Root of all Evil

AN: This chapter until the fifteenth is all from Namjoon's perspective. And then it will be from Jungkook's again.

This chapter was edited by jooniekingg.

His white T-shirt looked as if it had been spray-painted with blood and his face was so swollen that he was practically unrecognizable. The one tooth that flew out had the red substance dripping without coagulating.

When he crawled past me with only one good leg, with pure horror in his eyes, I enjoyed it.

I was pleased.

That terrified me the most.

Maybe I really am a monster?

"Namjoon?"

"What?!"

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Because it's not important."

"You almost beat the guy to death and the entire school is talking about it."

"So, what?"

"I agree, so what indeed, but shouldn't I know? I mean. Aren't we together? If you're in any kind of danger, shouldn't I be the first to know?"

I looked at his worried face as the afternoon light went through the branches of the trees above us, blocking some rays, which left only small circles free to illuminate his skin.

No. It's better if you don't. That Is what I wanted to say, but since he kept asking every chance he got, I got up and started walking away to calm myself down. Still, he had to stop me.

"Namjoon! Tell me what's wrong?!"

"I already told you that nothing's wrong!"

"Boy, do I have bad timing."

I felt all the hair on my body standing up when I turned around and meet a familiar crimson hair that came paired with a boxy smile.

"Hi, there."

He tried to appear friendly, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

"Hi."

Don't talk to him. I pulled Jungkook behind me without thinking.

"Protective, aren't we? Though I get it, he looks so innocent. and yet..."

"Shut it. Don't even look in his direction or I will pull your eyes out."

"Ouch. I bet you mean it."

"Namjoon, why are you being so rude?" Jungkook was trying to break his hand free as his polite tone coated every word as my temples pulsated.

"Really? You want to defend a rapist?" For a second, I thought I said it inside my head, however, he stared at Taehyung with changed eyes, which meant I probably didn't.

"You can call me V. Nice to meet you. What's your name?"

"I said, don't talk to him! What the fuck do you want?!"

"But of course, some hearts."

"Hearts?" I heard Jungkook mumbling under his breath.

"He means pills."

"Aw, it doesn't sound so fun if you call them that. Anyhow… do you have any?"

"No, I have nothing on me."

"I thought you couldn't afford to lose any more customers, so why are you walking around empty-handed? I was ready to buy a lot too."

"Why is he losing customers?"

Jungkook slipped his hand out while I was taken aback, once he stepped in front of me.

I felt the need to grab him and run.

"Oh, he knows nothing. Does he?"

"What don't I know? Tell me."

"Jungkook, please, I swear I will tell you, just don't talk to him." I bit my tongue and closed my eyes to calm myself down.

"You will?" Taehyung acted as if he was concerned, and it pissed me off to the ends of the earth. "You will tell your little boyfriend about how much trouble you're in because you couldn't keep your temper?"

"I will show him right now how temperamental I can be if you keep opening your mouth." I spat with venom. And I assumed that it was my sudden change of character that made Jungkook look to the ground and step back. Although I was mainly staring at Taehyung, I saw it from the corner of my eye.

Did I just scare him? Like for real?

"Don't bother." He held his hands up as if he was surrendering and faked another smile before saying, "But you should treat your customers nicer, shouldn't you? Don't mind me, I am just in a grim mood. All I care about is getting my hearts. You see… my stress kept piling up with no way to release it. Thanks to you."

I sighed and saw the man for what he was. A junkie.

"You will. Meet me back here in one hour."

"Fine. I will go get myself a coffee until then."

"Drink it in front of the street for me."

He shrugged and left.

I grabbed Jungkook's backpack and marched towards my house.

"He buys from you?"

"Yeah."

"So why are you getting fewer customers?"

It might be better if he hears it from me rather than trying to find out from that weirdo… Fuck… I wish they never interacted with each other in this lifetime.

"This is a small town, right?"

"Right?"

"I and some other dealers get stuff from the same provider."

"And?"

"The guy I beat up stole from my provider."

"What? That means you were not in the wrong! Why didn't you tell me?!"

He stopped walking, looking outraged. I grabbed him by the arm and forced him to keep walking.

"He stole because someone else told him to steal in the first place. And he wouldn't say who which got old really fast."

"Why didn't you report him to the police? They could interrogate him."

I laughed out of sheer surprise.

"What's so funny?"

"You want me to go to the police and report a guy for stealing drugs from another drug dealer?"

"Yeah… I am a bit on edge today. I didn't think it through."

Ah, right. I didn't get your fix either.

He absently nodded and then looked away.

"Did you find out who made him steal?"

"Another provider."

"Huh?"

I suddenly noticed a lady walking right next to us.

"Look at it like that. Fred has more people, so as long as he's got candy, then he can sell it and maintain his customers. If he has no candy, they'll go to whoever else has it, and since that guy is also a seller… "

"Fred? His name is Fred?"

"Great. I didn't even realize I said his name." I mumbled under my name and went on: "Yeah, that's his name. Anyway, not many people ever sold for this other guy so his business was never booming. Now…however…it's bad for us since I couldn't get the candy back in time…"

Bad habit, I need to stop saying his name so easily when I'm out in public…

We were in front of my house at this point which had me conflicted if I should walk him to his flat instead. Then I heard him over my thoughts, "Yeah, yeah, I will stay here until you'll return."

"Sorry, but I don't have time to get you home and I don't want you to go anywhere alone for a while…"

"You are aware that I am also a man, right?"

"A thin, small man. Yes."

"Touché."

I handed him the backpack and the key.

"Lock the doors and don't answer anyone besides me. I will be back soon."

"Yes, mom. Wait. You were completely justified to do what you did, but why did that guy say you couldn't keep calm or something?"

"That's because…"

I could not look him in the eyes all of a sudden.

"I will tell you the rest when I get back."

"… why do you always leave me hanging?" He complained with a frown.

I started sprinting towards Fred's apartment, wanting to make it seem like I was casually jogging while wearing jeans and a black backpack which indicated the opposite.

By the time I got to Fred's, I was sweating bullets.

"What's up, kid? Is someone chasing you?"

Despite his cheerful tone, the bags under his eyes didn't lie.

I tried to talk while panting, but it wasn't really comprehensible. Regardless, he somehow understood every word.

"I... n…eed…fast…V…he…arts...and…Jung…ko…ok…green…"

"How many hearts"

"Fuck!"

"What?"

I straightened up as I accepted the glass of water and swallowed it in one go.

"I for…got to ask how much mo…ney he had. He just said he's wil…ling… buy a lot."

"And how do we know if that doesn't just mean he wants to buy more than his usual?"

"We don't. I don't know enough about that asshole. He's new to the mix, remember?"

"Have a bottle then."

"What?"

"He'll owe you the rest of the money. Make sure he pays you back."

He handed me an aspirin bottle and an aluminum ball.

"Any other deliveries I need to make?"

"All finished for today."

"That's weird…"

A woman that I'd never seen entered the open space living room with a big mug in her hand, asking: "My god, he's just a child! How are you letting him go out there all alone?"

The purple satin clothes she was wearing could be worn outside since it took me a minute to realize that they were, in fact, pajamas.

They got good genes in this family. She's almost just as tall and actually, no, she looks better.

"He can take care of himself, trust me."

"I refuse. Hey, you," I pointed to myself in confusion and she simply nodded. "Yes, you. Go get yourself a normal job."

"Look who's talking. You should tell that to yourself instead."

Fred's comeback sounded angry but he didn't look like it at all. Mostly tired as he plummeted on the couch..

"I don't want to hear that from you, of all people! I am going out!"

"With my money!"

She slammed the door while I just stood there, unsure of what to say and do next.

"That's my sister, Mona."

"She seems nice."

"Yeah, she was until she was like five and then she got exchanged for an insufferable doubleganger."

I slipped the stuff into a hidden compartment of the backpack and headed towards the door.

"Kid?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure this Tae guy, or whatever his name was, is trustworthy? Didn't you stop him from raping a kid a few days ago?"

"Yeah. But we need the money and he's pretty straightforward. I guess I will find out if we can trust him today or at least soon enough..."

"If you feel anything sketchy, don't worry about the money and just dart. If you see a cop, don't run or look guilty in any way. And if they do catch you, call me. I will get you out."

"I know. Don't worry."

I barely touched the handle when I heard him talking again, "Namjoon, I'm sorry."

"How long will you keep saying that? Huh?"

"Until I stop feeling guilty, so… never."

I walked out without looking back and started running once again.

I was back at the lake in less than thirty minutes, but all I wanted to do was lay down on the grass and not move for a long time.

They won't even have to try hard to handcuff me, they'll just turn me over and…

"You're fast." His tone implied surprise, yet his expression showed it did not impress him at all.

I looked up, but I couldn't get my hands off my knees just yet.

My back is killing me.

"I know you were called a monster, but I didn't think it had anything to do with your running skills. You should be called jaguar or what's that one called, ah, is on the tip of my tongue. It starts with a C? Do you know what I'm talking about?"

"Shut…the…fuck…up." I was sure that he understood every word since his smile got bigger and creepier.

Passive-aggressive motherfucker.

"Ce…Ce something, something. You know?"

"I… ha…ve …no …clue."

"I will remember eventually. So, did you get my hearts?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

I looked around as I took the backpack off my back and was about to unzip it.

The coffee in his hands did comfort me a little while there were like two people casually walking by and birds chirping in the trees.

It's so peaceful, it's like this place is in a totally different dimension while I am stuck in hell.

"Here."

"Wow. That's a lot." He opened it to check and for some reason, my breathing returned to normal and then stopped as I saw his eyes seemed to glisten for a second while he was inspecting his drug of choice. He slipped it into his jacket and then opened his own backpack, only to hand me a notebook.

"What the…"

"All I have."

When I was under the shade of the trees, I flipped the pages slowly as if I was reading until I found the money, with the trees behind me as protection from any hidden eyes.

"That's not enough."

"I know. I owe you quite a bit, huh."

You don't look concerned, though. That's good.

"When can you pay me back?"

"A week or two? Ah! I remembered! Cheetah! That's what it's called. It doesn't fit you though."

"Great. If you take more than a month, I am coming for your head."

"Aw and here I was, thinking we were friends."

I glared at him with pure malice, and surprisingly, his facade broke.

Cold eyes stared back at me.

"Your boyfriend looks cute."

I resisted the urge to walk up to him and punch his face, but instead, I remained quiet and buried my nails in my fist.

"You don't share, do you?"

"Never."

"Don't look so smug. We're not so different, you and I."

"Humor me, how are we the same in any way?"

"He's half your size and a stoner. He must be easy to hold down…"

How does he know Jungkook smokes? How in the hell…I straightened myself up, the notebook almost falling from my hand. He must have noticed some confusion since he smiled in a reassuring way.

"Hold your horses. I just saw him smoke here once, by chance. And snitching to the cops wouldn't benefit me now, would it?"

"Good. Don't even go near him."

"I won't. To be honest, I envy you."

That confession caught me off guard. Meanwhile, I tried to hide my growing discontent by placing the notebook in the backpack and slowly extracting the money out of it while pretending I was searching for something.

"All the ones I touch won't consent, but I never had the patience to fool them into it. I guess you're much more patient than I am…"

I felt like someone had poured freezing water on top of my head and yet, I was still boiling. If I wasn't already in so much trouble, I felt like I could have killed him and felt no remorse afterward.

"Remind me, why did I help you, again?" When I was sure that I had all the money, I threw the notebook straight to his face, and even though it was sudden, he still caught it before it hit him.

"Because you like to think that you're a good guy. Don't you?" He took a sip from his coffee "It was a pleasure making business with you. See you when I see you."

Alas, he turned around and waved with the notebook as he walked away.

I stood there, unable to control my anger and unable to do anything with it either.

I thought that if I ran back home instead of walking, then it would decrease, but it didn't.

I walked in and saw Jungkook sitting on the floor against the wall with an untouched plate of food on the table, watching Tv.

When he noticed me walking in, he turned it off.

"All went well?"

"Yeah."

"You ran here?"

I dropped my backpack at the door. Turned the water on and stuck my head in the kitchen sink.

I could feel him nervously waiting in the corner.

"I am sorry if I pried into your business…"

"Nah." I got a towel and tried to dry my hair with it. "It's normal that you'd want to know about it. Who wouldn't? I should've told you from the beginning after all…"

His expression changed in an instant. He smiled a smile so beautiful, like the sunrise after a horrible stormy, bloody night you think you won't survive.

I sat down at the table and watched him sit next to me. I inhaled deeply and said:

"Right. You want me to tell you why Taehyung said I couldn't keep my calm, right?"

"Yes."

He was holding his head with his hands as his elbows rested on the table.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? This is the definition of being on the edge of your seat. And my life is not a good movie."

"I know." He let his arms drop by his side and looked down with newfound sadness. "Sorry."

I sighed and embraced him.

"Namjoon?"

I could hear the surprise in his voice and hesitation in his body, yet, after a bit, he relaxed and hugged me back.

"After my parents died, I never wanted to lose anyone anymore. Then I kind of forgot, but my grandma died and then I got scared I'd lose you or Fred. So, I thought I'd do anything to prevent that. I was so glad that you're so young…"

"That's a weird thing to be thankful for when we're the same age, but… I am not going anywhere…"

"I know but…" He wanted to look at my face, which is why he pushed me a bit, but I didn't move.

I didn't want him to look at me.

"When the guy broke into Fred's apartment, he had a gun and Fred was home…"

"What…?"

"He didn't shoot him, but when I heard him talking about it, I saw red. I tried to be calm about it, but when the guy threatened me as well, I lost it. Then I realized we were in the same school, so he probably saw me with you, which made me want to kill him only so I'd make sure he'll hurt no one I love."

I never considered telling him this, but despite making hundreds of reactions up in my mind in case I did, I never imagined he'd hug me tighter. I kept going:

"Then I realized that the new provider was the problem and that he could get any other dog to do his bidding while I might end up behind bars. I decided to let him live. Still… I was so angry and I am still so fucking angry…"

"Why?" He whispered.

"Fred won't let me pay the provider a visit." I complained, irritated, "He said he knows where he might be. And even if he has all his stuff at his place, he told me we shouldn't do anything since the guy isn't that smart since he got caught two times before and he might get caught again without us having to lift a finger. This was just his way to scare us away or get us so broke that he makes some quick cash on our misfortune. That what I did was a warning to him that'll keep him off for a while. That I've done… enough…"

"You did!"

"Did I?"

I let him go and looked at his face to see if his expression matched his words.

His eyes were wet, and a small smile danced on his lips when he cupped my cheek.

"Yes. You're a good guy, Kim Namjoon."

I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at him and let him caress me as he spoke.

"You care about people, but you should care more about yourself. What would we do without you? Didn't you think about that? No matter what, you need to stay alive first and we will try to stay alive as well."

"But what if he shoots Freed?"

"We will deal with it then. I am sure Fred will do something. He sounds like a smart guy. I don't think he's just waiting to get shot. He didn't want to put you in more danger or worse, make you kill someone for him."

"What if…someone kills you?"

"How would they kill me when you'll always be by my side?"

I kissed him as I had never kissed him before.

I tasted some tears and yet, I didn't want this moment to end.

Why are you crying, Jungkook? This thought sneaked itself into my consciousness.

I lifted him up and sat him in my lap as I kissed his neck and slid my hands under his shirt and felt the warmth of his back.

"Nam…" Whatever he wanted to say was replaced by unintentional moans, as I rubbed his groin and ass against mine over and over again. The gradual friction made him hang onto me as his breathing got louder and sporadic.

I grabbed his hair from the back and pulled, exposing his neck which I licked and bite intending to leave as many marks as possible. When he moaned louder due to both the pleasure and pain, I started to thrust into him from between our clothes.

"Wait… I should be the one who…"

"Huh?" I hesitantly stopped all movement when he tried to push me on my back. I allowed him, despite not knowing how I should react to him taking charge.

He then licked my collarbone as he lifted my sweatshirt and unbuttoned my pants.

"I didn't do it to you for a while so…"

"I forgot all about our deal…" I smiled with a bit of nostalgia about the way we used to spend time together in the not-so-distant past.

He unzipped me and kissed my belly as he went lower.

"By the way…did you get my stuff?"

My chest hurt and I suddenly felt cold again.

"Yes."

"Thanks."

Ah, I forgot. He's just another… junkie…

He touched my boxers with his tiny hands, but even though I was still hard, I felt the need to grab him by the back of his neck and fuck his mouth until he almost suffocated.

"You don't need to do it if you don't want to," I muttered through clenched teeth.

"But I want to…"

I want to believe you, but I...don't think I do.

"All the ones I touch won't consent, but I never had the patience to fool them into it. I guess you're much more patient than I am…"

His voice echoed inside my mind like a curse while I gathered all the will that I could muster to push him as slowly and as delicately as I could before standing up. He simply watched me, bewildered.

"What are you…?"

"I'm not in the mood anymore."

That was all I said before walking away.

"What? Why?"

I will not hurt him again. I need to calm down. I need to…

"What did I do? Namjoon?"

I got the key from the keyhole, walked outside the front door, and then locked it behind me.

I turned around with my back against the door and sighed as I heard him yell from the other side of the door.

All reason left me when I acknowledged I was mere centimeters away from Fred's face, who was hearing him as well;

"I'm sorry! Please come back! I don't know what I've done! Namjoon! Tell me!"

He started banging on the door as he continued to yell the same things over and over.

"Hi, kid."

"Why are you here?" I deadpanned.

"I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you. I tried calling, but…"

"Namjoon! Open the door!"

"Got into a fight?"

"Kind of."

"Is there someone else there?! I can hear another voice…"

"You're not doing anything…bad…are you? Or thinking about it?" The question felt loaded with layers.

I followed where his eyes were looking.

Shit, why am I still hard?

"What do you mean? I am out here. Aren't I?"

Jungkook went dead silent.

Fred opened his mouth but I could see him thinking about the safest way to ask. I stopped him before he tried.

"Jungkook probably remembered there's a backdoor."

"Right."

Only a few seconds later, I looked to my right and he looked to his left, both of us staring silently at the same person.

"Hi. Who are you?" Jungkook however, was less adamant and oblivious about everything at the moment.

Now that I take a good look at him…he does look a bit sick and out of it…

"Where are my manners? Nice to meet you Jungkook, I am Fred, I've heard a lot about you."

He stretched out his hand towards him with a small smile, but Jungkook was still frozen from the second he heard his name.

Fred's hand slowly lowered itself before Jungkook regained his composure and shook it at the last second.

"Nice to meet you too."

"Is everything alright? Are you two fighting about something?"

"I am not sure… He just walked out…" Jungkook avoided his eyes as someone passing by the front of the fence captured his attention. Our eyes simply followed his.

"Ki… Namjoon, how about we go inside now?"

"Yeah." I opened the door and headed straight for the bathroom. "I will be right back."

"Try not to do it too loudly?"

"Do… what…?" I looked at him and saw an amused smirk and knowing eyes that bore into my very soul. I felt my face heating while Jungkook was locking the front door.

"Would you like some tea or coffee?" He proceeded to ask him.

"Some tea would be great, actually."

I shut the bathroom door with a thud and slid to the floor while I tried to get my feelings to slow dance at a rave.

You old perverted geezer, making me feel embarrassed about…

I looked down at the obvious hard-on and almost screamed out loud.

Why the hell am I still hard?! What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Jungkook's troubled, and shy face popped into my head.

He's going to be the death of me. I just know it.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply but before it could have calmed me down, I smelt something that I couldn't identify.

Conflicted, I walked towards the sink and washed my face with cold water, imagining many horrific things that could make my hard-on die faster.

Houses burning…puppies in danger…fishes on the beach…Taehyung being on top of that boy…Jungkook crying…

I looked down.

Still hard.

I resisted the urge to smash the mirror to shreds while I heard Fred's excited and polite voice:

"Oh, Namjoon should learn from your hospitality skills! He barely even gave me water last time I came over!"

That should kill it.

I inhaled deeply again, which made me smell it again.

I know this smell…It's…it's weed…but…where? Didn't he say he was out?

I looked around and soon enough; I found a tiny ball hidden in the shade of a corner. It was an almost completely black butt of a blunt, with ash all around it.

'How long has this been here?' I grabbed it and tossed it in the toilet.

Flushed it before leaving the bathroom a few minutes later after conjuring up the darkest and most disgusting memories I had obtained in this lifetime.

"Oh, that was faster than I expected."

Fred was sitting in the middle of the table, with his back against the door. In front of him were tea, cookies I didn't even know we had, napkins, sugar cubes, and water.

What the actual hell…

Jungkook was by his left, looking down at the floor.

He must be thinking I'm still upset with him…

And in a way, I was. In another way, I forgot he was a junkie even though he listened and didn't leave the second I confessed to almost murdering someone because of my abandonment issues. Which made me feel a bit guilty about the way I reacted. I couldn't help it though. The anger that surged through me at that point destroyed all logic.

At least, I did nothing to him…and if Fred walked in and saw me doing something like that again then...

"Namjoon, come sit down. We need to talk." Fred said, patting the space at his left.

I hesitantly walked towards the table, while I couldn't help staring at Jungkook's trembling hands while he was pouring hot water into Fred's cup.

All he knows about Fred is that he's a drug dealer. Worst, he's not even a punk that sells on the streets, but he's the one who provides those punks with drugs. So, it must be natural to be pretty scared right now…

I wanted to facepalm myself when I realized it had nothing to do with m.

But Fred's won't do anything to you… It'd be better if you got along with him for now and stayed away from me…forever.

I sat down on the opposite side of Jungkook, without looking away from his face, even if he wasn't looking in my direction on purpose.

"Why so far away from me?" Fred patted the extremely close empty spot right next to him once again.

"No way in hell."

He didn't take me seriously, though. He looked slightly amused and more playful than I'd seen him in months. Almost… happy.

"Did something good happen?"

He smiled in response and then changed the subject.

"Now, you two should talk like two adults about what transpired before I arrived."

My mouth hung open on its own as I stared between him and Jungkook, but neither face conveyed anything.

"Wait, what did he tell you?" I reacted quickly, and the panic in my voice was more obvious than I wished it were the moment I closed my mouth.

"Nothing, that's why I am telling you to talk." He mumbled between clenched teeth, paired with an irritated grin.

I rested on my hands and relaxed a little by looking up at the ceiling.

"I got angry."

"Why?" Jungkook spurted out.

"You…were about to do something you didn't want to do…and I didn't want you to…"

"I said, I wanted to!"

I looked away.

Fred sipped his tea loudly. That only got my attention and his smile behind the cup was making me angry once again.

"What?! We're together! We're allowed to touch and stuff!"

"I know. I know. Two healthy young men like you have needs as well…"

Jungkook looked mortified as he realized what I had just said to a man he knew nothing about besides that as far as he was concerned was not only my boss but an illegal one at that.

"Stop saying it like that. It's weird…" I massaged my temples while Jungkook grabbed the water that he got for Fred and started drinking it himself in big gulps.

"So, bra…I mean, Jungkook, why were you forcing yourself to do something you didn't want to do? It was obvious to Namjoon that you didn't want to."

He was still drinking water. I didn't want to admit to myself that I wanted him to answer, so I just stared at the door as if I was about to bolt, although I couldn't really see it since I was so focused on hearing his reply.

My being became an ear that was listening to every breath he took.

"I was not…I admit I didn't want to do it for a long time, but today was not the case. He simply came to that conclusion himself!"

"Bullshit," I mumbled.

"What do you mean bullshit! How do you want me to prove it?! I said I am not ready to do …a lot of stuff...it doesn't mean I still am, but what I was…" He suddenly remembered Fred was there in the midst of his rant as he lowered his voice after looking at the amused man and continued: "…about to do was not something I wasn't comfortable with. After all, I offered, didn't I?"

The more I heard him talking, the more annoyed I got. I faced his flushed face and stared him dead in the eyes until he dared to stare back before I said, "Well…I don't believe you."

"Why don't you believe him?" Fred suddenly asked, but neither looked at him.

I continued to stare at Jungkook even when I could see tears forming. That made me furious.

"Because he asked about his fucking weed before he went down on me."

Fred didn't drop his teacup to the ground but it almost fell out of his hand because it hit the table when he put it down with an unnatural movement.

We both broke eye contact when we realized what I had just said. I put my hands up in defense as his smile looked strange and conflicted. He was smiling at nothing as if trying to pretend he didn't hear what he had just heard.

Jungkook glued his cheek to the table and covered his head with his arms in embarrassment.

I quickly read the room: "What? Fred won't shut up until I spell it out. It's pissing me off, and..."

Jungkook made a sound that could only be translated as: I want to disappear.

"Brat. I knew what you were talking about anyway. Why are you embarrassed only after pointing it out? You've told me worse shit."

I guess because Jungkook is here?

From his small cocoon, we suddenly heard him talking in a low voice, but just loud enough to make sense of what he was saying.

"That's not why I asked you about it…I asked you about it because I was hungry, but I wasn't able to eat. I felt nauseous because I was so worried something must've happened to you while I waited. I didn't kn…ow if I sho…uld ca…ll or not. If… I shoul….d go and se…e if yo…u're the…re or not…'cause …even after yo…u told m...e alm…mo…st ever…ything, I sti..ll fel…t nausea..ous so I wanted to make sure…you had it…be..ca..use I wanted to st..op think..ing ab…out…it…"

The more he talked, the more obvious it was that he was sobbing.

The memory of the plate that was full of untouched food when I walked in had my hand hanging in midair in the next second, right above his head. I could almost touch him but I was unsure of how I should apologize for misunderstanding after he had been nothing but understanding.

That's it. I should just beat myself up.

"Well, I guess this is my cue to go." Fred got up and walked towards the door, quickly putting on his shoes. We remained in the same position.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Jungkook. "

"It was… a… pleasure …to me…et y…ou too…" Jungkook cried out with his head still hidden.

"Have him come next time we go out to eat, Namjoon. It'll be my treat. I will bring Mona as well."

"Sure…" I heard myself agreeing.

"Thanks for the tea and cookies. See you all ...another time."

"See you." We both said in unison, and then the front door was unlocked and then closed shut, and Jungkook's crying filled the silence.

"I'm sorry." That was all I could say.

"I am …geet….getting..a…j…ob…"

"What? I didn't hear…"

"Job."

"Huh? Why are you suddenly talking about a job?"

He lifted his head up and looked at me with a tear still falling from his eyes, with a red nose and blushing cheeks.

"I wi…ll pay for.. my…weed.. wi…th my mone..y and.. I w..ill get it fro…m Fred …on..ly.., my…se…lf…"

"There's no need to. It has nothing to do with money."

"I..don..'t ca…re. I am doing it!"

He got up and stormed towards the bathroom.

He didn't close the door behind him. He simply washed his face and blew his nose with toilet paper. I stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Listen. All my money used to go towards my grandma's medical bills, pills, and caregiver but now, she's gone…" As I said this, I could feel the wound burst open. Talking about her in that way hurt more than I thought it would, but then I heard him sobbing above the sink so I stuffed the pain down and continued talking, "Your weed is cheap compared to that so don't worry. I'll have more money soon than I ever had. It has nothing to do with it!"

"Then why…did you…say...I was on..ly…doing that for the...weed?"

"That's because…" I buried my hands in my pockets and fixated on a tile on the floor. "I am the only…dealer you know."

He turned around in one swift movement and stared at me with wide eyes.

"I could've as..ked you ab..out any other one and then ne..ver talk to you again!"

"That's true, but…"

"But what?!"

"I wouldn't have told you about any of them. They're all horrible people and…"

Though I am no better…

I cleared my throat.

"…I didn't want you to know any other dealer besides me…" My eyes got wider as I surprised myself with this knowledge that my subconscious kept hidden from me.

" Then all of it was not even about me?! It scared you that you'd have to use your dealer card in case I wanted to leave you?!"

"I…guess…"

I was in shock.

He threw his hands in the air and walked past me. Grabbed his backpack and walked out of the house without looking back.

I didn't dare move.

I didn't even dare breathe.

Mom, you did it again. Even in death, you somehow managed to prove that I deserve to be alone. How...kind of you.