Chapter 9 Shy Fiancee

AHLAM

Staring at my left hand beneath the ray of light coming in through the window, I couldn't help reiterating the adrenaline rush that run through my entire body when Aahil unexpectedly placed his warm palm beneath mine. Forcibly, but ever so gently widening my fingers apart with his own that provided him with a favourable opportunity to slide on his late grandmothers' vintage wedding ring on my fourth finger.

To say I was overwhelmed by its beauty was an understatement, I was totally and utterly rhapsodic. The flawless fully cut diamond appeared to be dancing through its facets, while the adorning dark green emeralds glowed so exquisitely.

As I recaptured those precious moments when he respectably placed the symbolic ring on my finger; strengthening his desire to marry me, I couldn't help gazing up at him and catching his enchanting smile. He was obviously aware of my unspoken thoughts when I told them I did not want anything extravagant but it appears my soon to be husband was without a doubt one stubborn man.

The warmth that invaded my cheeks and my look of astonishment couldn't hide the smile that touched my lips, even that feeling of excitement that filled my veins. Since the very first day, I battled with my attraction towards Aahil, just the mere thought of him gave me goose bumps.

Ya Allah!

I am engaged! sounds to strange to hear that phase but I have heard that the days between engagement and marriage is a beautiful one… or was it the opposite?

During my engagement function, I was speculating whether I made the right decision in accepting their marriage proposal, as I couldn't contradict the fact that the rude murmurs and chinwags of the women were making me feel a little paranoid; forming a layer of fear and loneliness into me – certainly not a state of joy. If Aunty and Hania were not be my side the whole evening; stopping them from their insults and voicing out their thoughts and concerns, the evening could easily have turned out differently.

As I unlocked my phone, Hania entered my room with a wide smile spread across her face.

"At last I can now officially call you my sister-in-law!" she said excitedly and hugged me whilst being careful of my hand.

"Hey! Do you know how much that brother of mine is yearning to see you? all his plans have backfired since you asked for distance until after marriage. I am telling you; he has no patience when it comes to you" she said in a teasing tone.

"Maybe we can send him a photograph?" I suggested. "He must after all be eager to see me in the sari, he gifted me"

"Let's tease him a little more?" She replied. She was obviously enjoying this way too much.

"How about a group chat?" she suggested "there's no harm in that"

Without waiting for my answer, she happily formed a group chat whereby she added Aahil, which suddenly made me feel uneasy. I have barely talked to him in a dignified manner face to face, apart from previous outbursts and now I'm feeling intimidated and overwhelmed.

"Have some mercy on your soon to be husband eh? at least get to know each other a little" she said in defence when she looked up and noticed my reaction.

"Your parents are aware of this yeah?" I asked innocently and she raised a brow.

"You are the most innocent soul I have ever met and I am younger than you. Pure, genuine and so loving.

" Masha'Allah" she complimented me and I just advised her she can be all that too but she need not change for anyone, as she's already an amazing person.

"I will inform my parents that we have started a group chat, don't worry" she agreed.

"Hmmm, OK then. We wouldn't be doing anything wrong by just greeting each other I guess and maybe you're right; he deserves to know me as much as I do him" I said but not quite accepting my words.

She was about to start a text message when…

Aahil typing...

My hands were trembling, I was still not used to him, let alone having his presence close.

"Just type, don't worry, it's not forbidden," she said but I couldn't even hold my phone to type him.

I felt it was wrong, although we are now engaged.

"Is it okay to chat with your fiancé?" I asked myself.

Hania and Aahil kept text messaging all the while he kept asking about me.

"You are overthinking" Hania said, removing me from my thoughts and then on impulse grabbed my phone and started to type in our group chat

"Assalamualeikum" and he responded by sending me a surprised emoji, replying "wasalamualaikum".

"Well brother, you owe me big time for this. I expect a treat as I have put so much effort in uniting you two together" she typed, her lips twitching into a smile.

I looked over at Hania with widened eyes and silently mouthed "what!?" but then felt silly remembering he couldn't actually hear us through texting, which made Hania laugh out loud.

"Yeah but it's not as if you sneaked me in to see her today is, I would've really appreciated that but however, I am truly grateful that you arranged a group chat" he replied and that brought a smile to my face. I will show him all my pictures taken at the function after marriage. I think that would be something beautiful to share.

"I just respected her wishes Bhai, maybe she has a genuine reason," she said looking at me with raised eyebrows, shrugging off her shoulders.

"Well don't worry, the wait will be worth it Insha'Allah" I typed and waited for his response. Seemed so weird for us to be texting each other when we were all in the same house.

"I hope you know what you're letting yourself in for Ahlam?" Halim laughed joyfully.

I never thought I will be chatting with a guy like this; let alone someone that soon will be mine?

"Mine?" that sounded so strange from my mouth.

***

I prayed Asr, made supplication and then changed into a yellow hand block printed cotton kurta with long sleeves and matching hijab; an ancient technique in applying patterns onto fabric. Slid on my specs and headed downstairs, all the while feeling nervous. My heart was beating so fast because I knew he was going to be there. Ya Allah! How will I overcome this strange feeling? What is this strange feeling called?

I didn't have the nerve to stare his way. I just kept replying to the conversations keeping my head down; constantly staring at my engagement ring.

Without a doubt, I was sure the shy wife-to-be, I thought.

"Ammi jaan?" his deep spoke out. I couldn't deny hearing him calling out to his mother in such a loving and respectful endearment was touching to hear.

"Yes beta?"

A smile touched my lips.

"Erm, eh, when will the wedding be?" he asked uneasily.

My eyes widened in astonishment; did I hear right? We just got engaged. Why was he in such a hurry? Is it because I was keeping my distance from him?

"Insha'Allah soon," Uncle Firoz replied on behalf of his wife with a smirk, all the while staring at us both curiously.

"Please, I can't wait anymore" he said hurriedly and impatiently.

All eyes were on him; including mine with stunning impressions planted on our faces.

"What?" he asked warily.

Did he really say that out so loud? He was so straight forward and bold. Such things I would always keep to myself

"Relax bhajan, you know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder" Hania said with her signature look of widen smile and raised eyebrows. Seriously, were they really having this conversation in the presence of their parents? It felt so awkward.

Oh, Allah! I miss my family so much. Every girl needs her parents, especially for her upcoming wedding. How am I going to cope on the big day? My brother and Halim would've got on so well too Masha'Allah.

"Ahlam, are you okay?" his voice spoke out, snapping me out from my thoughts "you've turned pale. Tell me, are you in pain?" His asked with concern and for the first time, I glanced up at Aahil and saw him clenching his fists as if he wanted to reach out to me but held back.

"It is nothing" I replied desolately.

Aunty Faiza was suddenly by my side, embracing me into a motherly hug; something I was desperately longing for and soon found myself squeezing her back.

"My dear, you know you can share anything with me," she said pulling back and tilting my chin up with her hand.

"I know I can never replace your mother but I sincerely wish you can see me as someone who would love nothing better than to act as a mother to you. To raise not only Halim but you too as my daughter Insha'Allah. You have already been accepted into our family and I think I speak for everyone when I say we love and cherish you so much my dear".

Just hearing the sincerity in her voice and the love pouring out of her heart was enough for a lump to form in my throat and a tear to trickle down beneath my glasses. I prayed it would go by unnoticed but as soon as I tried to speak, my lips began to tremble and the tears welled up and began to spill into rivulets down my cheeks.

"I'm, uh… I'm sorry" I said as I rested my forehead on my knees to hide the tears from everyone "I… I miss them. I truly miss my family" I muffled.

Raising me up, aunty removed my glasses from my face and wiped away my tears with her hands. "Ahlam darling, there really is no need to apologise. We understand what you must be going through. To deal with the difficulty of losing your family and the pain you've endured is unimaginable and not having your parents by your side for your wedding to my beta must be a tribulation time for you"

Turning her attention to Aahil with saddened eyes then back at Ahlam, she painfully continued. "however much the question I'm about to ask will hurt me – in fact, all of us, I feel it's my duty to ask. If you feel you've been rushed into this marriage or need more time, we can delay…"

"Ammi?" Aahil cried out stopping her from continuing but the question was already out.

Forcing a smile through my tears, I looked up at everyone and saw their concerned faces. Aunty Faiza eyes shone like she was holding back tears. Halim was cuddled up to her father; grateful to have him close. Uncle Firoz was nodding his head to me in agreement with what his wife said, his sorrow etched on his face was visible to see by all. Lastly, I looked up at Aahil who shared a faint smile that contained sadness and a look of impatience and hesitation, eager to know my response to his mother's question.

Returning my gaze to aunty, my inner thoughts told me "No one can replace the unconditional love or place of a mother but aunty has always been by my side like my mother would've been".

"You are in so many ways similar to my mother aunty," I said whilst reaching out to hold her hand tightly "nothing would make me happier than to have you act as a mother to me. I wholeheartedly accept".

I turned my attention to Aahil, who was waiting eagerly for my response to his mothers' question "and no, I do not need more time. I am happy for the marriage to go ahead to your son"

To see everyone's face change from sadness to happiness in a split of a second bought me so much joy and I felt so lucky to have been blessed into another family. I just pray this bond remains forever Insha'Allah.

Aahil's mobile ringing shattered our happy moment but as soon as he glanced at the caller ID his face paled. He kept staring without picking up, what's wrong with him now?

I stared at him curiously when the phone rang again, even Hania was intrigued who it might be. When she glanced over, her eyes widened with a smile.

Who was calling him? Who was it that made Hania smile?

"Pick up bro, she finally dared to call you after all these years. My best friend and your close best friend. She hasn't ever contacted us in the six years you left for your studies" Hania explained to us all but my mind was elsewhere. What was this pain in my heart that made me feel like running away? Am I experiencing jealousy? Ya Allah! I don't want to hear any more about this girl.

Why am I feeling such emotions again? emotions which I had buried deep down and never wanted to feel again, no one is trusted. What if someone plays with my heart then?

******

Being negative only makes our journeys more difficult , you may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.

The worst pain is getting hurt by the person you explained your pain to. Is that true or only I feel like that?