Gone with the wind all because of a stupid social status.

Sorry, God I'm rambling on and on about myself you probably don't even wanna hear what I'm saying.

I'm brought outta my thoughts when I hear banging on the door.

"Max?", I hear an all to familiar voice.

I just wanna be left alone! Is that to much to ask for?!

"What?!", I groan in frustration not meaning to sound so harsh and hateful.

"I-I was just wondering if you're okay. I just want to fake sure everything's fi-", Tyler goes to say but I cut him off.

"I'm fine! I just wanna be left alone!", I exclaim anger taking over me. I hear him sigh.

"Will you at least come out here so we can actually talk instead of yelling?", he asks me.

♤All want is to be left alone! Is that so hard to fucking understand?!♤ I exclaim apparently toward my demon and angel side and I hear them both sigh.

♡Look, you feeling the way you feel is probably your normal, and yes you're probably used to going through this,♡ My angel side says gesturing to what I'm feeling.

♡But you have friends now. They're worried about you. They just wanna make sure you're okay and they wanna know if they can in anyway, shape, or form.♡ My angel side says to me and as I'm fixing to say something my demon side interrupts me.

☆For once, I actually agree with her. And that's saying something cause I don't ever agree with her.☆ My demon side says meaning my angel side when he said she.

♤Ugh! Why does everyone have to annoy me today!♤ I exclaim as I get off the floor. When I get up I walk over to the door unlock it and then open it.

Tyler stood outside the door and smiled a small smile when he saw me.

"Just cause I'm gonna talk to you doesn't mean I'm gonna open up to you completely and pour my heart out.", I tell him and he nods.

"Come on. Let's go somewhere more private.", I say to him as I saw some people walking around the hall.

"Okay.", he says to me and I take his hand then look for somewhere quiet and isolated.