Chapter 28

I didn't get to see Angela when we left. She was gone, alongside her new husband, who carried her out, princess style.

At first, I thought it was kind of embarrassing and then thought it romantic, but all that was shattered when I heard the women next to me gossip.

"My~ with the way those two were acting, there should a little one any day", a plump woman spoke coyly.

"I'd say tonight would be the night for those two. Oh, to be young…" another added.

"I remember when my husband and I were that healthy", an older woman mused.

All the while, I found my eardrums exploding as I stood next to Cain. My face felt so hot; I tried to cool it by fanning my hands on me. I had to turn away from the scene and quickly grabbed a glass of water to drown.

How- How could they speak about that so casually?

"Does it embarrass you?" Cains's voice startled me. He almost sounded surprised.

"Of-Of course it does" I couldn't even make eye contact with him.

"You make it sound as if you're innocent", he muttered in annoyance.

I furrowed my brows at his words.

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly and in dread of the answer.

"Well… you and Drente spent a lot of time together in his room, so I assumed-" he cut his words off when he noticed my expression.

My face was more than likely riper than a tomato. And my lips quivered indignantly.

I had half a mind to yell at him! How dare he think I was some loose girl just because I was a slave!

"I!-" I forced myself to bite down my anger, "I hadn't done anything of the like…." I muttered, now embarrassed.

This was uncomfortable…

"You haven't?" He was now leaning down towards me, those red eyes gleaming in the sun, and for some reason, he wore a smile. But still, he pressed for an answer I already gave.

I couldn't speak. So I just shook my head in a strangely humiliating way.

I shouldn't have anything to be ashamed of…

After that, he was in a better mood, and I spent the whole afternoon flustered. I even found him admiring his scenery for a change, and it was almost unfair how when he stared at a flower, the light caught him in a way that made him shine brighter than any flower could hope.

When we got to the carriage, we both had changed out of our clothes and into the ones we had arrived wearing. I had never appreciated my scratchy dress so much. Party dresses were downright uncomfortable.

The way back was much less uncomfortable than the way there, and despite working all day, I found myself exhausted after today. It wouldn't be a day I'd forget, but it drained me.

I just stared out the window, knowing it may be a while before I could appreciate the scenic farm once again. I became even more solemn when I realised that I couldn't see both Angela and Justin.

My mind trained on the latter…

If Justin asked,… would I give myself up to him. I knew that it might be a scar I'd carry forever?

I thought back to his warmth, and somehow I thought it might just be the case. Then I felt that same embarrassment and found myself consciously glancing to the young master and cringing when I met his eyes.

I looked away hastily, knowing the pretence was over.

"Come here", he tapped the seat beside him.

I reluctantly stood up and sat by him, albeit much farther than he motioned for good measure and, in all honesty, to test his limits.

I wasn't sure if he had a change of heart because of Angela's wedding, but he had become strangely kinder, and although he ordered me to act like a friend instead of a maid, I couldn't help but feel like he had changed somehow. He was in a better mood, and he was much less angry than usual.

"You're sitting much farther than I instructed. Well, never mind it, this will work out better for my plans", he said, and with a somewhat exhausted exhale, he lowered himself my way and rested his head on my lap.

I cringed at the sudden action and the proximity. Forcing myself to calm down so my legs felt soft and not uncomfortable. It was somewhat awkward…

He stared up at the carriage ceiling as it rocked and drifted away somewhere. It was only then I gazed properly at his face and noticed his eyes wore circles. And that when he rested them, he looked honestly at rest.

I recalled how he was drunk constantly at night, and it occurred to me that maybe, despite his denial, the dukes' illness did affect him to some degree. That the fact he would lose another of his blood left him in loneliness.

Somehow I felt that same sorrow I felt when he lost his mother, although my heart had willed itself to feel almost nothing to him. Not at this level, at least. At this level of sympathy, I would've done anything for him as I had felt when he lost his mother. As I had felt when he tormented me.

But, like an idiot, I still found myself placing a cool hand on his head. It disturbed his peace for a mere moment as his eyes fluttered narrowly open and met mine for a moment. It was a strangely pure moment before his eyelids fell once again, and he was… asleep.

The journey back was a few hours, and throughout it all, he was sleeping, comfortably although a bit too defencelessly, on my lap. It was like he trusted me not to push him off. And believe me, when I recalled the torment he put through, it was very tempting, but every so often, he would breathe a little loudly, and I would recall a more petite, younger boy who ordered me to stay by him at bedtime and read stories until he was asleep.

When we arrived, he was up immediately and didn't even need to be woken. He didn't so much as glance at me as he straightened up and left the carriage in a hurry.

I followed much less enthusiastically. My legs hurt because of his fat head…

I was allowed to take the day off since I had already missed most of it anyway, and the concept of having free time was foreign to me. Usually, I would run off to get a moment to myself, and even then, it was never more than an hour, and now I had quite a few hours to do whatever I wanted.

It was something I had wanted for a long, long time. To feel time flow without constraints, yet I realised as I plundered over the things I could do that I was rather dull.

Either way, I found myself travelling to the servant quarters near the barn. Where Justin once stayed. His room was now occupied by someone else, who would be busy for days on end.

It almost felt wrong that it wasn't his.

"This is my room", his voice full of young innocence that presented a whole room to me. It shocked me back then that someone not much older than me had a space just for them and what they owned.

"This is all yours?" I asked in astonishment.

"Well, I'll share it with you because we're friends", he offered, but we weren't all that friendly back then, or at least, I wasn't. Do I rejected his offer, saying I didn't want it even though my chest felt warm at the very mention of that word.

'Friend'.

I had never had someone claim to be friends with me. Not to say I wasn't friends with the young master, but it was painfully evident that the young boy considered us family rather than… friends.

I remember the way he laughed when I rejected him, when I said we weren't friends, but more than that, I remember how he later cried about it when he had a rough day. How he hated working here and how he could barely stand the long hours of labour. How despite how much he tried to befriend me, I would always reject him. I think he was drunk, but it still haunted me regardless.

His hurt made me hurt.

And later, his happiness made me happy.

And his kindness… made me warm.

I didn't realise that warm liquid trickled down my face until I saw a messy drop of it hit the stone floor. After that, more fell, and I couldn't understand why I was crying. Why I felt so empty when I knew Angela was happy and Justin was free, living his dream, or at least I hoped.

But at that moment, I missed my mother's warm arms—the duchess' laughs. I missed the old memories full of the innocence of a child.

I realised after a while why I felt like this. Maybe it was the room that was empty where Justin should have been. Or the stable where only the neighing horses could be heard without Angela's giggles.

I was… alone. I was lonely…