21. the ball

Music: Merry-go-round - Joe Hisaishi (Howl's moving castle)

****

Amelia, our lovely princess

"Amy you don't have to do this," Cora tugged at my skirts as I rose from my chair.

"It's a dance, Cora. Calm yourself. I've done worse things because of her." Gently, I tug her hand off of me and place it on her lap. "I'll be fine."

Just before I step into the darkness of the staircase, I look back at the Borelians' balcony. The prince has already gone. I sigh and descend down the staircase.

This is going to be a bitch.

"Are you ready for the dance of your life?" He asks as I place my hand in his.

I laugh, "only if it's the last of my life."

His eyes narrow as he glares at me, "Would you like my word on that?"

I grin, my eyes meeting his as the music starts, "but of course. After all, till death do us part."

He pauses. "Are you afraid of anyone?"

"Of course. My mother."

"No, I mean men."

For a moment I blink at the randomness of the question before shrugging it off and answering. "Oh. No. They're scared of me."

"Understandable," he mutters in a volume that he probably thinks is low enough for me not to hear.

I do.

"Would you stop smiling like I just gave you the best compliment one could give someone?"

"Oh but you did," I giggle.

"You're insane."

"And you're possessed by the son of the devil. Why are you talking?"

"I'm a far better person than you."

"You tried to kill me," I say bluntly.

"You stabbed me. You also killed the love of my life."

"You have no evidence-"

We continue bickering as the music speeds up and the rest of the court joins us on the ballroom floor. As the music swells, the speed of our dance picks up and so do our voices.

"Give me one good reason why I would kill my best friend, who was practically my sister-"

"Greed, envy, anger-"

"What in the name of hell, heaven, and the world would I possibly be jealous of?!"

"I don't know!!" He pulls me closer as a couple dances past us. I'm mildly aware of how close our bodies are. Not only that but how well they fit. His eyes are wide as he stares at me. Searching for a flaw to grab on to. Something about the way he looks at me makes my stomach flutter. Though whether it's from fear, excitement or something else, I'm not certain.

I try to mask my look of disgust as he closes the distance between us, our faces are only inches from each other and I notice the bright tint of his lips. In the light, they resemble that of a light-pink rose petal. And look just as soft.

What am I thinking? I shake myself from the thought and glare at him.

"If you don't know. Your Royal Bastard. Then why. Pray tell. Are you talking?" I spit at him. He blinks, taken aback by my ability to look as angry as I am. Even as I was stabbing him the night before I had managed to mask my anger. Not now.

Fear. Pure and insatiable, flickers in his features before I reel myself back in.

Good. I want him to know what would happen if I lost my control. I want him to fear. As the music ends I shove his hands away from me and walk off.

I pause. "Oh and also..." I turn and smile at him. "Have a lovely evening, Andy." I grin at the shiver that passes through him. I wave a hand and giggle as the door slams behind him and he flinches again.

I'm not three paces away from where I was standing when Eleanor grabs my arm and I have to force myself to walk faster to keep up to her.

"Whatever you do. Don't look behind you."

I furrow my eyebrows and glance behind me. "What is the prince that angry?"

"What? No! Just keep walking."

My mind floods with possible scenarios. Finally, I yank my arm from her grip and turn around. The last thing I would ever be was a coward. Whatever, Ellie was protecting me from, I would prove to her that I don't need to hide from it.

"Amelia, let's go!" She drags me backward and I pull my arm away again and scan the room.

She comes beside me and places her hands on her hips. She glares at me with her grey-white eyes. Her hair has been pulled back with a gold comb and her dark green emerald dress blooms at her waist, cascading down to the floor and accentuating her pale skin. She's wearing a gold necklace and the faint scar on her neck, her biggest insecurity can be seen from a mile away. I wonder if she's alright with that.

"You never listen do you?"

"Never," I reply sweetly. I'll speak to her about it later.

We look out to the crowd. "So. Tell me. What am I looking at?"

She sighs. "Well, I was driving you away from Liam and his..."

Her voice becomes yet another blur in the crowd of music and I see them.

Liam. Kissing another woman. She wore a bright orange dress that accentuated her ginger hair. Sweet little freckles dotted her face and she had the brightest emerald eyes that I'd ever seen.

I knew her as a debutante, Lady Annelise Chester. But what was she doing with Liam?

.....Had he already moved on? After a day? I gulped, though there was no spit in my mouth to swallow.

"Amelia. Amelia." Cora's voice became apparent to me. "Amelia look at me."

I force myself to break my gaze away from the couple and stare into Cora's eyes. I'm slightly aware of my brother's presence and Khalil. I force myself to breathe as tears threaten to flood my eyes and my heart threatens to break.

"That piece of scum." Isaiah rolls up his sleeve, flexing his muscles in Liam's direction. "Not even a day after you end things. I should teach him a lesson."

"Cat, no!" I pull at his arm. "Don't hurt him!"

Protests erupt from my friends and I notice Bryon's hand inching toward his sword and Khalil's fists in his pockets. Both of their jaws are clenched as they glare at inanimate objects.

"He had it coming for him, Mia! He deserves to die for what he's done!" Isaiah's eyes are ice-white and the temperature around him drops significantly. I shiver despite being on the opposite side of the circle.

"Oh now, Isaiah that's going too far!" Eleanor attempts to console him, her gloved hand grazes his arm and immediately reels back at the cold of his skin. "Would you rein that gift of yours in?! Amelia made it clear that you're not to hurt him!"

Isaiah opens his mouth to retort when Khalil abruptly punches him. "Ow! What the fu-"

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

All of our heads turn to the source of the voice.

Liam's hair is slightly tousled, and he wears a navy blue jacket, his medals from his time in the military are pinned right above his heart. His blue shine as they meet mine.

Shine. Not flicker. He has no remorse, does he?

I wonder if he even knows what he's doing is wrong? (1)

**The Duke of Ophelia and his wife were infamous for having multiple affairs and still somehow managing to run a functional household and make face in official events.**

Liam grew up in an environment where extramarital affairs were the norm. But in the six months that I'd been with him and the years I'd known him, I never thought he'd follow in his parents' footsteps. Even then, I'd made it clear that I didn't like the idea of affairs. Especially when we were married. I didn't understand. Why would he do this?

"Not at all, Liam." My brother practically spits his name. I flinch as the temperature around us drops even more. "Not. At. All..." His voice alone could probably freeze a volcano.

Liam ignores him and instead turns to me. "Milla, it's so good to see you," he smiles at me as if we hadn't seen each other in years. As if I'm nothing more than a distant memory. The fact that he uses his nickname for me, the one he used when we were alone and no one else was around. When he would put his arms around my waist and kiss me like I was his everything.

It doesn't help.

"It's good to see you too," I somehow manage to choke out the words and by a miracle sound normal.

"I'd like to introduce you to-"

"His fiancee!" The girl finishes his sentence and pounces on me. "It's so good to meet you! Liam's talked about you so much! I'm so glad to finally meet his best friend!"

Each sentence is like a bullet to my already infected wound. I keep myself from staggering from her weight as she hugs me tighter. ".....Really?.."

"Oh but of course! He wouldn't shut up about you and how wonderful you are!" She runs back to him and kisses his cheek. "He's just so sweet like that, isn't he?"

I couldn't tell if she was lying or not. She seemed innocent but if the man in front of me had fooled me so well, how can I not expect the same from the woman he is to marry?

She looks back at me, her green eyes gleaming with delight as if she's just found a new group of friends.

I open my mouth to say something but Cora interjects. "How long have you two been engaged?"

"Eight months!" She replies before taking in all of our shock. " He didn't tell you?"

I don't hear the conversation that follows. My mind is too jumbled to process anything. Eight months. The number keeps repeating in my head like the bells of a clock, waking me to reality. They'd been engaged for eight months. She wasn't the hussy... I was.

I was the object.

"Excuse me, I'm not feeling well. I think I'll go out to the gardens for some fresh air." I attempt to walk away when Ellie takes my hand again.

"I'll accompany you, princess."

I stop her. "Eleanor, please. I'm fine. I just need to be alone for a bit." I've been broken before. I can handle this.

"Amelia-"

"Please," I beg. If I stay any longer I might cry in front of her. I don't want that.

She lets me go, thank Lord, and I walk as fast as I can to the doors and out to the gardens.

The moment, I'm out of sight I break into a sprint to the farthest gazebo. The one on the cliff that looks over Valoria. Tears blur my vision and though my heart screams at me to run the farthest I can from this place, my mind shames me for running. For not fighting back. For letting him win. But God I can't face him. Not like this. At that moment, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to face him again.

As the shrubbery clears and the gazebo comes into sight, blazing light from the city below engulfs me with the steady yellowish light of the streets and homes. I suck in a huge breath of ocean air as I hit the clay railing.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

It's going to be alright, girl.

You'll be fine.

This has happened before. It's fine.

You're strong you can handle this.

I force the words to keep repeating in my head. Taking deep breaths I look out onto the city.

I'm so stupid.

The tears come flooding through and I crumple to the floor.

I'm so broken.

Sh sh, it's alright. Everything's going to be fine.

How? He cheated. On her. With me. How could I have been so stupid?

After all that's happened to me how could I be so naive?....

I continue crying for I don't know how long. I don't bother holding back. No one's here to judge me. I curl myself into a ball and claw at my bare arms as the words taunt me in my head.

Idiot.

Worthless.

Naive.

Object.

I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes out. I sob and sob, eventually pulling out my napkin to clean myself up. When I'm finished crying I grab a pack of cigars I keep in the pocket of my gown for emergencies, and light one. Having not smoked in months, the smoke is unfamiliar to my lungs and I cough on the first puff. Still, I persist. I need this. I need to calm my nerves before returning to the ball. The night is yet to end.

"Care if I join you?" A familiar voice calls from behind. I turn to see Liam standing at the entrance of the gazebo.

At first, I expect to start crying all over again, for my heart to break. But the only pain I feel is a dull throb in my chest as I stare at him. The tears had all dried out. As had my love for him.

"Not at all," I pass him a cigar and he lights it. We smoke in silence for a while.

"You know they miss you at the ball."

I scoff, "I've only been gone for twenty minutes." I don't know how long I've been gone. I'm estimating but judging from his silence, I'm right.

Looking away, I blow smoke from my mouth.

He shrugs, "so what? You've always been the life of the party like that. You're special."

"Not special enough for you though."

"Milla-"

"Tell me. Sweet Liam, why did we fuck? Was it my money, power or beauty that drew you to me?"

".....I love you," he finally replies.

I almost throw my still-burning cigar at him. I throw my head back in laughter. "You? Love me? Are you drunk?"

"Let me explain-"

"EXPLAIN WHAT?? THAT YOU USED ME?? WHAT IS THERE TO EXPLAIN???"

"I love you."

I slap him. I'm not holding back my anger anymore. Not for him. "IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME?? AFTER ALL THIS!! AFTER USING ME LIKE THIS THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY???"

He grabs my hand and pins it to the railing. "Let. Me. Ex-plain," he annunciates every syllable as if I'm a child who doesn't understand anything.

Still, I keep my temper. I stare at his eyes, I have nothing to say to him. Not anymore. But still. My heart aches to know. To love him again.

"Explain then," I reply as coldly as I can.

He inhales. "I love you. I've loved you since we were children, but my father never thought I stood a chance with you. So when you came back to the palace nine months ago, we struck a deal. If I could win you over in time for the season, I could marry you. If I didn't, I'd be forced to marry Lady Annelise.

"I didn't want to do it. But I thought I could win you over in time. I wasn't aware that you had a foreign prince in your pocket. Waiting for you across the sea." He glares at me.

I close my eyes. "Is that it?"

"What-"

I punch him.

He staggers back from the impact but I grab his lapels and pin him to the railing. "If you loved me, you would have told me you were engaged. I could easily have fixed your problem."

"If you loved me, you would have broken it off."

"If you loved me you wouldn't have had the audacity to stand here still. You wouldn't have come here at all. You would have left the moment I broke things off and lived your life with your little wife." I can't stand swearing at her. Not even here. She had done nothing wrong. If anything, she was as innocent as me. We'd both been fooled by this man.

"Don't you dare speak to me as if you care. Don't you dare act upset when I broke things off with you when you still had your fiancee waiting for you at home. You have no right.

"And most certainly, if you cared, you wouldn't have shown up to this ball with her on your arm, making me look like a fool in front of my friends. My family. My people."

"Please-"

"Please what?! 'Please Amelia forgive me'?! Why? We have nothing to have now. I'm getting married to the prince and you, your Annelise."

"We can-"

"Have an affair? You of all people know I don't believe in cheating. Even if your spouse is the biggest bastard on the continent."

"Amelia-"

I shove him away. I know his excuses, his lies. I know what he'll say and why he'll say it. In the end, he was just like the rest of them."Goodbye,

Liam. And I pray to God, that you understand how much I wish you stay away from me for the rest of our days."

"Milla..." He grabs my hand but I kick him. He grunts as he releases me.

"Goodbye." I don't bother looking back as I walk away. Maybe if I had, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. Maybe if I'd paid more attention I would have known. I should have known. It's all my fault.

But I don't turn back. Not until I hear what sounds like an arrow sliding off a bow. Not until something huge and heavy hits me and I fall to the ground.

"AMELIA!!"

*****

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