Chapter 24

"Brian," I said slowly because I had no idea what he was talking about. "What happened? And why is your voice coming like you had been crying?"

"Oh, so we're doing this," he said in a bitter tone that made me flinch. "You're going to pretend that you don't know anything."

"Because I don't. What are you talking about?", I said sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Come on, Grace. At least have the guts to tell me what you've done on my face."

This is ridiculous. I rubbed my already aching temples.

"Brian, now you're starting to piss me off. What the hell did I do? Will you at least tell me. What are you talking about?"

Brian let out a cynical laugh that sent chills down my spine and I sat straighter. "Oh yeah. How about you cheating on me?"

What in the ever-loving hell?!

I was stunned to silence for a second. Incredulous at his words and trying to make sure that I am not hearing things.

"Are you out of your mind?", I said in a low, incredulous voice. My fingers curling around the phone in a tight grip, that my nails were chipping on its screen. "Even if you are. I'm going to say that this is not the right time to argue on this nuisance--that I might add, is complete filth made up in your mind---'cause I've got a cruel hangover which is the reason I haven't been picking up your calls since this morning. So, call me when you've got your senses back."

I was going to hang up when his voice from the speaker stopped.

"Guess, you were so busy last night," he stated in a monotonous voice.

I huffed out a breath. Does he think that since I went to a party, I am paying less attention to him and cheating on him? This is bullshit.

"It was just a party, Brian," I started explaining anyway, "And on the top of that it was the first--"

"Did you had fun last night?", he cut me off, still in that tone.

"Yes, I had," I said clenching my teeth, "What're you aiming at?"

He was silent for a minute further grating on my nerves. "Figures, why you cheated on me," he said in a murmur, that I almost didn't hear him.

I opened my mouth to curse him to hell but stopped when the faint images from last night flashed in front of my eyes. I froze. It was a hazy image of me grinding against someone and then my lips meshed with them. I pinched my eyes close to place the memory clearly but it all just got messed up in one another making it hard to decipher a single segment.

A sharp pain shot in the back of my skull as I pinched my eyes harder to no avail. Why can't I remember last night? There is a big blotch in my memory like a black hole. Even the few parts that I recall are so blurry, that I can't make out anything for sure.

I clenched my head with one hand where the pain is increasing to a sharp bite. What's going on?

"I think that all pretenses are over now then," Brian said, "Now, you know what I'm talking about."

Do I? I don't know. But how do I make him understand that?

"Just answer me one thing," he continued, "Why did you do that?" Brian's voice came out like he was pleading to me that tugged at my heart. Almost like he was trying to synchronize his pain with me from his words. "You could've at least put me off the phone before you did all of that!"

His words confused me and I released the death grip on my head as I looked straight ahead of me, "What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about?", his words were so pervaded in resentment and hatred that I almost winced from its strike on my heart. "What am I talking about? Maybe it is the part where you started having sex with someone while I was still on the phone?!"

What?!

"No, no. I guess not. Let me try once again. Hmm, or is it that part where, when I messaged you, you told me that you were so busy that you don't think you could ever talk to me! And then when I called you, worried about your safety, thinking like a fool that Grace can never message anything like that to me, do you know what did I find?" he paused and then said, " I found my girlfriend having sex with someone else after picking up my phone! Crazy, isn't it? Now tell me, Grace, which part did you wanted me to spell out for you?!"

I remained silent. Soaking his words and trying to make sense of them. I don't know if I did it or not. But from the pain in his words, I won't guess that he is making up the whole situation.

How can I be so cruel to him? Keeping him on the phone while---and holy hell! Did I lose my virginity last night? I frantically started checking my pussy as it contains the answer to that.

"Damnit!", I screamed at the top of my lungs. I just took a hot bath for fifteen minutes! Any remnants that could have proved or denied it are washed away. Shit, shit, shit. What did I do?

I wanted to tell him that I didn't do anything like that. But what do I know? I don't even remember half of the night. I don't know if I have messaged him or not. My memory is blank, except for some hazy erotic images in my head, and I have no answers. So what am I supposed to tell him? When I myself don't know what has happened.

But still, there was a part of me that refused to believe that I would do anything like that.

"I didn't do that," I said in a shaky voice, trying anyway.

A sob came from the other side and I knew that Brian's crying. The sound tore through my heart and brought tears to my own eyes.

"Don't contact me," he said in a low voice, "Ever. Again."

And then the line went dead

*****

I never understood the idiom 'ignorance is bliss', always mooting that how being oblivious can ever help anyone.

I had this notion that being ignorant can do nothing other than pile up troubles for you to deal with belatedly. Either it is today or tomorrow, it won't change the fact that you have to sort out a hitch in your track. So, why not do it right now and get over with it?

But that's the thing, sometimes swallowing too much bitterness in one gulp can drain the life out of you.

You want to pause and crawl in a corner, willing for the time to stop. Or for the truth to change. Cause if you don't know the truth for sure, you can pretend that it has never happened in the first place, right?

Yeah, so you block out the whole ordeal. Until you can.

And that's what I am doing. Instead of getting up and face the reality, or trying to know that what exactly happened that night, I took the coward's way out and started ignoring everyone. For a whole week and it's Saturday.

I didn't go to any of my classes and except for calling and texting Brian in those starting two days, which he ignored, I have been keeping my phone switched off.

Just staying in the room and not getting out if it's not needed. Laura gave me a questioning glance once or twice when I went out of the room, but I ignored that too and didn't speak a word to her. Cassie and Drake stopped several times on my door with Cassie shouting and spouting all kinds of threats on me, which I blocked out with my earbuds or a weak 'Leave me alone for a while'.

Because I don't know what to do. I am trying hard to remember what had happened that night, but I can't. Every time I lay on my bed I press hard on my brain, to grasp the memories of that night. But come up blank.

I went through my phone and sure enough, there was an hour call to Brian on that night. Even there is that text from me which he was talking about. But I don't remember doing any of that.

And it's all driving me completely out of my mind.