In Love and In Doubt | Act I: There is No End

As I emerged from the fond memories of our beginnings, a door had appeared. Or rather opened.

The nurse had opened this door, and inside were stairs. Stairs that went further down and down through the earth.

"She is waiting for you down there." The nurse had told me.

"I see. Why are we meeting up now in what appears to be a cellar?" I asked her.

"It is the only safe and secure option. The adults are currently resting but they are very aware of their surroundings. A mere peep out of your loudmouth will get him up and running. Hence..."

She waved her hand towards the inside.

I wasn't sure what to make of this but if it's the only way...

Then so be it.

As I entered, the nurse slowly closed the door, and pretty soon, the staircase just became a little bit more dim.

There were a couple torches throughout the staircase as it seemed, but it didn't change much of the situation.

The whole place was dark and eerie. And I was left all alone in it.

Step by step, I creeped further and further downwards. Being extremely careful with my footing as one small slip and the world would grow even more dark this evening. Or not.

I wasn't so sure what to make of this, really.

But there wasn't much fault on my behalf.

No one's really dared to care for a woman of nobility. Not when you're part of the common folk like me.

And I know what may happen with us as well. I know that we may not be able to keep this a secret. I know what will happen when they finally know. I know...

But at least, I get to be with her. Even if it's only like this.

I looked down for a moment. From what I could see... I was growing closer and closer to the bottom. It wasn't much further. But the dark wasn't done with me yet.

The dark has been with me for long. Ever since I was born, I've been with the dark. And it goes by many names and many interpretations. Sins. Crimes. Imperfections. Flaws. But I do not see them that way. Rather...

I hear them.

Every day, they would tell me to do one thing or the other. They made me think of such devious and such destructive themes. They made me doubt. They made me hesitate. And as much as I repelled them back, they still stayed. Eagerly waiting for the right moment to take me down.

Fortunately, during the day, they were silent. Barely audible. 'Out of sight and out of mind.' But unfortunately...

It's at the night that their presence surrounded me.

It's another reason I didn't want to stick for long under the full moon.

'What if you make to the end for nothing?'

'Maybe she's somewhere else. Maybe they just trapped you in here.'

'Why don't you head back before you get your heart broken?'

'The relationship is doomed. You know this.'

'Why carry on?'

'Why?'

These voices would continue to pop up in my head, and until I find the light again, I'm stuck with them.

Or rather... my own thoughts.

Finally I had reached the end of the staircase. As I took the final step, I saw, in front of me, a door.

She must be there.

I walked up to the door, and took upon myself to take the first knock.

The dark was starting to get to me. My arm was starting to shake as I tried to knock on the door.

But that wasn't going to stop me. Not yet.

Knock!

I knocked slightly softer on the door that time as I knew that due to the sheer height of this staircase, the sound would echo all the way up and possibly, to the outside, where they could've heard me.

I just hoped that no one did hear that.

Other than...

Creak!

"There you are! You finally came."

"Sorry I came a wee bit tardy. Had a comfortable nap at the park."

"In the park? What was in there that made you fall asleep?"

"I guess something other than the smell of mud."

She chuckled.

"It must've been a good nap, wasn't it?"

"Other than oversleeping, yeah. It was technically a good nap."

Opening the door a little further, I entered the room that Kiri seemed to have waited for me for quite some time. The room was strange. But not for what it had. But for where it was. The room was just like any bedroom, except it seemed to be used for other matters. Matters I wasn't sure I could identify.

"Why would you have a basement this deep? Only to such normal things?" I asked.

"To be quite frank, I'm not quite sure. Father never really reveals much to me. Other than things like how his work is going." She responded.

Huh. That's interesting.

"But anyhow, how are things over there where you live?" Kiri had asked.

"Oh, nothing special. Just spent the day with a friend."

"Ah. Who is this friend?"

"Just a mate that I've known for a while. A long while."

"I see. Are you good friends with him?"

"Yeah. We're the best of friends."

She grinned.

"That's good."

...

We had stood there for a while. There wasn't really much we could say to each other. Our relationship is well... complicated.

We know we have feelings for each other but--

"Here."

Out of nowhere, Kiri, timidly and slowly, thrusts her hands towards me, and in her grasp, she held a rather peculiar item.

It was a gift but I did not know what was it.

"What is it?" I inquired.

"It's a little thing that I had thought would interest you."

As I took the gift, I took off the sheet that was about it.

There, it was revealed what it was.

My eyes had widen.

"It definitely did, didn't it?"

"This..."

The item I held was some kind of frame.

And inside that frame was rather a colorful scene.

The colors seemed to glow with it's radiant array of hues, with only some sections of it being shaded in shadow.

As I zoomed out a little, I began to comprehend what was this luminous figure.

It was a painting. A very beautiful one. It depicted a woman, but it was not so obvious as there was only the outline of her as it was colored with many shades of blue, green, yellow, and slightly more.

It was rather eerie in some manner.

It was rather weird.

But that, in itself, is why it was so magnificent.

It was nothing I've ever seen.

"Where did you get it?" I asked.

"Oh, some man was selling it for a few coins. I found it odd that he had such a item so I inquired just how did it come to his possession. Just like how you asked me. And the man's story was bizarre. Said it just came to him. Said it appeared out of thin air. It was all a bunch of rubbish, I say."

She then continued with "But there is just one thing. When I looked at the painting, I discovered that there was no artist who had made it. No label. No ink signature. Nothing."

"So, you do not know who made this?"

"No, I do not."

For a moment, I just stood there, seemingly spaced out.

I was just...

Wow.

Everything about this was just... wow.

I can't believe my eyes what I was holding.

A gift of art, of true and complex beauty... and she was giving it to me.

It was....

It's...

I... I...

"Darling?"

Slowly, my eyes started to glisten, as fluid-- as tears silently and passively coming out. It wasn't a lot.

But for what this item was worth. What it was worth to me... you could understand this emotion I was feeling.

"Darling, are you okay?"

Slowly, I looked up at her and with some shaken tone, I told to her...

"Than-Thank you... dear."

She smiled and came closer.

I then initiated a tight hug with her, holding her strong as she stood there for a moment, silently and in surprise, before patting me in the back a couple.

"You're welcome. Anything for you, my dearest."

The tears started to dry and then, I looked forward.

Our faces seemed to align and for a moment, our breaths unified. We didn't know what to do next. But then, something started to push my face steadily, and as it did, Kiri's own followed.

Slowly...

And slightly...

Until..

I--

It... It had happened. Our lips had intersected. Had combined together. And with it, some weird sensation came in, replacing the other overwhelming feeling I had. It was... blissful. Sweet. I didn't know how to respond. I really didn't know anything at that moment. But if there was one thing I knew...

I felt... good.

Happy even.

I could almost hold for all eternity.

Just me and her.

And if it was for any mortal matters... we almost could.

We then drifted apart from each other, breathing slightly more as our minds started to process what had just happened.

And as we did, we immediately redden.

Our faces, both surprise and slightly shocked at just what happened.

A moment of silence incurred throughout the room. It was no longer strange to us. But rather... It was perfect. The dimmed light. The familiar and seemingly inviting background.

It's like this room was designed for this scenario.

"That... that was..." Kiri stuttered.

But I suddenly grew this weird confidence. This weird surge of energy. I may not have expressed it into words, but the fact was... I felt different.

So, by this sensation, I tried to convey the same message with "That was amazing."

Kiri continued to blush.

"....It was."

She seemed to lightly flutter across the room. She was tripping out at this moment.

I would've followed if it wasn't for... that.

I tried to move past with what just happened by repeating my previous words:

"Thank you, Kiri. The gift is just so beautiful. I don't know how can I top this."

Slowly, Kiri walked back up to me and returning from her fantasy, she grabbed my hands, smiled and replied "You can't. Because you already have."

I chuckled.

"Your love is already enough." She continued.

She almost made me blush again. My God, she was just so exquisite and... so wonderful.

I held the painting back to my front.

What else was to say about it?

I already defined it's beauty.

The only thing left is to treasure it.

KNOCK!

"Mister Alwright? Miss Liushad?"

What the-- Oh. I think who it was.

Kiri then walked up to the door and opened it.

It was the nurse.

It was just the nurse.

Phew. What a relief that was.

"Miss? Are you two quite alright?"

Kiri then giggled and said "Yes. We are quite alright."

The nurse saw this and started to look at me.

This look... seemed different in some way.

She seemed to look at me with eyes that conveyed some kind of relief. Some kind of joy. I'm not quite sure.

But the look... it was quite different.

"Well, my apologies for interrupting you two." She had replied.

"Not to worry. We were just finishing up our conversations."

"Oh. Well, that's nice. Let us go back upstairs then."

"Let's."

The nurse widens the door, allowing for the both of us to leave the room. Before I had left, I hid the painting under the tarp it was in. I wanted to keep the painting safe and well... out of the public's eye for a while.

We rose up, taking each step upwards towards the outside. This journey was just as long as the way down, but this time... I wasn't alone. The dark could no longer prey on me. The voices were gone for now. And what replaced them were these sudden obsessions and feelings I formed around Kiri.

She was just... oh so kind to me.

Oh, she's just too good for me.

How I am so lucky?

Not long after did we arrive at the surface. With the door opening, air seemed to rush in. Fresh air. I knew that the air down there was fine but... something about this specific kind of wind, of gas, all out here for use to 'consume'... it just made me feel good inside.

"Alright then. It's time." The nurse said.

"Yes it is." Kiri replied.

Kiri then turned around towards me and said "Stay safe out there, alright?"

I simply replied with "Yeah, I will, dear."

"Get some sleep, dear." I told her.

"As to you." She responded.

She then proceeded to give me a slight kiss around the cheek, smiled and silently and with care, went further upstairs, where her bedroom may lie.

We took one last good look at each other and then we walked off.

The nurse had escorted me to the front of the building. Back at the garden, we were.

"I see something in you, Deus."

I looked at her for a moment.

"I see that you hold something very... very rare in youth like you."

...

"And what would that be?" I inquired.

"You have a heart. A heart connected to a conflicted, yet extraordinary mind."

She looked at me for a second and proceeded to say "You made Kiri smile. No man has been able to do such a thing for quite some time."

"And what did you assume I did to win her over?"

She paused for a moment. She knew the answer almost immediately. And with some empathy, she replied...

"You were being honest with her. You were being kind and wary about her. Overall... you portrayed yourself as you are. And for that, you have earned her trust."

"For that, you've earned my trust..... Safe travels."

She then just walked off back into the house and I was left there, alone with my thoughts once more.

And with a little grin upon myself, with the gift in hand, and with some notion that things... Things may be okay... With this, I left the garden all confidently and for once... I wasn't alone.