IV

I couldn't sleep last night, I kept on thinking about my validation as a professor. I didn't get my PhD, well I did get it, but, for a condition under the table. I have to work as a professor in the university for a full three years by contract, I would get half the pay.

I did find a job and got my doctorate, even though I only get half the pay I don't live in unconformity; a roof, food, books and some bad habits I got through the years. I should be happy, I got everything I need. So why am I not happy?

Tired of my own mind I went for a walk, this time I was sure to be around six in the morning. I saw at the moment a green long pastizal, grass so long that with the wind of the morning they looked like little dancers, the sky was dark blue with the greyness of the early morning, no cloud in sight, on the top of a small hill there was an old oak, with grotesque looking knots on its side, the trunk of the oak, was disfigured by the wind, like a line drawn by the hands of a parkinson's victim, it's leafs green as ever, paying no attention to the harsh weather of winter, proudly sitting there. I don't know why ,but, I started walking in its direction, as if magnetized to its ugliness, it was truly disgusting looking, there was no doubt, but my god, it looked so free.

After walking the gently inclined hill, I found an old man there. He was sitting on a foldable chair, one of the pairs that were carefully placed so the oak were to hide them from the sun all day to come, thanks to the deformity of the tree and its branches, the oak leaved a big area of shadow, it didn't matter how the sun may attack. Between the chairs a small plegable table, on top of it, a small game set of chess, with its pieces neatly placed on their corresponding spots.

"You are late" a murmur came from the old man's teeth, teeth almost as yellow as the new sunlight hitting the mornin ground. The old man styling a long full whitening beard and balding head, where most of his hair had abandoned their righteous positions on top of his head, the brittle and escarse hairs that were left, he had them in a tight ponytail, as an monument of a, once, long blond mane. His eyes were grey, identically, to Elisa's and Juliet's.

"Normally you are here earlier," said the oldman, with a voice as a whisper.

"Were you expecting me?" I asked him.

"You always come here on days like these, I thought that at least you would know your favourite place," a soft laugh came from the oldman.

"And I always lose to you in this game," I said while I sat on the other chair, ready to play.

The oldman nodded and we started.

After a fearsome war of wits and thinking about the precise movement, I lost in only six movements.

"You are improving," Said smiling with his yellow teeth. Looking closer I could see that he didn't have a canine, I had never seen him smile before.

"I do need to learn how to play this game" I replied with a slight smile.

"Again?," he asked me.

I didn't reply, I just started putting the pieces on their places.

We played until around eleven in the morning, seventeen matches, I won six and he eight, every time I thought that I had him into a corner, he answered me with a perfect move, learned from years of experience.

Now the sun was already up in the sky, the winter's warm sunlight is an especial one, It reminds me of life. After my offer to help him with the foldable furniture and his chess was declined, we said our goodbyes, he went somewhere and I stayed there. After stretching I went to sit beneath the great oak. It is funny I thought, he looks like he knows more about me than I know myself, yet, after years of playing with him, I never asked him his name.

With the soft touch of the shy sun I fell asleep underneath the oak, when I woke up it was afternoon, everything was tinted by a squalid orange light. I yawned and stood up, the grassy hill beautiful as ever. Even as a child, I had alway felt great nostalgia with the evenings, it reminded me of innocence, a better time, no, it wasn't a better time, we tend to forget the bad things about our past quicker than the good ones. Maybe it is a mechanism that we evolved into, so that we can move on ,freeing us from the pain of the past, but forgetting pain is not an easy job, I learned to remember the pain, so I could learn, learn to never forget, to learn to not make the same mistake twice.

Taking a sip of my bronze flask, I heard some voices behind the tree, two voices, they were loud and high, "You can not do that!!," came a cry, her voice familiar, no in a welcoming way.

"Is just a character, I don't know why you are shouting, is just a character!!!" came another cry, again, familiar and not welcomed. I tried to get away before I got myself into more problems, so, as I was sliding down the hill I couldn't help myself into listening.

"Look, if we are going to fight for this shit, I'M OUT" the voice grew smaller, she was gone. I heard a small weep, I didn't know what to do, so I came clean onto the other side of the tree.

"Hey there," I said to Elisa, she was rolled into a small ball, leaning against the oak, her face hidden inside her arms. She didn't respond.

I sat beside her, also leaning onto the tree and began to talk.

"The pain of love, innit?is hard but its rewards are great" Moving my arms I spoke while looking into the sky, like I was talking with the wind.

Elisa lifted her gaze, tears running through her cheeks.

I continued "the pain you feel now it will be nothing tomorrow, love is stupid; we get angry for stupid things to then feel sad, angry and stupid, for arguing in the first place!!!"

I turned my face to look her into her grey teary eyes, she was listening to me with attention, I kept going.

"Why then? Why do we still long for love?hmm?... If we keep going into this path we will again clash and be in pain, right?, then, Why don't we learn to not love?" I finished looking for her answer.

"Learn to not love?" she looked at me with a puzzled face.

"Yes….hmmm, if we can learn how to avoid crashes in our cars, we learn how to avoid pain, like when you touch a hot stove as a child, or we simply don't put ourselves in dangerous situations if we know they are not safe for us, If we can learn to do that, why we can't learn to simply not to love?" I explained to her.

"Why not?" she asked me, her tears had stopped flowing.

"Because if we learn to not love, we would find life so very boring," I replied to her.

Elisa dried her eyes with her sleeves.

"Um...professor?" she asked me, with her usual smile.

"Yes?"

"Why were you hiding behind the tree?" she was now just mocking me.

"I was sleeping," I confessed.

"You sure are lazy" she laughed.

"Why were you fighting?" I asked.

"Why do you want to know?" She was right, why should I care?

"I'm bored and curious" I ended saying.