Chapter 123: Seo Yeon

It shocked him for some reason...I could feel...feel him freeze in fear. For a man who looked for love and chased it with a passion...he was afraid of it as well. That made me angry; his fear and insecurities, I wish I could rip them from his mind and throw them away. I had no idea what had come over me but the more scared he was...the more passionate I was becoming. Despite his crazy behaviour, I loved him too much to walk away from him when he was like this. I closed my eyes momentarily as I prepared to surrender the one thing that the women of this nation held dear to themselves; their chastity...and honestly...I knew that if I rejected him, not only would I regret it, but that he would also harass me non-stop, not knowing what lines he would cross to get to me. I opened my eyes, full of determination as I embraced him with all the warmth and affection I could muster, hoping to drown out the monster that was growing inside of him. I knew being gentle was not in his nature at all but it was better than nothing.

And it worked after a while; I tried everything in my power to show him how wanted he was. When I finally returned to my senses I tried to stop and walk away but he wouldn't let me go. He kept pulling me towards him, clearly out of control. He then picked me up and sat me on his lap so violently that my skirt had come apart...and I was so busy in the morning that I had forgotten to put trousers on...we both froze simultaneously before I sensed that his mood had changed completely...he pulled me in so much more closer that our cheeks were touching before he rested his face into my neck and started grabbing my legs and tracing them with his hand softly while he held me in a tight grasp with his other arm so I couldn't move. He brushed my hair away and I honestly couldn't help but tremble every time he touched me...we were most definitely not children anymore. I do not know how but I managed to break free of his grasp...but instead of turning away and leaving like should have done I turned myself around in his lap and I started tracing his features, first with my fingers then my nose, almost like I was in a trance...and the look he gave me...it was so broken that I couldn't help myself and before I knew it I had kissed him. I was not in possession of my own mind and body...it was suddenly speaking for me when he kissed me back just as passionately, like he was suffering from hunger. But he stopped for a moment and pushed me away with a pained look that almost broke me "Yeon...no one has ever wanted me before" he whispered to me "and I...i want you so badly but I don't know if I...how can I..." he like like he wanted to run and I should have let him, but everything was starting to overwhelm me; the way he looked at me all the time, the way he took care of me, he way he chased everyone away from me...he wanted me all to himself. He wanted me to love him, to idolise him again like I used to...I just had to help him. And I wanted...I wanted to him to always want me like he did forever, even if I had to push him away sometimes.

I was very inexperienced myself but in that moment I was starting to feel...desires and sensations I had never before felt in my life...and looking at him I know he was feeling the same...myself and my brother were orphaned from a young age. Seon-Ha's mother killed herself when his father took him from her and as for Nam-Jeon; he used his son as a tool and nothing else. No one taught either of us about...sex and surprising our urges. In truth; we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. As for me; a woman's utter most value came in her chastity...but who else was I going to give myself to? Who else would I feel for anyone the way I felt for him? I wanted...to touch him and catch his scent in ways that were forbidden between the 2 unmarried sexes.

So I placed myself on his lap as we let ourselves get carried away. I held his face in my hands as made look at me so he could see how much I want him in that moment...and his mouth was left gaping open with tears in his eyes but I kissed him, so softly to see if he felt something back. I then ran my hands down his arms and into his hands which he held onto rather quickly. He kept trying to touch me and them taking his hands away as if he was afraid of hurting me. I saw the constant fear in his eyes so I showered him with so much affection had I held onto him. "Are you really that locked up in that depraved world that you were brought up in that you really cannot see the effect you have on me?" I asked him in both sadness and shock. I could tell that really stunned him, to the point where he kept opening and closing his mouth but no words were coming out. He looked...terrified, sad and desperate all at once. I sat him down again and I touched him, I traced him and I tased him to my hearts content while he lay trembling at my touch...until he finally held me again.

I quickly grabbed onto them and I made him undress me as I did...and from then on we...We couldn't stop ourselves and we didn't want to...we committed all kinds of acts in our embrace...and in each act we took on each other's pain; he washed my insecurities away and I...I did everything in power to show him just how much he was loved and wanted...we just got so lost in each other that we were blissfully able to forget about the outside world and where our responsibilities lay. We touched each other, tasted each other and held each other as much as we could...and when it was time to part he wouldn't let me go. I took everything he gave me in stride until we finally stopped what seemed like hours later. It was both our first times so we needed time to recover but he wouldn't let me leave his sight or turn around. I still didn't know how much affection he craved when he wouldn't let me alone, but I honestly didn't mind, I just covered myself in his scent under his muscles until I felt safe and secure. It was a while before I looked up at him again but he was just staring at the ceiling lost in his own thoughts...the more lost he was getting the harder he was holding onto me until I felt myself bruise. I tried for a while to shake him off until I had to call out his name. He still looked like he was still in a trance as he just stared at the bruise he left. I tried to get up and get dressed and he just watched me for a while until he saw me make my way to the door "where are you going?" He asked, still watching me before he stood up stark naked and dressed me for once but he kept me in such close proximity that I could feel his breathe on me. The minute he had me dress him he held my throat in his hand and gave me a look...a look that sent chills down my spine. And in that moment I really knew...he wasn't gong to let me go no matter where I went and what I did...I knew it deep down inside that he was still going to do whatever it took to make me his...and with that all if my insecurities were washed away. As it stands...I lost my virginity before marriage...and we both knew that he was going to hold it over my head just to ensure that he had me by his side now.

He was waiting for me when I finally came out and took me by the hand in silence so we could get something to eat...after what we did. He took me to the same inn we went to after we flew kites, and it was empty as usual. I tried to sit down but I was in some pain and had no choice but to sit awkwardly. "Does it really hurt that badly for you? I'm fine" he observed. "Well lucky you. You were so into it I thought you were trying to get me pregnant" I joked without thinking. But I almost dropped my food at his reply "so what if I am?". I froze and looked straight at him as he walked over and pulled me onto his lap and locked my arms so I couldn't move. I suddenly felt shy and couldn't look at him again...but there was definitely something...something a lot stronger than I thought between us. It didn't make sense that he was already talking about me getting pregnant the same day we surrendered to each other...but in a way for us, it actually did make sense...it was like our souls were speaking for us, making plans that were long overdue. Then I really started to wonder...when did he start liking me? We were silent again until he took me back to my room but I know he was watching me to see my reaction.