To Be One Of Them

I could feel it once again. Those mocking gazes and stifled laughter. I knew that they were directed at me. Many pairs of eyes glanced at me and jokes circulated among the benches. Anxiety grasped me when I sensed it. My body started trembling and I suppressed the urge to cry. At this moment, how I wished to be invisible. I tried to lower my sense of existence as much as I could. Most schooldays in my life passed just like this.

It was supposed to be a happy and relaxing event when I went to watch a movie with my friends. But all that went through my mind was that feeling of being excluded. I knew that they did not want me here. My hands clenched the side of my clothes and the grip tightened. I lowered my head and tried to be as natural as I could. Most outings in my life passed just like this.

The atmosphere was joyful. A visit to the marriage of my close relative was supposed to be fun. But I could only stand at one corner watching every one nervously. I could not gather the courage to play with someone. I watched the marriage take place, everyone laughing with joy, people meeting and starting a friendship, kids running around making a mess and a group of men and women dancing together without any worries for tomorrow. It made me envious and I wished to be just like one of them because most family events in my life passed just like this.

Most of my work days, gathering days, important days, and party nights just passed like this. My life passed just like this. I am now just another dead person who had little sense of existence in someone's life. I never did something great nor did I expect for something. But what I had wished for was far beyond what I could reach. Far beyond my limits. And far beyond what I could be given. For I wished to be just like one of them.

~To all those who wished to be just like one of them.