Chapter 12: The Feeling

“I need to ask you something,” I approached the topic with the honesty is the best policy.

“Sure, what?”

“Where do you see this going?” I waved a hand between us.

“Where do I see us going, you mean? Well,” Vazar let out a deep breath. “I really don’t know what the future will hold…all I know is that I like you, Hannah. Like, really like you. I want us to spend some more time together and see where we end up.”

I could hear the need for my approval in his words.

“I feel a connection with you. I know my situation is not ideal but let’s not think that far ahead. Can we just enjoy being together today and deal with whatever comes next tomorrow?”

I nodded. I liked his theory. It was better than breaking it off now and being miserable. I don’t think I could have handled it if he sent me off packing. We sat like that for a while, enjoying the electricity that was flowing between us. I imagined how it would be like if I could see him, if I could touch him. Would we be holding hands right now? Would we take our time and wander around the room looking at various pieces?

Would we be sharing historical facts with one another?

A group of tourists stopped in front of our bench and jolted me out of my thoughts. “Shall we walk around the room for a bit?” I got up to stretch my legs.

“Okay, maybe I could give you a personal tour of all the pieces here. That is if you are interested in history?”

“I love history! Come on, tell me everything.” I began walking to the left side of the vast space we were in.

For the next few minutes, we wandered from piece to piece, enjoying the facts written in the descriptions and on Google which astounded Vazar. He rejoiced in the Internets power and began peppering me with questions of modern-day life.

“Hannah, you haven’t told me anything about yourself. Where do you live?”

He was right. I was so captivated in his life that I forgot to tell him anything about mine.

“I live in East London. That’s about an hour and a bit from here. Have you been there?”

“Whitechapel? I’ve certainly been there.” His voice sounded hopeful.

“No, Seven Kings. It’s a little further out.”

“I haven’t heard of it.”

“When did you visit Whitechapel?” I asked.

“Oh, it must have been years ago now. On one of my human-watching adventures. I remember all I saw were traders shouting about their wares!” he let out a laugh as memories came flooding back to him.

“Do you have family?” Vazar sounded eager to know more about me, so I told him.

In the next hour that followed, I poured my heart out to the invisible soul who not only was a great storyteller but turned out to be an amazing listener as well. He made all the right sounds to reassure me that he was still there and peppered my anecdotes with just the right questions. I felt our connection intensify and I felt liberated. I was brutally honest about my extended family, my parents and the lifestyle that was forced upon me. Vazar admitted that he never expected the modern world to be so restrictive and I had to assure him it wasn’t like that for the majority of people who lived in England.

By then, we had circled the entire room and found ourselves back at the bench. Sitting down, he asked me about my future and I reveled in the fairytale that I had painted in my head. I would be a traveller. I would be a historian. I would be an archaeologist. The choices were endless. I would be everything I ever wanted to be, but first I had to complete my education and avoid getting married.

“Your marriages sound like ours. We have ours arranged by the elders.”

“Ours can be arranged and we can find someone ourselves. I guess it depends on who your parents are. Mine would definitely have mine arranged.” I frowned thinking about my poor cousin Fatima.

Vazar’s lips set in a tight line of disapproval but he remained silent so I wouldn’t know he was thinking about my marriage.

It was getting late and as I gathered my things to leave, a bittersweet emotion highlighted the fact that I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay and talk some more but like yesterday, I had forgotten to eat and my stomach grumbled noisily.

“I’m sorry to have kept you. You must be hungry.”

“Kind of. I keep forgetting to eat,” I smiled sheepishly.

“I like your smile,” he reached up and brushed the back of his fingers along my jaw.

I gasped, “I felt that!”

“You were meant to. I’ve been so out of practice at making myself whole that its difficult for me to materialize now. Give me some time to practice and I’ll be whole again.” He promised.

“Give you some time? Does that mean you want me to come back?” I knew the answer but thought I’d try my hand at a little flirting.

“Of course, I do Hannah! I want you to stay and never leave. I… I feel connected to you. Do you feel the same way?”

I didn’t have to think about the answer. It was a solid yes. Even though I knew this relationship was doomed from the start, I still wanted to believe that there was a chance. I wanted it to work and I wanted to keep talking to him.

“Come back tomorrow?” he whispered.

“I’m not sure I can do tomorrow. I can’t keep skipping out on school.”

“Please do something. I’ll be waiting for you.”

As I promised him I would try my best and turned to go, a butterfly soft kiss landed on the top of my head and currents of electricity shot down my body.

I blushed. No one had ever kissed me so tenderly. Ever. Ignoring my negative feelings, I said my goodbyes and headed for the exit.

On the journey home, I was floating on cloud 9 and couldn’t stop smiling. My feet barely touched the pavement and I dreamily found my way across platforms, up and down staircases and finally out onto the pavement at Seven Kings Station. I had the best day in all my eighteen years. It was only on the slow walk home that I wondered for the first time ever, what he would look like. I could sense that he was tall but the rest I couldn’t make out. Why didn’t I ask him? I wondered annoyed at myself. As I turned the key in the lock to enter my house a big commotion exploded from the kitchen. The result of which would keep me housebound for the next week.