Emotional baggage at my doorstep

The adrenaline hormone gave away. Should I just ran away and hide forever? Or face the truth with dignity? What worse can happen now? Secret is out, then I would just boldly face him and say how I really felt. If anything goes wrong I would make it up as a childhood crush.

My heart rate increased and so did the palpitations. I sweated like a wet sock. Just when the world was falling apart, a ray of hope simmered through the darkness. My phone rang. It was Matt.

"I am sorry, I have to take this call."

"Why now? Don't leave the scene of climax."

The smile on my face weakened. My courage was slowly fading away. The phone stopped ringing and so did my last hope for escape.

"Now, now. As she no longer has an excuse, shall I begin? I promise you all are going to be so shocked after hearing this."

"Now John, how long are you going to drag it out. Cut it short." My dad shouted from the corner. I turned towards my dad. What's wrong with my family? Was I born just to suffer?

"Fine, fine. Lack of patience runs in the family. Well the childhood crush is no other than me."

I shut my eyes to avoid the embarrassment. I envied the ostrich for the first time. I desperately wanted to dig a grave and cover myself up.

"Oh My God! Seriously? Emmy had a lack of taste since childhood. No wonder." John's mother joked. I peeked through one eye, to look at their faces. I imagined myself like this everyday, standing in front of the family and confessing my feelings for James. I had imagined James' shocked face, more than thousand times. I wouldn't lie if I say that I often wanted to come out from the closet. But a mental preparation should be granted at least.

"What's wrong with me? I am so good looking that both men and women are crazy about me." John answered in his defense.

"Then the whole world is having some crazy disease." His dad said, making them laugh.

Leo looked over me and gave a half crooked smile. Hell knows what devilish plan is spiraling inside his evil brain. He questioned John, "What do you think of her letters though?"

John threw a glance over me, then questioned Leo, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what would have been your answer if she had confessed to you?"

John laughed at him and answered, "Obviously rejected."

"Hey, young man! What's wrong with my daughter?" My dad asked him, faking his anger.

"She is too bossy, Uncle!!"

Everyone started laughing at his response. They all started making fun of the letters and the writings. They even picked upon spelling mistakes.

I was standing there the whole time. My whole secret lay open in front of them but nobody took it seriously. Although I didn't want to be misunderstood but the least I wanted was the respect of my feelings. Nobody asked if I still had those feelings or how intense were they. So many years I fought an emotional battle for nothing. I dreaded this day every time for nothing.

I was angry. I felt disappointed. I was really angry. John came up to me and started making jokes on how I was so tiny in front of him that he never considered me as a love interest. He even said how he always thought of me as a little bunny, which needed protection from bullies.

"Hey, you okay right?" John asked, wiping away the tears formed in his eyes for laughing so much.

"Yup, I am good. Let me just make a call, it's important." I smiled and left the room.

While walking through the corridors of the house I could hear their incessant chatter. I tried hard to stop my tears from falling down my cheeks. I don't want to lose to my self esteem that was hurt bitterly. I was afraid of being found out. I was afraid of losing him as a friend. All these years since the very beginning of my feelings I always kept him above anyone else. His happiness, his worries, his sadness everything were above mine. But now, I feel more hurt for being ridiculed than getting rejected. 3 years back, when he told me that he was into men, I was hurt. But today when he made fun of my feelings, I feel broken and damaged. He just added insult to my injury. My self esteem was badly injured.

I felt suffocated staying inside that house. I wanted to run away from them. If I stepped out, I know John would follow me and so I have no other option rather than sneaking out from the backdoors.

I stepped outside and took a deep breathe. The air filled the hollow soul of mine. I walked around the streets and found myself standing in the busy market. The town market was so lively. Many office goers have clocked out from their offices and came here to buy their daily necessities. They must be tired after 8 hours job yet they still have the energy to keep on bargaining. Some kids are running around and their mothers are shouting at them to stop. I could spot 2 girls holding their phones in front of them, probably making a video of street market. The night view of the market, is really a sight to see.

And here I am, feeling utterly useless and empty inside. They too, might, had a rough day. Maybe at their schools or offices or their house, but when the night comes and the day got over, they forget everything and toss their baggage of troubled conscience and become lively once again.

Maybe because they have their loved ones waiting for them earnestly, to return home. These people must have someone who love them truly and whose warm embrace make them forger their pains. But, why do I feel so lonely?

Neither my family, nor John is concerned with my emotions. They are busy making fun of me. Is there no one who truly cares for me?

A tap fell on my shoulder. I turned around to face the familiar figure.

"Matt?"