Covert Operation - 06

Kazuki wondered if he should just close his eyes---would that be another sign of betrayal to his country, his family? What about his duty as a doctor? Primum nonnocere (above all, do no harm). He felt his stomach twisting. He wasn’t doing the harm but it was his brother. It was his brother, not him but could he simply wash his hands like that?

He gulped and looked up and the first thing he saw were wounds. All over the Northerner. He took a deep breath. Yoshiro was no match for his brother. He was too slow, too sorry to be even here. He felt guilty about it. He led him here. He didn’t mean to but shouldn’t he have a part of the blame---stop. This was his train of thought when he tried to save the Northerner from death. He chastised his thoughts: if Yoshiro died, the North and their patron god will punish them and this time won’t be solved by fines. The Chosen Prince mustn’t die anywhere except in their god’s shrine. It was one of the main god's rules.

He watched as Nobu swung his sword relentlessly for Yoshiro. Though he wasn’t trying to kill him, his blade drew red lines all over Yoshiro’s body. The man seemed in pain---he felt the pain the man felt. It was as if they were connected---no, that’s just the doctor in him. His family was right. Doctors will wash your beliefs away and put new dirtier ones in place. Now, he was torn. Anything he will do will betray who he was.

The sound of clashing sounds brought him away from his thoughts. That’s good. He shouldn’t be thinking. When he thinks, these funny thoughts invade his mind. The sparks flying from the swords distracted him, almost amazed him. He gulped and held onto that image even if those sparks were gone. When the image of those sparks faded from his mind, he had no other choice but to watch this battle.

He only noticed his brother was bleeding as well but he still moved his arms like he wasn’t hurting. There were red trails on his forearm, soaking that pricey kimono he just bought a few days ago. He felt tempted to move, to protect his brother, to stop this stupid battle, to just go home and avoid all wars. He bit his lips; he knew he couldn’t do that. They were bound under holy laws, under holy games. It was utter stupidity---he blasphemed. He didn’t care. It was why he no longer subscribed to such philosophies.

He watched as Yoshiro backed off. He tensed as well and gripped the hilt of his sword. It was what he was supposed to do, anyways. He has been watching Yoshiro but has only noticed the tears in his eyes. He had the urge to wipe those tears away. But he stopped himself. He reprimanded himself for betraying his country, for such thoughts.

Then it happened suddenly.

The bridge collapsed.

He reached for his brother and pulled him away from the cliff but in doing so, he fell into the abyss himself.

When he was falling, he realized that the Northerner has chosen suicide once again. It has always been considered honorable to die by one's own hand rather than another's. The man cut off the ropes--or were the ropes damaged by their battle? It didn’t matter. They were already falling. In a few minutes, they were going to die.

Perhaps, it would be better if both of them died.

At least, the South’s Crown Prince survived. He was the one that was treasured, anyways. He accepted his fate and somehow, felt peace. He found it easy to close his eyes and smile. Smile in the face of Death that came in the form of this darkness swallowing him alive. He thought of the North's Crown Prince. His bloodline can still continue if the Northern King marries, and the Prince--no, Yoshiro. Yoshiro would no longer suffer. He can just be a regular boy in his next life.

...

Yoshiro woke up. He felt disoriented but the flashbacks made him remember. He frantically sat up. His eyes strained to see anything, anyone that looked familiar. He strained too hard his eyes started to hurt. Was it from straining or from wanting to cry over the realization that he was lost? He suddenly wondered if he was dead but he still felt pain. Surely, the dead can no longer feel pain, right? Or so, that was what his religion taught them----what if religion was wrong? That couldn’t be.

He figured he was just lost, that his eyes were unsettled from the place when he fell, that his body----how could he still be alive after that fall? He heard the sound of water, crashing into it, the pain, the water going into his ears and nose---he remembered shutting his eyes so much it hurt. After that, he simply lost consciousness.

He was alone. He shivered. He turned around, looking, looking, and looking for anyone. He finally saw something---someone! His heart began beating once more or so he felt. He tried standing up and walking like a normal person to that someone but pain shot up from his feet to his thighs. He had no choice but to crawl.

He thought of the things people might say if they were ever to know or see him in this state but he didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to have someone beside him. It was a miserable feeling but it gave him hope. He grabbed at the stones near him and with them, dragged himself all the way to that body.

It was Kazuki.

He looked pale. That bleeding wound on his head was surely the reason. He was losing blood and Yoshiro, being pampered all his life, didn’t know what to do. He had wounds himself, too. He dragged his body and lay beside Kazuki. At least, he had someone beside him if ever Death decided to continue taking his soul away.

He felt a little peace. His fingers clung a little to Kazuki. No, not a little. His fingers gripped onto Kazuki.

He could die this way and somehow, he thought it’d be a happy way to leave.

He chuckled---he didn’t know if his lips followed command; it didn’t matter.

He found this ironic.