When wrong seems right

After all we were deskmates for years down the line. Actually whatever that was holding him back was no more as well. It was already 7 months past December. If he did see me then there must be a reason behind that and I can't be wrong. Anyway, I was already mad about him and he became all I saw. He became almost part of me. I thought of him all day long. I wished to dream with him at night as well but some nights I didn't. I knew I couldn't forget him even if I wanted to but I didn't want to. I knew there was almost 90% chance of him never being with me but I still wanted to risk. I know I am not making an attempt but I still wanted him. I still hope to receive a call from him someday. Every new number made my head skip a bit.

Happenings of the thought that being his number and maybe for once he's got something pleasing to tell me. It felt much happier that now he lives in town and not where he lived miles away. Then I didn't only see and admire his photos on Instagram but had to see him. I even learnt where he lives and went to look for him. Not that I had anything to say to him. I just wanted to see his face and him not to see me. I think he did though am not sure. The evening breeze and cold couldn't stop me from going not even the fact that it was getting darker and that I was getting late home. I prepared myself with am excuse just in case we'd meet, but why? Why on Earth would I have to explain myself to him? Maybe because I wouldn't want to humiliate myself.

I didn't know where I was going at first but I had a clue. Where I lost clue my heart led me right to their compound until I happen to see him in a grey hood ,his light skin was that which made him stand out in a crowd of several boys he was with. He may have seen me maybe but I can't be sure and the distance was long between us so maybe he didn't. Just that was enough for me and I decided to go back home. I was satisfied. I did see my shooting star. I did see my moonlight. That was just enough. I went on a day without seeing him and I couldn't be comfortable. He wasn't only just my crush now is my.....He couldn't be a former schoolmate, much less a former classmate or even a former deskmates. He wasn't my former, not former. He was my current crush, no, not just that. wait, I like him. I mean I love him. I think I do.

I went to look for him again and of course I did find him. This time only the heart in love can see the other .From the furthest part I was able to spot him out of the four who were there I knew which one was him and I was able to spot him. This time not only him but also their house. I spotted their car. I took a good look at the place and this time it was different. I wasn't satisfied I craved for more this time and I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to look at him without having to pretend to have not seen him. Hopelessly, I had to go back. I earlier saw him checking up on the car which made n assured he would leave soon for town. I had to find a way to waste time so that we get to meet on the way and we did. Maybe I am hallucinating or maybe not. All in all he passed by with a car. He didn't even wave at me, a sign of greeting. Could it be that he didn't see me? I just seem to defend him way too much maybe. It can't be possible for a driver not being able to see a passer-by It can be possible anyway. He may be concentrating too much on the car. Who knows? Sometimes love is blind and it's not easy to see the mistake of the beloved one or maybe when one is in love they tend to look into staff so much. One of the two has to be correct. I wasn't offended anyway. I was planning to see him again in the evening but it's destiny or fate, one of them made my work easier. He drove right next to where I work. I don't know how I felt. It took me a second to realize his presence. I felt like running right to him and giving him a tight hug. Not just a hug, I want to tell him how I felt, not just that, I already had our future plan right in my head though at the back of my mind, I knew it won't happen. I was restless. For a moment I was wondering why I got to see him that much. Why waste my energy looking for him, all that distance walking yet effort not noticed but I don't feel like giving up. I knew that he and I were like a mountain we'd never meet. Not just meeting but nothing good will be expected to come out of all this. I knew how to let go but I didn't and still don't just feel like letting go. I don't know why I am holding on to that which never exists. It was even more suspicious when he failed to see me even today. We were only fewest meters away. There was no blockage between us and yet didn't see me! No. I've got a feeling he did. But if so, then why wouldn't he even say hi? Maybe there is something he's hiding, I mean if I was any random girl he'd be free to say hi. Not that I mean he has feelings for me but maybe he's got something against me. Am not sure though. Maybe he's with Mom in the car and that's why it was difficult to say hi. No , actually I didn't pay attention and maybe didn't want to bother me. Whichever the reason he knows I am more concerned about what's happening to me. I did think of weird thoughts of him. I know and knew it was unlike me to have wanted some kind of attention but if it was from him I wouldn't mind. It may be unlike me but this all thing is fucked up and unexpected.