Fever Dream

AN: Hi. How are you? I haven't slept much, but I'm not complaining. Just sharing. Anyways, this chapter is from Jungkook's perspective. As it should be.

Also, a quick reminder that If it's between (…), these, then whatever's happening or being said is on Tv. '…' for thoughts. And "…" for dialogue. And a new chapter will be posted 8 days after this one.

I have a wonderful editor, and those who read the earlier chapters might've noticed, but she didn't get to this chapter yet cause…life. She doesn't need to give anyone any excuses though. She does this from the kindness of her heart. But I, as the writer, must apologize for any mistakes I didn't see or realize I've done when I corrected them. If there's any you want to point out, feel free to do so. If not, the editor, jooniekingg, will soon catch them all, Pokémon style.

Felt the need to recap everything for some reason. Thank you all for all the support, assumptions on what's going to happen, and just, so many nice comments that make my day and night. It keeps me writing and excited to read so many reactions. Bottom line is, thank you so much for reading. Hope you like it:

He asked: "Why do you trust him? What did he ever do to deserve your trust?"

"I don't…He..."

He went on: "He's been manipulating you. Can't you see? Making you get comfortable, so when it no longer is, you won't run away."

"Taehyung…I know that wasn't Namjoon's…"

'Ah, am I talking too low? He doesn't seem to hear me. But every word he utters is so loud that my eardrums must be vibrating. Can they?'

"You believe you must cater to him. After all, he's your dealer. I get it. But he's not the only one who can get you stuff, Kook. I can help you. And I will."

"Help?"

"Jungkook, did he even ask if you wanted to do it?"

"Not now…but…"

"Right. That's because he doesn't really care. He just wants you under him. He's a rapist."

"No…"

"His last girlfriend told me. Look. I know he roofied you, so, now, here, I added my number into your phone as E. Call me whenever. Alright? Hey. Alright?"

He cupped both cheeks and smiled a boxy, scary-looking smile. The insides of the new pants were damp and warm, but I still felt moist and dirty.

"Yes."

"You will hear it straight from her mouth. Then you'll believe me. Jungkook. I am not your enemy."

"Taehyung?"

"Yea?"

"I tried to push him off, I scratched him, but he didn't…react…He just stood there…"

I was crying on his white shirt once more as I recalled everything as every word left my mouth. Experiencing a very different embrace from Namjoon's. The comfort he was trying to provide was bothering me. The bones from his arms and shoulders stuck out, making me feel like what I am leaning on is a shaky foundation. His arms were long and thin as sticks, his eyes bigger and somewhat rounder, but his voice, penetrated with its deep tone.

"I know. I know…You want me to hurt him too? I can do it for you. Just say the word."

'No offence but you stand no chance against him if the rumors are true.'

"No…I will…have my revenge."

"What? Kook, what did you say?"'

"I will do it."

That's what I said. But so far, all I managed to do was pretend that nothing bad had ever happened.

I mechanically walked all the way back to his house as the fog made it hard to see the fence. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we went in. He insisted to make me a cup of tea.

Sat on the floor by the table and when he moved the books around just in case some tea spilled, I shuddered.

'How am I supposed to study now? How much time do I have left? What will I do if Namjoon wants to do it again too soon? I can't even get high! I can't call Taehyung while he's in here either. I can't do anything.'

"Did you want another kind? Chamomile should be calming."

"Any will do. Thanks."

'Do I even want to do anything? Namjoon told me that V's the rapist. And Namjoon seemed like he was genuinely sorry, but then Mole…'

The hand that I've excessively scratched while high was covered in band-aids, and I secretly hoped it hurt.

"So, how do you feel? Still high or…"

'I'm so sober; it physically causes me pain.'

"A bit dizzy. But I'll be fine." I took a sip that burned the inside of the mouth.

The silence was making every move I made feel uncertain. Soaking every word that came up in hesitation.

"Do you want to take a bath?" He asked.

"No."

"Are you sure? Warm water will help with the pain…"

"I said no."

'Was I too harsh?'

"Got it. Then, what do you want to do?"

"Your hand? Is your hand alright?"

"Mm." He smiled and looked at it as if he was seeing it for the first time.

'You said we'll do it on the first day of university. Remember?'

"It doesn't hurt."

"Good."

"Did Taehyung do anything to you while you were…you know?"

"Huh? No. No." I dismissed it, but he didn't seem convinced.

"Are you sure? Maybe you don't remember?"

"Namjoon." I audibly smirked and continued, emphasizing every single word, "I remember everything. I remember…everything."

"If there's anything I could do to make you believe how sorry I am, I will."

"Forgive you for what? You were high. I know you would've stopped if you were sober."

"Yes…I would have…"

'Why don't you sound too convincing Namjoon?'

"Then there's nothing to forgive, is there?" I faked a smile, accepted a pain pill, and drank the rest of the tea, pretending it didn't burn just so I could leave with the excuse of having to wash the cup. In vain, since I could hear his steps behind me, whilst words soaked in something blue and murky were breathed out:

"We shouldn't have gone."

'No, we shouldn't have.' I thought. 'But it was so alluring. And new. I couldn't resist.'

"We can't turn back time now."

A hand slithered itself around my belly and the cup I was holding fell into the sink, hitting another cup.

"It slipped." I lied.

"But it was your first time, Jungkook."

'And hopefully, my last.'

"Well, at least it was…memorable." I blurted out with a chuckle.

"You can be mad, you know? We can work on it if we would talk about it. But if you just sweep it under the rug, then…"

'Work on what? Your tendency of not caring when I push you away? Or when I make you bleed just so you'd let go? How do we work on that like normal people would if we're not? Fuck. I just wish I could get high right now.'

I abandoned the unwashed cup and slipped out of his hold instead.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not mad?! We were high. End of story. Let's just get on with our lives. We have exams coming up. So, you too should start studying more seriously now."

"You're right. I should." Body leaning against the counter, he watched me go into the bedroom and closing the door after myself.

I heard myself yell without skipping a beat: "I'm going to the store! We need some snacks for studying."

I took off the pants that weren't mine and threw them in his closet, all sprawled out, like a statement.

'I need to be quick.'

"Do we need anything else?" I asked, without thinking once more.

"I don't think so…"

I threw the biggest sweater I had at his place, the loosest black pants, and almost finished tying my shoes when he came behind me with both arms crossed.

"Actually, we're out of tea."

"Got it."

The cellphone was feeling like a brick in the back pocket, hidden by the sweater as if it was unnatural to have it on me for the first time.

Barely grazed the handle when I heard Namjoon say with a tone that rose every single hair on the back of my head:

"Didn't you forget anything?"

"Ah, I don't think so."

"Are you sure?"

I turned, door ajar, sweating bullets, and my mind, a blank page without as much as a dot in it.

The more he stared at me with a raised eyebrow while tapping his finger, the more I felt like the clothes I was wearing were not the ones making me feel uncomfortable.

"Did I forget anything?" I inquired, without caring for the answer. He sighed, went into the other room before stopping in front of me, saying:

"Money? You plan on paying with your organs?"

"Ah. Yes."

The wallet was placed into my hand carefully. That hand joined the other at his chest right after.

I awkwardly smiled. Feeling like an insect, magnified by an invisible glass. Waiting for someone to shout: Start! Free to run.

But that would make the clouds part at the same time, exposing the sun, and that'd make the layers of my skin burn one after the other until there'd be nothing left.

So, I walked slowly as I left the house, locked the door, opened the fence, and closed it back up.

I didn't dare touch my phone until his house was out of sight.

As much as people liked to badmouth Namjoon, I felt like I was stepping on a promise that I've never made. Like I was doing something wrong to our relationship just by dialing Taehyung. The second his voice came out of the phone, I wanted to throw it and let a car run over it.

"Kook? I didn't think you'd call me so soon! What's up?"

The overjoyed tone and the high-pitched question were making my stomach turn.

'Does this man not realize that this is not a game? This can end up badly for both of us.'

"You want to see me? Or is it about what…"

"When can I meet her?"

"Straight to business like your boyfriend, I see."

I was walking, but I wasn't paying attention to the road, the people around me, or where I was stepping. In fact, if someone asked me where I was, my honest answer would be: I don't have the faintest clue.

My chest was floating between magma plates and all anger dissipated like the leaves of the hibernating trees with every gush of wind.

"I take it back." I quickly confessed. "'m fine, now. He didn't mean to do all that. For sure. I shouldn't have called…I will hang…"

"Tomorrow. How about a meeting with her tomorrow? And then you can decide if he meant it or not. After all, what you've got to lose? Besides the truth?"

'Fred taught him all he knows and if Fred acts nice only around those who don't know who he is…then is Namjoon…the same?'

"Kook, it's easy with the cheetah. Just casually mention that you're going out for one hour, two tops."

"Then I'll take a day off at work tomorrow. That's one hour after class ends, around 5 PM? You know where my workplace is, so…"

He started laughing and that's when I stopped dead in my tracks.

"You think you're in a healthy relationship, but you can only go out with other people by missing work?"

"No. He never told me I can't. I just…"

"Assumed?"

"No. It's just that he doesn't…like you."

"And that automatically means you can't hang out with me. How convenient."

'Ah. I hate this.'

"But I'll play by your broken mandolin if that's what you wish. See you tomorrow, little Kook."

"Aren't you younger than me?"

He hung up.

I stared at the phone like such an object was between my fingers for the first time. And then I looked up, seeing the street for the first time today.

Realizing that I must've passed by the supermarket a while ago.

Turned on my heel, half expecting to see Namjoon after every step.

As if he should've already known. As if he could read thoughts.

'Why did I call? Why did I say yes?'

The sun remained hidden under the grey, heavy clouds, but that too felt like a lie. I soon found myself inside the mart, pushing a small shopping cart all around the place without paying attention to neither left nor right.

'I should call work now since I can't do it later.'

And that's exactly what I did. But I kept walking and talking. Running away through isles of detergent or bottled waters, every time a certain feeling sank in and started eating the oxygen around it.

When I finally forced myself to exhale and pick up a snack, every breath after that was exaggerated and hard to control. It stung. It burned my veins. It left me weak.

'What am I even afraid of? We're just going to talk. A normal conversation about...Namjoon.'

I threw the chocolate chip biscuits in the cart without minding if most of them cracked right in that second. I moved on to chocolate bars and felt nauseous at the sight of them.

'He will never know. No. I'm so stupid. If I make Taehyung mad, won't he use this meeting for blackmail?'

The chocolate I usually ate felt mushier than usual. As if every finger was able to melt it. I threw it in the shopping cart just as hard as the biscuits and resumed walking around mindlessly.

'Should I call again and make him promise he won't first? As a condition? But how do I make sure he keeps his word? What if he's just throwing a helping hand and I'm asking for a guarantee for my own ass…I'm basically saying I don't trust him from the get-go. Aren't I?'

A phone was ringing.

'I'm thirsty.'

There were free samples by the cheese and milk aisle. Probably because the refrigerators were keeping them cold. Or because the cheese was scientifically making people thirsty. Either way, I was happier to see the lady than she was to see I. Despite the fact that I didn't show it at all.

"Would you like to try the new cinnamon soda? Its apple crisp…'

'Cinnamon mulled wine… But there was one more ingredient besides sugar? Ah, I forgot. Or perhaps there wasn't?' I picked one up and then another, drinking them and putting the small plastic cup back where it was, next to the full tiny plastic cups. The woman in the red and green dress watched me silently with wide eyes the entire time I was thinking: 'Even then, didn't he get me drunk and come onto me without permission?'

"Thank you for trying the new flavor of…" Her voice was shakier and deeper than before.

I simply walked away, feeling even thirstier than before, since the soda was mostly, if not all, sugar.

Two minutes later, is when I realized, being all alone in the juice aisle that the phone that's been ringing was mine. And that Namjoon had already called two times.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Why didn't you pick up? Did something happen?"

"I didn't hear it. The song's louder than normal."

"Alright…where are you?"

"At the store?" I asked as if he should know.

"Still? You've been gone for more than twenty minutes."

"…"

"Anyways, I called to let you know that I need to work for a bit. Start studying without me, I'll join you later."

"Fine."

"Are you okay?"

"Wh…Why do you ask?" I swallowed all the apple-coated saliva that I had.

"I don't know…you sound a bit odd…"

"I think it's because my throat's really dry."

I touched my neck as if he could see me.

"Get some drinks. Okay, I gotta go. See you later."

"Bye."

I stared at the phone once more. And there was nothing and no one in this world, but the phone for a while.

The log of the phone call we just had, the two missed phone calls, and then E's phone call. The one that I deleted right then and there.

"Excuse me, can you pass me that beer?"

I gave it to the old man, assuming that I must've been standing too long in one spot.

"Thank you." He mumbled and walked away.

The black beer seemed like a source of water in the desert. Hence, I took three for myself. Put them carefully in the cart only to put them back on the shelf. Almost left the isle, before returning and picking up the smallest bottle of vodka.

'Should I call V? But what can that woman even tell me? He already said it! He raped her…what's there left to say?!"

Chips, ice cream, and chocolate croissants. And then the second bottle of the world's tiniest vodka.

Followed by a third. I almost touched someone with the cart that was just idly sitting in the line whilst I was lost in thought. And when I looked up it to witness the surprised expression of none other than Min Yoongi.

"Hi." He said.

'Shit."

I waved and looked away.

Eyes glanced inside the cart. He then stepped to the cashier since the other customer left. He paid for the microwave dinners he had in his hands and then waited, without saying another word.

The beeping sound was louder than I remembered. The music was deafening. Even the breathing of the cashier bothered me. Her face seemed bigger. And Yoongi's intense stare made me drop one of the tiny little bottles of vodka and when he picked it up for me, I blushed from pure, fiery shame. Only internally, I was hoping.

Hurried outside, and continued walking like I had too much coffee until he grabbed my sleeve.

Almost causing me to trip.

"Hey, I know we shouldn't be talking, but…"

"If you know then why are you talking?! Let go." I didn't scream, but I didn't have to. Stepping back, he stared at me with an expression I'd never seen on his face before. I couldn't bear to hear or say another word. I escaped without looking back.

One street, two streets later, I couldn't resist the urge that was making the soles of the feet ich. I was running on pure adrenaline. Plastic bags making annoying sounds with every step, breath increasing after every street lamp, and weird looks thrown by total strangers all the way to his house.

Dropped the bags, unlocked the gate, closed it back up, and rushed inside the house as if someone was chasing me.

Sliding down the now locked door right onto the wooden floor. Hands pulling on my hair and breath stabilizing without much input didn't subside the newfound ache.

If it wasn't for the tv light and its sounds filling up the whole space, the house would've been pitch black otherwise.

("We are sad to announce that there have been five people shot in the street."

"Yes, Kelly, in broad daylight, no less and not only that! The weapon is yet to be found."

"The police are investigating as we speak."

"There were two death confirmations. But the doctors are yet to give an official comment about the rest.".

"These were young men had drugs in their possession, and also…")

I crawled towards the screen, picked up the remote from the table, but before I turned it off, stared at the blurry faces shown as if I could tell who it was if I only stared long enough.

'It's far away from here. Stop being so paranoid.' That's what I told myself, but the blond hair I saw on the screen was burned into my retina like a photograph I couldn't unsee.

'It makes no sense. Stop it. Just stop it. Shut up.'

Threw the remote over the books and that's when it dawned on me: 'The exams…'

After I took the hoodie off, the sweat felt cold whilst I walked back to the bags. Abandoned them on the counters and took only the vodka bottles that I proceeded to sip on for the next hour. Pretending to read whilst knowing there was no point to read something over and over again.

'Namjoon isn't here. Who am I trying to fool?'

But it was distracting enough. Since the words overlapped with the racing thoughts.

The three bottles were now empty, so I was lying in the literal forest that was right after the fences surrounding Namjoon's backyard.

Freezing from being half-naked, and dizzy from the vodka, I hopped in the hot shower.

Deciding I should go to sleep before he'll return.

But adrenaline seeped right back into every pore the second that I heard the doorbell ringing.

"Use your keys!"

I yelled, brushing my teeth furiously and locking the bathroom door at the same time.

The doorbell sang again.

"In the bathroom!"

I yelled, drinking mouthwash, and accidentally choked on a little bit. The back of my mouth was burning, eyes were getting wet when the doorbell rang again.

"…"

Namjoon's big white bathrobe was too big on me, but good enough to unlock the door to the bathroom and then the front door, thinking: 'Of course that I forgot the key in the lock. Even if I would've fallen asleep, he still would've wo…'

"Good evening, kid."

"Fred."

His name was stuck in my throat. Key in hand, door opening wider on its own at the same time with my eyes.

I stared like a deer in headlights, but a bit more intoxicated than any deer, I'd imagine. The wind was blowing his hair whilst he smiled, holding a few big black bags.

"You're really surprised to see me."

Namjoon's words slapped me: '…But now, if he looks at Fred weird once, Fred will know that he knows something. And it'll be your fault Mole! NOT MINE! NOT FRED'S! YOURS!' They were so loud and clear inside my mind that Namjoon could've as well been screaming them in my ears right now if I didn't know better.

"I thought Namjoon was with you," I observed.

"He only comes by, then leaves, of course. Did you think he works from my living room?" He joked.

I nervously chuckled. Holding onto the key in midair until a few knuckles went white. He went on:

"I'm not going to come in if you don't want me to. But it's kind of cold out here…it's almost winter and all that."

"I apologize. Come in, come in!"

He stepped aside and I was feeling true coldness for the first time that day.

Shut the door and watched him leave the bags by the living room table. Sitting down with his back against the closed back door whilst removing the dark red scarf.

"Did something happen?" I asked, immediately wondering if that was the wrong thing to ask.

"What?" He looked up, smirking," No! Relax! I was just passing by and my sister wanted to share this food with you two. She bought too much, again. I'm curently suspecting that she did it on purpose this time, but I am glad that she's sharing for once."

"Oh, that's so nice of her. Would you like some tea or something…warm?"

"That'd be wonderful. I drove all the way here, but when you're inside a car with the heat on and then come out, it's like it's worse than coming out of the house."

"Yes, I know the feeling…"

I hurried to the cupboards when he was still taking off the long, yet thin coat, opening door after door until, in my panic, I realized: "Tea."

"Did you say anything?"

"Ah." I returned to the previous spot, trying to keep the robe from falling off my left shoulder, but failing continuously. "I forgot to buy any tea. I'm sorry…and I don't think we have coffee either."

"That's fine. Don't worry about it. But, Jungkook?"

"Yes?"

Two elbows were on the table, and one hand sustained his chin as he said:

"You do realize that the lights are not on, don't you?"

He was smiling, but even in the pitch black, I could tell that his eyes weren't.

'I screwed up. Didn't I?'

"You're right! I got so used to the dark, I didn't even notice. I'm sorry…"

"No problem. I was just wondering if they cut off the electricity or something."

The light burned my eyes. But the exposed shoulder and part of the chest, all burned blue whilst I was freezing from the tip of my toes to the tip of the hair from the scalp.

"Do you like calamari?"

"Of course. Who doesn't?"

"I'm not a fan, personally…Ups, I shouldn't put food over your books."

I quickly pushed them out of the way. He simply watched. I assumed. I didn't dare look up.

"How's studying going?"

"It's been going well. Or rather, I should say it's going well enough."

"And Namjoon?"

"He studies, but way less than I do. It's almost not fair. He swore that he's been studying religiously regardless of what the teachers told us to do or not do, so I guess I did it all wrong from the start." Deep seethed bitterness for the school system didn't cease to coat every word.

The table was getting filled with luxuriously looking dark plastic containers.

"I need these bags for later. That's why I'm taking them out. Though I suppose I should've done this in the kitchen, I couldn't see. Honestly, I just went straight, where I thought there was a table." He sincerely laughed at himself.

I merely smiled, stacking two containers on top of each other, offering:

"I'll do it."

Before I got up, the shoulder got exposed again and I had no free hand to cover it, when I heard his voice, void of amusement:

"Kid, be frank with me. Are you on something?"

"What? No!"

The containers were back on the table. Being fully aware that using them as an excuse to flee would prove otherwise. Therefore, I abstained from moving at all.

Holding his stare, feeling sick all over.

"Even if you were good at lying. Which you are not. I'm very good at sensing when someone's being dishonest. So, spill it."

'I heard...'

"Did Namjoon cave in before the exams or is someone else…?" Fred continued.

"No. I swear, it's…I had a bit to drink. Just a teensy bit."

"Why didn't you say so?" He chuckled, and from one of the black bags that was by his right leg, emerged a long, thick black bottle. "I got you two some wine. But this is good stuff. Maybe you two should've received it after the exams, but I got it now so…I guess I'll just have to buy something else when that time comes."

"Thank you so much. You shouldn't have."

"Namjoon loves this one. It was the first time he asked for me to keep pouring without any shame. That kid…"

"When was this?"

The containers were entirely forgotten, losing heat. I sat all the way down on the back of my knees by the left side of the television. Keeping the shoulder covered with one hand stuck on the soft material and with a fist under the table.

"Three years ago, I believe."

"I've been meaning to ask, but I was too shocked by that story. The one you've told me about him. But how was he like…in the following years?"

The elbows rested on the table again, and I was taken aback by the answer: "Why don't you ask him instead?"

I shrugged. And then thought about it when the silence stretched on.

"I guess I'm not expecting a lot of happy stories to come out of this particular question."

"That's fascinating. You want to keep the conversations you have with him positives, but ours, negative?" One eyebrow went up, and the corner of his lips that I could see was a straight line.

"No. That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant kid. I'm just messing with you."

"I'll ask him then." I reached for the boxes once more.

"What exactly are you curious about?"

And then let my hands fall back in my lap.

'Everything.' I thought.

"His first relationship for example."

He leaned back, genuinely laughing.

I leaned back in surprise.

"You think he had his first kiss and then came running to tell me?"

"Did he?"

"Not exactly. But I do know all about the time he lost his virginity."

There was a shadow over his face, but it was gone the second my phone started ringing.

"It's Namjoon."

"Then answer it." He suggested, surprised when I just held the ringing device and watched it ring.

"Hi?"

"It's Fred there?"

'How do you know that?'

"Yeah. Why?"

"Don't let him go. Tell him I have the money and I am coming in five."

"Tell him I can hear him."

"He heard you."

"Good."

Neither he nor I uttered one word after Namjoon hanged up. Expecting him to arrive at any second. And yet, I was aching to know more. Yet unwilling to risk Namjoon hearing me ask questions to his boss.

And when I thought the silence couldn't have gotten more uncomfortable, Fred inquired:

"Are you certain that you haven't had anything else besides alcohol?"

I was ready to negate it since I was certain that I haven't had anything else today. But the thought that he didn't mention to which day he was referring them made me swallow my words. And when I looked into his eyes, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt: 'He knows.'

The fabric of the robe slipped through my fingers and at the same time, all the bite marks were right there, naked for his eyes to feast on. The physical proof was now plain to see even for me, even without a mirror. As if they were reflected by those two dark irises.

The doorbell rang for the last time that night.

I got up and flew towards the door. Feeling unsettled by the man that was behind me and the one that was now panting in front of me.

The same man walked in with a black backpack in hand and threw at the man who caught it at the other side of the room without one word being exchanged in that fluid, almost natural interaction.

"You said Mona was bringing those." He pointed at the boxes.

"She got a call from a friend and assigned me to be her personal, unpaid delivery man. After she's bought the said delivered goods with my money without asking."

Namjoon softly laughed, stepping closer to him.

'He's lying, Namjoon. Don't sit next to him. He knows everything. He's here just to…. check what he already knows.'

"She's got flair. You can't deny that."

"Look what I've got!" Fred announced for the second time, but received a much better reaction.

"Ah! That wine! I could never remember the name, so I could never buy it!"

"Then don't look at the name. I want to be the only one who buys it for you."

"Old man, tell me once at for all, what's it called? I swear I won't buy it."

"Promise?"

"Remember? I asked you about it for like a month?"

"The nagging? Yes. I'd rather avoid another month so I'll tell you."

He didn't speak for solid seconds.

"What's it called, man?"

"It's called Nergal Deus, kid. It's not such a hard name."

"But I keep forgetting it…Jungkook, why are you standing there? Are you feeling sick?"

They were both looking at me, so I blinked, stepping forwards. I forced myself to look animated. But I was holding onto the middle of the robe with a trembling hand. And I was convinced that Fred would notice straight away, which is why I excused myself to go change. Namjoon argued straight away: "Nonsense. Fred doesn't care. Stay here. You must try this. Actually, get a few tall glasses while I'll heat up the food."

I did what I was told and whilst he was in the kitchen, I watched Fred stare at the bottle until Namjoon returned. Which was the moment when Fred decided to examine me with eyes that didn't blink, and in which light didn't reflect.

'Was he like this before and I didn't see it?'

"Why didn't you guys open the bottle?"

"It's yours, kid. It goes without saying that you should open it. And drink first."

We watched him pop the cork, but when he started pouring, Fred's eyes no longer sought mine. Namjoon's cup had his undivided attention.

'There's something in the wine, is there? But it was sealed. No. That's absurd.' I thought, but didn't move a muscle.

He poured for us as well, only to return to the open kitchen to get the food out of the beeping microwave. I followed.

When I was by his side, due to sheer anxiety, all I was able to say, voice barely above a whisper was: "Are you sure you should drink? Didn't you say that you should start studying more now that the exams are so close?"

"He got us some good food. Why don't we enjoy tonight and work harder tomorrow?"

"It was very nice of him, but…"

"Hey, Fred! Are you still on that rice free diet?"

"If you don't tell Mona, I sure as hell won't."

He scooped a lot of steaming rice onto his plate as a result.

"How about we drink it after we graduate or something? Isn't that your favorite?"

"I've already opened it, Jungkook. Come on, take only a sip if you don't want to drink. Don't feel obliged to. And do something about that naked shoulder of yours. Are you trying to punish me? Cause it's working."

I pulled on the sleeve, swallowed all the saliva I had left, and with the whole room tilting to the right, returned to the seat by the tv. Face to face with Fred. And to Namjoon at my left, in the corner of the table, with his back against the wall, our glasses finally touched. And just like I had feared, Fred put the glass down exactly one second after I'd brought it to my lips. And glanced to check at whom he was looking at, which was, Namjoon.

In an adrenaline rush, I slammed my full glass to the table, lurched forwards, and stopped the glass from allowing the crimson substance to flow further inside the parted lips.

At that moment, for no conscious reason, I didn't look at Namjoon, but at Fred. The one who switched his scathing attention from him to me before my fingers had grazed the top of the glass.

Namjoon was glaring at me, bewildered. And after swallowing the two drops that gravity enabled, asked a simple but definite: "What?"

I couldn't find the words to explain myself. This is why I stood still, hand on the cup, cold as a corpse, trying to make sense of Fred's hawk-like eyes. Until one particular thought showed its ugly head from the dark, icy water of my subconscious to let me know:

'He knows that I know. He knows…He knows everything.'

I fell back, leaning into my hands. Unable to breathe right.

'I played right into his game. There doesn't have to be anything in the wine. I just had to think there was something in it cause if I thought he has no ill intent, then I wouldn't have acted just the way I did! I…am so naive! I…Namjoon…I deserve to die now.'

"You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you alright, kid?" He asked, looking actually concerned.

"Yeah. It's just…"

'It might all be in my head. I'm paranoid again. Yes...it's the drugs. It messed with my head since yesterday…the shock of it all…it's…."

"Nothing. I thought we should eat first. To be sure! I've read somewhere that it helps to prevent morning hangovers."

'It's me, isn't it? I fell into the trap. Fred…give me a sign…please…don't…'

"Let's start eating before it gets cold then."

And that was the older man said with my googly eyes still stuck on him.

I didn't talk much for the following hour. Yet drank a bit more than I previously wanted. Either way, the two of them joked and ate like nothing was wrong. They got along so well without any input from me that I almost felt like I was the one ruining their relationship.

But I was dragged into the conversation after Namjoon drank the last sip of wine, and brought some cold beers to the table.

Fred jokingly informed him: "While you were gone, Jungkook asked me about your first kiss."

Namjoon's cheery expression faded. He sent me a quick glance and started pouring the beer, mumbling: "Really? I wonder why he didn't ask me that."

"My words exactly! His answer was that he assumed that…" I quickly cut him off.

"It's just! I didn't think you'd want to talk about it. That's all."

"Why not? It's not an interesting story."

"Just cause…mine was …bad."

He raised one eyebrow, but Fred talked right before the words left through the already parted lips:

"I think it's time we all lay this subject to rest. I'll go first. Let's see. I'm pretty sure I had mine when I was fifteen."

"Really? That old?"

"Shut it, punk. Those were different times. Girls were not even allowed to sit or talk to us."

"Oh right, I forgot you were alive when extinct animals still roamed the land."

He playfully hit him and we both laughed. Though it was strange that even I could hear the strain present in my own laughter.

"It was worth the wait. When this beautiful, rich girl confessed to me. And then kissed me on the cheek. I really hated that she assumed I'd just go out with her. Can you believe the guts of the young, spoiled brat? She just said: Go out with me. She didn't ask. She demanded it!"

"Did you?"

"Yes and no."

"What does that mean?" I asked, sipping from the beer continuously, knowing fully well that I shouldn't.

"I knew her background which is why I was painfully aware that she should never find out that I was piss poor. Which is why we never talked outside of school. Not even once. No one knew where I was living. The rest was a walk in the park." Fred leaned back as if young him agreed that was the only obstacle he faced then.

"When did you first kiss her then, you, old turtle?" Namjoon inquired, looking at him accusatorily.

"Right after she confessed."

I choked on the beer a little.

"How the…" I mumbled.

"She went for both cheeks, twice! First to salute and then after she said goodbye. I simply turned my head."

Namjoon hit his own forehead and I simply stared with incredulity.

"What did she do when you kissed her?" I asked.

"She kissed me back. Obviously. And keep in mind that we've only ever talked once before. Like months prior. I think."

"Are you sure you didn't imagine all of this? Didn't she slap you?" Namjoon joked, taking a big gulp of his own beer.

"Listen. She knew what she was getting into. She liked me for being the 'bad guy'. She didn't know anything else about me, besides my reputation. And I never thought we could actually be together, so I thought this was my one and only chance. Besides, I was far more handsome than I am now."

"Did you even like her?" Namjoon spat, looking slightly amused.

"No. Though she was pretty for a rich spoiled brat."

"Then why did you kiss her?" I asked, quite curious.

"I already told you! I took what I could get. How many pretty, rich girls would like me in the future?! How could I possibly pass on a one-in-a-lifetime chance? This was like an investment."

"But you never talked outside the school! What did you invest in? Tongue technique?" Namjoon argued.

"Eh. Details." He dismissed it with one waving hand, slightly red behind the cheeks and dazed behind the eyes. And I thought he was the only one who could look so obviously drunk until he said: "Now it's your turn, shiny eyes."

"Who? Me?" I resisted the urge to get up and look in the mirror. Due to the sudden self-consciousness, I covered the cold shoulder instead.

"I bet this will be sad somehow." Namjoon rubbed his eyes together with one hand, putting the bear down on the table with the other.

"Hey! It's not like that…it's just…I didn't know how to kiss. I was only eleven. Or twelve, maybe thirteen?"

"You didn't know how to kiss too well the first time you've kissed me either. And that was only…How long ago?"

"Well, I'm sorry for my lack of experience!"

"You should be!" He bit back and Fred just laughed.

I cleared my throat.

"Seven minutes in heaven." That is all I said before looking away.

"NO!" They both exclaimed, leaning forwards.

"You can both kindly go to hell," I mumbled into the half-empty glass.

"No girlfriend-boyfriend situation afterward?" Fred inquired.

"Just an awkward kiss and a pat on the bum?! See you never?" Namjoon continued.

"Pretty much."

"He's making this up." Fred pointed his finger at me, leaning back against the glass door, arms crossed.

"I wouldn't believe him either if I hadn't had to teach him how to kiss."

"You did not!"

"Practice makes perfect." He made circles in the air as I scoffed and puffed, leaning with one arm against the Tv.

"Then Namjoon is your first relationship? With a man too? You never had a…"

"I never said it was a girl."

Namjoon got up, lit up like a Christmas decoration in December.

"And you dared tell me you weren't gay?!"

"I was a child! How does one kiss define my sexuality?"

"Oh, you must be fucking ki…!"

"Pipe down, kid. We're talking relationships after first kisses! Now, Namjoon, your first kiss. Go."

One second of drunk clarity was enough for me to catch onto what Fred was doing as Namjoon sat back down.

'Is this the only way though? Get him drunk and…'

"Alright. First kiss. So… I was drunk."

"What the hell?" I asked no one.

Fred fell to his left side, holding onto his tummy, laughing with tears streaming down his face.

"Old man, I swear to God…"

"HOW OLD WERE YOU?!" I yelled.

"Six? No. Seven? Maybe."

"Why were you drinking when you were six?!"

Fred seemed unable to stop laughing beside the brief moments in which Namjoon talked. He looked just as helpless as I was to stop my mouth from gaping.

"Jungkook, sit down. Old man, you know you can die from laughter suffocation if you don't breathe in."

"Right, right…" He slapped one hand on the door and used it to help himself up, softly chuckling all the way up and wiping the tears with his eyes still almost entirely glued together

"Can I finish telling my story now? I've listened to you two talk."

I nodded whilst Fred crossed his arms, visibly suppressing his laughter.

"Mom had a guy over, and the guy had a daughter. The two of them went in that room to talk" He pointed to the bedroom," or to whatever. I don't know. And left us two here, at this very table."

'Where was your father?' I thought, but swallowed that question with the beer.

"She left two big cups and some hard candy on the table for us. Aa, but the table wasn't here, but like, in the middle of this room. She specified that it's for us. And also, the ugliest round carpet that I've ever seen to this day under it. Anyways, I thought it was water, I was so sure! But after taking one damn sip, I discovered that it was alcohol. Sake maybe? Or vodka? I'm still not entirely sure which."

I unconsciously covered my mouth. Namjoon continued:

"We both drank at the same time and lifted our heads at the exact same fucking time. I remember the exact moment when her eyes went wide. Like a fish. She looked at me as if she thought it was poisoned. I explained to her what it was and that my mom drank it all the time because I just knew that's what it was in an instant. And then we heard them yell at each other in the other room. That's when she asked about what it does to her, and I told her that it puts mom to sleep. Though I assumed that's not the only thing that happens at the time. But she ultimately passed out. She was drunk so much that I thought that was just her personality, so I didn't think the alcohol had much to do with it. I was in denial for a while, but that's beside the point."

"You drank all of it?" I mumbled under my breath.

"How old was she?" Frank asked, all amusement, looking out the window.

"The same age as me. Maybe one year older?"

"That's just…" I bit the inside of the cheek to silence myself and Fred simply shook his head.

"Since she drank it, I drank as well. To be honest, I was curious. And also, I thought she wanted us to drink it since she left it out for us. She never left anything out unless it was meant to be used."

"Did she?" I asked without thinking.

"Nah. Turns out there were two bottles of water. And one of them was with alcohol. She just poured from the wrong one."

"How did you find out?"

"She and the guy got really mad when they found us drunk. At first, I thought she was pretending to be a man, you know, in front of the company. But then she scolded me after they left too. I don't remember the exact words, but she basically let me know that if I ever drank her alcohol again, she'll send me to work, to …earn my share."

"Ah, of course. You two didn't immediately fall asleep?"

"Nah. It was morning or early afternoon. I remember we started laughing at nothing while they kept yelling in the other room. And then we played a game she invented; I think. At some point, I fell on her since I couldn't keep myself standing. I remember the room spinning, and just falling on something soft. And I think our mouths were just close. And since I saw mom kiss before, I just did it. I didn't think much about it. We just kissed. There was nothing else, but the doing of the act."

"Tongue and…"

"All. It felt weird at first, but then it felt so good that I didn't want to stop. We had to because she started feeling sick from the alcohol. But I really forgot where I was and even stopped hearing anything. It was like I was transported into another world, that's just how good it felt."

"Did you fall in love or…" I innocently asked.

He smiled a small smile.

"That was the first and the last."

"Meaning?"

"I never saw her again."

Fred and I were both watching Namjoon quietly. Lost for words was an understatement.

'What should I say in this situation? I can barely wrap my mind around it…'

"Kid. Your mom fucked you up good, but I really don't think she meant for this one to happen."

"I don't think she did either." He admitted, looking from afar at the said room. The one that I now knew as a room where a mother used to fight with a stranger about who knows what at the exact same moment when her son had his very first alcohol-coated kiss.

"Let's drink for that."

I took a sip, while they took actual gulps.

"And now, for the grand finale!" Fred started, playing invisible drums and making the sounds with his voice, "First girlfriends."

"I'm not touching that hellfire." Namjoon declared, putting his hands up.

"I'll go first."

"I think I learned enough about you in one day, old man. Thank you very much."

"You need to know about my life, you fool! What you gonna tell your kids when I'm dead and gone?"

"Simple. Nothing. I won't have kids."

"You don't have to have one. Just meet a kid and talk to it! Now, it was right after I turned sixteen or seventeen. It doesn't matter. My old man had this hooker he wanted to kill for not paying in time. But before he shot her, big surprise, he promised her that he'll let her live if she made me cum within exactly five minutes. He used an old chronometer he had and all. But because I couldn't since he was watching, of course, he shot her. The end!"

The silence from earlier returned, but this time it was broken only by the sound of beer being poured by Fred himself.

"Now's your turn, seven minutes of awkwardness."

I watched him watch me without being able to make one sound.

"Pass for now? Want to do it later? No problem. I assume it's hard to go after that, not to mention beat it. Namjoon? Do you want to try?"

Namjoon's expression didn't match mine. He looked at Fred with a bit of anger mixed with confusion, rather than the shock that I was displaying with every fiber of my being.

"My only boy. I laid the ground, it's fertile for you. Whatever you say now can't be worse than that. That's the only reason I confessed more than I should've, so…"

"No."

"Namjoon, come on. Say it already."

"I said no."

"You'll feel better. No? Fine; then I will."

"I said, shut the…!"

"He raped her and then…"

It happened so fast that they both changed positions before I finished blinking.

Namjoon was above Fred, one hand on each side of him, but to my surprise, not one finger made contact with any part of him. Namjoon merely held him there, without moving an inch. I got up and took one tiny step back, feeling like I was about to fall down at any second.

Fred, however, was grinning from one ear to the other. And he kept talking with excitement:

"Then he kept raping her. He kept her locked up until she had what you'd call…what's it called…that…psychological thing…"

Namjoon threw a fist right by his head, grinding his teeth.

"Why are you doing this?"

"The kid wants to know." He caressed Namjoon's cheek, looking almost happy when Namjoon got up and circled the table to get to me.

"Stock…old something. Wait! I bet it'll come to me. Just a second…"

Namjoon grabbed my wrist and forced me to walk towards the bedroom. But I didn't face the same direction that he did.

I was still looking at Fred that wore the widest smile I think his face was capable of, whilst looking directly at me, uttering the words: "Stockholm Syndrome. That's how it's called!"

The door was shut before my very eyes and yet, I could still hear Fred from behind the door: "I told you I'd remember!"

Namjoon locked the door right then and there. Whispering: "Go to bed."

"But…he…"

"He'll leave."

"But you can't kick him out. He's drunk. And it's late."

"I won't. He'll leave on his own."

"You're being rude Namjoon!" Fred yelled again.

"But…he drove here to…"

"Go to bed. Jungkook."

I hesitantly turned around and slightly trembled. Facing the wall.

Namjoon laid down by my side, far away from me, facing the door that was lighting up the room with the one line of light that was coming from under it.

"Do I have to clean up?! Namjoon?! Kid? How many times do I have to tell you that you have to work on your hospitality skills?! Jungkook had them! Are you teaching him to be rude by example right now?"

I don't know what he said next because I was too busy trembling uncontrollably under the blankets that I pulled up to my neck. The wall was right in front of my face, but I couldn't see it. I was floating in a void and it was cold.

"Namjoon?! Are you asleep?!"

Fred was now knocking on the door. The key rattled in its hole. And he tried to open the door exactly one time before screaming: "Fine! If you want to lie to everybody, fine! I can lie too! But honesty is the foundation of a relationship! Without it, you two will never last! Remember this, Kid!"

The sounds of dishes being moved and steps going back and forth went on for a while until the little bit of light was replaced by pitch darkness. A few seconds after, the front door was loudly shut.

I kept trembling even after that.

I kept trembling even after I heard Namjoon snoring.

I kept trembling, wondering where my phone was, without having the guts to get up and find it.

I kept trembling until every bone felt like it was crackling. And my eyes lost all moisture for being open for a long time.

I tried to stop, but I couldn't. Covered by three different blankets, and with the radiator on.

I kept trembling.

And trembling.