Pants on Fire

'Keep walking.' I thought once, twice, and then lost count.

With every step we took towards the workplace, I sweated a little bit more. Heartbeat was beating to the point that the chest almost couldn't contain it.

I stopped first, looking through the store's see-through automatic sliding door, praying that the boss was not there to see me hang in front of the store I said I couldn't come to.

Namjoon spun me around by the shoulders the second he caught up to me.

"What?" I asked, hoping that the long hairs were covering the fear from inside my eyes.

"The scarf?"

He showed the piece of fabric he must've carried all the way there and then wrapped it around my neck carefully.

"Huh? Oh. Thanks…"

Looking drained and upset, he simply stared and then asked:

"Aren't you going in?"

"Yeah."

"Then go. It's cold."

I nodded, but didn't move an inch.

After spending the whole morning avoiding him entirely, I now had a clear view. And something within me relaxed the more I looked at his face.

"Namjoon…are you alright?" I immediately wanted to slap myself at the thought that V might appear out of a sudden and it'd be my fault that he hadn't left yet.

An audible smirk coupled with the now avoidant eyes; he uttered the word: "Me?" With disgust and went on: "Shouldn't you be worried about yourself right now?"

"What do you mean?"

'I know what you mean.'

"Yesterday, what Fred said was… true. But it's not fair." Arms crossed, he said words that I thought no one should say in the middle of the day with people going back and forth on the sidewalk whilst they're having conversations about what to buy for dinner and work. The words: "She was sent to kill me."

"What?"

"We should talk later, after…"

"You can't leave after saying that! Tell me now. I can't…work after you said that."

"I'm not saying that excuses the fact that I raped her, but I…really, really liked her Jungkook! So, I couldn't kill her…every time I got near her, I wanted to touch her, but she…"

Hands went inside the pockets and eyes wandered back and forth. Eyes that looked like there was sun bothering them despite the fact that we were in the shadow of the building.

"Why would she want to do that?" I whispered.

"This was when Fred had some enemies that were still...alive. I was new to the business, and he was trying to mentally free me from…my own mom…and I… " He talked softly. Voice almost cracking at the end.

"And what?" I cleared my throat, feeling the earth underneath crumbling. "What…happ, ahem, what happened to that girl?"

"I told you, I couldn't do it. So, he…did it. Since it was his fault that my grandma got cut and all. Look, it's a long story. But it doesn't matter. It was so wrong. Everything, that year was…hell. I don't even remember all of it, to be honest."

"When I get home." I breathed out, feeling faint. "You'll tell me everything. Promise?"

He nodded with a sad smile, saying: "Pinky promise."

We touched pinkies in the cold air, in the middle of the sidewalk and then he just left, without looking back.

I stood, frozen in time and space, staring at where his back used to be, thinking: 'Then who…'

Cold and hot sweats tried me until I heard: "Kookie, aren't you cold? Let's go somewhere. Have a drink or two."

Kim Taehyung emerged from behind the trees that were on the other side of the street not even ten minutes later with a long, black-haired girl. It was so straight, it almost looked like a wig.

'Then who is she?'

I swallowed drily.

The female ignored V and streatched her hand out to me, saying: "Nice to meet you. I'm Ae-Ri Baek."

"Jeon Jungkook." I heard myself saying whilst shaking the cold long fingers, without reaching the palm.

"Just outright say I have bad manners, Ae-Ri."

"It's fine, Namjoon does too. Don't you think so, Jungkook-shi?"

The world stopped, the cars went by and strangers did as well, but all I could see were the dark bangs that half covered the black eyes of this slim, tiny woman wearing a black skirt that was so short that the thighs were hidden solely by the black overcoat.

'Fred always says so. Do you know him?' The question swirled inside my brain, but all that came out was:

"Yeah…He does."

"Are you hungry? I'm hungry." V was clearly making us leave in the opposite direction of Namjoon's house. I was unsure if this was on purpose or not, but I was secretly thankful nonetheless.

"Pizza?"

"Carbs?" She whined.

"Not eating salad again. Besides, this is a special occasion, so how about you forget about your diet for one day?"

"No." She blurted, pointing at a coffee that advertised sugar-free cake.

"Ae-Ri!" Taehyung whinnied too. Yet, followed her unhappily nonetheless.

We were waiting in line in the warm cafe when she told me that her dream was to be a model, an idol, or an actress. That she was not being picky, she just wanted to be in front of the cameras. And that all of them required her to be skinny. Which is why I wasn't surprised when all she ordered was:

"Hibiscus ice tea, no sugar. What about you?"

"I'll have a chamomile tea." I blurted out, hoping there is some truth about the calming effects.

"You too?" V sighed and started asking the cashier about the cheesecake and how it tasted since it was all 'healthy.'

"What diet are you on?" She asked me after picking up the ice-packed tea.

"I'm not on one. My sweet tooth is too vicious." I joked.

"Doesn't everyone have a sugar addiction?" She scuffed, looking me up and down, mumbling quietly but sharply, "Another one with a fast metabolism, I swear…"

Then this thought appeared whilst I stared at her lips making contact with the straw and the red long nails wrapping around it.

'Would Namjoon want to touch someone like her?'

V grabbed me, trying to sell me on sharing some carrot cake whilst she was walking around to find a table. And I couldn't help but notice what I hadn't before. Not only was she skinny, but the black stockings she was wearing emphasized that those thighs never touched unless she was sitting down.

"So?"

"Cake. Sure."

"It can taste bad or surprisingly good for what's in it. Right?"

I nodded and accepted the plate without thinking. We were on our way to the far corner of the place when Taehyung whispered: "Can't you see the similarities yet?"

The tea almost slipped from my hand. But I kept quiet and sat down in the opposing chair she was sitting on, trying to keep breathing in and out normally.

The two of us tasted the questionable cake whilst Ae-Ri eyed it as if it was insulting her by existing.

"This isn't cake. This is just cheese with a tasteless crust…"

"This is straight-up carrot." I smiled nervously.

"He told me you wanted to talk." She pointed at V, sipping through the straw and staring at me with those big round eyes that held no warmth.

"V told me that you and Namjoon used to be in a relationship."

"If you can call it that…"

"What happened exactly?"

"Nothing much."

I resisted the urge to laugh and waited. She soon started talking since she was just like I assumed.

'She can't stand the silence or the sound of V chewing beside her.'

"We went out for a while; he was kind of nice and then we did it. It hurt like hell since you know he's…a bit of an animal. And then when I wanted to break up with him, he simply raped me until I swore that I'll never press charges. I even signed a document of some sorts…"

'But this doesn't add up.'

"I heard that he's started doing the same thing with you and let me say, you should just…"

I cut her off.

"How did you meet?"

The see-through cup had no tea in it as she leaned back, sipping every drop of water as soon as it melted.

"That…I can't say."

"Why not?"

"Why does it matter? Listen to me. Do you know that I am risking my own safety by being here?! I said yes only because I feel bad for you."

"How did you two meet? Why did you go out with him? For how long? Did you really like him? And did you have any…ulterior motive?"

"Jungkook…" I heard V whisper under his breath when she got up and slammed the cup against the table.

"You don't believe me, huh? He's got in your head already?!"

"Ae-Ri, don't yell. This is a public place."

"This punk…" She clicked her tongue and that's when V sat up and pushed her back into the seat with only two fingers.

Suddenly, the girl looked slightly scared now.

"Jungkook," Taehyung repeated, smiling with his teeth showing. Biting the tip of an orange straw, "did you tell Namjoon who you're going to meet today?"

"Of course not." I picked up the teaspoon and then put it back on the small plate with a clank. "But I've known Namjoon since I was in kindergarten. I've only known you for a bit and her…for one hour."

The smile didn't falter and the eyes seemed even more joyous, whilst Ae-Ri shifted in her seat, looking more scared by the second. A shell of the confident girl she was a few seconds ago.

"But it's only natural you have doubts. And that's why we have proof."

The guy searched inside his backpack only to pull out one old photograph of a younger Ae-Ri and a much younger Namjoon. They were somewhere high up, outside a building. The arm around her shoulders and the far sun behind them had me biting the inside of my cheek until it hurt too much.

She looked healthier and prettier than she did now. It was as if she aged so much during such a little amount of time that it dawned on me: 'He lied?'

"Did you ever meet his grandma?" Was the last question that went unanswered.

"Why are…"

V's hand had shot up in a straight line right in front of her face.

"And why are you curious about that?"

"Let her answer."

"Jungkook, if you told Namjoon we're here, I might as well start writing my will on this napkin."

"I told you that I didn't already!"

"Then why don't you believe us? What it is that we have to gain by lying?"

He leaned back, hands behind his head and leg up.

Ae-Ri kept glancing around as if she did expect Namjoon to show up.

"Look. It's just that…someone told me that…"

'What am I doing? I should just ask Namjoon what her name was. That will confirm every doubt I have. And still, this picture is proof that they clearly knew each other.'

"Can I go to the bathroom?" She suddenly asked V, moving back and forth faster than before.

"Not now."

"Come on. I'll be back quick."

"There's cameras."

"Inside the toilet?"

"Why do you care if there are cameras?" I asked, and she didn't spare me a glance, busy begging V with her eyes instead. He leaned forwards towards me and whispered: "She wants to…" He sniffed with one nostril whilst pressing on the other. Action rivaled only by the wink that followed right after.

"What's that?"

"You're in a relationship with a dealer, and you don't know?" Ae-Ri laughed with a sickening superior expression on her face.

"Think of it like five cups of coffee in one go."

"Why'd you want that?"

"Energy? Though I guess there's some kind of euphoria to it as well." He shrugged.

"And it kills your appetite." She whispered, hand above her mouth as if that was the secret everyone shouldn't hear and not the fact that I was dating a dealer.

"Want to try?" He lazily inquired.

I shook my head.

"Why not? Still don't trust me?"

"I'd rather take a sleeping pill. Or anything that…makes me have less energy."

"Ah, you're a downer."

It sounded more of an observation than an insult.

"I'm sorry?"

V's eyes smiled as if my apology was hilarious. But I didn't get to pester him on it since he started looking around just like Ae-Ri did before and kind of demanded:

"Let's take this outside. Too many people coming in."

We walked around for a while. And then found myself watching her spread a white line on a piece of glass behind a building and sniff it.

It looked exactly like the one I saw on the counter from the party while waiting for Roxy to return.

"Are you sure you don't want any?"

"One hundred percent."

He did the exact same thing and then smiled sleazily.

"You should try uppers sometimes. It makes the whole world seem brighter and faster."

I shrugged.

"I have…anxiety. The world's too bright and too fast already."

"But you don't run from it. You gotta join it instead. That's how the ecstasy comes kicking on your brain cells. The world starts spinning and you just have to spin with it." He emphasized with his hands; eyes wide and pupils dilated.

I looked at him, feeling cold. And then at the girl, feeling out of place.

"I'd rather stand still," I smirked.

'That sound's tiring.' I thought.

She told me about the way he used to push himself on her while she smoked a cigarette. She explained how he complimented her for losing weight. And how he barely answered his phone whenever she called, but would get mad when she didn't answer fast enough.

"He's cooking me food…trying to get me to gain weight…" I argued.

"I can see you're a good person, and he'll take advantage of that."

"Is he a bad person then?"

'Is there even such a thing as an entirely good or entirely bad person?'

She looked at me as if she didn't comprehend what I had just asked.

The grey clouds were gathered behind her, the grey building at our left looked more worn down than it did before and the smell from the big dark green trash containers finally reached invaded both nostrils.

"You knew he's a dealer. And you're a junkie. Didn't you take advantage of him as well?"

The second those words left my mouth, the air got colder as the ash from her cigarette fell to the ground without her input.

The confusion dissipated from her face and was replaced with rage. She threw the cigarette and the tiny pink backpack to the ground and rolled up the sleeves of the black long cardigan revealing a small tattoo on her wrist at the same time. Volume going from very low to a scream:

"This fucking mutt, I will scoop your eyes out with a …!"

V took exactly two steps towards me only to turn around, hands buried in pockets, calmly enunciating the words: "Ae-Ri, calm down."

"Did you not hear him?!" She yelled.

"I heard."

"He's defending that fucking rapist! How do you expect me to…"

"Isn't it true, though? Didn't you tell me how you stole from him once?" He slowly asked, implying a lot by saying only a little. But I had no idea what.

I heard her hand making contact with his face, but I didn't see it.

V's reaction to being slapped was to laugh out loud. When the thin hand was up in the air again and was ready to land, he grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the street.

"Run! She's crazy!" He yelled, still laughing.

"Where are you two going?! I'll end you! YOU AND YOUR…!"

Trees, people, and buildings started blending into the background until I was unsure of where we were.

Panting heavily while he looked around calmly as if he walked here.

"What…the…hell…"

The sky was growling, announcing rain to the insects under it. And his left cheek was now reddish with a clear nail scratch on it.

"First wish granted. You've met the ex. How was it?" He inquired, still amused.

"She's …nuts." I said, panting, hands on knees, looking up, and not hiding the fact that I was clearly puzzled.

"I never said she's your typical damsel in distress." V turned around and then pointed at a building that had a roof at the entrance.

"I have to… go home."

"It'll start raining." He pointed at the sky, pouting.

"It doesn't matter."

A second after the last word left my mouth, a drop of rain hit the back of my neck.

And only moments later it started pouring. We were running towards the building faster than we ran from Ae-Ri.

"Ah, I'm soaked. Why do I have such bad luck?" I complained, sitting down on the stairs, defeated.

He sat beside me quietly, staring up at the sky with his hands still in the pockets of the pants. His fingers were obviously playing with something inside it.

He noticed where I was looking at and simply answered the unasked question: "Pill."

This had me switching my attention towards the sky immediately.

"What are you running from?"

"Huh?" I breathed out, slightly bewildered at the change of topic.

"With the downers? Like weed, sleeping pills and whatever. Those are the downers by the way."

"Ah, I don't know. Myself? My own feelings? It's just a buffer between me and the world. I think…"

"So you don't feel safe with yourself or others?"

"I guess…not. What about you and the uppers?"

"The magic? It's like I'm above the ground. Like I can fly and no one can catch me." He turned to look at me, hair slightly wet, smile looking faded as he said: "Especially, my dad."

"Aa, the policeman."

"The fucking policeman's an asshole. Let me tell you. Even though everyone thinks they're all about protecting the citizens and shit."

"I believe you." I blurted out, not having a doubt that the man was not a nice person. Or at least not to his son.

"Your family abandoned you, right?"

"No. Who said that?"

"No one. But you're always staying at Namjoon's, so I just assumed you're either an orphan or they must not care."

"They care a bit. They're just…busy."

"With?"

"Making money, being together, just living their lives…"

"Then why did they have you?"

"I wish I knew…" Forced the corners of the lips up, but the sadness must've been apparent on my face since he leaned forwards, mere centimeters away from my face. For a second, I thought he was about to kiss me, but he just brushed the hair away.

"Can you even see me? Your hairstylist got fired or something?"

"Namjoon likes it." I breathed those words out against his skin and as if that name burned him, V leaned back.

I started trembling from the cold while the phone buzzed against my back from inside the backpack.

"If he…if he does anything to you, come to me."

The cool voice and demeanor without eye contact had me chuckling.

"That's really nice of you, but he won't," I said with a genuine smile.

"That's really cute of you, but he already did." He bit back.

"He did…didn't he…"

It was pouring. People were running either towards their cars or homes. Or simply, a dry place. Even those who had an umbrella were trying to get somewhere with an actual roof as soon as possible.

Hugged my knees, and assumed it was still safe and early since it wasn't entirely dark.

Meanwhile, V seemed more restless than I was. Suddenly tapping his feet and throwing the pill from one hand to the other, not being concerned about dropping it.

"Don't you think it'll be strange if someone saw you playing with a pill? I mean, you do you, but…"

"How come you like him still?"

The sound of a little girl screaming at her mom because her dress got wet had me looking forwards, but I could feel his glare burning into the side of my face.

"I don't know either. I just…do."

"That's bullshit."

He straightened himself and went on: "If it's the downers, then I can get you some."

"It's not about that."

"Jungkook, I am also a junkie. I know how you think. I once sucked an old fart for a pill. Like, trust me, you don't have to lie."

"I am not lying. I just…like watching tv, eating with him, and just chatting about stuff. The only bad part is the…bedroom stuff…"

"Pff. That's what you call rape?"

"He was high and I'm a virgin! It would've hurt anyways."

"Not necessarily." He winked again, the boxy mouth revealing teeth.

"Oh, you don't know everything! He waited for me, if he was an asshole like everyone keeps saying then he would've just raped me the first time we were alone."

"That's where you are wrong." He sighed.

"And how am I wrong?"

"Because…I told you…if he makes you trust him, then you'll always come back. How many people can you rape until you end up behind bars? Don't you have a brain? He's making sure there are no consequences."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know!"

"That's what Ae-Ri told you? That's his evil plan? Well, then I guess it's working. I'm doomed."

I chuckled, finding everything ridiculously painful at this point. But the amusement seemed to have flowed out of him and into the puddles at the bottom of the stairs.

The little girl got to the car, but her mother was struggling against the wind a few steps behind.

The car beeped and a door opened immediately, revealing whom I assumed was her father. The man quickly helped the little girl in, without caring for the open umbrella that just awkwardly hung outside the car.

"I know you find it hard to believe, but it can get worse. He may get you hooked on something."

"He wants me to be sober," I argued.

"He might lock you up."

I clenched my teeth as Fred's words returned to haunt me.

"What do I know though? He might've changed. The dealer with no parents is in a relationship with the junkie that he provides for and keeps in his house out of his own accord. The one who beats people up close to death and maybe even kills, who knows? Man, I think I might be the stupid one. He doesn't need to lock you up as he did with Ae-Ri since you're mentally tied down already…My bad. Thinking about watching tv with him and shit…"

"So what?" I blurted out, grinding my teeth as the woman reached the car, closing both soaked umbrellas and slipping into the back seat smiling. The dad drove away moments later, but the rain simply filled in the dry spot on the pavement as if nothing was ever there.

"You really don't give a fuck about yourself, do you?"

"Why do you care whether I do or don't? Why are you trying to save me anyways? What's it to you?"

"Do I have to have a reason?" He leaned on his elbows and threw the pill inside the pocket.

"Since you keep saying how dangerous he is and how you're risking your skin, I believe you should have a good damn reason."

"Doing a good deed's rewarding enough."

"Really? It's not because you hate Namjoon? Since he stopped you from scoring with a kid or something? Aren't you just taking revenge by trying to make us break up?"

He started laughing so honestly that I couldn't help but feel quite destabilized by it.

"Firstly, you're delusional. Secondly, that was no kid, but it was my ex-boyfriend. And we just had a fight. I was high off my rocker and was trying to make up using my body and not my words. Your rapist just saw him push me away and assumed…"

I cut him off.

"You two are really similar then. Wish I had a Namjoon to stop Namjoon from…"

He grabbed my chin so fast and held it so close to his face that I forgot to breathe. All I could do was stare at the dilated pupils staring back with pure hatred.

"If he ever hurts you, come to me. Don't make me take back my offer. You're going to fucking need it."

He let go, got up, and walked away. The rain has soaked him from head to toe before he was even out of sight.

I was hyperventilating, feeling like something bad just happened without it actually occurring.

The phone was vibrating against my back again, so I got it out. Hands trembling from both the cold and fear.

"Hi, Jung."

"Jungkook, are you home?"

"No. Why?"

"My girlfriend and I wanted to watch a movie and at her place there's…"

"Go home then."

"Thanks. But did something happen? You don't sound so well."

"I'm fine."

"Where are you?"

"I'm…I…ah, at a building. Close to work. Cause I just got off work and the rain started all of a sudden. I had to ah…take shelter."

"You just finished work now?"

"Why? What time is…"

I looked at the phone to see the eight missed calls from Namjoon and the time ticking away, burning both retinas.

"Shit. Why's the sun still up?"

"It's barely any…"

"Call you later."

"Wait. Do you want me to come and get you? We're leaving in one hour anyways."

"No. It's fine. I'm close."

"But what…"

"Talk later. Bye."

Put the phone in the back pocket of the pants and then instantly sprinted towards the building where V and I left Ae-Ri and then further, towards the road that had one normal café, a pizza place, and the one we went to. I continued to run, passing by my workplace, the red and green market, and felt like my chest was on fire when I finally stopped by Namjoon's place.

The lights were on and I could see Namjoon pacing back and forth. I watched him calling me with a worried expression on his face whilst I was still getting rained on. The phone was vibrating from my pocket and the hair was stuck to my cheeks, clothes glued to the skin.

I continued to stare, thinking how ordinary it all seemed from afar.

How this house was nothing more, but a cursed place. One he couldn't abandon even if he wanted to. The last one standing from a family that used to be made out of four.

I wanted to go in and apologize for being late. And even for lying.

But I couldn't. I watched him get closer to the front door, and open the door instead. He spotted me, an umbrella in one hand and a phone in the other.

I stood there, by the fence, right in front of the gate without moving a muscle.

He screamed: "What are you doing?! Get inside!"

I was close to crying, but I tried to control my voice when I shouted back: "What was her name?"

"What?!"

"Her name?! What was the name of the girl you raped?!"

Namjoon stepped into the rain with the umbrella above his head and tried to open the gate, but I simply pushed against it. Tears were colliding with the raindrops.

"Why are you crying? What the hell happened? Get inside, this is not…"

"Tell me!"

"What?!"

"What's her name?"

"I will tell you after we're inside. Where it's not raining!"

"Tell me now!"

"Jungkook, why are you being so stubborn?! Just…"

He tried to open the gate again and I used my whole body to block it, to which he responded by covering my head with his umbrella. Choosing to be rained on instead.

This simply made my chest ache harder.

I touched the handle of the umbrella, trying to make him use the umbrella for himself, but I didn't manage to move it an inch.

"Tell me…" I begged, sobbing.

"Fine." He sighed, "Her name was Ae-Ri. Are you happy now? Can we go inside?"

I was glaring through the rain, at the wet face, feeling as though I was still the one receiving the full blast from the storm.

"No," I mumbled.

"Jungkook, you'll catch a cold. There are only a few weeks until the exams…"

"You lied," I mumbled under my breath.

"What?"

I took one deep breath of air, held it, and ran away.

For a second, I could see him standing with the umbrella stretched forwards in front of the small gate, hovering over no one.

I kept running and crying until I reached my place and got inside the building sobbing loudly. Not caring if the neighbors heard.

Called Jung from inside the elevator, talking as calmly as I could: "I changed my mind. Don't come home. Stay there for a while."

He asked why, but I didn't answer. I hung up and then turned off the phone, resuming my ugly cry all the way to the door. Fumbled with the keys and got in dripping all the way to the bathroom. Let the backpack fall to the floor, along with all the wet clothes I took off and turned on the hot water whilst hearing the echo of my cries bouncing off the dark tiles.

It was as if I was hearing a stranger cry.

I got in even if the tub was far from being filled.

Head dizzy, face hot and chest felt like it has been shot ten times in the same spot.

A vacuum was created and it kept sucking all hope and reason out. A part of me knew I should be worried about the proximity of the exams instead. A part of me knew that my brother might be on his way since it must've been obvious something was wrong from my voice. Another part knew that Namjoon must've thought Ae-RI was dead because Fred lied to him. But I was more upset about the fact that the brunette looked so similar.

'It was like looking at a distorted mirror. Will I become like that?'

And I was aware that being away from him hurt more than a future where I'd be nothing but a nervous shell. Regardless, I didn't want him to touch me or be near me right now. I didn't want to hear the whole story anymore. I just wanted my mind to stop thinking about anything. I wasn't sure who I should believe or if there was anything to believe.

After all, if anything, I was just as bad as Namjoon was since the entire time, just like Ae-Ri and Taehyung said, I kept thinking that I should forgive him each time somehow just so…I'd have a dealer at all times.

"But everybody uses everybody…" I whined to myself whilst the water was dangerously nearing the edge of the tub.

"Just because one reason seems nicer than the other! Just because you call it to love when it's security, money, or just because you like being with that person! Why the fuck am I bad for wanting to be with someone that…" I started slapping the water, hitting it over again and by mistake, hitting my own legs as the water flew out the tub and onto the floor, "Why the fuck is he so fucked up! WHY CAN'T I FUCKING HATE HIM, AND BE DONE WITH IT! What the fuck is wrong with me…"

The faucet was still on, the water was flowing out and the steam was making me light-headed. And as I stood there feeling tingly from the chest up, and pain in the legs, I heard the ring of the front door. Used that as an order to submerge under the water.

And for a second, everything was calm.

There was no one under the water to judge me, no future, no past, no Ae-Ri to flaunt her short skirt and skinny legs, no powders, pills, Moles, and cigarettes. No Namjoon, no Jungkook, and no families. And more importantly, no Fred.

And though my body did not agree with how long I'd been holding my breath, I kept pushing it. Refusing to face the surface. Not wanting to answer the door or talk another word ever again.

'Is this how it's like to be dead? Everything is just…over? Ah…how nice. But I guess I could give it another go. After all, why hurry? I will get here sooner or later anyway. And until that moment comes…'

Out of pure instinct, I propelled myself above the water, coughing whilst reaching for the tap.

'I will use and be used. Everyone's selfish and then they die. Whoever says otherwise…'

"Jungkook! Open the door!" Jung's yell reached the bathroom. So, I pushed myself up using the tub's edge, but felt like I was about to faint from the heat and exhaustion right back into the water.

'It's lying to themselves.'