Chapter Five

She felt trapped. There was just something about her eyes that made her feel vulnerable, that made her feel guilty, that made her want to cry. As she continued looking at her, her eyes became teary and before she could say anything, Mama Marsella spoke out first.

"My daughter, I have been watching you for sometime now and I know that not everything is good with you. Something has been in your mind for such a long time now. I have also noticed that you wanted to share it with me but you were not ready yet, and so I chose not to ask. But I believe you are now ready to share it out. I noticed it all began with happiness and extreme joy but for whatever reason, all that has faded away like a flower scorched by the hot rays of the sun. What is it my daughter?"

Ogola burst in tears. She never liked crying but the tone her grandmother spoke to her with just made her release the deepest feelings she stored within. She then narrated the whole story to her grandmother. The old lady was keenly listening and did not fidget, not even once. Ogola explained why she had been taking longer than usual at the river, why she was always happy, what happened at school and the problem she had been caught up in. She told her. She let everything out, every single detail out, all the while, a stream of tears flowing down her cheeks.

All that time, Marsella was just listening, nodding her head slowly back and forth, and keen not to let anything escape her ears.

"Grandmother, I have failed you. I know I have. I haveve brought shame to you and I regret everything. I should have acted right. You warned me about boys but I never listened. You've always treated me right and look at how I am repaying it all. I am so sorry grandma," came Ogola, then she broke into tears again.

"Oh no my daughter! What have you done? Where is the boy? Oh 'Were' (God) what did I ever do to deserve this? She was consumed in a deep thought for a while before breaking out again. "My daughter, I don't blame you for this, I blame your mother. But to fall is man, my child. And when you fall what matters is how you pick your pieces up from the dirt and make the next step from then. We tumble, we fall, but above all we get up and we continue with the journey, only this time stronger and wiser than before." The conversation continued till late at night as Mama Marsella consoled her and advised her. She told her that there were herbs that could be used to flash out the pregnancy but Marsella warned her against using them because she could as well lose her life in the process. She said children were a blessing from above and it was not right to take it away when it was time to go had not reached yet.

Ogola was to live with the what had happened. After all, she would not be alone. Arnold had promised to stay by her through it all and her loving grandmother. That made her even happier and stronger. Like a river that has gained it's erosive power she decided to be stronger, stronger for both the baby and herself. She was in a journey, and even though the ride would be a rough one, she was determined to hold on no matter the situations.

The next morning she woke up very early, began doing her chores and by the time the sun was sending its first rays across the atmosphere, trying to occupy all the space and devour all the darkness in it, she was all done. She proceeded to the farm to assist her grandmother in harvesting the casava she was to take to the market later that day. Her life would be different but she was determined to face anything. After the casava had been washed and breakfast served, she washed the dishes and got herself ready to read a certain novel she so much loved, The River and The Source, as she waited to prepare lunch for the old lady before leaving for the market. They had a meeting with Arnold that evening and it was going to be a big as she had some new terms for him.

At two in the afternoon she left for the market. Business was good on her side and within an hour she had sold all her casava. She did not want to be late for the planned date she and Arnold had, so she sought to leave for home but before she could leave, she bumped into Mama Rhoda, her neighbor. She was a great lady, never known to get in a fights with anyone. Mama Rhoda was complaining about the sales being poor that day so Ogola thought offering a little hand in helping her sell her sweet potatoes was not a bad thing to do. Infact it was even too early to go home anyway. Very few people were interested in Mama Rhoda's goods. They complained they were not of the quality they wanted but after a very long struggle, they were all sold out. The sun was almost setting. Selling besides Mama Rhoda was the best thing Ogola always wished happened on the daily. She was a funny lady, quiet but when she opened her mouth you would not hesitate to laugh. She bought sugar and some groceries then they both started for home, making stories along the way. Ogola got home late. She found her grandmother outside just next to the door walking back and forth talking to herself. Upon seeing her she gave out a sigh of relief. Ogola had completely forgotten about Arnold until grandmother brought his name up.

Messing up is one thing, but getting someone who cares about and won't give up on you despite the mess is one gift Ogola knew she was one of the luckiest person to have.

One Friday morning, Ogola woke up feeling abnormally awesome. She felt like she was ready to face whatever the day had to offer. It was a fine morning. Birds, the usual early risers, were chirping all over as if sending their gratitude to the greater force for yet another day seen. The rising sun cast a rosy hue across the sky. It was indeed a fine morning. Ogola did her normal routine; cleaned the house, prepared breakfast and after breakfast headed to cleaning the utensils. All the while, she reminisced about what had happened in the past few weeks. Grandmother had gone to look for Arnold at his uncle's and when he would not come out because of the guilt, she started shouting all over the compound. His uncle had gone to his mother-in-law's burial and so he was all alone with his cousins. She made out some conditions to him. It was embarrassing to Ogola but at least she was relieved that it all went well. They themselves,had also come to an agreement about how many times they would meet within a week and on which days, and it was all going on well. Arnold did not show up for the last meeting, and so she was more than eager to see him that day. Maybe something had happened to him. She was worried but then she consoled herself that if anything had happened to him she would have got wind of the matter already. The village was good at spreading news, especially the bad ones.

By 5.00 pm, she had already left home to meet him. She carried with her a shirt she had bought for him the previous day in the market. She waited for him. She waited till the sun started setting. Despite this, she was still sure he would show up. "He would not dare miss coming the second time," she thought to herself, but he did not show up. Realizing that it was getting late, she got up to go home before the grandmother started worrying about her. She had questions about what had happened to Arnold.

Why didn't he show up?