Chapter 13

A strange noise left his throat at my words, surprising me so much I forgot about my nerves and jolted a bit. His face actually looked startled at my words. Mouth opening to form words he didn't have.

I wanted to admire the sight that I hadn't ever seen since the duchess had died. The innocence that could rarely be seen. But I still felt so hopeless and empty from before, that I couldn't bring myself to care.

He had yet to answer, and with the way he turned his face to the flickering candle that the duke used to melt the wax for his seals, I could tell he wasn't going to answer.

I had a few of those marks on my body… from that very same steel. There was one just below the nape of my neck, out of sight yet forcing me to undress in seclusion. The others were faded, but that one on the nape been done with such hot metal it had blistered like crazy.

I shook the thought away while grasping my arm, squeezing it to incite some type of comfort.

It did nothing.

Was I truly going to spend the rest of my life like this? To be tormented forever and if I dare escape then the one person I cared for would taste the wrath of those angered? Instead of the duke it'd be the young master and considering that he hated me more…

"If you don't know why then you should just leave", the words were spoken less harshly this time. More tiredly than with anything close to anger.

"Yes master", I stood up to leave, but my arm was harshly grabbed and I fell back into my seat with a tug.

The hand that gripped my hand tightened around my wrist so tightly I winced. The master pulled it towards him, bringing me along with it. Pulling me so close to him that I wanted nothing more than to push him away.

I looked at him with weary eyes and began to question him, but he spoke first. Cold voice cutting the tense air like a knife through butter.

"What do you plan to do with the inheritance?"

Oh… I had forgotten about the inheritance…

No matter how I saw it. I had no need for it. If my father left that as child insurance than it was too late. I was grown up. And unlike how mother would've liked I'm forever bound to this dukedom so it'll never be my dowry. Angela had no need for it because she had all her arrangements set by the young master…

Only one person lingered in my mind. Someone who could really use the money. Someone who would no doubt deserve it more than anyone.

Or maybe… I glanced down at myself. If I was going to be a slave for a while then I had to take into account that I might at some point hold.. hold a bastard…

The very thought made me sick.

Mother warned of such things. Telling me to escape while we could. Trying to get in contact with the man who promised to marry her yet left her alone with two kids to raise. She didn't want this, but since it's going to happen anyway and I could never pay off my slavery then…

"I want a fifth of it to go to Justin Drent" I paused and glanced nervously towards him. If I knew one thing with absolute certainty it was that the young master loathed Justin, not enough to fire him like he could, but definitely enough for his mood to sour at the mention of his name.

His face hadn't changed at all, but there was a rigid air to him. As if he purposely kept his smile on.

"Justin Drent", despite his attitude he still spat the name.

I nodded in agreement.

"Yes".

"Why?" Now his voice was colder, "I don't suppose as a dowry since you can't marry, so as what?"

"A… gift", I reluctantly answered.

I hated that stare he gave me and I hated that I knew full well what they meant. It made me feel embarrassed that it was so obvious, even to the young master.

"A bit elaborate as a gift don't you think? Or have you run out of gifts to give in his chambers", his taunts were much crueler than before, before he intended to break my spirit, now he seemed to want to hurt it.

I stiffened a bit when he said that. How had he known? Why had he known? Although it didn't matter, I still couldn't shake off that Justin might be in danger because of me.

"No. I've received so much help from him that it's the least I could offer. He's always leant me his expensive medicines and gotten me things from the market, things I needed as a woman"… and things I didn't need. Bracelets, rings, earrings and even things I couldn't hope to wear in this lifetime. The thought of him relaxed me and a traitorous smile trailed up my face at the warm feeling I had.

I hadn't looked from my hands and had missed the tightening fists on the desk and the way he glared at it.

"My fault…" he muttered under his breath.

"Pardon?"

"And the rest?" He snapped at me.

"The rest… I want to keep for my future… " I didn't want to say the word so much that I felt my throat closing up.

"Your future? " he confirmed and I shook my head with a grim face.

"My future… child or… children", I looked away in embarrassment and humiliation.

I hated this.

"Future… children? But you can't marry-", he stopped himself as he realised what I had meant, his sharp tone dropping as he stopped speaking.

I looked at the wrist he still clasped and realised his grip was loose. I slowly moved my hand away, but before I could even slip out it was grabbed again.

"If it's bastards you worry about there's no need. A starved dog wouldn't look twice at you", he grabbed by face with his free hand and traced my nose, then grazing my cheek bones as he whispered, "you're hideous, so hideous", he whispered, his eyes seemed elsewhere as I noticed his gaze trained on my lips. His fingers touch the lower lip with hesitation at first, and as it travelled to my upper lip I felt him move closer, so close his breath touched my nape. "You see… you do nothing to men, barely a woman at all and you'd do well to remember that".

He finally sat in his seat, leaving me feeling even worse than before. I knew that already. I knew that full well, but to say it so bluntly… it must be true.

"I understand".

He seemed pleased with my reaction and leaned into his fathers chair with a smile, it didn't meet his eyes, "But if you do happen to have that kind of relationship then it'll be best to remember that I decide who stays in your life and who doesn't".

"I understand".

"Your sisters wedding is a week from now. If you need anything then I'll provide it for you through the butler Travis. After the wedding you'll truly be… be stuck here with me so enjoy it while it lasts", he gave me smile. A sweet and poisonous smile. I stood up, making sure no plans would reach out to sit me down again and made my way to the door, "oh and about Mr Drent", I froze at his words, feeling a nervous shiver run down my spine, "Your money should transferred to him in a weeks time".

I let out a breath I didn't realise I was even holding and gave him a smile unfit for a maid, a shaky smile, "thank you".

I didn't remember running down the stairs, pass the working servants who gawked at me, and even Naomi who said I had ran so fast that she hadn't realised I was a human at first and mistook me for a wild animal.

I didn't remember opening the front doors and running pass the guards and towards the stables, nor did I remember the branches which caused tears in my dress and left scratches on my cheek.

I remembered none of it, except the moment I found what I had been searching for and had grasped onto it for dear life. I had pressed my face against Justin's chest and my small arms clung around his body as I heaved ugly sobs into his chest.

His arms wrapped around me, hesitantly and uncertainly but when they finally did his embrace was so warm and protective that I didn't ever want to leave. I wanted to stay there forever.