- .... .

The notion of falling in love sounds strange, or maybe it's the standard and expectation of what love is portrayed as.

Strange to me as in, how love is portrayed in movies. Captivated by the emotions cleverly orchestrated by the director, the audience watches as the protagonist stumbles into their forever partner; their story is simple, depicting love as something sweet and wonderful. It doesn't seem real. However, the audience is already deceived and envious of the protagonist for their fate. Besides the sappy story, the other extreme I feel is the sex. Just the sex makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know what thoughts the actors and actresses are having, which stresses me out but surprisingly turns on my friends.

Maybe I just don't see it. Maybe I'm the weird one who cannot understand this kind of love everyone is showing me. Lingering on this thought won't benefit me.

I sat on the couch, pushing my back against it as much as I can, hoping the cushion would swallow me up and spare me from witnessing the passionate scene between the characters. Whereas, Amari sat cross-legged, staring directly at the screen, taking in every moment of the show. The only sounds we heard were the obscene cries coming from the speakers. Worse still, they were surround sound speakers.

The scene passed. I breathed a sigh of relief. Salmon pink clouds streaked the lavender sky. The two main leads leaned in for a final hug and kiss before they departed at a dock. The male-lead spoke to his lover, saying, "If not now, then when, my love?"

"Then it shall be now," the female-lead responded. The two leaned in for a brief kiss and went their separate ways, not looking back at each other and holding in tears at their unfortunate separation. Thus, ending the show.

I glanced at my watch. It was 11:16 pm. I looked at Amari, her eyes glued to the screen. "I can't stay any longer, but thanks for inviting me over," I said, my throat slightly dry. She looked back at me, eyes red and filled with tears, buried in a bed of wet tissues. Looking at her state, I started picking up the tissues on the floor.

"Thanks for watching it with me, Caleb," Amari smiled with a sniffle and turned the television off, now wiping her tears and snot off her pink pajamas. "Why did the director have to end it like that? It's just not fair for him to leave her like that, so uncool!," she complained.

"Sometimes, life is just like that. You never know how everyone else's relationships are like," I replied. She only shook her head in disapproval.

Amari saw me out at the door and waved her arms as if it were the last time she would be seeing me. Her smile shone brightly under the moonlight. I turned back to the empty street lined with lamp posts, guiding me back home.

As I walked, memories of moments with Amari flooded my mind, waves of nostalgia washing over me. I was brought back to reality as my attention switched to the 39th house on the street. My heart skipped a beat. The house that belonged to Nathan and his family looked just like mine and Amari's with a crimson door and a window on the ground floor and another window on the first floor. A sharp angled roof with dark green tiles covered it like scales. Formidable large barred gate stood against any intruders. Two white BMWs peeked through the small gaps between the gates. The light in his room was turned on. I wondered what he was doing at this time of night.

The words from the movie 'if not now, then when?' echoed in my head. I don't think there's anything wrong with giving it a shot, I thought to myself.

Standing on my tip toes in the middle of the street, I peered into the window on the first floor to get a better view into his room. Posters of basketball players decorated his wall and trophies stood proudly on a shelf above his desk. I waited anxiously for him to look out the window. Maybe he'll notice me. The movement of a shadow caught my eye—my body started to feel warmer as my eyes grew wide. My fingers felt like flames danced upon them, cold one moment and hot the next. All I need is one glance, nothing more than that. Please.

Isn't it wrong to look for him now?

I stopped myself, blood no longer rushed to my head, my heart stopped racing. "Stop getting distracted, Caleb. It's madness to think about him now," I groaned to myself, my face still flushed. Besides, it was getting late. It was time to head home.