Chapter 4: Am I dreaming?

"What's yours?" Sean asked me.

Here we are again where we ate yesterday. I am very hungry. I still smile at while looking at the menu here. I want to try something else but I want the one I ordered last time again.

"Tocilog," I answered with a smile.

He probably felt my eagerness for food so I saw him laughing and just nodded.

Filipino

English

Sinabihan niya ako na mauna na sa table namin at doon nalang maghintay habang sinasabi niya sa counter ang order namin. As usual, siya ang nagpresinta na magbayad.

While waiting, I received a text from Aya and Belle they were asking kung bakit nawala ako kagabi. I replied na kailangan 'kong umuwi dahil aalis sila and they didn't ask me a lot of questions because they already knew na lagi naman akong naiiwan mag isa.

He told me to go first to our table and just wait there while he told the counter our order. As usual, he offered to pay.

While waiting, I received a text from Aya and Belle they were asking why I disappeared last night. I replied that I had to go home because they were leaving and they didn't ask me a lot of questions because they already knew that I was always left alone.

When I saw Sean approaching in my direction I put down my phone and just waited for him.

"5 minutes more," He said before sitting.

After 5 minutes, our order arrived and when I noticed that there was no spoon and fork, I just remembered that it was self service, so I immediately stood up and looked for the designated area for utensils. I took two pairs one of me and Sean.

I was coming back and I saw him smiling like a child waiting there. I just stared at him with a spoon and fork.

"Here,"

"Thank you,"

We started eating and no one spoke to the two of us. While eating I suddenly asked myself 'why every time I feel like that, it's true that I see him?'

I stared at him for a while then I resumed eating. For the second time around, he caught me.

I'm at school now and I can't wait for Aya and Belle because my class is early now. These past few days it was hectic because I need to wake up early in the morning so that the traffic doesn't catch up with me.

One week passed but my family didn't text me nor ask me 'how are you?' 'Are you still eating?'

I'm in the room and it's night. Whenever I'm alone there I feel like I have no ally, that no one cares about me, that I'm useless and I don't know why but I feel so lost whenever I'm alone. I was remembering the days when I was a kid, whenever I was left alone at home I just wanted to be in the room and there I was crying all the time. I have Aya and Belle but I don't want to tell them my problem, I don't want to add but they often tease me to speak but I don't say. I can bare with it, alone. I always cheer myself up but I think that wasn't enough because until now, I still felt the emptiness in me, I feel like I'm lost and no one wants to look for me.

I lay down on my bed and leaned over to look at the moon which was so beautiful to stare at in the dark. When I was a kid I was afraid of the dark and I was afraid of being alone but when I grew up and faced this kind of situation my comfort zone was in the dark and I always found myself there crying with no one.

When will the time come for me to know why they don't like me so much? Who am I really to them?

After that I fell asleep.

I heard a noise coming from downstairs so I immediately run to the bathroom to do my morning routine before going down.

Mama, Dad and Ate are here and they look so happy together. I wish I was one of them.

"What time did you arrive?" I asked them.

But Mom and Ate just continue talking while laughing. Then they stopped when Dad answered my question.

"We just arrived," My Dad answered.

"I-I see," I stuttered as I said I wasn't used to Daddy being like that to me.

I looked at Mom and Ate and they're just staring at my Dad. He looked at me then he suddenly smiled and I was touched with that so I shyly smiled back at him.

Is this happening? My Dad answered my question then he smiled at me. Isn't it funny? In a simple way I was so happy and wanted to cry.

I am driving right now to go to school and I can't help it but to smile remembering Dad smiling at me. It was saturday and I have class but only until lunch then after 'non wala na. So I decided to go home early to get some rest on the days I didn’t sleep well and was tired.

I was about to enter the house when I heard Mama speak moving through the main door.

"Is this real Mom? Dad answered and even smiled at Callie?" That's Ate.

"I don't know, but suddenly I noticed that your Dad was planning something," Mom said.

"Planning for what?" Ate asked.

"I don't know, let's just wait for it,"

After hearing that I wanted to leave first so I immediately turned around at the door and walked to my car. But before going inside my car I heard Dad calling me.

"Callie," My Dad called me.

I haven't faced it yet but the emotions I feel are different. This was the first time he called me by my name.

My tears totally dropped when I heard him calling me again but this time he called me 'nak'.