Chapter 12: Lies and Pain

"Why are you here?" There is nothing as cold as that voice. 

I'm here now in Drew's office to pick up the other things I left behind. I thought he's out of the country ... said his new secretary. 

"I just have something left." I raised an eyebrow in response. 

"Sydney let's talk." His tone was angry. I could hardly breathe as he violently closed the door of his office. 

"Why did you resign? Because you don't want to know the truth? You're afraid to face it?" I'm confused by what he's up to now. It seems like I did something wrong without forgiveness. 

"Why Drew? Why did you ask that? Can't I just avoid trouble? I don't want to see you because I'm confused! My life is quiet now and I don't want trouble anymore!" 

"Really Sydney?" He wiped his face. He seems to want to hurt me but he just keeps it from happening. 

"3 months ago, when I saw you again. Did you know I was hurt then?" He said calmly. 

"Why are you hurt, aren't you the one who hurt me?" I said boldly. 

"Shut up!" I backed away out of nowhere because of the scream he made. His eyes glazed over. 

"You don't know nothing, Sydney! If you only knew how hard I did—would you be able to say what you're saying now?" I fell silent. I can't understand him. 

"I did it because I love you. I love you so much Sydney...you know that, right?" He stopped at his stand near me. 

"When I saw you again I was hurt then. Because I can clearly see in your eyes that you are happy with your life now... and it seems like I wasn't a part of your life then. Those thoughts of yours...you forgot about me forever, and it fucking hurts as hell! " 

As he said those words I could clearly see the pain in his eyes. But still I didn't understand anything. Everything seemed to get worse.

"...how did you do that?" The pain in his eyes was now suddenly replaced by anger. He's not the Andrew I met six years ago. He was very different from the Andrew I had loved back then. It's scary how he looks now...maybe because of the anger in his eyes now. 

"I-I don't understand you." I said shaking. I backed away again the closer he got to me. But I also stopped immediately because the wall was behind me, I had nothing to fall back on. 

"Stop acting like you don't know what I mean Sydney!" He was thrilled to say that. I also close my eyes when I see him lift his fist. I thought it would hit me straight in the face, but it hit the wall behind me. 

He repeatedly punched the wall which caused fear to build up in my chest. He's scary as hell. Even though I wanted to shout to stop him from doing what he was doing, I couldn't because of the fear that surrounds me now. 

I knew he was hurt by the punch he was doing to the wall...but I didn't have the strength to stop him. My knees are also weakening. 

"D-Drew—stop it!" I finally also gained the strength to stop him. But it seems like I just don't have him. 

"Drew enough!" I shouted at him. He finally stopped. But the anger seemed to double in his eyes. 

"What makes you angry?" I tearfully question him. He turned to me and looked at me with a frustrated look. 

"Why did you abort our child?" He asked weakly and furiously. There are mixed emotions in his eyes now. I also seem to be a statue to his question. What does he mean? 

"W-what?" I asked him unbelievably. 

"I know you're mad at me Sydney for lying to you. But was it right that you aborted our child? Sydney you're not the only parent of the child! Why did you do that?"

​​​​I was weakened by what I heard from him. What abortion is he talking about? Where did the information he says came from? 

"D-Drew—" 

"I'm mad Sydney! I was so mad at you the day I received that message from you! I understand how mad you were at me that day—but I don't understand if why did you even included our supposed to be child with your anger!" He shouted angrily in my face. He's even crying now. 

"D-Drew, listen to me—" 

"Do you know what makes me even angrier? Your actions when we met again. The way you act, like you didn't killed our child!" 

I want to answer his allegations. I want to ask where he got what he's saying, but he doesn't give me a chance to speak. 

He keeps on cutting my every words and it irritates me! I don't remember me texting him when we last met. 

I didn't even have my phone during that time when I arrived at his apartment. So where did he get that? The mess! I'm confused! 

"I'm also angry with myself...because despite what you did. Despite the pain caused by what you did...I still love you dearly. Even though you're a worthless mother!" 

My jaw tightened at the last words he let out. That didn't sound good to me ... but it was very painful. One by one those words that Sunny used to say to me came back. 

"...you are enough for me momma. I love you!" 

"Of course ... because you're the best momma ever!"

"Of course! Why would I fool you? You're so great momma!" 

'I'm the best momma for Sunny...then for Drew, I'm a worthless mother!' 

That's where he's  good at, he doesn't give me a chance to explain. Since then, until now he has changed nothing. 

I gave him a loud slap. Because of that he was stopped. He was also surprised at what I did. If I hadn't been able to slap him then,...now I have! 

He has no right to accuse me of that, because he knows nothing of the hard work and sacrifices I made just to raise Sunny well and a good daughter. 

If there's anyone should say the words, that, 'I'm worthless', it's just only my daughter...because she's the only one with me through hardship and comfort for six years. 

"You know Drew? That's what hard for you! You don't let me speak first before you resign those words you believe in!"

I looked at him disappointed in his eyes. Apparently he just gave me more of an excuse not to introduce my daughter to him. 

"When I went to your apartment Drew, do you still remember that? Didn't I say I had something important to tell you then? Didn't I?" Despite of my crying I laughed sarcastically. 

"But what did you do, Drew? Did you listen to me? Did you let me speak? Did you ask me what was so important I had to say and I rushed at you in the middle of the heavy rain?" I saw him swallow three times before returning his full attention to me again. He is waiting for what I will say next. 

"...isn't it Drew? No! Because you don't care, right? Then what do you want me to do with you when we meet again? That I should act like I'm still hurting? Are you crazy? Why would I do that, huh? For what? To make you look like I'm miserable because of your cheating? Well, I'm not that kind of woman Drew! Because the very day you broke my heart I promised myself that I would hate you!" 

I laughed a little as I remembered the day I swore I hated him. It was as if I was crazy while saying those words over and over again;

'I hate you Michael Andrew Claveria!' 

"But that's not what I did because of a very good happening that came into my life and brought me to being good. Instead of hating you...I started forgiving you—not until I found out the truth, and to tell you this, you have no right to accuse me of being a worthless mother, Drew! " 

After I slapped his face with those words I stormed out of his office. I don't care if my eyes get numb.