Blind Luck

AN:Let me know if you spot any mistakes. If not, see you in 8 days. Enjoy:

"What the fuck did you give them?!"

"I don't know... Bud gave this clear stuff to me in case someone gets a bit angsty. I didn't even inject all of it! But he may or may not have some hallucinations if he wakes up, so can you stop yelling…"

"Not talking about the shot, Michael! It's the pills I'm concerned about!"

"Ah, those. They're just supposed to increase horniness and maybe some.... other…"

"They drank the other stuff right before! Did you not think what would happen if the drugs mix?! They're not the kind to pop stuff every day, and it wasn't like hours had passed in between. What were you even thinking?!"

"I said I'm sorry! Didn't I?! What the fuck do you want me to do! He's the one who gets off by…"

"Kook…" That is all I managed to breathe out with my eyes still shut.

"Don't you fucking dare to try and shift the blame! Remember what happened when Mole went on a bender and found that gun? You know it brings stuff out of people that…"

"Jung…"

"Blame me! It's not like you didn't spice their shit! And they're fine! They're breathing. No one is in mortal danger, okay? They're both asleep and…"

"The kid's fucking traumatized. He got raped!"

"It's his boyfriend. He fucking wanted it!"

"How the fuck do you know what he wanted?! He couldn't have consented when he…"

"I can tell!"

"Then why the fuck was he crying his eyes out and shaking like a fucking earthquake?!"

"It's all because of this psycho. Did you see the marks on him and…!"

"Ju…oh…"

"Shit, I think he's moving. Look, his hand is in a different place."

"Mike, you better catch him before he falls off the bed. And if he strangles you, this time, don't make a sound, got it? He's your problem now!"

"You're letting me alone with the rapist? Really?! That's how much you care about me?"

"I thought you enjoyed that shit. Now here you go. It's you fucking time to shine!"

"Kook…"

"Johnny? Where are you going?! Johnny? Fuck you, man. And fuck you! Why couldn't you just not act like...fucking monster..."

The loud sound followed the sound of a door being shut. So, I got up slowly, eyes still closed, reached for the floor. But while I was lowering myself, a hand stopped mine before it grazed the ground.

"No. No. Tall guy, open your eyes and listen to me. Your boyfriend's fine. You're fine. You need to sleep it off. How the fuck did you wake up so fast anyway?"

I grabbed some type of material and pulled.

"What the fuck are you? Namjoon, let go for Christ's sake. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know you'd react like that. I thought…he was bullshitting and that you're…Shit, fucking, fuck…"

I fell from the bed and it was soft.

"Jung…k…"

"Hey. Open your eyes. Tall guy. Hey. Look at me."

Light pain across my cheek and then across my eyelids made me remember how to open them.

I saw something yellow and then dark.

"Listen to me. You're under three different drugs, okay? They're all strong stuff, all still in your system and they're all doing different shit to you at the same time. Just sleep it off and you'll be peachy in…"

"Jungkook?"

I touched the dark hair and caressed it with guilt raising from the tip of my stomach and coming up my throat like acid.

"He's sleeping. He's fine …No. Don't stroke…Are you really hallucinating? Fuck. Johnny!? JOHNNY!"

"Jungkook." I cupped his cheek and leaned down, breathing in the scent that was different than I remembered. The words went in but didn't make any sense. They were just words that held no meaning.

"Shit. You're hard too? Get off me, now! As much as I'd like to, I can't help you. Tall guy! Stop, just… You'll kill me if you'll remember later, so…"

I searched for the wound that I'd made at the top of his shoulder, licked it over and over again whispering "I'm sorry".

"It's fine. I forgive you. I forgive you…tall…ah…Namjoon. Now go to bed. Alright? Stop…licking…ah…fuck…"

"I didn't mean to…"

"I know, big guy. You were drugged out your mind. It's normal. It happens. Now would you drop it? Why can't I fucking push you OFF?! How much do you bloody weigh?!"

"I tho…ught…Jun….good…"

"Don't cry now, no. Namjoon! Look at me. Let me hold your head up. Fuck that. Fucking hold your own head up! Use your knees and get off... Don't rub against…FUCK THIS."

"Jungkook?"

Something hurt my neck and spread to the back, and then my leg, but I couldn't see why because of the mist.

"You don't react to pain?! Are you a masochist?! Johnny! This is not a joke! I can't get him up! Johnny! I think he works out… Mole?! David?! ANYONE?! Taehyung!"

"…where?"

"Where…I take it back; I don't think your voice-changing to that tone is a good indication... So, can you, I beg of you just…"

"Where?"

"Fine. I'll play. Where what?"

"Ta…."

"Taehyung? Ah! Don't bite me! Don't, shit…I think I'm getting hard now too. Are you happy?!"

"Tae…"

"Kim Taehyung? Do you want to go see Taehyung? V? Punch the punk's ass? I'd love nothing more than help you get to him, alright? That's right. Just lift your head and look at me. Namjoon? Shit, you're crying. Why're you sad? You look cute for once, you know? If only your fucking inhumane dick wouldn't be up against my leg right now, this would almost make me fall for you. Too bad you only care about that fucking kid! And no one else. You know, huh… instead of going for the skinny virgins, you should go to someone who can take that shit without internal hemorrhage. Don't you think? It's quite huge. How did you make it grow like that? Is it natural or…"

"Michael, what in heaven's hell are you doing?"

"Andrew! Andrew, help me! I've never been happier to see you in my life! He fell on me and he won't get up. I kicked him, bit him and he won't…"

"Are you sure? It looks like you're enjoying the attention. I can tell you meant it when you said you want to smash with Fred's Monster anyway."

"Andrew, if you've ever cared for me, then… No, tall guy, don't drop your head! Fuck! If you ever liked me for one damn second from all the years that we've known each other, then help me get him OFF me!"

"Why? I think you can blow him if you try some of your bending tricks. Though in that position, I think a hand job would be easier. Man, now, if I'm looking at it from the side, it's no wonder his boyfriend was bleeding like he's been stabbed."

"Ha-ha. You're hilarious. But, really, Andrew, do you know this guy? He's the guy who choked me last time. And it wasn't a light squeeze. He really was choking to kill. Trust me. I know the difference. He's also the guy known to have beaten and stabbed some real bad people. Now imagine what would happen if he remembered me letting him touch me when he's…like this. He'll…"

"I suggest, hear me out, going religious at this point. I don't know if he'll remember crying on your shoulder, but he'll definitely remember you giving him the pills that tipped him over. But if God has mercy on you, maybe, just maybe..."

"I know I'm already dead. I know. That's why…I…"

"When will you come off your high horse and realize that what you did was wrong for once? That'd be terrific and it would really help me cry over your casket. For now, I think I'll just spit."

"Yes! I was wrong! I'll never, ever…"

"Hold on. Don't start lying now or I really will lose all empathy for your dead ass."

"Andrew, please! He's licking me again, fuck, I swear I don't have any ill intentions. Big guy, I am not coming onto you, I'm just not able to fuck! Get off! Stop! ANDREW!"

"Ha-ha. He's like a dog."

"I'll clean your house. Cook for you. Give you my money! Anything you want! Please…"

"You can't cook for shit. But you're cleaning my house for a month."

"Yes! I swear on my life!"

"That's not much considering…"

"I'll send someone if I can't!"

"And the bathroom?"

"Both of them."

"Fine. You pitiful… shit. God, he's heavy. What does this guy eat?"

"Bricks. I swear to… Fuck yeah! I can…. No! Namjoon, let go of my leg. Tall guy, big…! Bad! No…Don't…"

"Where…!" I breathed out.

"Where what? Mike, what does he keep mumbling about?"

"I think he wants to find Taehyung or his boyfriend, I'm not sure wh…."

"Yung! Where!?"

"Yes, I'll help you get him. Just release... Yes! Like that. Fucking finally!"

"Do you think it'd be a good idea to get him to V like this? Woah, you used up all your energy Nam? Why don't you lean back, I'll get you some water…"

"V…Jung…"

"Come to me, yeah, I'll help you, now, crawl. Can you get up? Nah, I'm not falling for that, heavy guy. I'm not touching you now or well, I'd touch you sober if you asked nicely, but...."

"Mike, am I seeing… are you hard?"

"Shut the fuck up. He's on drugs. He rubbed against me, and licked..."

"And you just reacted automatically?"

"He breathed down my neck, bit me and…"

"That's all it takes?!"

"Go get V. It's faster, getting him to go all across the hall is…"

"Why do you even want those two to meet? They can't stand each other and V wasn't really that sober last time I…Ah, he's getting up…By the way, did Nam have some beer too?"

"I think so, why? What? Why are you making that face?"

"How is he not in a coma right now?"

"You're not asking the right fucking person... Yes, heavy guy. I'll gladly open the door for you. Anything for you. Here. Go left and yes, follow me."

"This would almost be funny if I didn't know he'll snap your neck like a twig the second he'll remember shit."

"I'm truly thankful for your help which is why I'll gratefully say, with all the kindness in my heart, to shut the fuck up. If he'll remember that I didn't turn him down and helped him beat V up, then I am sure I'll get a few more months."

"He might let you live only because he can't get out prison easily, but if Fred catches wind of this shit…"

"Don't fucking say that name! Don't you fucking say a word to anyone that knows that motherfucking shapeshifting...!"

"Hey, chill. Being a parrot's not my style. You know that. But damn, he's really doing well, considering…"

"The man's a titan. How the fuck is he able to walk?"

"Do you think he understands a word we're saying?"

"I don't know and I don't care. Hand signals seem to be working just fine. Yes, Namjoon! Hey, yeah. This door. Taehyung is in this room."

"I think he's just following you and that's it. Wait, isn't Jungkook in there too?"

"Aren't they together or did the prick leave?"

"If he sees the two of them in the same…"

"Jungk…Ha…"

"Seems like V fled ship already. Too bad."

"Shut up. Look how happy he is to see Jungkook. Okay. Come here. Sit, yes. Kiss him. You, crazy fuck."

"Don't try to pretend that you're not jealous. It's unsightly."

"What the hell is so 'unsightly'?!"

"The tent in your…."

"Get the fuck out!"

"I thought you needed my assistance."

"Jungkook," I repeated this name as if that would solidify the floating cloud that made up his sleeping face.

"Shit, he's really crying. Nam, hold your tears for when he can see them."

"Well, my job's done"

"Ha? It's your mess, you're supposed to…"

"I said I know what I did was fucked up. Now can you get out of my way? I need to leave the country for a while so…What?"

"You're not going anywhere."

"Johnny made you check up on me, didn't he?"

"Sit down in that chair. Strike and Mole better find you here in ten minutes."

"Andrew, for fucks sake, it was the drugs, not…."

"I…so…rry." It was raining since water kept falling on his lips and cheeks.

"...do you have no conscience? You really don't realize that this is not about the drugs? This is about whatever curse compelled you to give it to them when you knew, better than anyone..."

"That's not my fault! He just took them, no questions asked! And how am I supposed to know that it just brought out shit in him that made him stick that monster stick in this guy's coin-sized…"

"He's probably really a virgin. Well, was. But let's put that aside for a sec. Do you really not feel sorry for being the catalyst? You watched them both cry and you're still…You are kind of making me ashamed to be your friend right now. I think I'd rather side with the rapist when he comes to check your pulse."

"Andrew. You don't get it. I didn't want to do it either! I had to do it. My hands were tied."

"How the hell were your hands tied, huh? Did someone pay you that much money? Did they want to screw Fred's boy up through you? Were you that big of a retard to accept it? Or did they threaten you with a bullet through the head? Just confess already or go die in a ditch."

"…"

"What is it this time? Didn't you pay off the debt? What the hell is now that…"

"I can't…tell you."

"Well, I think you'd better spit it the second the drugs wear off cause even if it was because his biggest enemy bribed you with gold, I doubt he'd forgive you either way."

"Listen to me. My hands were tied. The person who tied them up would've done way worse to someone else."

"To whom? Who the fuck do you care about that you'd risk your own skin…Ohhhh…"

"Yes. It's the big oh."

"Really? Your little bro?"

"Really. Now can you step out of the fucking way? Thank you."

"I still think you should leave a note or something."

"Call and tell me who remembers what, ok? If the phone's off, then text it. I'll figure out what to say in case I accidentally bump into him while my neck is out of reach...I can't breathe in this hell hole…"

"If you're going… go faster. Mole will have me hanged."

"Don't tell anyone about my bro. Ok? Ok. I know I can trust you."

"You'll owe me for a year."

"Thanks."

"Go before I change my mind".…"Why didn't you at least get on the bed before falling asleep? Sheesh."

...…

....

…..

….

..

.

"Jungkook? You're awake?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"How do you feel?"

"You're…Mole, right? Sorry, my head hurts and...."

"Don't worry about it. Take this pill before you get up. Don't need to be afraid, it's just a painkiller. Look, this is the bottle."

"I'm not afraid. Namjoon told me…I could trust you and Johnny."

"Eh, must've done something right if the boy said that."

"What did we take?"

"There's water by the bed, yes, right there. Well…I'm not sure how the name matters. And I am not even certain it was what I think it was. All I'm saying is that it wouldn't have ended like this if only you guys didn't mix them. It's like whiskey and tequila, one tall glass of each is enough. Drinking both in the snap of an hour is not good, to say the least. And I don't know, if…"

"…Namjoon stopped?"

"About that. What exactly happened? Besides the obvious. We couldn't call for a doctor because…you know, there was so much blood and I've regretted letting you sleep without checking thoroughly because we just assumed…"

"That he just did it without caring if he tore me apart?"

"I don't know you, boy. But I've known about him from Fred since he was little. He might not know me that well, but I know him. This is why I think he trusts me without knowing exactly why. And I never thought he would've ever been so…"

"So?"

"Desperate? He kept calling your name in his sleep. He crawled all the way to your room though he shouldn't have been able to even wake up."

"Hmm…"

"You don't understand. When you take too much, you can forget even your mother's name. Your true colors start to show. All filters you had kind of get obliterated. Which is why I'm very confused. The last time he was with us, he cried because he couldn't get you to forgive him."

"He, what?"

"I'm telling you. He was really shaken up. Most people would've been while on x, but all he thought about was you."

"Mole, I'm…excuse me for asking, but why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I've been told you looked like he had…raped you. Is that true?"

"I don't know what we took because I…felt so good for a while. Like, even the pain didn't feel too bad at first, but when he…"

"You don't need to give me any details. Don't force yourself to remember. I just want to know if you need to be protected from…well, Fred's boy."

"I don't think he knew that it would end up like that. All that pleasure turned into pain in a matter of seconds… but I don't think that it happened for him as well. I think he didn't realize I could hurt when…it felt that good before. See, I hit my leg on the edge of the bed and scratched my arm on a painting and I didn't feel a thing...it hurts now though…"

"So, you believe he wasn't aware that your trip turned sour?"

"I don't know. But maybe the drug just enhanced the pain…maybe it's just because he's…I don't know. I couldn't even see much. It was all colors and emotions like…eating away all my thoughts…We just took too much, didn't we? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Aren't you just digging for excuses right now? Did he force you to participate or…"

"Not at first? Look…he's never been gentle when it comes to any type of touching. I want to believe he didn't hurt me on purpose because I don't think he would…"

"Is that enough for you?"

"Enough, of what?"

"Knowing he didn't mean it? Knowing he wasn't raping you, but he was just high off his rocker?"

"Look, I've done some stupid things when I was high before. And it was just weed or booze. And this…I…he didn't really move, he just held me…it was the pain that…the pain was…unreal."

"…Jungkook. Drugs and…people sometimes bring out things we'd rather hide from others or that we ourselves aren't proud of. But it can also change you in ways that years down the line, you wouldn't even recognize as yourself, as if the chemicals created something of their own. You know what I'm on, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"But has he hurt you in any other way that…"

"Mole. You…understand that I can't possibly accuse him of doing anything whilst he was on drugs, right? I mean, that'd make me the worst kind of hypocrite. I know he should've stopped if he saw me in pain, but at some point, I didn't even realize it was him who was causing the pain. I don't know what those pills did to me, but unless he tells me otherwise, I don't know if he… I believe he…didn't mean it. But I'm sure he wanted to touch and stuff, but not to cause me pain…ah…my head's just a mess…"

"Child. You're just a weed junkie. And you might think that's a horrible thing to be. But trust me. There are worst demons you should not aspire to become. I don't think Namjoon's a Monster, as they call him. I know he just had to do what he had to…survive. But I'm not going back home with him. That's why I'm more concerned with the fact that he came with you here in the first place. He's not a stupid boy. By far. I think he has a reason behind every move he makes."

"So, what are you saying? That he planned this? Did he want to get me high and then just take advantage of the situation? That he might not want to, but he just changed into the Monster they needed without noticing? What the hell …I'm sorry, I know you're older than me, but…"

"'s fine. Never been a fan of the whole: who's the oldest fart in the room gets to do whatever."

" You think he knew he'd react that way? Or that he assumed I'd forgive him?"

"I'm not saying that. He's young and he's not really one to indulge in pills and powders, so the effects it could possibly have on such a scarred individual is beyond me or anyone to foresee. Perhaps even himself. As for forgiveness...he didn't seem to think you'll ever talk to him last time I saw him, so, why would he think this now?"

"Then what is it you're saying?! That I should not go home with him? That I should accuse him of rape when I couldn't see the floor myself? That it was just the emotion I was feeling? I'm not certain if it was just my body or that it was all real… You don't understand what it was like. I just thought that the pain was happening out of nowhere. I forgot Namjoon was there for a minute. I didn't know what the fuck was happening! It hurt so much, but before that, I was just…happy to be high."

"…Child. Don't put words in my mouth. I'm saying you should either control your addiction while it's a baby monster and avoid the house where the real demons met like the plague. You're barely an adult, he's barely an adult, and he's already in hell… but you have your whole life ahead of you. And yet, there might not be much of a life if all you care about is that high…which I'm sure you know wears off. And the price is…everything."

"I know. You think that I don't know? But…"

"No. You don't know. Smoke some weed on the weekends. But don't.... why am I even lecturing you? Look. I need to tell you because I'm certain that Namjoon won't. Don't tell Fred that Namjoon took anything. Alright? And if he does find out. Pretend nothing bad happened. I'm happy you blame the drugs and that you won't break off with him, although I admit I'm a bit surprised since I was prepared to convince you to keep a front for at least a while, but…Do you at least know why?"

"No…why?"

"Do you even know who Fred is?"

"Yes. He's a dealer. Right? What? He's not? He's some kind of top dealer or…"

"Not only does he have so many youngsters that won't get in much trouble because of their age selling hard shit for him, but…"

"No, that's not true. Namjoon told me he's dealing just some weed and pills."

"You think we call him Fred's Monster because he's one of his top sellers? No. He's the exception. He's the child he took in and raised himself. He wouldn't put him in any real danger. He's meant to stay safe as long as he wants. That's why."

"I don't understand what you're…"

"Really boy? Do I have to spell it out for you? All that Namjoon had to become was because Fred showed him how to become it. Put him in situations where he could be…Nah. You should just listen to me and keep a safe distance from drugs. Maybe you could save Namjoon while you're at it."

"You're telling me what to do without telling me why. So tell me. I have to know now. What did Fred do?!"

"How could you even ask me that? This is a poor boy who has lost both his parents. For fuck's sake. Isn't he the perfect target? Can't you see the man's evil? That man has killed, that man has sold hum…"

"Mole."

I lifted my head and looked ahead, at the wide-eyed boy I thought would never stare back at me with anything but fear. Yet the still slightly dilated pupils faced me willingly. I smiled. Mainly because he looked well, and mostly because he didn't leave me there, kneeled by his bed the moment he woke up.

"What the fuck are you telling him?"

And then I heard Mole, shifting in his chair.

"Namjoon. The child should know."

"Why? So, he leaves me because I work for Fred? Was that your plan from the beginning? You butter me up, Michael slips me some round ones and then you make Jungkook hate me while I'm knocked out?"

"No. He should choose after he'll know everything there is to know about the world that he's…."

"HE ISN'T PART OF ANY FUCKING WORLD!" I stood up, but before I made one step towards him, Jungkook grabbed my arm, saying: "Namjoon…wait…It's fine. I should know. I want to know…"

"I'm so sorry for what I did and I'll make it up to you again and again." The long-haired one smiled nervously, whilst I unglued every finger from my arm.

Immediately reaching Mole, who was now just sitting in the chair by the covered window. Eyes emanating fear, body language divulging nothing, I went on: "He isn't part of Fred's world. I am not part of his world either. I am a speck of dust. Do you think I don't know? I'm just the boy he washes his sins with so he can sleep at night."

"Namjoon, I was just informing him. I wasn't implying he leaves you or anything of the sort. He seems like a good boy and not like…" He swallowed and continued, "I could tell he knows nothing, in this way… if something happens…I, I know this is none of my business, but…"

"But! Jungkook doesn't need to know who Fred is because Fred will continue to show only his good side only if he doesn't know! And NOTHING ELSE! How do you not know this Mole? Is it because you've seen his bad side and now you can't forget? Is that it? Don't act confused. He told me what you did. I didn't know it when I first met you, but I know now. So, don't act all innocent when you're worse than a…"

"Namjoon…listen…" I leaned down the second he mumbled this and looked into his eyes, one hand on each armrest. The man tried to plead his case one more time as I took notice of the glaze that covered his pupils:

"I know you took no part in anything. I know you had no choice, but you let him take stuff…he's a child, he's already a smoker. He might want worse and you know it. Why did you bring him here? Why don't you keep him away if you like him so much? If you know! You know where it can lead!"

I audibly smirked a second before screaming:

"IT DOESN'T MEAN IT SHOULD LEAD THERE IF IT CAN LEAD THERE! AND IT WON'T! I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT!"

"You can't control either of them twenty-four-seven and you know it!"

Hand automatically reached for the throat and he just let me without struggling. The color drained from his face and Jungkook pulled on the clothes behind me, telling me to release him.

"And to think that I wanted to be friends with you guys. Why? Because none of you are affiliated with Fred anymore. And Jungkook, he's not like you. He'll never do what you did to get your fix. And Fred won't harm him because I know, oh, I know how to harm him back. So, don't talk to my boyfriend about what he should or shouldn't know. He knows exactly how much he should know. And how much he'll know from now on is my business alone. But now, if he looks at Fred weird once, Fred will know that he knows something he shouldn't know. And it'll be your fault Mole! NOT MINE! NOT FRED'S! YOURS!"

"…I..di…t"

"Namjoon's he's going to faint! Let him go, please! He might die! Look, I don't know anything! And I won't ask! Please…Namjoon!

His hand's scratched as it pulled on the shirt. Yet, through my fingers, all the guilt that I felt towards Jungkook fueled the strength to squeeze tighter. Ah, how much I wished that I didn't have to let go and turn around. Looking at Mole was easier. I wanted to keep him contained, make him scared, way more scared than he thought he could ever be. In case Jungkook ever asks anything ever again. I wanted to be certain that he will never answer. And yet, I knew that I couldn't do that in the presence of Jungkook.

I had to be patient. Just that I could keep him safe from the world I couldn't escape from. At least for now. I was aware of how selfish I was…that the need to keep him safe whilst I was not safe either was ridiculous. But I consoled myself with the thought that Jungkook was an addict. Which meant that I could prevent him from falling in the deep ends by himself, without anyone else knowing. Since I knew as well as I knew my own name that an addict most often than not, hit rock bottom only when alone.

Meanwhile, another part of me feared that Mole could have a point. That it was a shot in the dark. That I could fail or ruin him just because he was so close when I could try to protect him from afar instead. Allow someone else to keep him company at night. But how could I know for sure that the next one will know what to do when he's spiraling down? How could I trust someone I've never met? What if he'd hide his addiction from that person just like he hid the fact that he stole my grandma's pills to sleep? What if he'll go somewhere I or others I knew couldn't reach?

And even more selfish, and more so…I was scared that I wouldn't have anyone left to live for.

"…sa..y"

"What? I didn't catch that?"

Veins seemed more prominent now and yet all colors around turned into different shades of white and grey.

'Jungkook is all I have left, Mole. If I lose him…I should just give up and die. You know addiction is picky. You know how it's like…and I have mine under control. I did my best. So, why are you looking at the ceiling? Look at me! And never threaten the safety of all I have left again! I swore to myself that never again, no... Never!... That house…can't be…'

"NAMJOON! IF YOU DON'T LET HIM GO, THEN YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!"

'Empty.'

Fingers untangled themselves before the last word left Jungkook's mouth. And the coughing that followed let me know exactly how much damage I've caused.

Jungkook sidestepped in a hurry, water bottle in hand. Rubbing Mole's back in circles, only to look up at me with wet eyes when the man wouldn't resume breathing normally, let alone drink: "What's wrong with you?! Why did you have to do that?! What…"

The man talked before I did:

"I didn't…" One cough, two coughs, "didn't say…I just said he k…" Another cough, a few other ones continued until, through bloodshot eyes and clear snot coming out his nose he continued, as I stared, uncaring, "killed. That's all I said…"

"That's only because I woke up, Mole."

"I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry?" Jungkook tried to see his face like a burst of confusion emerged on his own face.

"I will never say…"

I smiled a smile inside that no one else could see.

"Good." I nodded.

"I was wrong." Mole forced these words through more coughs.

"You were."

I turned my back to them both, looking for our jackets and phones.

"No. You just wanted to help…you didn't deserve…Namjoon…why is he…"

"Why is he what?"

"He's bleeding from his neck?! Did you puncture his…"

"Nah. That's probably from a needle."

"Needle?"

"He's high. That's why he rambled so much. He tends to talk a lot when he's high."

"I am so sorry." Mole went on as I found our stuff neatly placed in a corner.

"Why? Why are you suddenly sorry…?"

I heard Jungkook whispering this, but I couldn't hear what his answer was.

"Jungkook put this on. We're leaving."

"You've got some nerve." He mumbled annoyed, rubbing Mole's back and staring at me accusingly at the same time.

I pulled him towards the entrance with the kind of force that I didn't think I could exert. After the anger slightly dissipated from my system, it left me dizzy.

"Thanks for taking care of us. I won't forget it. Oh, and also, tell Michael to answer my call."

Mole was nodding, holding onto his neck. That was until he heard me say: "I'll see you soon." Words that had him looking up with wide, fearful eyes.

I shut the door and as we walked into the empty hallway, Jungkook was still trying to break free from my grip at every step.

"You've hurt him, Namjoon. How can you just leave?"

"He'll be fine. I didn't break anything. And it's not like we can call an ambulance."

"You should at least apologize. He did nothing wrong!"

One foot on the first step of the blue staircase leading down, I turned to look at the boy who just froze. It was then that I noticed that he had different pants on.

I smiled, not feeling any joy. But mostly, as a nervous, anxious release.

"Jungkook. I told you that you can trust him if you got hurt, lost, or…"

"I did get hurt. You hurt me."

There it was. The eyes that were only a shadow of the version I saw right before V took him away from me.

"And I am sorry. I thought it would hurt since it's your first time, but I didn't think it'd hurt this much...I was so…"

"High. I know. But…"

"No. I…" I caressed his cheek and kissed it before embracing him and inhaling the scent of tobacco and the natural odor he emanated through the denim jacket, "...thought I could stop. Sober me thought that because of the pills that you'd only feel pleasure. And because I only felt pleasure…I couldn't even phantom that…No. No excuse can make up for this. I know. Next time, I'll make sure you only feel good. I'll be sober. And I'll make you feel so good that you'll beg me to keep going and going. I'll try and try…"

"Namjoon…I don't think it's because of anything you did…"

I pulled back to look at blushing, looking down Jungkook, and asked: "What do you mean?"

"You're just big. And I'm just small…I think that's all there was. It did feel good before you put it in. And it's not that I didn't want to, I was just scared… I liked being high like that. And you looking so…less…I don't know…when we danced in that room, you were smiling. You looked happy all night. I liked seeing you like that…and lately, I've been really…cold and stressed. You didn't force me to do anything even though I know you wanted to…do stuff. And then last night, you didn't do much, you just…were…too…big. I think that's…why…all the blood…and…the pain…" His expression went dark.

"Jungkook." I sighed, looking at the empty hallway and crooked painting, feeling as if this was the worst place to talk, but since I only wanted to go back home without having to bring everything up again, I said: "You know I had a girlfriend before, right?"

"Yeah?"

"But I never told you the reason why we broke up, did I?"

"No…not really…"

I sighed again.

"She always said it hurt when we had sex. But! I'm sure that if I'm gentle enough and that if we don't stop... I mean, if we won't take many breaks in between doing it , then it will feel good."

'Eventually.'

"Is that why you broke up? Because it hurt? I'm confused."

I clenched my teeth, seeing the naked body of the woman I tied to the kitchen counter as she begged for me to stop so clear in my mind's eye that I could almost feel her warm insides as I stood there, watching my puzzled boyfriend trying to guess the reason it didn't work out.

"Yes. But with you, it'll be different."

"Did it hurt when you took things slow? I mean, not all the time, but at first…"

'I don't know Jungkook. I've only waited for you. I've only been this gentle with you. I've never been able to stop, but if I tell you this then…won't you be more scared than you already are? Of the pain? Of …me when I;ll be touching you?'

"Namjoon?"

"Yes?"

"Was it just one? You've only been with one woman?"

"No…"

"Oh… You never told me…"

"You never asked and…I didn't think it mattered since they weren't exactly relationships and I'm only yours now."

"You're right. It doesn't. But wow, you really lost your virginity early." He laughed nervously, holding onto the sleeve of my coat like it was helping him stand. "Anyways, it doesn't matter, but…about Fred…"

"Kim Namjoon? Hi."

I snapped my head to look behind and saw Roxy half smiling, half staring at Jungkook from the top of the stairs. And I knew that all she was seeing was his busted lip and bloody spot on the shoulder, contrasting nicely with the white shirt.

"Hi. Jungkook, this is Roxy, she bartended for the party, right?" She nodded. "Roxy, he's Jeon Jungkook, my boyfriend."

She grinned and thought, awkwardly and hardly, they shook hands at the top of the staircase.

"Well, I was just searching for Mole to get my money. Do you guys know where he is?"

"He's in that room," I pointed, and then added quickly, "but he's not feeling well."

"Really? Well, I guess I'll get it tonight, then."

"Is there another party tonight?" Jungkook suddenly asked.

"Ah, not that I know of. Just that I've promised I'd help clean the bar and right now, I'm a bit too tired, so I haven't. There were these guys...man, they drank until like, an hour ago. And one friend kept calling, ah, I was too nice to stay this late." She admitted, smiling, and added: "Don't you guys want to talk somewhere else?"

We all headed downstairs, carefully avoiding the empty bottles from the floor and retreating as far as possible from all the passed-out people.

"Were you guys going home?" She casually asked, pouring herself a glass of water from the fridge as if she was at home.

"Yes. I was just about to call a cab."

"Want a lift? My car's out front."

"We wouldn't mind," Jungkook answered faster than I could.

"Do you want some water or something?"

He looked at me and then pointed at himself, "Me?"

"Yes. You look pale. I'm sure you had a rough night."

"He did. But really, you don't have to drive us. You just said you're tired."

"I have to get home anyway, don't I? Besides, I enjoy helping," She switched her focus from me and handed Jungkook a glass of water only to quickly touch his bottom lip asking , while wearing a friendly, yet a worried smile: "Sorry. I'm not one to pry, but did someone punch you or something? I think I have some cream in my bag that…"

"I…" Jungkook started, looking straight at the glass when I cut him off, making Roxy's left side flinch as if the air the words created were cold against her bare shoulder when I said: "I bit him."

"Really? That's a bite? I'm sorry. I've never seen one like…"

"I ten to bite quite hard."

"Alright, you beast." She chuckled and slapped my shoulder playfully. I wrapped my hand around Jungkook's waist the second she walked towards her purse. Jungkook simply drank, saying nothing.

"You didn't spend time with the other guys then? They were so excited to party it up with you yesterday."

"I think I almost exceeded all possible expectations. By the way, is Taehyung still around?"

"Namjoon…" Jungkook mumbled under his breath. I went on, unbothered: "Or Michael? We had something to discuss and then they up and vanished on me."

"I don't know about Taehyung. But Michael left before any of the guys did which I thought was weird. Early morning or something?"

"Did he say anything?"

"No. We didn't chat. He seemed like he was in a hurry. Why?"

'For someone who claims that not to pry, you do ask a lot of questions.'

"I guess I'll just call. Ready to drive?"

"Let me grab my keys. I know it's weird, but I keep them separate from my bag, under the heavier glasses. Just in case someone steals it or something."

She left.

We waited all alone in the kitchen. And after a bit, I noticed that Jungkook was staring at the white, clean line that, naturally, was on the counter of the kitchen bathing in the afternoon sun.

I blocked his view, captured the head between my palms, and tilted it up so I could lean in and kiss the busted lip. He accepted it. The small audible smile he made was all I needed to slip my tongue inside his mouth. He was slowly but surely losing the battle. Breathing was scattered and deep seconds after his tongue retreated at the back of the mouth whilst mine went in and out.

"Does it still hurt?" I whispered.

"What?"

"Your behind."

"A bit…when I'm walking…"

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine…"

'Is it?'

"I got them…oh, if you guys are busy, I can wait …in the car."

"No. We're coming." He let her know. Looking flustered from just one kiss.

'Is he…'

We left fast and stayed together in the backseat, Jungkook holding onto my hand and leaning his head against my chest. As if I hadn't just grabbed a man's neck a while ago, as if I didn't give him a pill or forced my way inside of him.

'Is he still high? Or did he like it? No…He blames it all on the drugs. But still, why is he caressing my hand? What the hell…'

"Namjoon, what's your destination?"

"My place. It's close to the Red and Green Market."

"And him?"

"Same."

I caught the quick stare she sent Jungkook through the rear-view mirror right before she resumed looking ahead.

"Roxy?"

"Yes?"

"Why is there a knife in your glove compartment?"

Jungkook's hand stopped caressing. He straightened up when Roxy simply uttered a casual 'mail opener' before closing it with a swift movement.

I said with a smile:

"What a coincidence. I have the exact same one."