As I looked over at her, it struck me how beautiful she was. Her hair was blowing carelessly in the wind, a halo on her head. I had the oddest impulse to reach out and touch. See if it was as soft as it looked. Her lips were curled into a soft smile that radiated warmth. I wondered who or what she was thinking of and my heart skipped a beat imagining her smiling for me. 

It's crazy how i never noticed how blue her eyes are. Or how her laughter sounds like summertime. It's strange how I never really looked at her. And suddenly i couldn't stop staring.

Chasing Sunshine

I sat there, on the cold floor for what felt like hours. It could only have been minutes though. A million thoughts ran through my head, most of them self loathing. 


And then, like a switch, everything went numb and I was on my feet before I even realized I was moving. I stumbled to the kitchen, half aware of my own actions. 


And then I was yanking cupboards open, pulling out cleaning supplies and detergents. I knew I should stop, that I was spiraling, that all the progress I'd made was about to go down the drain. 


But it was like my mind had shut down and I was pushing random buttons trying to get something, anything, to work. 


I poured the boiling water left from when he'd made tea into a bucket. I didn't flinch when the hot water touched my skin, I barely registered it. 


22 • In This Life And The Next