A Fake Smile

*Hagumi Megumin's POV*

//June 14/2040//Thursday//

After what happened earlier, I immediately apologized to everyone and left the cafeteria.

How is this possible? We are missing in the outside world, and we are nowhere to be found? When will this end? How can we get out? Will I die in this place? All these thoughts were inside my head while I was heading to my room to rest for today.

"C-Can we really get out of this place?"

I went inside my room and laid down on my bed while covering my face with a pillow.

"Dad… Everyone… I can't do this…"

Everything, everything that Sasaki, Machida, and Ichi told us in the situation we are in was absurd. I always tell myself to be positive in tough situations and to smile in front of people even if problems are stabbing every part of my body mentally.

But… But I can't… Tears are flowing everywhere, soaking my pillow up, and I am feeling weak in this situation that we are in.

How can I possibly survive in a place like this? I am only a chef who has a good heart. Looking at what Machida did earlier, I realized that having a good heart is not enough to live my life. I realized, that maybe sometimes, you need to abandon your own morals just for the sake of surviving.

But… One part of me can't accept that kind of thing.

What should I do? Should I stay the way I am right now? A kind-hearted person who smiles at people to give them happiness?

Wait, am I even capable of doing that after what happened? Or should I just abandon my morals for the sake of surviving this place, even if it means abandoning the people I have been with inside this school for the past month?

"I… I really don't know what to do…"

Ichi was right. All it takes is just one bad day, and it certainly can make a person go insane. The bonds that all of us have been building up this past month are destroyed on this day.

I got out of my bed and slowly walked towards the bathroom to take a bath. While I was taking a bath, I started crying again.

"Why is this happening… I want to go home… DAD! EVERYONE! I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!"

Tears are flowing around my face. I kept on repeating the thoughts I have been thinking after that horrifying incident.

I am afraid… I am afraid of what will happen tomorrow since some of us looked broken after knowing all of those ridiculous things. Will people start killing tomorrow? Can I still trust them? Who can I rely on in this situation?

Who can I rely on?

Can I give them the positivity I had for the past month? Can I still do that? I don't want all of the things that we built to turn into naught.

"I DON'T WANT TO!!! I'M SCARED! I'M SCARED!!!"

I kept on crying and breaking down thinking of the negative thoughts that are inside my head. I realized that this was also the first time that I have been thinking negatively about a situation where I am in.

*SOB* *SOB*

I got tired from crying non-stop inside the bathroom. After I finished washing, I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes to take a rest for the day.

"Oh, Hagumi! This really tasted great! You learned a lot of things at Saitei University!"

"MEGUMIN!!! YOU REALLY IMPROVED A LOT AFTER GOING TO THAT SCHOOL!"

"DAD! EVERYONE! I MISSED ALL OF YOU!"

After four years of studying at Saitei University, I finally graduated and learned a lot of things in the field of culinary at that university.

Dad was right. Saitei University was really a great school. I was able to cook Dad food that is better than before, and I was way more quickly when working in the kitchen with the chefs.

"MEGUMIN!! WE REALLY MISSED YOU!!"

"MEGUMIN!! BECAUSE OF THE SKILLS YOU HAVE SHOWN TO US AFTER YOU WENT TO THIS SAITEI UNIVERSITY, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT YOU ARE THE NEW HEAD CHEF OF THIS RESTAURANT!"

"E-EEEEH?!"

A promotion? Is the head chef really serious about giving his position to me? Am I really worthy of this position as a head chef in this restaurant?

Dad suddenly walked in front of me and smiled. He hugged me tightly while crying from behind.

"I am so proud of you Hagumi."

I felt relieved at the same time, happy. I am at home again, I am back, and now I can help these people who I treat as my family every day without worrying about anything at all. Everyone walked in front of me and smiled. They took a deep breath, and yelled…

"MEGUMIN!! CONGRATULATIONS ON GRADUATING FROM SAITEI UNIVERSITY!!!"

All of us smiled and laughed while celebrating my graduation from Saitei University. I am at home.

I am really at-.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

*CLICK*

//June 15, 2040//Friday//

That was only a dream.

I opened my eyes and realized that a new day has come. I checked my alarm clock, and it was already 5:30 am. That is right, I need to cook for everyone again. I realized,

I was back to reality once again, and I started crying one more time.

Why can't my dream be the real thing? Why should I face reality again? Why are dreams better than the reality we are in?

"BRING ME BACK TO MY FAMILY! I WANT TO BE HAPPY! I DON'T WANT TO FACE THIS TERRIFYING REALITY THAT WE ARE IN! I DON'T WANT THIS! I DON'T WANT THIS!!!"

I kept on pulling my hair, and I started hurting myself for not accepting the situation where I am in right now.

Megumin, you are stupid. You know that is not how it works.

Two hours passed, and I got worn out from inflicting pain on myself. I forgot to cook for the others, and negative thoughts filled my head once again.

Will I be killed if I show how much despair I am in after that incident? Will they see me as someone useless if I stopped cooking?

After I took a bath and wore my clothes for the day, I looked in the mirror to try making a fake smile.

That is right, Megumin. Hide this pain you are experiencing. Show them that you are still happy even in this situation we are in. Prove yourself to be useful, to be positive, and don't let them kill you. You can only rely on yourself. That is the only way I can survive in this place.

"Hide your true feelings, and give them a fake smile…"

I left my room and went to where the cafeteria is. It was already 9:00 am and everyone was probably inside the cafeteria eating their breakfast.

They are disappointed in me for sure because I did not cook for them today, but no worries! I will redeem myself, and cook lunch for them. I want to survive after all. I took a deep breath, tried pulling a fake smile, and entered the cafeteria where everyone was staring at me when I went inside.

"Oh, Good morning Megumin!" Raku said.

I looked at them, and it seems like the usual people in the cafeteria every day are there inside including Machida. The only people I did not see here inside are Hyakuzawa and Ichika. I bowed my head in front of them and apologized.

"I am sorry for not making breakfast for everyone earlier!"

Everyone was staring at me confused at what I said. Did I say something wrong? Or are they planning to kill me while I am not around?

Please negative thoughts, get away from me…

"Don't worry about that Megumin! I am sure that all of us were shocked because of what happened yesterday." Raku said.

Raku smiled at me, and I did the same to him as well. I better leave this place immediately and start cooking to show my usefulness to them.

"Well then! I'll start cooking for lunch!"

I walked quickly, and while I was about to open the door to the kitchen, Kanade called me and asked me a question with a worried face.

"Megumin… Are you alright?"

I looked at them once again, and everybody was worried about me.

No, Megumin, don't show them that you are not okay. Show them your positive side. Show them that you are okay. I gave them a big smile, a smile that I made for the first time in my life that is not sincere, and genuine.

"I'm okay everyone! Don't worry about me!"

I went inside the kitchen and went straight to where the ingredients are located. I tried thinking of a menu that can satisfy them later.

Why is Machida there with them? Have they decided that I am not useful to them in getting out of this place?

That is right… If I think about it, I am the only one who can't help in any way to defeat Ichi just like what Sasaki wants us to do on the first day when all of us had met.

Asahi is a famous director, and for sure that he will be spared since he had a lot of contributions to our society.

Raku on the other hand is really approachable, and all of them are comfortable when he is around. He also showed yesterday that he is still willing to fight with Sasaki after what happened.

Kanade is also a great doctor. She is the person who can really help in this situation that we are in. She knows a lot in the field of science and can treat our injuries.

Machida is Japan's Greatest Detective, his deductive reasoning is excellent, and he can even fight back against Ichi just like what he did yesterday.

As for Sasaki, she is kind of like the leader of the group. She is the one who has the most potential to defeat Ichi and find a way to get everybody out of this place.

And what should I do to prove to them that I am useful to them? I need to stay positive and cook food for them. That is the only way I can do so that they can see me as someone useful.

"Why… Why am I trembling?"

Despite telling those things to myself, my whole body is quivering, and I am starting to get cold.

Don't show them that you are not fine, Megumin. Show them that you are okay, that you are happy. Give them the brightest smile you can make.

I am trying to fake a smile once again, but my eyes are starting to tear up, and my body couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Pull yourself together Megumin and act as if everything is okay.

Do this in order to survive, in order to live, in order to-.

"Don't hide how you truly feel, Megumin."

******** TO BE CONTINUED ********