You Still Love Me

Palace of Westminster, London

December 1428

As I look around the great hall, I realise not much has changed during the many years I have been absent from court. The Ladies are still gossiping and revealing too much skin and the Lords are drinking ale and wine, laughing loudly at each other's fictitious stories. The few familiar faces I have yet seen have not age too well and suddenly I understand how young I had been when I first arrived at court, merely a year older than Richard is now. My boy appears as if he's quickly eased into the life of the court as he have already danced with three lucky young women and is now discussing the difficulties of import with three other Dukes.

I move around the room fairly slowly, taking in all the marvellous decorations while sipping on the expensive wine. First it's only her husband that I notice but soon I also see Sophie who's talking to a couple dressed in very fine clothes. Her face lit up and I smile as I walk over to greet her. It's not until I receive her husband that I notice the couple they were speaking to are Edmund and Lady Cecily. Edmund belongs to the category of people who's managed to age rather well. His black hair is thinner and his body looks a bit weaker but his strong face is the same apart from a few lines here and there. He's staring at me and in another lifetime I probably would have blushed. I did not know how I would feel when this day came but I did not think I would be so calm. My heartbeat's steady, my palms are dry and I do not feel a longing for Edmund's touch. How very odd.

"This is my wife Cecily and our daughter Sophie", he says whilst not looking away for a second.

I curtsy and only now notice the crying baby in Lady Cecily's arms. Edmund's wife, now Duchess of Gloucester since Edmund's father passed and he inherited the title, looks as pale and grim as I remember her. She does not even appear to take notice of her screaming child.

"Your girl is beautiful Your Grace. May I hold her?"

The Duchess remain silent but holds out her baby girl so I can take her in my arms. I can already see Edmund's nose and they share the same colour of their eyes. I start rocking her from side to side whilst holding two fingers on her tiny stomach.

"My Richard did not cry much but when he did this always helped."

I see Edmund tense up at the mention of Richard and then, as like he's heard me calling, my son is beside me.

"What dreadful tales of my childhood are you revealing mother?" he says with a wide smile.

"Nothing that will leave you too mortified. Richard these are my old friends from when me and your father stayed at court. This is the Duchess and Duke of Norfolk and this is the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester."

Edmund's gaze has finally left me and he now lays eyes on his son for the very first time. At fourteen, Richard is nearly as tall as Edmund, and carries himself with a great deal of confidence. As I see Richard next to his father, I recognise they are not as similar as I have thought. Maybe as the years went by, my mind played tricks on me and as Richard grew up, perhaps I adapted my memories of Edmund after him. When I see them now in the same room, I see how much Richard resembles my brother Edward at a younger age. Still there is no denying that his posture, muscular upper body and strong features were all Edmund's.

"Very pleased to meet you all. I hope you will all share some gossip about my mother later."

Everyone but Edmund laughs and even his wife manages to smile.

"So what brings you to court after all this time?" Sophie ask while the baby's sleeping peacefully in my arms.

"The King invited us to spend the holidays here and since Richard has never been to court I thought it wise to accept."

When I first received the invitation I was undecided. I knew that Richard needed to come to court eventually, to learn the politics and socialise with people of his rank but I did not know if I was ready to return. Finally I decided that I could not refuse Charles' invitation. He had done so much for me and my son that I at least could celebrate Christmas at court.

"Enough talking mother."

Richard reaches out his hand and after returning baby Sophie to her mother, we take to the dance floor. Fairly soon after beginning our dance I note that the King is also on the floor, dancing with a dark haired woman who looks lethal in her thin red gown. Quickly I see that Charles is one of the lucky ones who's aged very well. His body's still athletic and his face is now covered in a beard that suits him perfectly. When the song finish, Charles catches my eye and excuse himself from his dance partner.

"It's wonderful to have you back at court Duchess", he says after kissing my hand. "It's not been the same without you."

"Thank you Your Majesty. Let me introduce you to my son the Duke of Suffolk."

"Your Majesty it is an honour."

A noticeable nervous Richard bows low but Charles smiles approvingly. His eyes are upon me and it appears as if he also believes I have aged well.

"Would you mind terribly if I stole your beautiful mother from you?"

"Certainly not Your Majesty."

Richard goes back to the group of Dukes but I can see that several Ladies are hovering in his presence so he might ask them to dance. He does not even realise how handsome he is yet, which is part of his charm.

"He seems like a good young man. How old is he now?"

"Fourteen Your Majesty."

Suddenly he pulls me closer.

"Am I not still Charles to you?" he whispers as his breathe tickles my ear.

He smells of some new perfume and fresh grass. I cannot remember the last time I was close enough to smell a man.

"I heard you have a son", I say as an attempt to distract myself.

"Yes, yes, everyone is very merry about little Charles", he says with a big grin.

As the tune slows and the dance ends, I take his hand.

"I'm so glad for you Your Majesty."

He looks down at my hand and smiles the way only he can. His lips are on my hand and the heat's pulsating through my body like a living being.

"Will you come to my chambers tonight like you used to?"

I consider myself beyond my best days at nearly 30 years of age, and I'm not a new conquest to him. How is it possible that the King of England still wants me after all these years? I do however understand why I still desire him with my body and soul. His brown eyes meet mine and suddenly I feel a jolt in my gut or perhaps it was lower.