On the Verge

An: Hello Smokers! Do you know what day it is? Don't check, it doesn't matter but it hasn't been eight days since the last chapter, that's for sure. But it's been four. And the comments were so nice lately that I felt like giving back by…doing the only thing that I can do. So, here we are. For a while, I might keep the 'update every four days' thing. Not forever though. Hope you enjoy it while it lasts and don't worry, I'll let you all know when I will go back to updating every eight days. It won't be a bad surprise or something.

On with the chapter:

"What are you doing? Eat the fish while it's still fresh." Fred suggested for the second time as he picked up a piece and dropped it onto Jungkook's plate.

"But I already ate a lot of it and you have none." He argued.

"Jungkook. Eat the fish." I seconded Fred.

"I'm eating." He accepted. Defeated.

I watched him put it in his mouth. Watched him suck on the chopsticks lazily. Red eyes blinking one too many times.

And then I noticed Fred staring at me with his head propped up on his hands.

"What?"

"You two seem happy."

"We're not." I lied. Feeling chills running down my spine.

"We're not?" Jungkook swiftly turned to look from my right. Appearing sad all of a sudden.

"I mean…"

"You don't have to hide your happiness from me Namjoon. There's nothing that I wish more than to see you happy. You and Mona. But it's a bit more complicated when it comes to her."

He tilted his head and sipped from his wine.

I pinched Jungkook's leg when he inquired without thinking: "Why?"

"What?" He jumped up, making it obvious that I did something to him.

Fred chuckled. I resisted the urge to smash my head against the table.

"I am sure that you know by now…what makes her happy…" He darkly murmured.

"She said that buying things also makes her happy. Spending time with you and bowling. Also, listening to new music, decorating, and going out with friends."

"When exactly did she tell you this, Jungkook?"

Fred squinted his eyes and I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. It tasted like wine.

"When Namjoon locked me up in her room for two days!"

"It was not two whole days." I argued, dragging the word 'days' as to lessen its gravity, waving a hand in his angry, puffed-up face.

"Right…" He faced forwards and picked the cutlery back up.

"I wouldn't have if you didn't go and…" The tone was far too angry for the table jazz playing in the background. So, I clenched my jaw and picked up some sushi to fill my mouth with.

"If you didn't what? What did you do Jungkook?"

"It's complicated. But nothing really bad. I have been a bit... just…stupid…"

"Hm…" Fred mumbled something under his breath before getting up and slowly making his way towards the bathroom, holding onto his abdomen.

"Didn't I recite the list of taboo words twice before we've arrived?" I asked in Jungkook's ear just loud enough for it to be drowned out by the music but loud enough to make him move away.

"I was talking about Mona…and not…that." He whispered back.

I leaned back and put an arm up on the backrest of the cushioned chair.

"Are you still upset?"

"Upset…no. Jealous? Yes."

He choose to study the raw fish from his plate instead of facing my gaze.

I caressed his left thigh apologetically.

And then retracted said hand with lightning speed when Fred's steps filled the silence. And to my surprise, he stopped walking right next to Jungkook.

"I got you a present."

"No. You shouldn't have!"

"But I had to. After all, it's almost Christmas. Before you open it, don't get too excited. It's nothing big."

"But it's a…hey, it's a phone! Thank you! Thank you so much!"

Jungkook hugged him a bit too animated. While my brain generated all the ways in which that phone was not a gift but a tracking device if it wasn't hacked to the point that Fred could probably read all his messages and hear all of his calls.

Fred was watching me watch the packaged white device being pulled out of the also white, perfectly sealed box.

Our eyes kept meeting after every interaction that I thought he could use to keep me working. Maybe it was all in my head and he was eyeing me for an entirely different reason, but the subject didn't come up once. And I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to burst the fire bubbles.

But I had the excuse of not knowing the results at my disposal and I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't be too suspicious about every little thing he said or did.

However, the phone Jungkook was now holding got my worry levels from a three to a solid seven.

'I'll get him a second phone just to be on the safe side. And then I'll ensure that Fred doesn't lay one eye on it.'

"Kid, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Jungkook's the only one getting something tonight. You'll have to wait a bit longer for your present."

"You'll have to wait even longer since I've no idea what to get you this year." I was half-joking, half-serious.

He seated himself slowly and filled the wine glass before me to the brim. I drank it. Enjoying the feeling of wine was birthing little wine flowers inside the stomach and extending their roots through all veins.

"Look, it has so many apps that I've never seen and…" Jungkook kept pointing stuff out. Blocking my vision with it.

"I'm pleased you like it. But you'll think it's undoubtedly the worst gift out of the two. When you'll find out about Namjoon's, that is."

"Fine. I'll bite. What did you steal for me old man?"

A violent cough went through Fred's wine-painted lips.

All we could do was to observe him worryingly. Jungkook went as far as pouring a glass of water, but he held a hand up in a poor attempt to ease our concerns.

"Your…" a cough, "…house." Another cough and the world turned monochrome.

"What about it?" I breathed the words out before I stopped breathing at all. Looking at him impatiently while he was trying to catch his breath for different reasons.

"I will pay for it until you'll finish your studies. Unless you decide to go to the local university which…" another cough, "would be the worst one out of probably, all feasible choices."

Jungkook turned to his left, toward me, with only one corner of his lips upwards. It was pretty obvious in its meaning: unsure whether he should act happy or not.

Yet the expression I was making was not providing him any immediate hints.

Mouth hanging open, and eyes getting drier by the minute.

'He'll use it as leverage. He'll use it for me to do something for him later. And if I tell him no then…I will be a few missteps away from getting cut down while I'm asleep. Aren't I? Then what's the catch? What does he want? He can't even leave the house so…'

"There's no need," I muttered sternly.

"It'd be my pleasure. My gift to you, for achieving the right to higher education."

"The results aren't in yet."

"We both know you've aced it, kid. I'd bet all my money on your brain any day. Besides, the top is not where you should be. The middle, however…bothers no one."

"You really shouldn't waste your money on me." I went on, hoping I'd make a dent in the already formed decision.

There was a frown, but it faded swiftly.

"Wipe that ungratefulness off your face and let's have a toast."

He bowed the mouth of the bottle against my glass even though Jungkook's was the one which was right in front of him. And waited until I drank it in one go to fill it up again.

'Is he trying to get me drunk? He got Jungkook high and now…'

"There, there. For making it so far, despite all odds. For health and all that stuff that happy people need. And for your relationship, of course. May it stand strong through the rest of your youth. And maybe even later. Cheers!"

The three see-through glasses hit each other. But they were the ones who drank. My refusal, however, was met with an arched eyebrow.

"Cheers…" I mumbled weakly, drinking as well.

Fred left his glass onto the table. And as if he could read my thoughts, promised with a straight face and no inflection to his voice: "No strings attached."

I bit the oncoming sarcastic laugh down.

'You won't mention it as leverage. You've never had and you never will. But we both know that I was indebted before and you can't let me pay up and leave. No. Emotionally or monetarily, it's all strings. Bloody strings are everywhere. For saving my...'

"I'm really bad at gift giving so would you mind telling me if there's anything you want? I know it's not much of a surprise when you already know, but I think it's far worse to have to pretend you're...enjoying a gift," Jungkook changed the subject on purpose. And Fred humored him by not calling him out on the clumsy attempt.

I could feel the air around me getting heavier with every sip. Pulling me down to the floor with crimson hands and lemony accents.

"Me? No!" He chuckled as if that question was ridiculous and then something traveled through his eyes, something that he let out immediately, "If Mona would stop playing house with her friend, that'd be..." He clapped his hands twice and then continued, "a great gift indeed. But that's not something money can buy." He laughed, clearly pained by that fact, and failing not to let it show with his exaggerated antics.

I swallowed all the saliva that was in my mouth when he went on: "That's what I've been told. Excuse me, I said told? I mean texted. After spending my money on every little unnecessary thing for years…now, she's got no problems living without it. Isn't that nice? She's grown, that one."

Jungkook's laugh was fake and small. Fred's was fake and loud.

Mine was mad and internal.

We steered clear of presents after that. We talked about the latest movies instead. We talked about the increasingly cold weather. We were exchanging holiday memories when I started feeling dizzy and warm at the same time.

"And then, my brother's bowl got smashed against the table. Shards flying everywhere…" Jungkook mimicked the situation while Fred was putting his life in danger by simply laughing.

"It hurts. My cheeks hurt, Jungkook!"

"We were only kids though. Which is why I was bawling my eyes out, naturally. And grandma tripped on the way to my seat, knocking a plate off the table in the process!"

Fred wiped a tear away and acknowledged with unusual honesty: "Your family's amazing."

"Yeah…they are…sometimes," Jungkook concluded. Seeming as if he remembered a time when they were not but choose not to share it.

Fred picked up on that at once. With a cheery tone that scratched my ears: "Are they coming to celebrate with you, kids, this year?"

"We haven't talked about it yet. Or maybe they've talked it over with my brother, but I haven't heard anything."

"Namjoon's allowed to come too, or they don't know that you two are together?"

"They don't know," Jungkook answered, softly and curtly.

"They're not homophobic, are they?"

"I don't think they are." Jungkook shrugged.

"Then where's the issue?"

"He'll tell them when he's ready." I butted in.

"I think I'm ready," Jungkook mumbled, mostly to himself. And Fred grinned, staring at the boy who resumed eating. Taking on his fork more than he could, out of justified worry.

I watched the two of them and almost let myself believe that Fred did genuinely enjoy Jungkook's presence.

'But at the end of the day. That won't amount to much.'

"What time is it?" Slurred words and a sigh were enough to catch their attention.

"Ten? Eleven?" Jungkook questioned me back as if I wasn't the one who just asked.

"You two can sleep over if you want. After all, I've got a free room now."

"No. No. It's fine," I got up and almost fell chest first into Jungkook.

"We can take a cab." Jungkook assured Fred. Getting up to help me stand straight.

"Why do that when there's a bed right there?" He pointed at Mona's closed bedroom.

"We're busy." I stammered, audibly inhaling Jungkook's smell.

"Doing what?"

"Shh," I told Fred before I kissed Jungkook's left cheek.

"I think Namjoon had a little too much to drink."

A small hand reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone.

"Pin?"

"Your birthday," I whispered seductively and watched him trying it.

When the phone let him know that I lied, I laughed, took the phone back, and punched in the real one. He was staring at me with a frown the entire time.

"Then go wash up Jungkook. But let me get you some perfume to cover up the smell before you leave."

"Do I smell?"

"A teensy bit."

"Thank you. A...yes, hello, I'd like a taxi at…"

A few minutes later we were in the backseat of a yellow car. Slowly but surely, trying to get my hand under Jungkook's blouse. His hands, however, were nervously wrapped around the black plastic bag that had his new phone and a little bit too much weed inside it.

"Stop it." He pleaded, clearly annoyed.

But all I could do was to lick his ear with disagreement at what he had just said.

'You don't like if the taxi driver sees you getting all flustered? You don't like being watched?' I thought.

"Me neither. But you barely looked my way the entire day." I spoke.

I got my hand on his bare stomach. Let it linger there enough to have him check the rear-view mirror anxiously. And then, finger by finger, tapped up until I reached his nipple.

"What are you on about? We're almost home, so stay...ah…"

And pinched it hard.

"Is there something wrong back there?"

"He's a bit drunk, sir. I apologize."

"Partying before the holidays, eh? Just let me know if he's about to throw up. I'll stop and you can open the door."

"Of course. Do you, mm, ha, feel like throwing up? Namjoon?" He tried to keep my hand from moving, but all that he managed to do is to make me lose my balance and fall face-first into the crown of his head.

"You smell nice." The observation was not meant for his ears but for mine. "Like something soft and innocent."

"Is this the right street?" The driver asked loudly.

"Yes!" Jungkook responded a bit too loudly as well. "Yes…in fact, let us out here. We'll walk the rest."

"Are you sure? It's quite late."

"This area is...safe. Really. Thanks." He was trying to count the money when the driver pulled over. But he was slow. My palm was brushing on the erect nipple, not helping. But I could still tell that he kept recounting. Probably having memory troubles again.

"You're so cute."

He did not appreciate me commenting on it.

"Come on… Thank you again, sir! Good night."

"Good night. And happy holidays!"

He slammed the door and held onto his plastic bag while I held onto his waist.

"It's so cold," Jungkook complained.

"You're so warm."

"Where are the keys?"

"… don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"Search in my pockets?"

"You search."

"Nah."

"I swear to God, Namjoon…"

It looked like he was robbing me in the middle of the street when the wind started blowing his hair, covering his face, so he came closer. I embraced him as a result. And swayed us right and left. Humming a song whose name I couldn't recall.

"Help me, please…I want to get inside faster…it's too cold…"

He was complaining, but his hands never stopped searching in the jacket even when he couldn't look directly at it. He only ceased when he decided to try his own pockets.

A few seconds later, he was showing me the keys, triumphantly.

"Found them."

"Yeah, yeah." I let him drag me by the hand on the way to our house since walking while back-hugging him seemed to be slowing us down considerably.

He was running from me at some point and all of a sudden, he stopped dead in his tracks right in front of the gate. I couldn't see what he was seeing so I asked: "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer so I sidestepped, and surely enough, there was something or someone sitting down in front of the front door.

A shaved head between two legs, but it was facing the ground only until he heard my voice.

Jungkook unlatched the gate and then inquired a faint, chocked: "Taehyung, why are you here?"

That seemed to be a trick question.

"You… Motherfucker!" The tall, slim guy barked, staring directly at me. And I only.

"What's happened? Taehyung? Hey, Taehyung?"

He got up at once, and passed Jungkook's raised hands with sure steps despite Jungkook being the only one who bothered to talk to him.

And to my not surprise, he punched with most likely, his full strength. A girly fist hit me squarely in the cheek.

I collapsed to the ground backward, laughing.

"You think this is a joke?!! MY LIFE'S A FUCKING JOKE?!"

He kicked my left leg. Which caused me to roll on my belly.

"Stop it! Can't you see that he's drunk? What the hell are you talking about…Stop!"

He threw Jungkook off of him and then turned me on my back by the collar. Sitting on my abdomen so he could continue punching me in the face. He landed a few blows through Jungkook's relentless pulling of his arm. He easily got shoved away each time, which offered V plenty of time.

"It was you, wasn't it?! IT WAS YOU!"

"Ha?" I feigned confusion with a bloody lip and a most likely, a bruised cheek.

"YOU ARE THE ONE WHO RATTED ME OUT TO MY FATHER! YOU FUCKING GOOD FOR NOTHING ORPHAN! YOU FUCKING CRAZY FUCK!"

"Please, stop hitting him…!" I looked to my left to realize that the black bag was a few steps behind a distraught Jungkook, begging an angry V with his every breath.

I analyzed him thinking: 'He's not hurt. Nah, he didn't hit him. Not on purpose at least,' That was before a fist made contact with my chest. Right before the same hands started squeezing my neck.

"What if you're wrong? Taehyung! Please…let him go!"

"THIS IS NOTHING! Do you want to see my body Jungkook?! HUH!? DO YOU?!"

I wasn't curious in the least. Actually, I took offense at the fact that he wanted to show his body to my boyfriend. But I deemed the fight finished the second he stood up in order to show his back and front to Jungkook's wide eyes.

I thought that the worst change was the fact that someone's shaved off all of his hair. It made me unable to control my satisfied grin at the sight of all those wounds and bruises. Despite knowing, drunk or not, that Jungkook shouldn't see the enjoyment threatening to spread itself all over my face.

"Do you know what these are?! My father's fucking idea for GOOD DISCIPLINE! And he's not done! NO! He's sending me to a fucking cult to have them FUCKING CURE ME!" As if he remembered I was there, he looked down, "AND HE'S NOT PLANNING TO TAKE ME BACK AFTER CHRISTMAS! ISN'T THAT GREAT YOU FUCKING PIECE OF…"

"And why's that Namjoon's fault?!"

But before V could finish whatever he was about to say, I made sure it came out muffled by the grunts I caused by kicking him between the two long legs. And then in the already abused abdomen. He too fell on his back as I did minutes ago. But he wasn't laughing.

"You fucking…" But the level of pain varied greatly since he couldn't utter words anymore.

I grinned from ear to ear. And I saw his eyes catching it before I covered his face with my shoe.

"Namjoon!" Jungkook was up and sprinting. Attempting to pull me off him this time.

"What? Do you really want me to just take it? He couldn't knock me out. How long did I have to wait? I let him try..." I was looking straight at him, but he was paying attention only to V. Who was desperately clawing at my feet since he probably couldn't breathe with my shoe squashing his nose flat and lips shut.

"Lift your foot!" Jungkook demanded.

"Why? He's a piece of shit. Or do you have a thing for him that I don't know about?"

'Ups. A bit too much honesty. That's what happens when I get drunk. Probably shouldn't have said that…Oh well.'

"No! It's because he can't breathe! Namjoon! Namjoon!" He made me step backward and then quickly walked up to V's bloody face.

All he could do was stare at them though.

"You seem far too worried for a skinhead. I thought you liked guys with a bit more hair."

"I will kill you. You parent-less son of a bitch…!" He swore while crying ugly, blood flowing out of his nose from both sides.

I was grabbing the back of Jungkook's collar to pull him up. Then asked V the only question that I cared to hear an answer to: "What? You wish you had no parents too now?"

All coherently.

However, I could barely see him. I passed him by, continuing with:

"If you don't get off my property, I will call the police, aka, your dad to get you off it. And the next beating will in fact be my fault."

I commanded Jungkook to get the plastic bag by tilting my head at it and then walking up to the door as straight as I could.

A low chuckle escaped V's bloody mouth, while he was turning around and crawling toward me.

"Don't play innocent Monster! It was YOU! I know it was you."

I faced him and asked a simple: "Proof?"

He growled like an animal.

"Then what are you accusing me of, really?"

"It's your fault. It must be your fault…" He repeated like a mantra to himself.

"Taehyung, just go home," Jungkook told him before unlocking the door. Pushing me in and slamming it right into V's conflicted face.

He exhaled with relief only after he was out of sight.

"Did you…" He mumbled while I was pouring myself some hard liquor.

"Hmm?"

"Did you have anything to do with it?"

"With what?"

"His dad beating him up."

"Not really."

He did a 90-degree turn and walked up to me with long, determined steps.

"You should have a smoke. You look tense," I suggested.

He grabbed my collar instead and had me leaning in close.

'Don't smile…don't…' I thought to myself in giggles.

"Did you have anything…"

"Why?" I cut him off. "What business do I have with V?"

"You…"

"I? What?" I kissed the top of his nose. He frowned.

And looked away.

"Then why was he so sure that it was you?"

"He doesn't like me." I argued, shrugging.

"Namjoon, swear that it wasn't you." He locked eyes with me again, as if he'd be able to tell if he looked at them.

I choose to take off his scarf instead.

"Sorry, I have to go wash the blood off."

"I'll disinfect it after you tell me the truth!"

I slipped out of his hold and sat down on the table. Downing the glass in one go.

"The truth…well…the truth is that there's no reason for me to get revenge on the guy. He's just buying from me out of necessity, and nothing else. Isn't he?"

"Right…"

"Then why are your panties in a bunch?"

"I don't know." He ironically started and then went on with another sarcastic: "Maybe, just maybe, because he waited in front of your house to …I don't know…beat you up!"

"That?" I burst out laughing. "That was child's play. I merely let him take his frustrations out. Mainly because I liked seeing you defending me," I reached out and pulled him closer right after not being able to admit how satisfying it was to see V losing his mind as well.

Jungkook peered down at me with disbelief.

"You sure…it wasn't you?"

"Give me a reason why it would be me." No word was slurred in the process of this sentence, but a four-eyed Jungkook was blinking back at me.

"I don't know."

'Liar.'

"Then neither do I." I smiled a bloody smile and stuck my red lips to his. Shoving my tongue in to swirl it around his before biting his lower lip. Tasting the liquor from my own mouth, on his breath.

"Why did you drink so much?"

"He wanted me to get drunk. So, I got drunk." I concluded after patting his back. Dragging myself to my feet and to the bathroom.

"Who? Fred?"

"The one and only," I exclaimed with a sigh.

"For what reason?" He followed and turned on the light as if I didn't make a conscious choice to keep it off.

"Probably to get us to sleep over."

"Why?"

"He's lonely?" I assumed. And saw Jungkook tilting his head in the mirror's reflection right before he headed to the pill cabinet, in search of disinfectant.

"Does your face hurt?"

I threw water on it without touching it with any fingers.

"Not really. But tomorrow it'll look better. Maybe."

"Any tooth fell out?"

I leaned against the edge of the sink, chuckling. Feeling dizzier than before.

"Sorry if it looked like it hurt."

"To be honest, he punches like a girl."

"Excuse me then!"

I let him dab my face with cotton soaked in rubbing alcohol. I let him check the inside of my mouth like a mama bird. But when he got me a glass of water while I was sitting on the edge of the low table, I caught his wrist and looked at him with eyes that made him nervous.

"You thought that he had beat the hell out of me and yet the first thing you asked as soon as we got in was if it was my fault that he got beat up?"

"…sorry. Namjoon…"

I kept squeezing his wrist. Leaning in to soak in his scent.

"More worried about him, aren't you?"

"No!"

"You wanted to know if I deserved it or not?"

"No."

"Then what?!"

"Nothing! I was just asking. That's all…"

Planted a peck on his lips before squeezing so hard that when the glass fell from his hand and shattered between us, but it didn't cause either of us to flinch. I forced him to close the small distance between us. Forcing him to step on the shards with the boots still on.

"Is he the one you've kissed? Hm?" I murmured in his ear, caressing the left side of his face. Pulling back the hair with the other.

He didn't make a sound. He didn't try to get away either. He stood still yet slightly trembling above me.

"I…"

"You?"

The silence kept going and going. My smile turned into a frown as a result. And the smell that was emanating from his neck was overpowered by the smell of rubbing alcohol.

"Get me another drink, please?"

He nodded.

And turned around as soon as I released his wrist.

He didn't have the guts to rub the wrist although I was sure it must've hurt.

I heard him pouring some vodka and watched him bring it to me.

Accepted it with a forced smile and then took a sip.

"Want to take a shower?" I asked him.

He shook his head. Eyes wide.

"No? Okay. Want to smoke?"

He didn't move one muscle.

"Go ahead then, I'll go take a shower."

I could feel him watching me leave.

In the same way I've been watching Fred all day.

On edge. Holding my breath. Hoping for the best. Expecting the worst.

I kept drinking while the water punctured every part of my naked body.

Started humming when dad's eyes started morphing with Fred's in my mind's eye.

'Can't have any loose ends. Loose ends are bad…a loose end…can't be a loose end.' I told myself over and over.

I stumbled out of the shower. Finished what was the rest of the drink, and left the empty glass in the bathroom sink. Walked out without bothering to grab a towel or turn the light off.

Jungkook was already under multiple blankets when I stepped in. Pretending to be asleep. The smell indicated that it couldn't have been long since he's laid down on the mattress.

"Jungkook?" I sang.

And joined him. Proceeding to shake his shoulder back and forth.

His eyes shot open, but his gaze avoided mine when he noticed that I wasn't wearing anything.

"Still not used to it?"

He bit his lower lip. I doubted it was meant to provoke me. But that made it even better.

"Don't worry, I'm not in the mood."

His eyes widened as if I had just said the most shocking thing that he's ever heard.

"Why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue?"

A tiny, low: "No." escaped through his barely parted lips.

I caressed the wavy, dark hair and went under the covers. Spooning him.

He was stiff but surprisingly, and pleasantly warm.

"Don't be afraid, Jungkook-ah. Nothing and no one will hurt you. Not even I. Well, I might hurt your ass a little bit, but that's about it."

'Unless…' But I swallowed that ugly thought with the excess saliva.

An almost inaudible: "Okay." Informed me that we were on the same page again.

I inhaled the back of his neck like a creep before kissing it. Tiny quick kisses.

"You want to come out to your parents on Christmas?"

"Maybe I should wait until after the holidays…" There was more than one word, but it still sounded like he was choking on air.

"Will they be visiting anytime soon afterward?"

"No…"

"Do you want to tell them over the phone?"

"No."

"Do you want me to tell them?"

"No…"

I kissed him all the way to the left side of his nose, where I planted more small kisses, one after the other. Feeling his arched spine against my upper body, his clothed ass against my genitals, and now his hand against the hand that I had wrapped around his chest.

"Namjoon…are you still drunk?"

"Yeah."

"You don't sound as drunk as you were at Fred's."

"I can pretend that I am. I can also pretend that I am not. Just like you're pretending you're not high right now."

"Good job?"

I smiled.

"Good job," I repeated with amusement.

"What do you want for Christmas, don't say…"

"You."

"That. Don't say that."

"You doing something crazy, something that you have never done before." I went on.

He smiled at last.

"Like what?"

"I'll tell you after I read the Kama Sutra."

He sighed.

"What about a real, tangible present?"

"I don't want that…unless it's a toy that you can use to…"

He suddenly turned, nearly hitting me in the nose with the back of his head in the process. Exclaiming:

"Brother!"

"Huh?"

"My brother might sleepover." He realized with horror.

"Oh, right. Then…something to muffle your moans?"

I lightly bit his cheek, only to lick the spot right after. However, felt my own face hurting more than my biting probably hurt him.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I."

He escaped since my reflexes were dulled. Ending up facing me, head on the pillow. Staring back almost accusatory, and dead serious.

It made me grin.

"We're not doing it with my brother in the house. Or my parents. Now that I think about it, it's better if we don't do it at all. So, they can't smell it on us."

"What are you getting so heated up for? Aren't they going to sleep at a hotel again?"

"After they find out that I'm gay?!"

"So that's how you make them stay overnight. Hmm, you should've done it sooner then."

"My brother's going to freak out…"

"Your brother already knows," I said in a joking manner.

"What? Did you tell him?!"

"Nah. But he's not stupid. Or at the very least, I suspect he knows something's up."

"Maybe…"

I planted more kisses on his cheek and then went down the neck, and shoulder and then pushed him on his back softly to pull on his nipple with my fingers through the clothed chest.

He was looking up at me with red cheeks and hazy eyes when he asked:

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing much. How about you?"

"You said that you're not in the mood."

"Am I not allowed to touch you?" I tried to sound offended, but he didn't buy it.

"That's not what I was asking."

"You don't like it then?"

"That's not what I meant…"

"Hmm…"

I leaned down, but all I could smell was the alcohol on my breath when I stuck out my tongue to lick his lips.

He closed his eyes, but I kept watching his eyelids.

The more I sucked on his tongue, the more flushed he was getting.

"Do you have a fever?" I asked with no real concern after pulling away and checking his temperature with the back of my hand.

"Probably not…"

"You're red."

"So are you"

"Are you drunk?"

"Maybe. A bit."

"You're too pretty."

He was taken aback again.

And I felt more offended by it this time.

"Thank you?"

"You're welcome. Now kiss me."

He tried to reach me without going on his elbows, but couldn't. So, he strained his neck until I held the back of his head up.

He didn't stick out his tongue. He just massaged my lips with his and then placed little kisses like I've been doing to him all over my face. Way faster and making way more involuntary sounds.

It was my turn to be shocked.

"What?" He asked when I froze for more than a few seconds.

"Don't do that." I demanded, unsure if I meant it myself.

"Why not?"

"You'll make me hard…"

"Oh…"

He averted his eyes so I maneuvered his head to face me entirely. Saying:

"I changed my mind. Do it again."

"No…"

"That's how much you don't want to have sex with me?"

"I'm tired."

"You're always tired. If I didn't know you're a stoner, I would've dragged you to the hospital by now."

He chuckled, and I chuckled along.

Before I killed that chuckle with another kiss on the lips. Doing the exact same thing that he did, but finishing with a slow tongue dance instead of many little kisses.

He moaned into my mouth and I couldn't help but pull on his hair. Hoping that'll make him moan again.

He was responding more than usual. Getting closer on his own. Almost leading as much as I was.

But he said: "Sorry." Right after saliva dripped down his chin when we stopped to catch our breath.

"What for?"

"Moaning."

"I like it when you moan."

He looked down.

"Yeah."

"You're trying to keep me soft?"

He nodded weakly.

"Does it really hurt that much?" I wanted to know.

"Last time, not much. It actually felt good in the middle somewhere."

"Then I don't get it."

"You take too long." He blurted curtly.

"Ah…I wouldn't if you didn't fall asleep." I nodded to myself.

"Liar."

"You're one to talk…" I argued with a smile.

"I'm not a liar."

"If you say so…"

"I am not. When did I lie?"

"Today." I went on when he started looking afraid again, "When you pushed me away in Fred's kitchen."

For a second, he visibly relaxed. And I had to pretend I didn't notice. Not for him. But for myself.

"He was standing right behind us!" He argued.

"Once again, you're wrong and deaf. That aside, so what if he was? He knows about us."

"That doesn't mean it's alright to feel me up in front of him." He deadpanned. Eyelid covering half his eyes.

"He wasn't even in the room!"

"You don't know that!"

"I know! I was paying attention to him all day. Trust me."

"Alright, but…after I'll tell my parents, and in the miraculous scenario in which they're fine with it, we'll have to keep the touching to a minimum. And by that, I mean, no touching."

I sighed and pulled on his hair just to inflict some light pain.

"You're so much fun. Did you know that?" I inquired, sarcastically.

"Please." He closed his eyes and opened them back up, speaking slowly, "Until they get used to it…in like ten years, then we can, kiss, maybe."

"You want to be mine in ten years too, huh?"

"Hypothetically." He pointed one finger up.

"Oh. I agree only if we're together, hypothetically, in ten years from today, and you kiss me, without any input from me, on the lips and with tongue in front of your brother."

"Ok. Let it out." He exhaled and rolled his eyes. "Why do you hate Jung?"

"Ha! I don't hate him."

"But you don't like him either."

"He's the one who doesn't like me." I was trying not to sound as bitter as I was.

"If you had a little brother and you had the feeling that another guy was doing him…"

I finished his sentence with:

"I'd hope he lasts more than one hour."

He feigned being shocked. Talking in a squeaky tone: "I'm not talking to you anymore." And then added a normal, definite: "You're drunk."

He turned his head in the opposite direction and closed his eyes. Pretending to fall asleep on my hand.

"Don't be mean…talk to me some more." I pleaded, stubbornly moving his head up and down.

"No. You're not making any sense."

"I was being honest."

Eyes snapped open and glared with irritation, exclaiming:

"Then you're just insane!"

"Why am I the one who's insane? You're the little brother."

"Yeah, so?"

"You're the one who's being fucked."

"Yeah, so? What's your angle?"

"My angle?" I started laughing and tickling him with my left hand. His head thrashing around. Freeing the right one. The hand that I used to dodge the arms that tried to keep mine still.

He kept laughing without being able to help himself. When it looked like the pain was winning over the amusement, I let him catch his breath while I placed a kiss on the spot between his eyes.

"What about my angle?" I asked.

"You're the one who needs to get stuff checked at a hospital. Not me."

I leaned on my left side, elbow on the mattress, fist holding my chin up.

"By the way, did you tell your therapist about this brand-new concern of yours?"

"No…"

"What did you tell her?"

"Not much. But I let her know that I am in a relationship now."

"With a girl?"

"Pretty much…but I don't think she's bought it."

"Why not?"

"A hunch?"

"Hmm…would you have sex with me if I were a girl?"

"A girl? As tall as you? Hell no."

"At least try to pretend that you would!"

I was tickling him again. And this time he tried rolling away, but I caught him right when he was about to roll out the blankets. Held the back of his head, making sure his face was facing my chest. Like the little spoon that he was.

"You want me to lie?"

"Yes. Lie to me," I whispered, leaning down to his ear, right before shoving my tongue inside of it.

"Why? I thought that you ah, wanted me to be ah… honest..."

"Lie to me...I'll lie to you too. Just don't get caught."

"That sounds like a horrible deal, but I'll let it slide since you're… aw, drunk."

"Lie or tell me the truth. I don't care. Just don't cheat and don't…die."

"This took a dark turn." He said jokingly. Clearly trying to liven up the atmosphere.

"If you're in any trouble. Of your doing or not…"

"Namjoon, I'm fine. You're the one who just got beat up in front of your own house. Why are you talking like this all of a sudden?"

"Even after we break up." I went on right above his now, red ear.

"Namjoon, go drink some water."

"Regardless if I am the one who wants to break up. Which means I am being held at gunpoint. Still, if you're ever in trouble…come find me. I'll make someone help you if I can't."

"…shut up…"

"I mean it."

Voice barely above a whisper, the words: "I know" reached my ear.

He covered the hand that was on top of his stomach before continuing much louder: "And I also know that you're drunk."

"I thought about this while I was sober. I'm just choosing to tell you when I am not."

"Alright! Let's talk about something else."

"Like what?"

"Like what do you want for Christmas. And don't say…"

"You."