CHAPTER 013: Pre-exam advice...

As the sun creeped in through the gaps in Logan's curtains, he finally finished absorbing the star crystal. A chunk of it, the size of a finger nail, sat in his cupped hands. Suddenly it dissolved, turning into a stream of glitter which promptly entered Logan through his forehead.

"So this is what it feels like to absorb an energy that's actually meant for you," he said while wincing at the painful memories that statement called forth.

"Now where is that nose hair? Grand Master!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming; just hold your horses. Geez, forcing an old man to climb stairs this early..."

As the ethereal alien floated back through the floor, Logan couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.

"You look well, master. Even your green seems more lively."

"Oh, you think? I've actually been studying a possible path for when I ascend to godhood at the end of all this."

"So you plan on being the god of hickeys? "

"Bah, enough! You'll be late, and I need rest."

He then flew into Logan's forehead, fleeing further investigation. And since Logan wasn't sure he wanted to know any more details, he instead threw on a new shirt and descended the stairs to leave.

What awaited him in the living room were Rock, Paper, and Scissors.

"Are you here to wish me luck? I don't think I need it."

"Since you were our sidekick for at least a day, we'd be poor mentors if we said nothing. Rock, you go first."

"Right. All I could come up with is this; if you plan on pretending to be a speed user, make sure to be hungry! If they offer snacks or a meal, eat five persons worth! Then act like it isn't enough! There are people at Hero HQ who went to way better sports medicine colleges than me."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

"Me next! Me next!"

Paper fluttered in the air as she exclaimed. Apparently, she hit a strong breeze while jumping in excitement.

"Remember that a secret identity is optional! If you show up to the exam without any kind of mask, it is assumed you will not require one by default."

"I need to make a stop along the way then, thanks! I take it the leader's advice is the best for last?"

"Not really. The bookies will determine your odds through the results from your license exam, since you'll have no merits before the freshman 15. Make sure you do good, but not too good!"

He gave a profound look before responding,

"I'll try my average, then."

30 minutes later, he had arrived. In front of him stood the national hero agency building.

It had a hexagonal base, and over 200 floors above ground alone. In addition, the objects functioning as windows on the upper floors doubled as solar panels. Their reflection made the entire structure resemble a shining candle, visible even on overcast days.

"better put on my mask," Logan thought aloud while pulling a mass of fabric from the grocery bag at his side. He donned the black balaclava and entered the building, eager to get this exam over with. He found a series of signs pointing to the exam hall but, before he could take a step, a tiny wooden doll dressed like a witch stopped him from atop her tiny broom.

"Hold on a minute, pal," It said.

Logan, ignoring the doll, sidestepped it quickly.

"Shit, he's fast... Hey buddy! If you are heading towards the license exam, you may want to listen to me."

Logan stopped and checked his wrist. Realizing he had no watch, he scratched the area to pass it off as something he meant to do.

"Fine."

"Follow me," the doll said while flying towards the reception desk. Behind it sat a man with the appearance of a vaudeville performer. When the doll neared this person, he opened his eyes and the doll collapsed, falling to the desk below.

"Thanks, it is a pain talking through these things. I'll begin by asking if the guy who rented the rock you've been living under has a new unit available; I really hate being here."

"I can tell this guy wants to vent. I'll egg him on, see what inside baseball he knows..."

Logan's smile changed to one which reeked of naivety.

"How can you say such things, mister? You are a hero, aren't you!"

"Ah yes, and an unmarketable one at that. Sure, I can copy your power if I make a doll out of you; but who's gonna buy a 'ventriloquist with captain cosmonaut' action figure when they can get the actual captain cosmonaut figure right next to it on the shelf?"

"Ooo, this is juicy. I need to make him spill more..."

Logan feigned a look of shock.

"How can you say such things? Aren't heroes supposed to defend society? Why are you talking about money and marketing!?!"

"And this is why I stopped you! Lemme rephrase my first question; do you suffer some horrible facial deformity?"

"No, I'm actually quite handsome."

"Then why cover that money maker, huh? Do you know any top class hero still rocking the style you are attempting now?"

"... The Running back?"

"Now I know you are from some boulder based housing community; that dude hasn't been in the news for like 15 years! I'll make it easy to understand for you, the way a hero pays the bill ain't by fighting crime; endorsements are where its at."

"Are you saying all the top heroes are sell outs?"

"No, just most of them. You can be marketable and fight for justice or whatever; it doesn't have to be one or the other. Just look at ghost leopard; I was in the same exam year as him, and he's always been a preachy prick. He spent the first half of his career putting huge numbers on the leader board, getting A class faster than anyone since 1970... What'd it get him? Zip! But he does one guest spot on that Comanche singer's new album, and bam! Now we got senators for the native Americans!"

"So, give a little to get a little?"

"Hey, at least your brains aren't rocks too."

"But what about nemesis's? Why would they help you guys get rich for nothing?"

The Ventriloquist burst into laughter at this question.

"Those guys? They're twice as shameless as us, believe you me. Take my nemesis, clockwork king, for example. One day, the guy invents a super advanced combat robot maid to pour his tea. But the thing is more expensive than 10 mansions, so the cheap bastard has to recoup that loss somehow. He might be insane, after all, but he isn't going to lose 5 mansions just for a decent cup of tea! Now, who would be interested in such a device?"

"The military?"

"Exactly, but they need to see that its better than their old robot maids before they shell out a single dime. So, he orders her to rob a gas station or spray some graffiti on a building, filming her the whole time. Then I get a beep on my nemesis pager, and have the film crew for my tv show follow me along. I get a great fight scene for an otherwise boring show about making puppets, and he gets assloads of research data to sell his design to Uncle Sam. Everybody wins!"

"Okay, I understand now... But how would you even know he's side of the story?"

"Our kids are playmates at school; we talk when he drops his off for slumber party night..."