Russian Dolls

After he left, I spent the rest of the night drinking and passed out. Since I dreamt about my grandma, I somehow pulled myself together the next morning to go to class.

After he ignored me for the next two days, I slipped 'I'm sorry' notes in his backpack every single day and followed him around like I was possessed. The alcohol helped me stay in denial as I continued to stalk him like it was completely normal although we did have similar schedules and our ways home and to shop coincided. Another thing that helped immensely... I wasn't sure if he noticed me at all. In fact, I was almost certain that he didn't.

He got a part-time job as a cashier like he said he would, and that only made me realize I hated how he smiled at strangers. The store he worked at was too small for me to walk into without him noticing and even if it wasn't, I was too afraid to find out if he was going to use a fake smile and pretend that he didn't know who I was.

I was jealous of his coworker like the moon must be of the sun. He seemed like a nice guy and even after I asked around, I couldn't find any dirt on him which had me so relieved that I rewarded myself with more alcohol. Yet the more they talked, the more jealous I became over the fact that he got to talk to Jungkook at all.

So I started drinking stronger booze. After a while, my body got so used to it, that I had to drink more and more. I was growing tired of drinking but I hated being sober exponentially.

The same dream haunted me every time until I was exhausted enough to pass out. The marvelous dream in which my mom kept asking me to pour her a drink as well.

And when I'd refuse she'd start crying while saying that I was a horrible son.

Undeserving of love.

Therefore, I barely slept, I had no appetite, and my grades were starting to suffer.

Fred left me to my own devices since he was busy with getting back on his feet and even if the other guy apparently dropped off the face of the earth all of a sudden, it still didn't cheer me up enough. He tried to console me but after listening to the rest of the fight he missed… he told me I should confront Jungkook when I am calmer and when he seems better.

A bit earlier today, he reminded me that Taehyung promised to pay me back in two weeks and it's been over a month, so I had to call and meet up with him.

Sober, he requested.

Sober, I went.

I hated every step I took toward our meeting place. I hated everyone who was happily passing me by. And I hated myself.

But I abhorred having to see his face the most.

"You look worse than the last time I saw you. What did you do? Shower?"

"Where's my money?"

"I don't have it."

The sun was going down, the ducks were excitedly talking on the lake, the birds were singing in the trees and the wind was making me feel cold. Despite being in the mood to set fire to everything, I smiled, since it gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. The golden chance to punch his face into the ground made the whole day suddenly ten times better.

I rolled up my sleeves but he didn't even take a step back.

"My friend keeps my money for me. I can't keep it on me or at home."

I rolled my sleeves back down and got visibly sadder.

He burst out laughing and I waited while he sent a text.

"Follow me."

"Where?"

"Party. The guy who throws it has my money. You could use some fun too."

"No, thanks. I saw enough of your partying last time."

To think that he might've pitied me for a second had me thinking that I should talk to Jungkook faster.

"Trust me, there's some good shit. You look like you could use a drink too."

I looked at the tree Jungkook usually leaned against, as if he was physically there to tell me what to do.

The fact that he wasn't, got me the answer I was seeking.

"Fine."

"Really?" He almost choked on his soda as his face showed genuine surprise.

"You're the one who offered!"

"I know, I know…I just didn't expect you to say yes."

"Then I am not coming!"

"No, no, come. It'll be fun. You get to mix pleasure with business today."

After mere minutes passed after agreeing, I steeped in regret as we were sitting side by side in the same taxi.

"How far?"

"Pretty far."

Is he just going to kill me and dispose of my body somewhere?

I texted Fred to let him know what was happening but since my hangover was still kicking my brain, I didn't notice he was staring at my phone until he flat-out spelled it out for me;

"Man, you're paranoid. It's not in the middle of nowhere! And it's a real party. You don't have to let your boss know about it. What would I have to gain by thrashing you?" He almost laughed, sat back, and looked out the window, extremely relaxed.

I, however, was having a heart attack.

"How do you know…"

...that my boss's name is Fred? That was what I wanted to ask but I checked the face of the taxi driver instead. Then pointed at my phone.

"Oh, him. He's friends with one of my friends. That's how I knew you worked for him."

"That makes sense…" I whispered to myself. Unconvinced.

The closer we got to the party, the more I wanted to ask about his friends. However, I knew it was useless to make chit-chat since I was bound to find out soon enough.

I realized I was wrong when we got dropped off at a two-story house with people drinking on the lawn, sunbathing in the twilight, and dancing to a song that was turned up so loudly that I felt my sobriety mocking me.

The only person I know at this party so far is V. This is bad. Why did I agree to join again?

As soon as I got inside, I saw some pills laying in plain view on a table, and I made eye contact with a fully stocked bar at the far left, which had me thinking to myself: Ahh, that's why.

"Hey, Johnny! Spot me with the cash I gave you!"

"Red boy. How is ya doing?"

They shook hands and then he and his other friends all glanced at me with eyes that were so judgemental, that I swallowed my spit without thinking.

"Who's ur, friend?" He cautiously wanted to know.

"Ha! You will lick his toes when you hear he's the one who provided the hearts for your party!"

The black guy's face changed into a grin immediately, which was preceded by half a hug. The others stared my way with so much warmth, that he might've as well told them that I was the long-lost brother of each one of them.

"He's the man of the house! You're welcome to do anything you please, ma man! In fact, Roxy, get the boss a drink! He's the one who made this party happen!"

"Really?! What will the pretty boy have?!"

She screamed from what I assumed was the bar I spotted upon arriving when the rest hollered at the 'pretty boy' remark.

"Ma favorite lady wants to get yo number." Another guy said and fist-bumped another.

"Vodka." I ignored them and made sure I got my drink instead.

"He's not playing. Is he?"

"Pour the boss some Russian dolls!"

Johnny, the one who seemed to be the oldest and also, the one who seemed to be the head of the group grabbed me by the shoulders while we walked together and sat down on bar stools that the other two emptied as if ordered by an invisible voice while we were approaching.

The woman I assumed was Roxy was pouring vodka into shot glasses, smiling at me sweetly.

"I am not usually this nice since she's special, but if you dig…" He pointed at her, "She might let you steal a kiss. I treat my dealers with respect since ma last man did jail for ma pot and I still wish I would've treated him like the King that he was."

"Sorry." I took a shot and then continued: "I'm taken."

"Aw…" She scoffed "Such a shame. But in case you ever change your mind…"

The guy started laughing, which seemed to offend her. I kept drinking the free shots like they were water when a rag flew right by me and hit his face.

"Why…you! Why are you laughing?! Can't you tell he fine?" Her sharp tone contrasted with her strangely tame volume.

"I can tell. But you turn everyone else down, seeing you get turned down makes me feel all warm and tingly."

"Then have some holy water." She sarcastically suggested before walking to the end of the bar to attend to someone else.

"By the way, I didn't catch ur name, I am Johnny." He stretched his hand out, grinning big.

"Namjoon." I shook his hand.

"I think I heard that name before," Roxy said before she went back to two clearly drunk girls.

"Ahh, I didn't know you were him."

"What do you mean?"

I had finished all the shoots, so I turned around to look at him just in time to see his conflicted face.

"I was doubtful you were Fred's baby Monster but ya are, ain't ya?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He put his hands up.

"I mean no disrespect. It's just, you're one of his top men, and not many know your face but we know Fred will have our head if we touch a hair on yo head."

"Why?"

"Didn't you hear me? Topman... and now that I've seen ya in person…I don't know if you're the Monster them rumors have you be, but you're something else fo sure."

"Hey! Johnny! Marcus won't go get me my money!" V's voice was loud enough to cover the music, but when I saw him snorting something off the table, I was convinced that he wasn't truly concerned.

"That's because he has no clue where yo money is or where he is!" He laughed and then turned around, and touched my shoulder before he said: "I will go get it. Don't flee on me, top man."

I didn't get to respond since he got off the stool and headed upstairs in a hurry.

I searched for Roxy, and to my surprise, she seemed to have heard my very thought.

"More Russian dolls, please?"

"Wow, someone who knows how to say please. Your lady is so lucky, does she know that?"

"Lucky…I doubt it…"

She refilled the glasses and then handed me half a lemon.

"You don't look like you're the type to shoot some down for nothing. Anything weighing on your mind?"

"Nah. I'm fine."

"You sure? Because I can help you forget if you let me…" Her hand went from my hand which was reaching for a glass, up to my forearm too sensually for me to mistake it for anything else but flirting. I stopped it halfway by grabbing it and glaring at her.

"Sorry. I am taken."

She nodded, gave me another lemon, and some napkins, and left.

I had more shots before I heard Johnny shouting from the bottom of the stairs, "Topman, come here!"

Taehyung was right next to him, visibly upset.

The moment I stepped foot onto the ground and started walking towards them, the music felt louder, the people seemed blurrier and no matter how nicely I tried to walk through them without attracting attention, they seemed to stare at me in particular.

I might be imagining things or it's because I am too tall… That is what I told myself.

"But I want some too!" V was stomping his foot with his arms crossed.

"Next time! Go have what the other guys are having."

"Why is he getting all the good stuff? You've known me for longer."

"Yeah, you should thank him, he's helping yo troublesome ass. You're a bad spot on our record anyway, ya know?"

"What am I getting?" I made my presence known and was immediately dragged up the stairs.

I looked down for a second since my shoe almost fell from the sudden movement and since the alcohol just hit me after getting up from the chair.

What I saw was nightmare-inducing.

They were all looking up at me.

Undoubtedly.

And Taehyung remained down at the bottom of the stairs as if there was a fence that was stopping him from coming up.

What the fuck is upstairs?

In fact, it was stopping everyone since the second floor was quieter, sparkling clean, and void of people.

We walked down the hallway, straight into a bathroom.

"What are we doing here? And why can't V come up?"

I watched him searching for something behind the toilet's water tank.

"Here." He then handed me a stack of cash.

"What, you thought I was out of change? Fuck…do you at least have a wallet, a bag, or something?"

"Don't worry. I will get you something, just hold it like this for now."

He walked out of the bathroom, so I followed him right after I glimpsed my blurry self into the mirror and one thought appeared with light speed right before I stared at the kitchen sink and then closed the bathroom door behind me: Your shift must've ended. Did you get home safe, Jungkook?

I was already lost when I found myself alone in the hallway until I heard his voice, "Man, get yo ass in here."

The door was ajar and smoke was slipping out, so I went with many thoughts, fighting for my conscious attention.

I was almost expecting to see an actual fire, but what I saw instead were five men playing cards at a way-too-big, round, wooden table. They were either alone or with women by their sides, or sitting on their laps drinking and chatting while they were all smoking joints.

"Johnny, you know we got no space left, you sucker."

"Make some. He's the one who got us the pills and the Kush."

"What? Taehyung bought no weed from me." Was my natural response as I awkwardly stood in front of these men who looked closer or further away from my age. I tried to pretend I didn't notice that they examined me like a new piece of furniture.

"Not talking about V, Roberto got the puff."

"Ah…he's friends with you guys?"

"Indeed he is."

I was worried when he bought so much so suddenly, but since Fred needed the money, I didn't even dare to ask if he stole it… I just didn't want to know.

"Sit down." One of them patted the chair that a girl brought from another room.

"He's so tall.", was the reaction of a blond guy while he looked me up and down before I got to sit down.

"Shit, get him a drink."

"What's your name?"

"Namjoon."

"I am Mole, that's Michael, Daniel, Andrew, Strike, and Johnny who I am sure you've met."

"Yeah. Nice to meet…you…all…"

It surprised me when a drink was literally placed in my hand without even hearing someone pour anything.

"A drink for our new friend, Namjoon. Bottoms up."

They all drank, but their eyes were watching me as they gulped down their drink.

Suddenly aware of the pressure, I drank the whole glass, even though it tasted weird and way too big to drink as a shot.

The blond guy smiled and then patted me on the back with a bit too much force.

They were saying something but I couldn't hear any sound coming out. It was all muffled as if I was underwater. I looked down since I couldn't feel my lower body. I saw the money falling from my hand first and then I had a hard time keeping my head up.

I was sure I fell off the chair, and I was on the floor since I could see their legs and shoes under the table yet I was unable to ask why.

"I wanted to see how good he is at cards… Why did you put so much?"

"I wanted him to like us! You fucker!"

"I didn't! That's how everyone reacts when it's their first time! Remember?"

"Johnny, did you ask if he ate?"

"Ups."

That's all I heard before I blacked out.

My mom was calling my name but I pretended not to hear, while I was hiding with Jungkook under a blanket. We snuggled and laughed about nothing in particular while her voice grew angrier as got louder and louder.

I woke up in a room I did not recognize, completely soaked since someone had just poured water on me.

"Wakey, wakey, tall guy." The blond guy smiled with straight white teeth until Johnny nudged him.

"I told you, his name is Namjoon."

"Well, I'm sorry that I have a hard time remembering new names!"

"I told you five minutes ago!"

"Time?" I used the entirety of my human will to just get that one word out.

"Don't worry. It's only been half an hour. We wouldn't let you miss out on the effects."

"What are you talking…?"

As if my brain needed to be reminded that it was on drugs, the bedroom looked so much brighter even if only one lamp was on and their voices were like drums beating right next to my ears.

"The walls are moving…" I knew I said it but my own voice sounded unfamiliar.

"Namjoon, look at me." I could hardly see Johnny, but I tried my best to look in his direction while he waved his hands right in front of my face.

"Did You Eat Today?!"

"No." That was all I said before I fell backward on the bed, unable to get up or open my eyes while I felt the whole room spinning.

"Shit. I will go get something quick. Mike, don't leave him alone."

"I wouldn't dare, he's kind of hot."

"Don't touch him either!"

"Hmm…"

I heard the door closing soon after, then I felt a hand go up my hoodie.

I tried my best to look down, but all I saw was yellow hair. I pulled on it and I got a surprising sound in return.

"Don't you want to play? The first time makes everything feel like heaven. It won't get any better than this."

I kept holding onto his hair with all the strength I got left, which wasn't much. The proof was his hands continuing to tease my chest.

"Ta…ke..take…en…" I managed to breathe out with great difficulty.

"I'm sure she'd do the same if she got to have what you just had. Don't worry, I won't tell her."

"He." I was sure I spit, as his face appeared so clear in my mind as if it was truly there.

"Oh, so you play for my team. Even better."

He started to caress my groin, and then I heard the zipper being pulled down.

"Tak…en"

"What?"

"Kill…"

He slipped his hand in and that's when I grabbed his neck and squeezed.

"You."

"So…Sor..ry! Let…g.."

The door swung open and Johnny dropped all food on the floor before he touched my arm and then cupped my cheeks.

"Namjoon. Calm down."

"F..k.." I couldn't stop as euphoria continued to surge through my veins at the very thought of Jungkook.

"Fred won't be happy if you'll hurt him!" Was all Johnny said to snap some resemblance of common sense into me, and had me loosening my grip around Michael's neck.

"Mot..her…! Fuck!" The blond swore at me on the way to the floor.

"What the hell did you do to him?!"

"I ...pl..ay…bit.." Michael coughed out.

Johnny shoved a sandwich in my mouth and zipped up my pants. Michael kept coughing. I started chewing with newfound hunger and continued to imagine Jungkook's smiling face, which had me all warm and peaceful. It was as if I was in heaven only with him by my side, and nothing bad could ever happen. This beautiful place that lived in my mind rent-free.

They kept talking in the background of my imaginary heaven.

"Man, you don't even know if he plays your game, and you still went for him. You've changed, man, you're getting desperate, I swear…"

"G…ay…"

"Who?"

"Him."

"How do you know that?! Your radar was broken since you were seven!"

"He said so!"

"You don't know that he might be bi. Wait a sec, that might be how he said no to Roxy like it was nothing…"

"The fucker…The fucker strangled me!"

"What did you fucking think was gonna happen?! You were about to rape him!"

"He's a man. And he's high as fuck. No one in their right mind would say no right now. I'm telling you; this is an obsessed motherfucker!"

"Let it go, man, apologize later." He snatched the plastic wrapper I was trying to eat away from my mouth and gave me one more sandwich, and then forced me to drink too much water.

They held me up and let me switch between reality and fantasy on the couch of the room that I'd fainted in while they all continued playing cards.

The girls were now in charge of making sure I ate and drank until I almost vomited.

The smell of weed triggered something in my mind that had my tears falling without making a sound.

"Is it possible to have an unpleasant trip on this?"

"Something or someone tipped him off!"

"I told you nothing happened! I barely laid one finger on him."

"Namjoon! Hey."

Someone who I couldn't identify kept slapping my face gently until my eyes focused on his face.

"Why are you crying, dude? What happened?"

I parted my lips and more tears fell at the thought of him. The fantasy version that had caused me ecstasy a while ago caused my lungs to feel as if they were two bags of sand filled with water.

"Ask him in one hour, Andrew, he's too out of it."

My chest felt tight and as if it was ready to break. My very core seemed to feel a type of pain that I didn't think was possible to feel. It was the pain that I had been trying to avoid was now given all the power in the world to attack every cell I had.

"We have to make him think of something else. We wanted to make a good impression, not traumatize him…"

"He won't snap out of it so easily…"

"Mole, it's your turn."

"Ya'll shut up for a moment. Hey, Namjoon boy!"

I could hear his voice, but his face was blurry.

"Who made you sad?"

"Him."

"Who's him?"

A few soft slaps and a bottle of water later and more of the same question had me finally blurting out:

"Jung."

"Who's that?" My mind started playing our fight over and over again. The way he smiled at strangers and how he looked sicker by the day.

"Does anyone know who that is?!"

"Wait up, his friend might know."

"Which friend?"

"V got him here to give him the money he owed."

"Oh, him."

An eternity later, I was standing in hell while holding my mom's hand and watching Jungkook getting further and further away while she held me back and no matter how much I tried I couldn't get closer to him or have him forgive me but something had me returning to reality when a familiar face blocked my view.

"So, your name is Taehyung?"

"Yes."

"How do you know him?"

"We go to the same school, but...why is he… crying?"

"You got the redhead here for nothing!"

"That's what we wanted to ask you! He said it was because of Jung. Do you know who that is?"

"More importantly, is he at this party?"

"Jung…I don't know any…Ah, Jung Jungkook!"

"See?! We're finally getting somewhere!"

"He's not here."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know, but you can probably call him on his phone."

"What are they to each other?"

"Boyfriends? I think they're in a relationship."

"…."

"…."

"I heard him claiming he's taken."

"They fought or something?"

"I don't know…we're not that close, but come to think of it, I haven't seen them together lately so maybe…"

"They broke up!"

"Has anyone seen his phone?"

"No. You?"

"No."

"Marie, go search for it downstairs."

"Why me?"

"You barely had any. You're soberer than everyone downstairs."

"Cool, I'm going, but you owe me!"

Taehyung's face replaced the back of the head of the guy they called Andrew and even if I still thought I was losing my mind in the limbo the drug had created for me, I could still clearly see V's smiling face when he asked, "Did Jungkook break up with you?"

My body reacted as if he had just stabbed me.

"He did. Didn't he? Well…I will make sure he gets better. I will make him feel good for you." He caressed my face with that diabolical boxy smile of his, and I swallowed hard.

I was cured.

The spell was broken.

I was no longer despairing in hell. I was the devil itself, and my skin was made of flames.

I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, stood up, almost fully conscious, and waited until I heard a bone crack and the scream that followed.

"Holly shit…"

"Grab him!"

"I told you! This guy's dangerous!"

"I told you he doesn't like V! He's high out of his mind and he made him angry!"

"How? He only asked if that Jug guy broke up with him?!"

"At least he ain't crying no more."

"Shut up! Get someone to bandage him up quickly! Now! Johnny!"

Taehyung was gone just like that, and I was happier than I had been in a while.

I sat back down and with newfound awareness, I looked at the guy who was now kneeling down by the couch in front of me.

"Thank you, Mole," I told him.

He smiled, turned around, and said to the others: "I dig him."

"Didn't I say he's something else?"

"I still think he's a bit too violent...and weird."

"He's not weird for not letting you rape him!"

Mole patted my back and went back to his table.

"Play that song I like."

I watched them play cards for a while until Johnny sat by my side, feigning sadness.

"You have no idea how much money I've lost just now."

"Where's mine?"

"Your money? Ah, in that bag over there."

He pointed to a black bag that was on top of the chair I sat on when I first came in.

"So, how do you feel?"

"Strange."

"That's a given... but I mean. Don't you feel… happier?"

"No. Just lighter."

"Hmm…I don't mean to bring back any bad memories, but since ya don't seem to get the expected effects out of it anyway… why did ya break V's arm?"

"He was happy Jungkook's left me and he threatened to get close to him or worse. He…he pisses me off."

"Understandable but as Fred's guy, don't ya think ya should take care of ur customers a little more right now? Or at least draw less attention to yourself, being who ya are. I mean, ya got yourself a jackpot by walking in today, but that's thanks to V too, isn't it?"

"I guess…I will make it up to him somehow." That thought alone left a sour taste in my mouth.

"So, why did he break up with you?"

In my daze, I turned to look at his relaxed, casual grin while I felt the anger and pain that came up like stomach acid, but maybe it was the drug that helped me accept it and let flow back down like dark water before I said, "Because I accused him of doing something I expected him to do, that he didn't in fact do."

"Wow, you're not vague at all. I mean, all the details, too many…stop it..."

I sighed and I felt the heaviness of my chest returning, which had me looking for a normal drink. When I couldn't find one close enough, I tried my best to explain, "He asked me about drugs when he was going down on me." I felt Johnny straighten himself next to me, "so… I accused him of being a junkie. Then he said he only asked because he was having withdrawals. I felt bad. I apologized."

"That's good, good move." I looked at his smile with an exhausted look on my face.

"It'd be good if he didn't say he wants to get a job so he can buy his own weed…"

"You're buying his weed? Man, you're nicer than I thought."

"It's a long story, but bottom line is that I told him I was scared that he was only dating me for the weed, and that's when he argued that if he got a job, it would solve the problem. Then I realized the problem was that I wanted him to depend on me as his only dealer so he wouldn't leave me."

"Ahh!"

"I didn't realize I wanted that either until it came out of my mouth. He accused me of being unfair in a way and then left. He hadn't talked to me since."

"Shit man, I'm sorry... but he had a good reason for being pissed…"

"I know."

"I mean, you… kind of did him dirty. And he ain't done nothing wrong."

"I know!'

"So, what are you going to do?"

Since I was still buzzing, but way more conscious, I realized that his accent was slowly dissolving the more he talked. I decided not to bring it up since he seemed like a really nice guy.

"Fill his backpack with I'm sorry notes, follow him home to make sure no one hurts him, and drink until I'll die?" Was my honest, one-breath, response.

He wanted to laugh, but he didn't since he realized I was serious.

"Namjoon, do you want to play with us? First-round is on the house since you're a newbie."

"We'll play nice…in the first round."

"Not now. But he'll play the next one. Oke?" Johnny answered in my stead, but then looked at me for confirmation which I gave without thinking,

"Right."

They resumed doing what they were doing, and we resumed talking amongst ourselves, while our voices got muffled by the low music playing from a small player in the corner, as well as their conversations and laughter.

"That's not it. You need to let him know that you know exactly what you did wrong. Apologize to him in person and make amends."

"He got a job and probably, a new dealer by now…"

"Why you like that? It doesn't matter."

"I know it doesn't, but I felt…more useful, I guess I don't know. Like he had to stay, even though, I know he didn't really have to. It makes no sense."

"It really doesn't."

He looked at me in disbelief and turned my face towards him before he spoke, "Listen to me. Do you think every junkie wants to date a dealer? Nah, man. That's raising the chance of getting caught and instead of being locked for being a junkie, he's locked for longer for being an accomplice to a bigger crime. He was risking his skin. And you used it as a safety blanket? What's wrong with you?"

"I…I never thought of it like that…"

"How could you think of it in any other way? Isn't it easier to get it from a stranger and then only worry about getting caught with it instead of hanging out with the freaking dealer twenty-four seven?"

"You're right, but…"

"But what? You thought he was in it for the free stuff? He got a job and kept it for how long?"

"A month…"

"Then we can rule that one out as well. Again, what were you thinking?"

I was thinking like my mom…my mom who only loved me as long as I kept going outside to get her drugs and beer…I was…

"I'm an idiot."

He patted my back while I hid my face in my hands.

"It's not too late. Now that you've figured it out, you still got time to make it right…Don't worry…"

"Where's my phone?"

"You're still not sober enough to call him now! Don't make it worse!"

"Where's my phone?!"

"I looked for it downstairs, but I couldn't find it." A woman suddenly let me know.

"Tomorrow, during the cleanup, it will turn up. Don't worry." Mole dismissed it and went back to staring at his cards.

I sat back down and asked him for a drink.

"But Johnny, no funny business this time."

"Got it. You won't have a good time the second time either if you ended up giving water to the mice during the first, anyway."

He went out laughing.

I grabbed the water bottle that I knew was plain old water and almost choked on it when Michael plopped down on the couch, a bit too close for comfort.

"Hey, big boy…"

"I thought my nickname was 'tall guy'. When did it change?"

He got closer to my ear and whispered, "Well, after I came back to my senses, I remembered how big you were, you know, down there…"

I shuddered at the memory and resisted the urge to shove him as far away as possible.

He seemed to understand my body language since he pretty much jumped back in his seat, which allowed me to take a sip while I watched him curiously when he pointed to his neck.

"I wanted to apologize for almost raping you, but since you fucked up my neck, I guess we're even."

I almost spit out the water.

"I'm Michael. Nice to meet you."

"Namjoon."

We shook hands and as if we didn't have the worst introduction already, he had to come closer to my ear once again, "I get that you're all in love and stuff, but when you're in the mood, let me know. I don't mind a bit of choking as long as you don't leave any marks next time."

He loudly chuckled like a teenage girl and ran back to his seat. Picking up his cards and acting as if nothing happened.

God, prove your existence and end me now.

I drank with Johnny for a few more hours, exchanged stories, and listened to all of their favorite songs. I even played my free round of cards and lost. I didn't expect to enjoy myself so much, but in the end, I took a liking to them and they seemed to take a liking to me. I almost didn't want to leave when the morning arrived, but after searching for my phone everywhere and having to call Fred from someone else's phone, I felt the exhaustion take over me even more as I held onto the black bag like a promise ring.

"I will give you a ride." Johnny offered.

"You're drunk!" Andrew argued.

"I can get him home!"

"Michael, I don't know if you remember, but you don't have a driver's license," Mole informed him in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Who said anything about driving? I will call him a taxi and I will ride it with him!" He argued and then proudly added: "That's how nice I am."

"Strike, take me home in your new car." I joked since I knew his car was at the mechanic's and the repairs alone cost him more than the car's worth.

"Did you hear that, Johnny? One night together and he's already making fun of my miserable life."

"Where's Daniel?" Andrew looked for him under the bodies of two girls as if he would fit there.

"He's in the bathroom, he had too much ice cream."

"Again? I swear, the moment he smokes we should hide all food from a ten-mile radius."

"Stop pretending. You want him to convince you to go with him to the nearest store and end up eating a full meal, plus dessert at an expensive restaurant, and then call me begging for cash since you both somehow forgot you only had a ten?" Andrew burst out laughing after reminding him of this event and I laughed as well while Mole simply rolled his eyes at the story that he probably heard way too many times.

"Why are these people still here?" Strike asked, and only then did I notice he was looking at four people sleeping on the floor, right next to each other.

"They probably blacked out," I stated. "But I must ask again, before I also blackout on your floor, with a ton of money on me that will get stolen until I wake up… how am I going to get home?"

"Get a taxi!" Michael screamed from the kitchen.

"He reeks of weed and alcohol!" Mole pointed out and Johnny simply hugged me in his drunken stupor, "Sleepover?"

"No." was my quick response as I lightly pushed him away. He laughed and then jumped on my back as I was trying to get away.

"I can drive you home."

A normal-looking, most likely sober Roxy walked in with a red purse on her shoulder and a water bottle in the other hand.

"Roxy, my love, you're still here?" Andrew asked with a honey-coated voice. Attempting to slowly get near her.

She simply walked away.

"Where are the rest of the girls that you animals got up there?"

"They're asleep in my bed! No, it's Mole's bed. Well, there's one next to my bed as well." Johnny said and then suddenly seemed to realize: "Where am I going to sleep?"

Roxy sighed and then got her car keys out of her luscious, tiny purse.

"You drank nothing again?" Mole sounded disappointed, but at the same time, looked at her as if she was an alien.

"You know I don't drink."

"Did you do…anything else?" I asked, a bit taken aback.

"No. I am here to work. By the way, when are you guys going to pay me? I want to go home."

"Here, here." Daniel suddenly appeared from the hallway and handed her some money.

"Thank you."

He then went upstairs while waving with little to no energy.

"Call to let me know you got home safe, love." Andrew used a weird voice again, but she ignored him by saying goodbye to Mole and Johnny instead.

"Drink lots of water. Are you coming?" It took me a bit to realize that she was speaking to me.

"I...guess."

I exchanged goodbyes with Mole and Strike and hugs with Johnny and Michael.

I followed her outside to an elegant, bright red, squeaky clean car. I told her the address and got my seat belt on when it hit me;

"Did you find a black phone by mistake? It's like this big and it has a crack on the back."

"No. Nothing. But someone might've stolen it, so I'd get a new one if I were you."

"Fantastic."

I blurted out. trying to relax in the fairly comfortable seat, but it was getting harder and harder to stop the world from spinning.

"How high are you?" She suddenly wanted to know.

"Not so much anymore. I am mostly drunk."

"And what do you do when you're drunk?"

I dared look at a woman that had earned a type of respect from me that I didn't even know what it was called. After she walked out of a party where people were sleeping in vomit on the floor and I, myself was a mess, she walked out with more money, looking clean, actually refreshed, and judging by her car, she was not about to hand over the money she's earned to someone else like I had to. She had a luxurious car, a tight yet tasteful black dress on, and was so beautiful in a classy way that I spent enough time around to see why they all wanted a shot at her. Not only to do her but to date her if possible. And yet, she picked me.

From the moment I walked in, she hit on me.

And now that I knew I was a special case, it made me seriously wonder why.

"I…hit things…" I awkwardly conveyed an amalgamation of past dreadful nights in a few words.

"Do you hit people as well?"

"I try…not…to."

"And after you hit something, what do you do?"

"I try to calm down and then I go to sleep."

"Hmm… I expected something more…monstrous."

She smiled, and I bit my lip.

I actively stopped thinking about Jungkook after promising myself that I will listen to Johnny's advice instead of drinking myself to death or getting a restraining order, which allowed some sort of peace to take over. It might've been what I consumed, but the possibility that he might forgive me raised exponentially in contrast with my previous plan.

I looked out the window and spent most of the ride in silence until she turned the radio on. When she finally parked the car at 7 AM near Fred's place, it surprised me to find out that the door was locked and she didn't want to unlock it until I spoke to her.

"You're no fun, you know that?" She unbuckled her seatbelt, got on her knees, caressed my thigh, and kissed me.

In my shock, her lips lingered on top of mine for a bit before I lightly, yet decisively, pushed her away.

"I won't cheat on him."

"You're not. He broke up with you."

"Who told you that?"

"Taehyung, when I was bandaging the arm that you broke."

She went in for a second kiss, but this time I was expecting it, so I kept her at a considerable distance before she got to make contact.

"Why are you turning me down? You don't like women in that way or what?"

"That's not it. I've been in a relationship with a woman before."

"Then why?"

"He did break up with me."

"That's what I keep reminding you, so why are you…"

"But I did not break up with him."

She stared at me with wide eyes, sat down, and unlocked the doors.

"Thanks for the ride."