Friends don't lie

CHAPTER-4

‘A lady never smiles with her teeth showing.’

Or at least, that’s what Maddie’s’ grandmother had told her. Sent to her at the age of 9, Fiona Marie Hart had made it clear that she wasn’t the ‘nana’ who’d bake you cookies or cakes or absolutely any sort of confectionary when you were hungry or just because you were simply adorable. Also, she didn’t do sweet nicknames. For the three whole months she stayed with her, they both referred to each other as Madeleine and Mrs. Hart. It was after this prolonged visit, that Madeleine had started going by Maddie.

Having recently lost her mother, Mrs. Hart deemed it vital that a well-established mother figure entered Maddie’s life, and unlike anything anyone expected, a grieving Mr. Hart, shipped Maddie off to her.

Maddie hadn’t particularly despised staying with her grandmother, but the ritualistic ‘manner-lessons’ were mind-numbingly boring. She had followed through with everything though, she liked listening to her grandmother’s voice, which she could only describe as the feeling of a velvety fabric running against one’s skin.

The lessons had been discarded the moment she was inside her father’s car, but today, Maddie kept replaying that voice inside her head, as she walked from her class to the library. If someone had asked her if she would give away absolutely everything she owned, Maddie probably would have said yes, but that’s just because the ability for her to register words had vanished. Butterflies inside her stomach almost giving her the ability to float, she glided into the chair beside Sarah, who was hunched over.

If Sarah had looked up, she would have noted the red sears flaring across Maddie’s cheeks and the smile that stretched her scarlet lips almost till her ears. But Sarah felt the room sizing down on her, and closing her eyes shut was her only relief.

The elation in Maddie’s voice was evident in her hurried speech, she felt that if her words didn’t deem the experience true, then it would vanish into thin air, like a dream.

“I swear it was almost like the whole scene was out of a rom-com, the moment Nick walked up to me…”, Maddie kept talking and Sarah really did want to listen, but her head felt like it was going to burst open and the sweat all over her body made her skin crawl.

Ever since she had yelled at the guy in the hallway, her sensations had been overwhelmed. She had barely managed to sit through English and had dragged herself to the library hoping that the silence would help her relax.

If anything, things had become worse, the extreme silence of the library made her even more aware of her palpitations, her heart raced even faster and it felt like a timer was being set off.

Maddie hadn’t realized it yet, but her words were falling on deaf ears, Sarah was still lying face down on the table, and it was only when Sarah’s bouncing leg had knocked over a flask that she stopped and looked. And when she put a concerned arm around her friends’ shoulder, asking if she was alright, the timer over Sarah’s head popped off.

“No, Maddie I’m not alright! I feel like I’m going to die but you’re obviously too damn busy to notice because your damn mouth just can’t freaking close. So why don’t I excuse myself and let you yap on as you were”, Sarah attempted to get up from her chair, but was beaten by Maddie.

Solely focusing her attention on the throbbing vein near Sarah’s forehead, Maddie tried to deduce a rational explanation for Sarah’s outburst. But the truth was, this wasn’t the first time, the past months had been strenuous, and Maddie had tried her best to be understanding, but if situations were going to turn this violent, she knew better than to not remove herself.

Stomping out of the library, she wished for some sense to be knocked into Sarah’s head, or a stone over it; with her present rage, the latter more than the former. And when Mike asked about Sarah’s whereabouts, she advised him to not even bother.

Meanwhile Sarah, whose dehydration had caught up to her, tried to calm her nerves. Her throat was drying up and she couldn’t make out if the constrictions were limited to just her chest, or even her emotions.

‘Alright Sarah, first step, water’, she closed her eyes,’ One step at a time’, that’s what Keith had always said.

Perked at the edge of the sidewalk along the parking lot, she concentrated on the feeling of the cold water sliding down her organs and slowly, her breathing returned to normal.

‘If you focus on the water, then your brain won’t have anything else to think or worry about’, Maddie had smiled at her, as she held her hand the entire time.

Letting the rest of the water leak out of her flask, Sarah wondered if she had reached rock bottom. Almost everyone that had cared for her, had been pushed out by her, 'or rather shoved'.

Her heart felt like it was being squeezed tight, not the type similar to a warm hug, but the one where it felt like her heart was a water balloon and someone was waiting, counting seconds until it burst, splattering and gushing.

Except Sarah doubted it was someone else. All her actions these past months had led to repercussions she was well aware of, and if self-sabotage had a prize, hers was surely waiting in the mail.

Thinking of ways to make up to Maddie, Sarah bumped into Mike, who did not look happy. His eyebrows were creased, but not in anger, and his eyes looked at Sarah with disappointment. Sarah wanted to shrivel up and crawl into a hole and never be seen again, but she knew an explanation was due, an explanation she couldn’t bring herself to give.

“I..”, she started, but Mike held up a hand.

“I think it’s better if I do the talking first, for everyone’s sake”.

Sarah didn’t say anything, and let him continue, listening with her head hung low, embarrassed and apologetic.

Mike sniffed a little, the dust from the ground beginning to trigger his allergies. He was also stalling, he didn’t know where to start. Confronting your best friend was never an easy task, but confronting them after months of misbehavior was a different deal in itself. Of course, all of this would have been a lot easier if Mike found carrying out an intervention, a task worthy of his stature.

When he didn’t speak, Sarah looked up at him, her nose twitching as her own allergies began to act up. She wanted Mike to speak, to shout at her or berate her, but to speak, because the silence was killing her. Because the silence was an invitation, to talk, to bare the secrets she had been guarding for so long; an invitation she didn’t dare accept.

Mike stared at Sarah until his eyes began to water and although his vision blurred, her pleading gaze did not and he let out a defeated sigh. His many bracelets dangled as he pinched the bridge of his nose and to Sarah’s relief, Mike spoke,

” I’m tired Sarah. I’m tired, so is Maddie. And so is possibly anyone who has tried to speak to you these past months”.

Sarah’s eyes fell again, focusing on his shoes, white soles that had been painted brown with mud.

“I just don’t understand what’s happening. You break up with Keith, when I thought you both couldn’t be any happier. And I thought that guy could never hurt a fly, but he’s shooting daggers at you every time he passes by. And you know what, screw that, it’s none of my business. You know what is?”, he let his finger swing between their figures, standing feet apart from each other.

“Us. And this matters to me. So I want to know what in the effing hell happened to you. If you want to scream, scream, if you wanna cry, cry. But do something damn it!!”

Mike kicked at the car he was leaning against and Sarah flinched ever so slightly. She wasn’t afraid of Mike, but almost every little violent action scared her these days, extremely ironic to her finding.

“You know what hurts the most? It’s that I could have pretended to not care, couldn’t have said one word to you. And so could have Maddie. But I learnt this from you Sarah, I learnt caring and being there for one another from you. You taught us to not turn our back and now, not only are you showing us your back but actively running away from us”, he leaned back again,” And I’m tired”.

Sarah felt as if the minimal sanity she had managed to regain had been slapped right out of her. She didn’t know why she was so surprised, she was very much aware of her selfishness. It was this very vileness that crept up on her every single night, when she soaked her pillow with her tears and choked on her own sobs. So why did it feel like the wind had been knocked out of her lungs. Mike had never been the one to confront her when she was being a jerk and so, when he forced her to watch as she pushed the stake through their hearts, Sarah realized just how bloody her hands were.

“I..”, breathing was turning harder by the minute. Her lips had dried and the remaining air in her lungs vanished, so when Sarah opened her mouth to speak again, all Mike could hear were her hysterical sobs.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, she kept repeating the phrase over and over, because that’s all she felt, sorry, for everything she had done and all the things she couldn’t do.

Mike rushed to her and put what he felt was his forte to use, cradling Sarah’s trembling figure in her arms. He had been told many times how impressive it was that he didn’t shy away from helping out someone who was hurting, and he often mused if they’d still be as impressed if he told them that he had learnt to do so, when he consoled himself as he cried himself to sleep almost every other night.

Caressing her hair, he whispered,” I didn’t mean to make you cry. Oh man, please stop crying”.

Sarah stepped back a little and looked at him, glasses reflecting the orange smeared sunset sky,” I really am sorry”, she hiccupped.

“I know”, he grinned,” I know you are, my little tomato”. Sarah smacked him hard but instantly pulled him closer, tears still streaming.

‘I’m sorry I can’t tell you the truth.’