As I looked over at her, it struck me how beautiful she was. Her hair was blowing carelessly in the wind, a halo on her head. I had the oddest impulse to reach out and touch. See if it was as soft as it looked. Her lips were curled into a soft smile that radiated warmth. I wondered who or what she was thinking of and my heart skipped a beat imagining her smiling for me. 

It's crazy how i never noticed how blue her eyes are. Or how her laughter sounds like summertime. It's strange how I never really looked at her. And suddenly i couldn't stop staring.

Chasing Sunshine

I stub my fifth cigarette, throwing it into the ashtray. I drag a hand through my hair, letting out a harsh breath as I stare at my ceiling. 


Her words reply in my head, over and over again. This was never going to be a relationship. I don't love you. I don't love you. Don't love you 


I turn to the side, groaning when the picture of her and I reaches my eyes. I slam it down. My door opens. I hear Mama sigh deeply as she closes my door. 


Without a word, she walks over to my windows and opens them, letting the breeze in. The smell of smoke evaporates. 


Mama sits on my bed and my eyes reach hers. She reaches out to touch my cheek "oh honey" I hate the sadness in her eyes. I hate that I put it there. I promised myself years ago that I'd never give her a reason to be sad again. 


She lays next to me, putting her arm around me "it's okay, my love. It's okay" she says softly. It's then, in the comfort of my Mother's arms, that I begin to cry. 


19 • Always