Scared of something

So days went by after my date with Jaxon.

Of course, Chelsea wouldn't stop bugging me about it, but I ignored her. As I usually do.

Jaxon has officially been my ride to school.

Talk about not ditching my baby.

He opens the door for me when I want to enter and stops me when I want to get down so he can open it for me.

"You are really taking this door thing seriously." I asked him one day when he opened the door for me on our way to school.

"Well, I'm not going to waste any more chances."

"Oh really?" I ask him playfully.

"You are yet to see nothing babe." He smiled.

He called me 'babe' that day and ever since then, my heart had refused to calm down when I lay my eyes on him.

Today, I had made an excuse of Chelsea bringing me to school when in fact I wanted to drive myself so I could have time alone to think.

I wanted to give my heart and my mind enough space to adjust well and be calm.

I might not even see Jaxon until lunch which would be a good thing actually. I'd be able to let my mind think of other things and not Jaxon.

So for the first time in weeks, I brought my baby out from the garage.

Although it was different from the Audi I had grown used to over the past month, but nothing a drive or two can't fix.

I had called Chelsea the night before and begged her to beg Austin so he could drop her off and I could have an excuse to give later.

I got to school some minutes later and I saw Jaxon waiting for me at the building entrance as soon as I drove through the school gates.

As soon as he spotted my car pulling up in the parking lot, he walked to the driver's side and opened the door.

"Hey you." He smiles at me.

"Hi." I smile back.

I thought I wouldn't have to see you until lunch!

I get down from the car, he closes my door, and I lock it.

"I thought you said you were coming with Chelsea?" He asks as we walk into the school.

"I thought I was too. Until she called this morning telling me how much she missed taking a ride with her boyfriend and such."

His eyes lights up. "So you can drop me off then?" He asks.

"How did you get to school?" I ignore his question.

"I brought my bicycle."

"You didn't bring your car?" I ask again.

"I was actually going to, but it didn't feel the same without you in it."

I stopped in my tracks.

Oh my.

He also stops when he sees I'm not following beside him.

"Is something wrong?" He asks and I shake my head.

Yes. Something is wrong.

I feel like my heart is going to explode from all the things you say to me.

"I just- I remembered something." I say and he smiles.

He holds out his hand for me and I hold it. He pulls me to his side and we walk to my locker together.

"So would you drop me off after school?" He asks again.

"Can't you just take your bicycle back?" I ask. Knowing fully well it was more of a plea than a question.

"I don't want you driving back alone." He points out.

That's exactly what I want.

"I'll have Chelsea ride with me."

Not.

"What if she decides to follow Austin?" He asks.

"What if she doesn't?" I ask back just as we get to my locker.

He shrugs. "Then I'll go home myself."

Guess I'll have to persuade Chelsea to come home with me.

I take out my books for my first class.

"Um so Hathaway," He begins. "I've been meaning the ask you."

"Go on." I urge him.

"Are you free this weekend?" He asks.

Why?

If I say no, he'll probably ask me out to something. If I say yes, he'll ask what and I'll have to lie to him.

What the fudge do I say??

"Hey losers!" Chelsea walks up to us and slams her hand on the locker beside mine.

Thank you Jesus.

"Hi Chelsea." Jaxon greets her.

"Sup." She nods to him. "So what's happening?"

"Nothing in particular." I close my locker.

"I'll see you later Hathaway." Jaxon says and walks away.

"Bye." I wave.

"What's up? Did I interrupt something?" Chelsea asks.

I shake my head. "He asked if I was free this weekend." We walk to our class.

"And?"

"You came."

"Darn it. I shouldn't."

"Well, I'm glad you did."

Chelsea stops.

"What is really going on Summer?" She suddenly asks me.

"What do you mean?" I ask her back.

"This guy likes you. You like him. So what the fuck is holding you back from telling him?"

"I don't know. I-"

"This has been going on for over a month now. You guys could've been happily dating for over a month. But I don't know what the fuck is holding you back. It's not like you're scared of something!" She says. Her voice rising with each sentence.

It's not like you're scared of something!

Those words kept ringing in my ears. Over and over again.

Right. It's not like I'm scared of telling him how I feel

It's just that my heart is scared of history repeating itself.

I had forgotten about it. It was like it was erased completely from my life.

Like it never happened.

But my heart didn't forget. It remembers vividly what happened that night. And that's what has been holding me back.

That's what has been keeping me from telling Jaxon how I truly feel.

And the words Chelsea said to me felt like a switch. It brought back all the memories I had forgotten about him.

And what I did to him.

"Yes." I begin. "I am scared of something." My voice was starting to rise.

"Summer-"

"I'm scared that if I tell him about my feelings and we end up dating, I'll kill him just like I killed Nathan!"