Two Kinds of Happiness

Tuesday, 27 April 2021

There are two kinds of happiness: one that is momentary, and one that lasts a long time, just like the happiness I get with books. My happiness with Serena was only momentary; it was a fake kind of happiness. Something driven by physical needs, not by heart, nor mind. It was purely a craving that my body wanted at that time, just like whenever I craved for a certain kind of food to pacify my hunger. It was a physiological need, one of the basic needs of a man my age, or perhaps any age. Other than that, I want nothing else from her. Mainly because she cheated on me before, and that completely broke my trust.

She was lying naked on my shoulder with a sweetness in her embrace that only couples do, but I had something else in my mind. She cheated on me and now, she tricked me into having sex with her. She's a good manipulator, but not as good as she thinks. I used her. She didn't use me. And it will stay that way in my mind. Great sex won't make me forget the time she casually told me it was over between us without much explanation. And honestly, I didn't want one, and I don't want one now because I'm not planning to get back together with her.

"Uriel…"

"Yep."

"That was awesome."

"Yes. It was."

She looked up to meet my eyes while still lying naked on my shoulder. "Let's live together."

What? That's totally unexpected! Out of disbelief, I got up, which prompted her to get up as well. I couldn't believe the nerve of this woman. This beautiful woman. "That's really not a good idea. I'm not even planning to get back together."

Her beautiful eyes turned into something else. She glared at me. "After all this? Did they not mean a thing to you?"

I had finished putting my clothes on and saw my belt behind her, so I walked over to pick it up. "We've had plenty of sex for four years. From when I was 18, to when I turned 22, remember? We had a healthy dose of sex life for four consecutive years, but none of that meant anything to you. You just suddenly found a guy, said goodbye, and then we were done."

Her eyes showed guilt. She gathered her maxi dress and panties, then started to put them on. "Which is why I'm here now to make up for it. I'm truly sorry, Uriel. I really am."

"You can't just make up for cheating on me with two rounds of sex, Serena."

"Then how? How can I get you back? I regret what I did. Please believe me."

"I believe you. But that doesn't change anything. Now, I need to get back to work."

She immediately held my hand from behind before I could even reach the door. Then, she hugged me. I miss that hug. When someone hugs you from behind, it feels like she's got your back. Like that person truly cherishes you and will always be there when you need her. But now, though I longed for it, it doesn't feel good at all. "Serena…"

"Uriel…"

"I really need to get back to work. Please go back to where, or to whomever you belong." I unlocked the tight grip of her hands around my body.

"But I'm not with anyone anymore, Uriel."

I didn't respond to that. I opened the door and got out of the stockroom without looking back. The clinging sound of the wind chime proved that I got out in time because as soon as I reached my desk, a group of teenagers came in. There were six familiar faces, all wearing summer attire. Their presence was a great timing for me to avoid any confrontation from Serena, so I was glad. "Good day, welcome to The Pilgrim Bookstore!" I said that with my teeth and dimples on full display.

They looked shock that someone had greeted them when nobody ever greeted them before, but they responded in unison anyway. "Thank you." They smiled and headed pass me and towards the art supplies, which was near the stockroom.

Serena suddenly came out and looked a little surprise at the girls, but she went pass them and walked over to me. "Uriel…"

"I had a really nice time, Serena. Don't make me say things that the kids would hear. I already ran out of good things to say. Let's not meet again."

I could see her breathing heavily through her chest. She was clearly trying to compose herself because of the customers around. She didn't say a word and just left. Not long, the customers also left with lots of art materials and two books.

My tummy growled and I realized I hadn't eaten lunch, so I closed the shop for 10 minutes, just to buy myself some food from Old China, a small Chinese restaurant nearby. Papa and I always buy food there because it's the nearest restaurant and their food is cheap, but they don't compromise the quality of their food just because they sell them on a cheaper price. Plus, everything in their menu is really yummy. Their food tastes like Filipino dishes, but their sauce makes their food distinct from any other. I don't know if it's because of MSG that makes their food so tasty, or if there's some kind of other ingredients or way of cooking that I don't know about, that makes them delicious. I wouldn't trade their food for Justin's food though, because he still makes the best recipes. Whether it's Korean, Filipino, Japanese, Italian, or Chinese, he's the go-to person whenever I want the best food to eat.

I bought lumpiang shanghai (Chinese spring rolls) that came with an addictive sauce, two plain rice, and chop suey (stir-fried vegetables with chicken). I don't normally buy two orders of rice and dish, but Serena zapped my strength, so I need to replace all the calories I burned. As soon as I got back, I switched the bookstore's sign to 'Open' then started to eat at my desk.

When I recalled how my encounter with Serena ended, there was a tinge of guilt that made my stomach feel uneasy. The way I had treated her wasn't how I intended to treat her. It just came out that way because of the emotions she stirred up in me, though I couldn't have done it any other way because she was the one who threw herself at me. And it didn't make me feel good that she came to me just because her relationship with that other guy was over. I mean, what am I, a replacement? Her second choice? Did she only come to me because she couldn't bear to be with no one? It didn't feel good at all, even if she showed regrets for cheating on me.

I was at the comfort room by the sink, brushing my teeth while looking at myself in the mirror. When I heard the chime, I quickly gargled water, spit it out, and wiped my mouth with a Kleenex tissue. I headed straight to my desk while the customers who looked like a couple, checked out some children's books at one of the shelves. It took them quite a long time to decide what to buy, but they finally bought one box set of the Harry Potter series in hardback cover, and that made our sales for the day more than our average daily sales because we profit more from box sets. Plus, it's Harry Potter. The box set containing seven books, costs 6,720.52 pesos. For middle-class people, that costs a fortune.

As always, my day at the bookstore ended by 5pm. I suddenly craved for some spicy Korean food, so I went straight to Justin's place. I opened the gate and let myself in. When I knocked on the door, there was no response, so I walked to the side and stopped by his bedroom's window. "Justin? Bro, are you there?" I couldn't quite see him if he was asleep on his bed because his bed is at the end corner, so I didn't even peak through the window. The window is fronting a table and chair where he keeps his art materials and some other stuff, and a spare key is always hanging on the wall's hook, which is underneath the window's apron. I reached for it, even if I couldn't see it. He knows I always come by unannounced, so he always leaves the window open just in case.

After getting the key, I went to the front door and inserted the key to unlock it. I opened it and shut it behind me, then went straight to his room. Just as I expected, he was asleep, so I woke him up by tapping his butt. He was sleeping on his stomach, wearing only his boxers. His arms were buried under his pillow, and his head was tilted to the right side. "It's past five, bro. Wake up." He responded with a groan. "Bro, you are not gonna be able to sleep at night if you don't wake up now." I slapped his butt. "Bro!" He wouldn't budge, so I slapped it harder, and when he still didn't respond, I laid on top of him, covering his entire body with my heavy weight.

He groaned and lifted me out of his back just by simply turning. I ended up lying on my back and when he finally opened his eyes and saw me, he responded in a garbled voice, "What time is it?"

"It's time to wake up."

"What time?" He demanded.

I looked at my watch. "5:19. Wake up! I want spicy Korean food!"

"Huh?"

"I said I want spicy Korean food."

He groaned, then stretched his arms and got up. "I got some kimchi and tofu in the fridge." His eyes looked puffy as he sluggishly went out of bed and into the bathroom.

"Awesome!"

"My ass hurts. Did you slap my butt again?" There was an echo in his voice as he suspected me from inside the bathroom while peeing.

"Your ass is addictive, bro. I love slapping it!"

"You pervert!"

"Thank you! Did you enjoy it?"

"Pervert!"

"Are you going to make me spicy Kimchi stew? Or how do you call that again?"

"Kimchi jjigae." He came out of the bathroom after flushing the toilet. "Let's go to the kitchen."

"Alright, Justin with the finest butt!"

"Cut it out!"

I laughed. Aside from the happiness I get in books, this is another example of the true and lasting kind of happiness. The kind you only get with real friends.