.... . .- .-. -

My footsteps grew louder with each step along with the relentless whispers plaguing my mind.

Why did I just do that? Stop getting ahead of yourself, you have other things to worry about. It's not real! None of it is!

Would my parents even accept this? Would he even accept me?

I won't have a chance with him, it's not possible! It's not logical!

Do YOU have anything notable to share with him? Of course not!

I envisioned his face, the moonlight glowing on his skin, accentuating his dimples. I saw him laughing, but the melody will never reach my ears again. I've known Nathan since we were in Year 1. It's been so long. Maybe, just maybe, he might feel the same way.

You're not even worth noticing.

You're nothing.

You don't have anything to give.

You only take,

more,

more,

and

more.

You can't do anything for anyone!

You are worthless.

My pace quickened, as if wanting to flee from the sounds. The voices shouted in cacophony. Heart beating in sync with what they were saying; face bedecked with beads of sweats; dark patches of sweat bleed into my shirt like blood–I was in a pitiful state. I shook my head furiously to stop the voices from forming before arriving at the gate to my house, number 103A.

No lights were on, not a sound to be heard within the walls. Silence. This wasn't normal. I could understand that my parents might have been working overtime, but my siblings not fussing about something was rather strange. I had my phone ready with my mother's contact number waiting to be dialed.

I took a deep breath. Opening the gate slowly, I listen closely for any sound. I opened the crimson door, headed in and quickly turned on the lights. Still no sound. I looked towards the living room and dining table. Everything was in its place. Then, I scanned the kitchen for unwashed dishes. Spotless. Only leaving upstairs unchecked.

I turned back towards the entrance heading to the stairs. It felt like my heart had crawled up my throat, blocking me from swallowing down my fear. Closing the door slowly, I waited for a sound at the base of the steps. Again, only the sounds of my uneven breaths filled my ears. Looking up towards the spiraling darkness, I gulped down hard in an attempt to suppress my fear once more, preparing myself for whatever waited for me upstairs.

My sweaty palm gently grasped the banister and I began my ascent. Every step I took made me wonder, what could have caused this, why here or now. Nothing made sense. Unless…

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CALEB!" my siblings shrieked. My body jerked back in surprise, almost causing me to topple back down the stairs. The fear had completely vanished, and in turn, made me feel exhilarated to be with my siblings once more on such a momentous occasion.

A 6-inch carrot cake with a firework candle stuck in the middle lay before me, surrounded by streamers littered around the table. Three wide pearly-white grins faced me. Cassandra, the youngest sibling, excitedly waddled from behind the table towards me carrying a cardboard box tied up with a streamer as a ribbon. Catherine, the eldest, held her phone recording the moment while Casper kept jumping up and down singing the happy birthday song off-key at the top of his lungs. It was difficult to hold in a child's excitement, so no point trying to restrain them at such an ungodly hour.

At this point, it didn't matter. Smiling, I bent down to receive the gift and give Cassandra a tight hug. Not long after, Casper joined in, followed by Catherine. It was comforting to be enveloped in a warm embrace on a cool night. I just wanted this moment to last.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long as Casper's stomach growled louder than his singing. He stared at me with his enormous, round puppy-like eyes, obviously begging to get the bigger slice of cake. Everyone got the message, but not all agreed. Cassandra looked crossed at Casper for trying to win me over with such a petty tactic.

Cassandra whined, "Why do you get the bigger slice? It wasn't even made for you!"

I didn't want things to turn sour and neither did Catherine. Trying to speak in a calmer tone, I asked her, "It's alright, there's no need to get so upset."

"But big sis used all her pocket money to buy the cake and it's unfair if Casper gets the bigger slice since he didn't contribute at all!" Cassandra frowned.

Cassandra had a point. All of us knew that we had to use our money sparingly. Some say it's difficult, others say it's stinginess, but that's our life.

Our family wasn't perfect, or any family for that matter. It's just that some were less perfect than others. I don't know if we were considered less fortunate, but our family wasn't in the best financial state. Not even the government could do much for us as we were just above the 'average-salary' checkpoint and are not considered a priority.

I heard her softly choke on her last words as she did her best to finish the sentence without crying midway. The sounds of her quiet sobbing started to make the mood somber. I curled my arms around her as tight as I could. Lifting my head up towards Catherine, I mouthed the words 'thank you'. She only nodded. Casper just watched, his face now full of shame and guilt, realising his mistake. Casper got onto his knees and hugged Cassandra, as if asking for forgiveness. Stretching out my arm, I lightly patted his head and took the opportunity to ruin his hair terribly, making him regret asking it in the first place.

Catherine saw my evil deed and just burst out laughing. Cassandra looked up, confused at the commotion but then saw the disheveled state Casper was in. Her tears were no more and only pure joy filled the room. I joined in soon after. Caleb's cheeks were burning red. He quickly pulled up his bright-blue shirt to cover his embarrassment, frantically pleading to make us stop.

I wished Nathan could see all this.

He's been such a huge contribution to my family, or more specifically, to my siblings. The many outings we all had together, including Amari, enjoying each other's company—filling up the gaps where both our parents couldn't because they didn't have much time to spend with us. The countless times his sister had walked Casper and Cassandra home, giving Catherine and I more time for our studies, extracurricular activities and having a breather, really, from all the chaos.