Naruto x Sekirei - Part 8

Homura knew – intellectually – that procrastinating wouldn't do him any good, but he was doing it anyway.

How does one go about telling a proud, reserved, stately woman like Miya that not only was she being continuously, deliberately snubbed by someone, but that said someone had also demanded a pair of her used panties if she wanted to speak with him?

Somehow, Homura was utterly certain that it wouldn't end well, especially as he could easily see someone like Naruto rejecting said panties if they were not sexy enough. Not that Miya was likely to actually give him a pair.

Miya had been something of an immovable object for years now and Homura very much suspected that Uzumaki was akin to an unstoppable force. A confrontation between them might be messy, but it would at least resolve the situation as one would have to either move or stop moving. The problem was, that Uzumaki was taking a perverse delight in working around said immovable object despite the fact that he more than likely didn't need to. Considering his repeated perverse provocation, he was probably trying to make Miya move.

Homura mused that it was actually easier to deal with Naruto than Miya. He was a big, crass pervert with no sense of restraint or boundaries, but he was also very laid back and rather helpful. The only time that anyone had actually seen the horned man get angry had been during that incident with #84's unlamented former Ashikabi , which was perfectly understandable even if the follow up had been a bit extreme.

If he was perfectly honest with himself, he hadn't really had any intention of telling Miya about their recent encounter at all. Alas, his perfectly reasonable and wise plan had been foiled by Tsukiumi.

The volatile Water Sekirei had eventually been overcome by curiousity and had come to visit Izumo Inn to take a look at the Ashikabi she had reacted to. Predictably, she had not been impressed by Minato. Naruto may have been harsh in his description of the young rōnin, but that didn't mean he was wrong.

Though obviously intelligent, he buckled under the slightest pressure and it was doubly bad when the pressure was being applied by a woman. Seeing as Takami was the boy's mother, Homura could somewhat understand where that had come from, but it didn't make him any less underwhelming.

Tsukiumi's temper on the subject of her would-be Ashikabi had been even more frayed due to the fact that he already had two Sekirei, Musubi and Matsu. Matsu, who had recently winged herself on Minato after she had reacted to him and was now chuckling perversely as she teased Tsukiumi.

He idly wondered if Matsu would still be so gleeful about being winged if she knew that the reaction meant absolutely nothing.

Either way, his cunning plan of keeping Naruto's perverse and insulting behavior away from Miya's ears would eventually be foiled. It hadn't been yet, but it wouldn't be long with the way that Matsu was provoking Tsukiumi.

"Silence thyself harlot! Know you not that the reaction is false? I am free while thee are reduced to being a harem girl for this weakling."

Aaaaand there it goes. Homura thought fatalistically as Tsukiumi's angry half-shout echoed through the area for all and sundry to hear, including the neighbours. The statement naturally drew plenty of curiousity and questions were asked.

A few minutes later, everyone had heard the gist of Tsukiumi's run in with Naruto, including the fact that Homura had been present.

"Ara, you didn't mention that you met Uzumaki-san again Homura. Did you forget?" Miya asked mildly and took a sip of her tea.

The Fire Sekirei didn't trust that mild tone, but knew that there was no point in doing anything but telling the truth. "No, I didn't forget."

Miya hummed, which could be interpreted either as appreciation of the tea or as something more sinister. Homura interpreted it as something more sinister.

"Did you extend my dinner invitation to him and his wife?"

Homura winced at the fact that she hadn't even asked why he hadn't told her about it. Still, he plowed on with this inevitable trainwreck of a conversation. "I did."

Several moments passed in silence as Homura tried to find some way of sugarcoating it so that wouldn't lead to Miya bringing out the Hannya mask. Naturally, he failed as Naruto's response had been so salty that it was sugar repellant.

"And?"

Homura winced again at the veiled impatience in her tone. He'd been procrastinating again damnit.

"He said that he was 'too busy snatching up your feathers' to talk to you and that you should make an appointment if you want to talk to him. I don't think he was serious though, since he also said that he would 'get to you eventually'." Homura finally said. There was no way in hell that he was going to repeat the part about the panties even if Miya wasn't the type to kill the messenger.

At first glance, Miya didn't seem to be offended, but a closer look would give lie to that impression. She was very carefully not-crushing her tea cup and her face still looked serene except for the minute tightness around her eyes. Well, that and the dark miasma radiating from her.

Miya was a proud woman and knew it. She was the Eighth Sekirei Pillar and the last one still among the living, the final goddess of Kouten, a possessor of vast power due to her position and as such had good reason for her pride.

Not even Minaka had ever disrespected her to this extent and she would have killed that fool long ago if he were not necessary, but even that abeyance had been strained. Especially as she had always suspected that he had a hand in Takehito's death, despite it supposedly being 'accidental'.

If something like this had happened before she had met and fallen in love with Takehito, she would have long since gone to challenge the offensive horned man to a battle, but she was different now. She could easily see that this Uzumaki Naruto was attempting to provoke a response from her with his actions and words. He was blithely pursuing his own agenda without any hint of subtlety and ignoring her wholesale despite being well aware of her identity.

Unfortunately, she couldn't say that his attempts at provoking her bore no fruit. Her pride was deeply stung by this dismissal and it made her itch to force him to acknowledge her, but that could prove problematic. He was not one of her tenants, who could be terrified into submission or forced to obey her rules. Miya would never admit that she mostly enforced her 'no illicit activities' rule for her own amusement, though she'd given Uzume and Chiho a bit of leeway and pretended that she didn't catch everything. But aside from her amusement, it also served to remind everyone that she was the strongest and was to be respected.

She also couldn't go storming through his front door to redress the insult he'd given without looking like a madwoman. In the end, she had no tangible reason to be so offended aside from her pride in light of the fact that he was by all appearances trying to help the Sekirei, whereas she had more or less given up hope that there would be any Sekirei left alive in another twenty years.

Granted, they obviously had resources and powers that she did not, and were not as restricted as she, but it could not be denied that she had put away her sword and done nothing while her feathers fell one by one. Not that there was a great deal that she could have done, considering the restrictions placed on the Pillars and Minaka's own safeguards, but she had not even tried after Takehito had died. Aside from being her love, he had also been the only hope for the survival of the Sekirei as a species and his death had meant their certain extinction. Minaka's ridiculous plans had only served to hasten the inevitable.

But now these newcomers had come, doing things that had been thought impossible as if it was nothing. Despite his abrasive and annoying personality, Uzumaki did seem to be genuinely helping the Sekirei, even though the manner of his help was rather unorthodox and he had already killed a number of them. For this reason, she would not react to the provocation and wait for their inevitable meeting instead.

Besides that, she also refused to be manipulated and these attempts to provoke a reaction from her were blindingly obvious.

Matsu had continued trying to find information on him and though little was found, video footage had revealed that every Sekirei that was now living with him seemed to be safe and in good health, with not a single one missing or looking mistreated in a way that would imply he was doing something unscrupulous with them.

Tsukiumi's continued freedom further reinforced the notion that all of them stayed with him of their own volition.

"I see, well I suppose that there is no harm in waiting for them to have some time for dinner with a poor widow like myself." Miya finally said, maintaining a conscious effort to make it sound as real as possible instead of showing just how much the spurned dinner invitation angered her.

Homura breathed a sigh of relief as the menacing aura around the purple haired landlady slowly receded. "At the rate that Uzumaki and his wife are going, it probably isn't going to be long in any case."

"Naruto-sama is coming over for dinner?" Musubi exclaimed excitedly from the doorway, having apparently heard the last part.

Homura jumped at the unexpectedly stealthy arrival of Musubi. Apparently, he hadn't been paying attention.

"Perhaps, though we don't know when." Miya replied, Musubi's infectious enthusiasm serving to cool her temper further. It was hard to be in a bad mood around the fist fighter.

"That's so amazing! He was really helpful when he explained that sex was like common sense! I want to ask him for a spar and he can ask oya-san about her carpets and drapes!" Musubi continued to gush, instantly sending a freezing chill down Homura's spine.

Now, Homura hadn't heard every detail about the time when Musubi and Minato as well as Seo and his two Sekirei had encountered Naruto, but he could connect the dots on this one.

Unfortunately, so could Miya.

"Ara? What's this about my carpets and drapes?" She asked with a pleasant smile that was somehow very menacing for just about everyone. She was also fairly irritated by the way that he'd apparently misled the naive young girl with his 'explanations', but she could get mad about that later.

Homura frantically tried to signal Musubi to stop talking, an act that was completely missed by the oblivious Sekirei.

"Naruto-sama said that he wanted to ask if your carpets and drapes matched, he seemed very interested about that."

"I see." Miya said calmly, her teacup stone still as she restrained herself from crushing it. She had a momentary strange hope that Seo would walk through the door so that she could throw it at him.

"What are thou speaking of in here? I heard mention of the perverse fiend who hath freed me." Tsukiumi demanded, having apparently chased after Musubi after deeming Minato and Matsu as unworthy of her time. The fist fighter was a warrior at least, unlike those two, even if she was an oddball.

"Naruto-sama might be coming to eat dinner with us, isn't that great? We could get to spar with him!" Musubi repeated excitedly to the Water Sekirei.

Musubi and Tsukiumi had, strangely enough, developed a tentative friendly rivalry since both of them liked to fight. There was no real friction between them since Tsukiumi remained singularly unimpressed by Minato and was extremely glad that she hadn't been shoehorned into becoming his Sekirei.

Tsukiumi blinked at that information and replied in a confused tone, ignoring Homura's even more frantic hand waving. "Did the beast not say that he would only come here if the landlady surrendered her underwear to him? Regardless, I too would welcome the chance to test myself against him."

The sound of a palm impacting a face went mostly unheard as Miya's smile became decidedly strained and a Hannya mask started forming.

Salvation from the horrible manifestation of ill intent came in the form of Seo's voice greeting Minato outside.

Without hesitation, Miya hurled her teacup out the door and at the pervert, just barely restraining herself from throwing it so hard that it would kill him.

Seo howled in pain and clutched at his bleeding head. "What the hell is wrong with you woman?! I haven't even broken any of your stupid rules."

"Speaking to me so disrespectfully is forbidden in Izumo Inn scum-san." Miya said almost cheerfully and smacked him over the head with a ladle that she had grabbed from somewhere on her way out.

Back inside, Homura was sweatdropping at how much harsher than normal Miya's treatment of Seo was. Clearly, Naruto had gotten to her already and they hadn't even met in person. He was most definitely not looking forward to the time when they actually sat at the same table.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hello Little Crow."

Karasuba really hated that nickname. Hated how diminutive it was and hated how it was always spoken in such a friendly tone. Even the very first time that he'd said it, he'd spoken it as if they were friends and he knew her well enough to provoke her with a challenge and a teasing nickname.

"Uzumaki."

"Mou, so distant and harsh. Is that any way to talk to a friend?" She could hear both the pout and the grin in his words. He knew far too well what he was doing and she hated it.

"I don't have friends."

"I'll always be your friend Little Crow, even if you don't want me to be." And she hated that reassuring tone just as much as she hated the nickname. And she hated that he hadn't gotten up and drawn his sword yet even though she was pushing the blade of her own into his neck hard enough to draw blood.

"You've got plenty of other Sekirei around you already. Be friends with them."

"This is not about being a Sekirei and besides, they don't need a friend as much as you do."

That made her blood boil, she was not some weakling that needed help, or anything for that matter!

"It's not weakness to need a friend you know."

"I told you never to read my mind!" She seethed, pressing the blade into his neck harder.

"I don't need to read your mind to know what you're thinking right now Little Crow, you're pretty predictable."

Incensed, she tried to saw his head off but found herself pushed back when he moved with incredible speed. She hadn't even seen him move and yet he was now standing opposite to her with his sword already drawn.

"Why the hell are you so insistent that I need a friend?" Karasuba ground out, restraining the urge to attack him.

Naruto didn't answer for a long few moments and instead just took in the sight of her.

She looked tired. There were noticeable bags under her eyes and her hair was a mess. She had bags under her eyes the first time he'd seen her too, but it was a good deal worse now, she looked like she'd barely gotten any sleep for days. She'd also apparently dumped her haori somewhere.

"Carrying all that hate around must be pretty exhausting." He noted casually.

"Don't try to lecture me about hate." She spat out, reminded far too much of Yume at that moment. Her old rival's most annoying trait by far had been her stupid preaching about love and how she should let go of her hate.

"I wasn't, I was just making an observation." Naruto replied dryly. "Hate has its uses, but yours seems just a little bit forced."

"What would you know?" The silver haired Sekirei snapped angrily and attacked, wanting to forestall any conversation and get to the fight instead.

He fended her off easily with one hand, not making any attempt to fight at her level. With a final clash he pushed her away and Karasuba suddenly noticed that they were now in some ruined version of Shinto Teito and the evening twilight had been replaced by the darkness of a misery inducing downpour. The previously pristine buildings were now ruined husks and the streets below were littered with wrecked cars and the occasional tank. Through the rain, she could just barely see numerous bleached white skeletons scattered through the streets.

Across from her, Naruto stood silently and waited for her to finish taking stock of her surroundings.

"What is this?" She asked with much less heat in her voice than before. Even she was struck by how desolate everything looked.

"This is what you wanted isn't it? To see the world burn?" Naruto replied and gestured towards the distance. "This is probably what it would look like after the fires went out."

"It's not real, just something you created." She scoffed. "Why would you show me this anyway?"

"Considering that you claim to want this to happen, you don't seem particularly upset at the idea that it's not real."

"Don't play games with me!" She snarled and launched herself at him, sending them both flying to another rooftop.

For a few minutes they fought, bringing some of the remaining skyscrapers crashing down before Naruto forced a bladelock to keep her still.

"How old are you Little Crow?"

Karasuba froze in surprise at the unexpected question but regained her senses shortly and jumped away.

"You said that you have all of Minaka's memories...that must mean that you know already." She responded warily.

"I do, but humor me please, lets pretend that I don't. There are certain things that Minaka didn't know and relying on someone else's knowledge is stupid in any case."

Karasuba remained silent, instead staring at him and keeping a tight grip on her sword.

Seeing that she had no intention of answering, Naruto spoke as if just thinking out loud. "Twenty years ago, Minaka and Takami found the space ship that you Sekirei used to arrive on this planet. Inside was one adult, eight embryos and ninety nine fetilized eggs. A couple of years later, Kamikura island was invaded by various foreign powers in an attempt to seize the ship and the embryos for themselves. The invasion was repelled by the first generation Discplinary Squad, consisting of the first four Sekirei and led by Miya."

Karasuba's jaw was clenched tightly as she spoke, knowing exactly what he was getting at. "What are you on about? Miya is a Sekirei too, Sekirei #01. You know that."

"I have some doubts about Miya being a Sekirei. Even if she is called #01, she's different than the rest of you in some way."

Karasuba couldn't deny that, Miya had always been different.

"But to get back to my point...how exactly could the first generation Disciplinary Squad defend the island if four of you were still nothing but embryos two years previously? You look to be in your late twenties, but that can't possibly be right all things considered and I already know that Sekirei age at the same speed as humans."

"Eighteen, I'm eighteen." Karasuba growled with a glare, wanting him to get to the point already.

Naruto nodded at her and continued talking. "Minaka, being the stereotypical scientist, naturally didn't want to bring Miya out of stasis before he'd learned as much as possible about you and the ship while he had the chance. He had already established MBI with the technology he'd recovered there when spies got the truth of his success back to their respective governments. At the time he didn't have the same private army that he has now and so he was left with little choice but to bring Miya out of stasis when news reached him of an invasion. His rudimentary understanding of the Jinki led him to attempting the creation of a control method on her, which failed but resulted in every other Sekirei ending up as they were now."

Karasuba was listening intently by now, as this was information that she hadn't heard of before.

"Miya was in a precarious situation at that point, as she had no idea what kind of enemies she was up against and needed information. Considering that her ship had crashed a thousand years ago, the tech level of the natives was a good deal higher than expected. Learning that the other seven ships had long ago been destroyed with a bare handful of survivors, all of which were naturally dead by then, forced her into a partnership with Minaka. After reviewing what kind of opposition she was up against, she agreed to bringing four Sekirei out of stasis and accelerating their growth so that they'd be able to help fend off the attack. The fact that the first four of you had the most convenient powers for that purpose was just a coincidence."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that you were two months old when they put a sword in your hand and told you to kill. Sure, they might have done their best to shove as much information into you as possible, but you were still far too young for it and it's left you with serious issues."

"So, what? Are you going to 'fix' me?" She asked sarcastically.

"Nope, it's far too late for that and it might not have been possible to begin with." He responded bluntly.

Despite herself, Karasuba's heart stung at the callous answer.

"But you've done surprisingly well on your own. You might have a bit of a bloodthisty bent, but you're much saner than many of your fellow Sekirei that would kill a man just to watch him die and they don't have the same excuse as you."

While Karasuba was busy ignoring the tiny flicker of happiness at the words, Naruto had just one more thing to sasy. "What you really need is a friend."

"What the hell would you know about what I need you bastard?!" She hissed furiously and attacked again.

"Clearly playing the lone wolf hasn't been working for you if you want to see the world burn." Naruto riposted dryly, showing no strain as he fended off her furious attack.

They fighting went on for some time as Karasuba kept up her angry offensive. From building to building they fought until the city looked even more ruined than before.

Naruto wasn't surprised by her anger, he'd expected it even. For a woman that prided herself on her strength and was used to dealing with everything alone, it must be maddening to have someone telling you that they needed someone. But Karasuba really did need someone, no matter what she told herself.

She had tried, in her own way, to reach out to Yume, but the other Sekirei hadn't understood. Her growth had been accelerated too, but that had been after Miya had left and Yume hadn't ever killed anyone as far as he knew. The Sekirei of Fate had tried to convince Karasuba to give up her hate and find love, but failed to take into account how different the Black Sekirei was.

Karasuba had buried the trauma of causing that much death at the very start of her life under a mountain of bones and superiority, she had coped by hating humans and convincing herself that they were so weak that they didn't matter. The same way that humans thought nothing of squashing a bug. She wouldn't have known how to live without that hate and disdain. If she hadn't been a Sekirei with a naturally violent predisposition, she'd have probably never been anything close to functional, much less as stable as she was now.

The others had dealth with the experience in their own ways.

Miya had been suspiciously unbothered by it

Kazehana had crawled into a bottle and never come out, something which had only worsened when Minaka had rejected her, though Naruto personally thought that the Wind Sekirei had dodged a bullet there.

Matsu had never even looked up from her laptop for the entire time of the fighting and had focused only on disabling the invader's electronics. She had come out of that with her hands unbloodied.

Mutsu had kept to himself and been rather depressive about it for years. His winging to Mikogami had been rather ironically good for him.

Those three had helped, but mainly in a defensive role. It had been Miya and Karasuba who had done the vast majority of the killing.

Yume had been the closest thing to a friend that Karasuba had ever had and her sacrifice hadn't done the silver haired woman any favors. She'd only consented to being winged by Natsuo because they both wanted to see the world destroyed.

Though Naruto was of the opinion that Natsuo was a moron. Wanting the world destroyed because your lover died was Uchiha logic, and Uchiha logic was not very logical. It wasn't like the entire world had conspired to kill him or something.

Naruto stopped waffling in his own thoughts and decided to tease the silver haired woman a bit.

"Too slow." He said and dodged out of the way of another of her infuriated attacks.

Karasuba growled and swung at him again, only for Naruto to dodge again, this time propelling himself into the wreck of what used to be an office building. Naturally she pursued, slashing the walls to ribbons as she went.

When she went for another diagonal slash, he swung his own sword from below and impaled hers into the ceiling. In the split second that it took her to generate enough force to rip her blade free, he'd already jumped out of the shattered window and onto another building, this time one that had never finished construction.

As further incentive, he made a beckoning gesture that served to make her even more angry.

With an angry shout, she jumped after him, fully intent on leveling what was left of the fake city if it would stop him from jumping from one building to the next. Much to her displeasure, her sword only clanged against the exposed steel girders, revealing that he was making them indestructable.

Forced to avoid smacking her sword into the many obstructions around them, she nonetheless continued her pursuit. But she was tired already, having fought like a berserker due to her anger instead of pacing herself, and was thus prone to mistakes.

Panting harshly and glaring through a curtain of rain-soaked hair, she slammed her sword against his without any finesse or consideration for his superior strength, wanting nothing more than to make him bleed.

Naruto blocked it easily and pushed her back.

Karasuba made a misstep on the narrow length of steel they were fighting on and slipped because of the rain. Unable to catch on to something in time, her free hand flailed for something, anything, to grab on to. Unexpectedly, it was seized by another hand and then she found herself sitting down with Naruto keeping an arm around her. Judging by the fact that there was more room, he'd also transported them to a more open setting in the same motion.

"How could you say that we aren't friends when we have such good times together?" Naruto asked brightly, making sure to radiate enough heat to keep her warm.

"Screw you Uzumaki." Karasuba spat out angrily. She was pissed the fuck off. At him for prying at the past instead of keeping things nice and simple, but mostly at herself. She'd fought like an idiot and exhausted herself for no good reason, she'd stumbled like an amateur and lost her balance and most of all, she was angry because her sword was in easy reach but she didn't feel like getting up. The rain and wind had been freezing cold and he was so warm, not to mention that the rain wasn't falling here and it was comfortable.

Several minutes passed in silence with nothing happening except for the two of them watching the torrential downpour before Karasuba spoke up.

"Well, get on with it then." She just sounded tired now instead of angry. She hadn't even enjoyed the fight this time.

"Get on with what?" Naruto asked curiously.

Rolling her eyes, the silver haired Sekirei snapped at him. "Whatever stupid lecture you have planned about how I should let go of my hate. That is why you arranged all this isn't it?"

Naruto noted the bitterness in her voice but made no mention of it. Instead he answered with his usual flippancy. "You can go ahead and keep hating if you want, I was just saying that it has to be pretty tiring. It was tiring for me when I hated someone with that kind of intensity."

Karasuba looked at him in disbelief. After all that, he was just blowing it all off?! "Then what was all this about?"

"It was about making you feel better." He grinned. "You do feel better don't you?"

No doubt she had spent the whole time since she'd fled the hotel in the middle of the night trying to figure out why she had felt so remarkably well rested and mellow after their fights. Equally without doubt was the fact that her inability to find an answer that she was comfortable with had been driving her crazy. Silly girl and her refusal to admit that it was nice to have a friend that didn't judge you.

She exhaled harshly and looked away without answering. She did feel better, it had felt good to rage at someone like that and he'd known it would. He'd specifically provoked her with things she didn't want to think of and didn't want to remember and made her vent against him. The bastard.

"When did you become a psychologist?" She asked sarcastically instead of showing anything even resembling gratitude.

Naruto kept grinning. "I'm not, but I've been using fighting as therapy for a long time. I always hated it when someone tried to talk me through my issues."

Such as the surprisingly unbiased academy therapist back in Konoha. Naruto strongly suspected that he'd only passed that little 'mental suitability for duty as a Shinobi' examination on a technicality now that he looked back on it, despite his best attempts to bullshit his way through it. That technicality being his status as a Jinchuuriki and therefore inherently mentally unstable according to 'experts'.

Not that he had been a Jinchuuriki anymore at that time, but they hadn't known that.

Either way, he'd known that Karasuba was the same as him in that regard. She was a warrior born and the only resolution to anything for her would come at the end of a blade.

The woman in question snorted at his words, definitely agreeing that Naruto had issues. She also agreed that fighting was better therapy than trying to endlessly talk about it.

"Soooo..."She drawled out, feeling more mellow by the minute because of the heat he was radiating and the strangely comfortable surface. Naruto must have been doing another of his weird things to make the hard ground so oddly soft. "What part of that didn't Minaka know? You were doing all the talking."

"Oh, he knows all of that to be sure. What he doesn't know, but I am really curious about, is why Miya hates you so much."

"Oh that, I tried to rape Takehito once." Karasuba said dismissively, not even caring anymore how he would take it.

She hadn't really expected him to burst out laughing though.

Naruto continued chortling for a good several minutes at the mental image that invoked, all the while wondering if it made him a hypocrite that the idea of a man raping a woman pissed him off, but the other way around made him laugh.

Very quickly he concluded that yes, it did. It made him a huge fucking hypocrite.

"It's not that funny." Karasuba huffed, feeling the alien emotion of embarrassment at his mirth. "He was pretty much the only person that was nice to me without being afraid and I saw him and Miya going at it once. I was four years old and I thought it was a way to show him that I liked him. Miya walked in on us and nearly killed me for it."

Naruto finally calmed down and decided to ask another question instead of making any cracks about the youngest rapist ever. "Minaka had him killed soon after that didn't he?"

"Yeah, a few months later." She confirmed. "He was doing some kind of research that Minaka didn't agree with, I even helped a few times, though Takehito never did get around to telling me why he was examining me. Miya probably blames me for that too."

Naruto had some ideas about what that reseacrch had been about. Seo Kaoru was most definitely not in the human norm, but there wouldn't be any point in going on about that now.

He didn't ask why she'd stayed on with MBI after that, knowing that it was no doubt because she'd figured that that's where she'd get the most fights. Or maybe she just had nowhere else to go.

They lapsed into silence again and Naruto got a bit bored, so he decided to be symbolic.

The rain stopped and the clouds dispersed, showing a beautiful sight of sunlight streaming through the skies and across the ruined cityscape.

"Are you trying to be symbolic here?" Karasuba asked pointedly.

"What the hell do you take me for?" Naruto asked rhetorically, incidentally not answering the question.

Karasuba snorted derisively, clearly showing what she thought of his attempts to give a non-answer.

Then she growled when the remaining clouds rearranged themselves to spell out 'Best Friends Forever!' in gigantic script.

"Fuck you Uzumaki."

The script rearranged itself again, this time adding 'With Benefits' at the end.

Karasuba growled again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The penthouse was host to a scene that was domestic in a somewhat strange manner.

Naruto, Akitsu, Yashima, Kusano, Haihane, Shiina and Yukari were taking up the couch, watching some silly comedy anime that Haihane had suggested as being both funny and age appropriate for Kusano.

Karasuba was sleeping already after Naruto had brought her back from their fight and Xanna had lost interest a few minutes ago and decided to take a bath instead.

Ever since then, Akitsu had been glancing between the door that led to the master bathroom and the TV uncertainly. She was enjoying the anime, but that was mostly because Naruto was sitting next to her rather than any real interest. A bath sounded much nicer if she was honest with herself but she didn't want to impose.

"Go ahead, I'm sure she won't mind if you join her." Naruto whispered to her quietly, having noted the Ice Sekire's indecision.

A hint of uncertainty was in Akitsu's voice when she responded. "...will you mind?"

Naruto's body shook in a silent chuckle at he hesitancy. "Of course not sweetie."

Akitsu gave him a happy little smile, both at the reassurance and at being called sweetie again and then moved towards the bathroom.

Kusano instantly pounced on the opportunity and switched so that she was sitting closer to her bigger onii-chan. Normally not a problem, except for the fact that she dragged Shiina along and stuck her tongue out at Yukari as she did so.

Offended, Yukari's cheeks puffed out and she moved to reposition herself back at Shiina's side.

This triggered a whole lot of shifting as pretty much everyone had to reposition themselves in a way that nobody was left pouting at the end because they weren't sitting next to whoever they wanted to sit next to.

Naruto and Haihane shared an eyeroll, being the only ones who thought that the whole thing was rather silly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Xanna hummed slightly in enjoyment as Akitsu brushed her hair with a brush that was designed both as an actual brush and a scalp massager. It felt nice enough that she had even receded her horns for the time being, despite feeling more comfortable with them.

Originally she had been intending to read a book while taking a soak in the scented bubble bath, but Akitsu's presence made her change her mind.

Xanna liked Akitsu. The shy and generally inexpressive Ice Sekirei was very eager to please and took every opportunity to do so. Added to that, she almost never asked for anything and even when she did it was only minor things that could barely be called requests. She was also very quiet and didn't chatter endlessly the way that most mortals couldn't seem to help themselves from doing. It also helped that she made for good eye candy and not just for Naruto. Xanna herself found the female form more attractive in most cases, which had been the primary reason that she had chosen it for herself in the first place.

Akitsu was also extraordinarily easy to please, to the point that it was rather strange actually, but that was easy enough to explain. The long years of being nothing but a laboratory experiment for MBI had left her with a nearly completely destroyed sense of self worth and only the most basic of desires. The simple act of being allowed to join her in the bath and brush her hair made her happier than most people would be with something far greater.

She knew that Naruto had already made note of all those who had reduced the girl to this state and all of them bar Minaka were slated to be tossed into one of those amusing dungeon scenarios that he had thought up.

All of it may have happened before he had picked the Ice Sekirei up from that bench in the park, but Naruto didn't really care about that.

Xanna approved. Vengeance for wrongs committed need not be restricted to things you were there for.

A few minutes of brushing later, Xanna had developed a craving for one of the things that she'd discovered in the previous dimension.

Summoning the conveniently placed phone to her hand, she dialed room service.

"Room service, how may we help you?"

"I want one extra large and one large banana and pineapple smoothie with added melted chocolate delivered to the penthouse."

That chocolate was actually payed for in advance and held in reserve exclusively for her. It was extremely high quality stuff, imported from somewhere in Europe at great cost and she had more or less demanded that it only be used for her own needs. Though in this particular case she was intending to share it with Akitsu.

She'd have shared it with Naruto too, but her husband had no sweet tooth to speak of unless it was somehow used during sex. Whenever he had a smoothie it was without the chocolate, though she assumed that he would like it if he tried, but he tended to avoid sweets rather stubbornly. Many years of maintaining a healthy diet had left him with no real desire for them and the only unhealthy food he had ever permitted himself was a weekly bowl of ramen made by Ayame and even that had stopped with her death.

He didn't need to bother with watching what he ate anymore, but he much preferred salty foods over sweet ones.

"Right away ma'am, we'll have them delivered in a few minutes."

Xanna hung up at that point without even contemplating a thank you for their service. It was their job after all, why should she thank them for doing what they were payed to do? She never did understand that line of logic, which meant that it was just another stupid thing that humans had made up.

She also rolled her eyes in irritation at being referred to as 'ma'am' again. She was looking forward to the time when people would be calling her something more appropriate, such as 'your majesty'.

Having had enough of the hair brushing at this point, Xanna moved Akitsu to her front and regrew the horns on her head.

"Mistress?" Akitsu asked in slight confusion at being moved. She had seemed to be enjoying herself and Akitsu herself had enjoyed brushing the pure white hair.

"You've been a good girl Akitsu, so just relax now." Xanna said lightly to the Ice Sekirei and ran her claws very lightly over her back.

Akitsu flushed at the compliment and then shuddered as the nerves on her back sent sensations of tingling pleasure shooting up her spine. The following shoulder and neck rub left her feeling equal parts very good and very uncomfortable. Very good because it was a really great massage and uncomfortable because it just didn't seem right to be on the receiving end without doing anything in return. But she had been told to relax and did her best to comply.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I think we might have jumped the gun a bit when we thought that Naruto and his wife were running a sex slave operation up here." Shou said pensively as they made their way to the elevator.

"How do you figure that?" Naoki asked.

"It just doesn't make sense for them to be paying for all those expensive rooms if he's looking to make money from selling those girls." Shou replied.

"I've been wondering about that too." Yuno added.

Technically, it didn't require all three of them to bring up the two smoothies, but since it was pretty late and there wasn't much work they figured that they might as well. It was almost time for the night shift of hotel staff to take over anyway.

"But it does make sense if they're not doing it for the money." Naoki countered, playing devil's advocate.

"And what else could they be doing it for genius?" Shou asked sarcastically.

"I don't know, the souls of the innocent?" Naoki hazarded.

"You've been talking to Kenta too much." Yuno derided.

"Maybe they're turning them into Succubi." Naoki guessed with a leer, clearly joking this time.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Shou mocked.

"Probably the only way he could get a woman." Yuno joined in.

"C'mon guys, now you're just being mean." Naoki sulked.

They reached the elevator at that point and were surprised to find themselves sharing it with another person.

It was a beautiful woman with short-ish silver hair, half moon glasses and wearing a frilly purple top that was very tight around her very large breasts.

The three bellhops gave each other knowing looks when they saw that she had the same distinctly odd silver hair that many of the women around Naruto had. She had also pressed the top floor button, which was being payed for by Naruto in its entirety.

The trip to the penthouse was made in silence from that point on, none of the three bellhops wanting to continue their conversation in front of the strange woman. It was all very uncomfortable because even when they reached the top floor, she was still around since she marched directly for the penthouse and knocked firmly on the door while they trailed behind her

Naruto opened the door after a few seconds and blinked in confusion at who was in front of the door.

"Kochō...and the cute delivery minions." He said slowly, as if trying to figure something out. "Has my wife been ordering smoothies at this hour again?"

"Uzumaki-sama, I must speak with you." The now named Kochō said without preamble.

"Yes, I suppose I did forget to collect you after that little debacle with Kakizaki." Naruto said agreeably. "But first, let me just take these smoothies to Xanna and Akitsu."

Moments later, the door closed and the three bellhops were left standing in the hallways, bearing confused expressions.

"So..." Yuno stared.

"Naruto forgot to 'collect' this Kochō woman..." Shou continued.

"...after an altercation of some sort with some guy named Kakizaki," Naoki picked up.

"and she's already calling him Uzumaki-sama." Yuno finished.

"Well that doesn't mean anything, technically we should be calling him that too." Naoki pointed out.

"Yeah, but Naruto seemed to know her and he tells everyone not to be so formal." Yuno countered.

"That's true." Naoki mused.

"I'm more interested in the part where he was supposed to collect her." Shou interjected.

"It could just be a figure of speech." Yuno suggested weakly, knowing how thin that argument sounded.

"If he's trying to keep all of these women in one place then it could definitely be called 'collecting'." Naoki said thoughtfully. "Maybe he's gathering a harem of exotic women for some super rich guy and everything is being payed for by someone else."

"Now you're starting with the harems too? Has Shou gotten you hooked on his pervy anime?"

"Hey." Shou snapped in protest. "Those anime belong to my girlfriend and it's not about the ecchi, but about the struggle of finding true love in a school setting."

"Uh huh." Yuno said derisively, accompanied by an eyeroll. Clearly, she believed not a word of it.

"But seriously, just think about it." Naoki interrupted what might become a serious argument. "If some super rich Arab guy with a fetish for hot girls with weird hair colors was paying for all this, then it would sort of make sense. Those guys have like...infinite money don't they? They wouldn't care how expensive something was."

"Do Naruto and his wife really look like the type that you can just hire to do things for you?" Yuno asked pointedly.

They all stayed silent for a while as they considered that question.

Naruto, who constantly gave off the impression that he would do pretty much anything just for laughs. Then there was his wife - whose name they figured to be Xanna based on contextual conjecture-, who gave everyone the feeling that just about everything was beneath her.

"I guess not." Naoki admitted. "But I'm all out of ideas for what they could be doing with all of these women then."

"Maybe Yuno could infiltrate their ranks." Shou suggested with a leer.

The woman in question gave him a flat stare at the obviously lewd suggestion.

Shou gave a nervous laugh at the silent, flat stare he was receiving. "Ahaha, sorry Yuno. It was just a joke?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kochō was a very smart Sekirei and very good with information as befit her status as a Brain Type. Kakizaki, and through him Higa, had made extensive use of her ability to gather information in order to advance their agenda. Names and locations of Ashikabi, abilities and personalities of Sekirei, all of this and more she had provided to Higa at the behest of her Ashikabi. Much of Higa's power as the 'Ashikabi of the East' had been gained thanks to her information gathering.

Kochō knew that it was all useless now. She had studied the anomalous new arrivals and concluded that their power eclipsed anything available to the Sekirei. What little she had been able to discover of their goals based on known actions predicted a high chance of them coming into conflict with Higa eventually, at which point she was likely to suffer death or deactivation.

Casual baiting of MBI, brutal murder in broad daylight, flaunting power for the sake of amusement, battles with the Black Sekirei for fun, the easy deconstruction of the Disciplinary Squad, unwinging Sekirei, the abduction and healing of Chiho, followed by the defection of Uzume, the overnight obliteration of Mikogami Hayato's power base. All of these were the actions of someone who had no concern for the consequences or of being challenged. Whatever and whoever these horned newcomers were, they believed with absolute certainty that they were unstoppable and so far they had been right.

Kochō estimated a 86% probability that Higa and Kakizaki had been marked as targets before any of those things had occurred and that their turn was coming up very shortly. Chances of their survival were estimated to be just under 7%, chances for the survival of their Sekirei hovered between 46 and 95% due to inconclusive information.

With this in mind she had prepared certain contingencies an enacted them as soon as she was able. That time came when her Ashikabi had been lured into a trap by Uzumaki Naruto and vanished off the face of the Earth. While Higa had raged at the loss, she had waited for the optimal time to flee so that she would not be noticed by Higa's Sekirei for as long as possible, most notably Toyotama or Ichiya.

Being of a highly analytical nature, she was able to understand that no real relationship could ever exist between her and Kakizaki despite the insistent feeling of 'love' for him. Cold reason asserted that the emotion was false, but she could not stop from feeling it, nor could she disobey. But acting on her own after his capture was not disobedience.

She knew of the old adage that no plan survives contact with the enemy, but this was certainly not how she had expected things to deviate.

She needed to speak to the horned man who had abducted her Ashikabi through unknown means and she was being allowed the opportunity, but the setting was quite unorthodox. Sitting naked in a bath with three other people that you just met was hardly an ideal place for a serious conversation.

Uzumaki had invited her to join the bath after entering it himself and she hadn't been sure if refusal would mean that she would be denied an audience, so she had accepted. It was still very strange though, especially since the current conversation most definitely didn't involve anything that she had come here to speak of.

"Aw, come on Akitsu, won't you let me have a taste of your smoothie?" Naruto wheedled.

Xanna was amused that he hadn't noticed that it had chocolate in it.

The Ice Sekirei gave him a Puppy Dog Eye Look - Sleepy Version, and looked highly reluctant. She had her lips clamped over a straw while holding the large glass with both hands and was slowly sucking up the delicious concotion of fruit and chocolate through it.

Still, she couldn't bring herself to refuse and was just about ready to hand it over when Xanna spoke up. "Do not give it to him Akitsu. For one thing, he could always just order one himself and for another, barging in on our bath like this and just inviting another woman into it was quite rude."

Akitsu happily held the glass closer to her chest and continued to slowly slurp up the treat, dilemma resolved now that Xanna had commanded that she keep it to herself.

"So mean." Naruto said sulkily, though a grin was trying to force it's way through. "I'm going to throw you both into a tub filled with smoothies and lick it off you."

Xanna looked intrigued by the idea and Akitsu's face developed a blush even though her expression remained unchanged and she continued her slow enjoyment of the smoothie.

"Well, that's for later, for now lets allow Kochō here to say what she wanted to say."

Kochō adjusted her glasses and spoke. "Thank you Uzumaki-sama. As I have said, I need to speak to you now that you are holding my Ashikabi captive."

"I'm not going to let him go if that's what you're here for, but I have to give you points for having the guts to come here alone." Naruto interjected.

"That is not what I am here for, I have estimated that the chances of you releasing him are less than 3% based on your actions so far." Kochō stated analytically.

"Why are you here then?" He asked curiously. "I admit that I was going to pick you up after taking him prisoner, but Karasuba distracted me and I forgot. Sorry about that."

"There is no need for apologies, this makes things easier for me." The Brain type Sekirei said with a nod. "I wish to ask for your protection."

"Oh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow in interest. "Is there something that you need to be protected from?"

"Higa-sama and Kakizaki-sama both see Sekirei as expendable tools to be used, an outlook you do not seem to share and I estimate a 98% probability that your power exceeds theirs and that of MBI by many orders of magnitude. With Kakizaki-sama indisposed, he could not order me to stay and I was able to slip away from Higa-sama in order to ask for your protection."

"Clever girl." Xanna murmured in approval.

"So you would like me to unwing you?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Yes." Kochō confirmed with no hesitation. "I have observed your behavior and estimate a 93% probability that you do not believe in taking prisoners. I have no wish to be deactivated upon Kakizaki-sama's death."

"You'd be right about me not believing in the taking of prisoners." Naruto grinned.

"Noted." Kochō stated, giving everyone the distinct feeling that she had just updated that percentage from 93 to 100 inside her mind.

Moments later, she was unwinged and was looking down on herself with a thoughtful frown. "Curious, I had expected that I would feel different, but I do not."

"If Kakizaki thought of you as a tool to be used, then the bond was probably very weak and it isn't surprising that you aren't feeling any different." Naruto explained.

"I see, perhaps if I saw him in person again I would be able to notice my lack of feeling towards him." She said mostly to herself. "Thank you Uzumaki-sama."

"You don't have to call me Uzumaki-sama you know." He said pointedly.

"As you wish Naruto-sama."

The man in question rolled his eyes at the strange quirks that this Sekirei seemed to have, a propensity for percentages and formality.

"May I ask what you are? I have been unable to collect any information on your species or origins." Kochō asked after a momentary silence.

"We are gods." Xanna stated with an arrogant smirk.

Kochō paused in surprise for a few seconds and then adjusted her glasses again. "There is no evidence supporting the existence of divine beings. The likelihood of their existence is extremely low."

"There's no evidence against their existence either." Naruto countered with a grin.

"It is impossible to prove a negative Naruto-sama. At best one can prove point B which disproves point A, but one cannot disprove point A in and of itself." Kochō argued back.

Xanna snorted in amusement, which drew and affronted look from her husband. Both of them could clearly hear the 'idiot' at the end of that sentence, even though they were sure that Kochō would never say it.

"Anyway, you have to watch out for those low probability eventualities, they tend to have a huge impact when they do happen." Naruto said in a clear attempt to divert attention from the recent burn that had just been inflicted on him.

Kochō gave it a moment of consideration before nodding. "You are correct and you have done many things thought to be impossible, I will suspend my disbelief and accept that you are gods unless proof is given that would indicate otherwise."

The flow of conversation was broken by a loud slurping noise as Akitsu's smoothie finally reached critical levels of depletion. The Ice Sekirei ducked her head in embarrassment as everyone looked at her and she finished off the dregs of her treat.

Then she moved her glass around and gave it a sad look. "...all gone."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Benitsubasa sat on the ground with her knees tucked under her chin as she stared at the TV. It was playing one of Haihane's anime that she had left behind when she'd gone to move in with Uzumaki.

She wasn't really interested in the anime and was mostly just letting it play for the sake of nostalgia. After the humiliating incident with the strapon the previous day, she didn't really feel like leaving her room. Natsuo's rejection even though she had swallowed her pride and tried to pretend being a man for him had hurt more than usual and there had been no Haihane to rile her up and make her feel better.

Her head tilted up curiously when she detected a slight movement in the corner of her vision.

She blinked in confusion when she saw a pair of very nice fighting gloves being dangled from the ceiling by a fishing line. How the hell did that get there?

She stood up and reached for them, only to feel a hand on her back.

Spinning around, she let loose with a punch only to have it caught as if the strength she put behind it meant nothing.

"What's up Beni?" The intruder greeted.

"Uzumaki." She growled back. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was just going to drop off those gloves as a present for you, but when I saw you looking so sad I knew that I had to do something. I've always had a problem with leaving cute girls to mope."

Benitsubasa ignored the slight happiness at being called cute, as well as at the fact that he'd thought to give her a gift. Natsuo-sama had never done that.

She frowned.

Natsuo-sama...who she suddenly felt nothing for.

"What did you do?" She asked warningly.

"I unwinged you, it really wasn't right for you to be winged to that guy."

"What gives you the right to just unwing me without my permission?" She snapped back, angry that he'd just decided that all by himself.

Naruto gave her a sardonic grin decided to prove a point. "Natsuo is a fruity llittle bitch that wouldn't care if you died in a fire and he should do everyone a favor by throwing himself off a building instead of moping about his dead boy toy."

He would have felt more sorry for Natsuo if the guy wasn't such a douche.

Benitsubasa opened her mouth to shout at him reflexively, only to find out that not a trace of her usual anger was to be found at the train of insults. None of what he'd just said evoked any real emotion in her, despite the fact that it would have made her fly into a rage not five minutes ago.

"See, isn't that better? No need to get upset anymore because he doesn't want you."

"Alright fine, so it is better." Benitsubasa conceded. "Is that the only reason you're here for?"

"Pretty much." Naruto shrugged. "I used to have a cute little sister that was a lot like you and she was also in love with a self absorbed jackass for a while. She became a much better person when she stopped trying to chase after him. I got tired of seeing you get hurt all the time just because you didn't have the option of choosing to stop wetting your panties at the thought of a man that doesn't want you."

Benitsubasa swung at him again for the crude ending of that explanation and then kept swinging when he continued to block. It made her angry for a little while before she started enjoying the impromptu spar, even if neither of them could move because of all the furniture in the room.

"Spread your feet a bit wider."

"Swing your hips more when you punch."

"Don't forget your feet, throw a kick once in a while."

The chunks of advice on technique kept coming one after the other and Benitsubasa had to grudgingly admit that the horned blond really knew his stuff.

"Where did you learn all this." She asked between punches.

"Well, my technique used to suck, I was all about brute force and overwhelming power. Then I stole a dead man's memories and a lot of hand to hand combat knowledge came along with it." Naruto explained.

"Bullshit." Benitsubasa scoffed. "How the hell could you steal the memories of a dead man?"

If he'd said that he'd stolen it from the memories of a living man she might have been willing to believe him.

"Well, first I brought him back as a zombie and then I stole his memories."

"You can make zombies?" She squawked in shock, badly blundering a punch because of her surprise and getting and admonishing poke in the side because her guard was wide open. "How the hell does that work?"

"It's not that hard, you just need a live human sacrifice to call the soul of the dead back and the knowledge of how to do it." Naruto explained airily, as if it was no big deal.

They continued their mock spar for a while longer before Benitsubasa's curiousity got the better of her again.

"You said you had a little sister that was a lot like me?"

"Yep, Sakura was her name. Used to be a massively annoying harpy fangirl but she really turned herself around later and became one of the best medics and hand to hand combatants we had." Naruto elaborated, deliberately not mentioning anything to do about ninjas. He just didn't have the patience to get into all of that right now.

Benitsubasa noted the use of the past tense and decided not to pry any further into the subject of the obviously dead girl. Strangely enough she was having fun despite how easily irritated she usually got by this man. Then again, nobody aside from Haihane had ever gotten her presents or tried to cheer her up when she was upset so it was harder than usual to get mad at him.

"Want to move in with us? Haihane said she missed teasing you about your flat chest." Naruto suddenly said.

Benitsubasa snarled ferociously and attacked with even more force, but accomplished nothing save for tiring herself out. "Screw you Uzumaki."

"This really bothers you huh?" Naruto asked. "It's not just because you thought that a bigger pair of boobs would attract Natsuo."

"Of course it bothers me!" She snapped. "Almost every other Sekirei out there has a giant pair of monster tits while I...I...have a body like a boy!"

Naruto didn't comment on the slight hitch in her voice at the end there, even though he thought that the whole thing was ridiculous. Worrying about how your body looked like was way too reminiscent of some civilian teenaged girl issue to him. Though he supposed that he didn't really have any room to talk since Xanna had meddled slightly with his body to make him bigger than he would be otherwise. As for Xanna herself...well he wouldn't be surprised if she decided to take a teenaged form one day and deliberately, systematically destroy the self esteem of every female around her just for giggles. She probably had done that sometime in the past already in fact.

Finally, Naruto sighed, spun her around and placed a hand on her back. "Say when."

"Wait, what?"

Benitsubasa gaped as her breasts started growing rapidly. She was in fact so busy staring in shock that she didn't say 'when' and suddenly found her new chest exploding out of her combat kimono and causing her to overbalance as the now massively oversized rolls of fat pitched her forward.

"Ow." She whimpered, the new additions aching horribly under their own weight. She gasped in relief when they receded again.

"You didn't say when." Naruto teased as he reduced their size to something more manageable.

Benitsubasa grumbled something uncomplimentary, both of them knowing perfectly well that she'd been too stunned to do so.

When she told him to stop, she found herself the proud owner of a pair of respectably sized B cup breasts that were maybe, possibly, purely by chance a shade bigger than Haihane's.

Benitsubasa gave a very girlish giggle as she jumped to make them bounce a bit. "How did you do this?"

"I'm a god." Was the dry response from Naruto, who was taking the opportunity to ogle since she hadn't covered herself up.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" She blubbered and gave him a hug before speeding off into another room.

"Bras, I need new bras. I need bras." Naruto heard her saying to herself, obviously relishing the words.

A minute later, the pink haired one had sped off towards the nearest lingerie shop, completely forgetting that Naruto was still in her apartment in her glee at having boobs.

"I hope she doesn't tell anyone that I grew her boobs." He muttered to himself and left.

That had more potential to cause trouble than if someone had reported him for serial killing. People generally wouldn't give a damn that some dude with horns had killed a bunch of people, But tell them that a dude with horns could grow you bigger natural boobs?

He could already see the headlines in the papers. 'Satan sighted in Japan, increasing women's breast sizes. Catholic church declares large breasted women heretics.'

He'd probably have massive chunks of the world converted to Satanism within a month, with millions of women daily coming to beg for a Boob Boost, and he very much doubted that anyone would listen if he told them that he wasn't Satan.

It would be funny as fuck for about two days, but then it would start getting very, very irritating, especially if they started sacrificing goats.