Chapter 14

When I calmed down, I realised I sat on Justin's bed while he was beside me, arms circled hesitantly around me as he rubbed my back. I knew I had to let go eventually and explain myself, but it was so hard to pull away from his shirt that smelt like fresh mint leaves. It was so therapeutic that I wanted to bask in it.

"Bell…" He murmured, his voice vibrating against my hair. I was tempted to answer, but that meant pulling away and I really didn't want to..

"Sorry… just a moment longer", I whispered back, leaning in closer.

He gave a grunt in reply, hands moving up to my arms until he stopped at my upper arm. His fingers curling around the outside of it so gently it barely felt like a touch.

"Y-You shouldn't hug men like this. It can be misunderstood".

That made me realise the utter stupidity of my actions like a bucket of cold water had poured on me. I pulled away so fast that I would've tripped had he not grasped my wrist. I couldn't help but notice that it was the same wrist, yet this time it didn't hurt at all. Nor did it feel unpleasant. In fact, it made a strange feeling in my stomach arise.

"I'm so sorry. I just didn't know- I didn't know who to go!"- I rambled on until he cut me off with a raised finger to his lips.

"Hey now, take a deep breath", he rubbed my back, making it obvious that he held no resentment over my fickleness, "once you've properly calmed down I want you to explain to me who made you cry like that".

His words, although like honey to my ears, were spoken in an almost frightening tone. Although he did his best to calm me, his white knuckles and his clenched jaw betrayed him. Making his anger so very apparent.

I did just that.

With deep and slow breaths. I evaluated what had just happened.

The first was, that I was always going to stay in the duchy. The second was, that if I tried to leave, the health of the people I care about will be compromised. And the third was, the third was…

I looked at those deep green eyes for a moment. They were captivating. They drew me in so close that I wanted to swim in them. And then my eyes went to the dark head of hair on his head, how it swept below his ears and always irritated him. The soft silky way it reflected light…

For a split moment I recalled deep red eyes and sparkling blonde hair. That made me feel sick to my very core and shake the image from my head.

I'm- I'm absolutely insane….

I knew what the third was very well and it was killing me.

"I- I saw the young master. He called for me", It was a start at least. Although spoken as my finger nervously played with my dress and my eyes that darted to everywhere in the room besides him.

I felt his large hand engulf my own and squeeze it. That was enough for me to speak more comfortably.

"When I saw you a week ago. What I told you, the deal and all. It was a trap. He did that so he could make it even harder to leave once the contract was in his possession …" I glared at the hard floor. Recalling that smile. That cruel cruel smile.

"The contract?" He leaned in.

"Our slavery contract… we had an inheritance- well… I had an inheritance left by my father. He said it was as a child insurance, but mother stored it away and made a magic contract with the duchess to secure it for me", I felt bitterness well up in my chest as I recalled the amount. It was enough to buy a few dozen peasant houses…

"Enough to?"-

"Yes", I snapped, "enough to pay off both mine and Angela's slavery. But- But that bastard knew that and he!-" Justin's arms came around me once again. This time by his own will and squeezed my shaking body against his. The tears of frustration and anger let loose and he rocked me.

"It's okay. It's okay" he whispered into my ear. They were such sweet lies that I could listen to them all night.

I just let it out then. All of it.

The anger. The betrayal. And my nativity at having trusted a man who I should have know hated me so much. My foolishness. The fact that I'll never be able to visit my own sister when she has children. My niece or nephew, who would only ever hear tales of me.

The fact that I'll never have a happy ending. I'll always be here, in this dukedom where all my best and worst memories resided in an empty building that only held corpses of live people. People who would never be happy…

I was limp mess by the end of it, clinging onto an unmarried man like a crazy woman. I was a disgrace.

Eventually, we lapsed into a long silence. A sorrowful silence where we held each other and drifted away into the afternoon. It would be evening soon. And I would return to the kitchens.

Eventually, news of the dukes coming death would be heard and then everything… everything will change. All will go to hell.

"Justin", I looked up at him, "don't reject what I'm about to say. The young master dislikes you and we both know that, which means you might not be working here after the duke", I gulped and lowered my voice, "passes".

Justin stared down at me, his hand had began to wipe away the drying tears on my cheek. His gaze seemed different, less reserved. And much too overwhelming for someone so unworthy like myself.

"I've left a bit of my inheritance to you so you can leave and buy that land for the farm you've been saving up for", I already knew what his reaction would be before his relaxed gaze was replaced by a look of surprise and then hurt.

"I don't need your money, Bell. Keep it. Save it up. And forget about that stupid farm! That was just- just an- excuse to save money", he stuttered, his gaze lowered in frustration.

I gave him a weak smile.

"I know it was an excuse. But you looked so happy when you talked about it so I"-

"I'm not going to leave you alone with him!"

That surprised me out of words. His face brimmed with anger, eyes sparkling with unshed tears, full or hurt and resentment. I could feel his body shaking beneath mine and realised that maybe this hurt Justin… more than it hurt me.

"Justin…"

"Ive been with you through all of it Bella. I've taken care of your wounds. Ive listened to you go on for hours and I can't listen to another word of that- that child! hurting you", it came again. That gaze, as if he stared at something so precious to him, something that held more value to him that it did to anyone. "I won't let that bastard control you like some puppet. I'll make it so he can never lay his finger on you again"-

"No", I shook my head. Interrupting him desperately, "No Justin. No you can't. You can't! He'll hurt you if he realises that and-and he'll hurt me too. Take the money and leave and that'll be better for both of us! I'm- I'm a slave Justin! My life has been decided since my birth, but yours- yours has so much potential", I moved away. I wanted anything else but this was the only choice.

He moved to grab me. To stop me, but I was swifter, more determined than him.

"I don't care if he breaks every bone in my body. I'll help both you and Angela escape", he had got of the bed and slowly walked towards me, reaching for me.

I shook my head.

"No. I'll hate you if you do that. I'll hate you for the rest of my life if you do that!" I glared at him through blurry eyes, tears compromised my vision. It made my lie so obvious.

It was all useless. We couldn't escape without being killed. No slave has ever escaped from a dukedom.

As if he read my thoughts, his hand that reached for me fell. And he stopped getting closer.

"It's all useless. It's all useless, isn't it?" He was looking at the ground as he clutched his head in despair.

"It is…" I agreed solemnly.

And then like something had went off in his head, his gaze came to me and in it, was a mysterious thought. One I couldn't unwrap.

"Would you be okay for a year?" He said, looking up at me resolutely. His expression seemed so determined and driven that I was wondering if I had missed a vital part of the conversation.

"A year?" I questioned.

"Or sooner. But I need time. I'll come back for you and I'll buy you off him myself!" He grabbed my shoulders with a face so serious I didn't deny him.

"O-Okay…"

But how could he? That was way too much money. There's no way he'll ever be able to get a trillion gold coins… he'd have to empty a bank of all its riches…

As my mind was in a turmoil of raging thoughts, he gave me a worried face and leaned closer. So close I jolted at the lack of distance as he pressed his forehead on mine. His hair tickling my cheeks.

"Don't freak out so much. I promise you, as a man to a woman that I'll be back with so much riches he wouldn't be able to deny me you unless you openly denied yourself", he said it with such confidence as he trailed his finger along my face that I actually believed him.

I looked into his eyes, feeling our breaths mingle as his lashes fluttered closed and a softness touched my cheek.

When I realised it was his lips, my face burned, but the warmth that flooded in me was so sweet that I couldn't pull away. I hadn't felt something so warm and comforting since mother… since mother had..

When moments later, he pulled away. Both of us staring at me each other, red cheeks and all.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop myself", he confessed embarrassed with a nervous laugh.

"It's okay. I kind of… liked it", I felt even more embarrassed admitting that and noticed how he equally flushed at my words.

"Don't say anymore or I might not be able to hold back", he pushed me away so fast that I almost laughed.

"Oh? And what might happen if that were the case?" I teased him.

"Bella", he warned with a smirk, humouring me as we both laughed. No longer, dwelling on our miserable futures.

I walked to his bedroom door with a laugh, and he followed closely behind. Before I left I turned to him.

"Thank you for everything Justin. You don't have to continue making your life harder for me- I mean us", I corrected myself, flustered at my blunder.

"Thank me when I come back for you, Bella. And I'll be taking responsibility for that kiss by the way", he teased.

My cheeks became hot and he laughed at the sight of it while I turned the knob and rushed outside. Did he not have any shame?!

"Goodbye!" I called back without turning around and I heard him reply with.

"Don't get too excited now!"

That only made me feel more embarrassed.

But even I couldn't deny the smile, that was so wide it hurt my cheeks, or the warmth in my chest that became a spring in my every step. I was happy. And even if it were a lie or a promise that wouldn't come true. I was sure that the following year would be an easy one, no matter the hardships.

That was the last time I saw Justin. He was gone the next morning, leaving nothing behind nothing except his tub of medical balm.