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I retired to my bed, leaving the door ajar for Casper to come in later after the talk. I sat down on the cold, wooden floor, stretching my legs out. Unpacking the contents of my present, I took out the small blue parcel and cupped it in my hands as if it were glass. I didn't want to destroy the wrapper, but my palms were sweating, and they wouldn't stop! I rubbed them against my leather pants so many times that there were now imprints on my thighs. Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

I tugged the end of the white ribbon, removing it gently and placing the ribbon on my bed. Then, pinching the ends of the parcel, I slowly unfolded it to reveal a small, white clay swan.

It looked so fragile. The swan's neck was so thin, it looked like it would snap if I held it any longer with my trembling hands.

My face began to heat up as my eyes widened. I couldn't believe it. The gift I was holding in my hand came from Nathan. Did the swan hold any meaning? It was my birthday present after all.

I noticed some writing on the inside of the parcel. Placing the swan onto my bed, I slowly unwrapped the parcel further.

Knock. Knock. Knock. My heart jumped. The wrapper tightly clutched in my hands.

"It's Casper. Can I come in?" I wasn't sure how to answer him, my face was steaming and my throat felt dry. The words kept stumbling out of my mouth, it's not getting through.

"Caleb, why aren't you answering me? I'm tired already!" Casper swings the door open. When he saw my face, Casper realised his mistake, doubled back out the door and heard his loud stomping echo through the hallway.

Silence fell, the only sound coming from my ears is my throbbing heart. I refocused on the paper, placing the swan model next to my alarm clock and held out the parcel paper under the moonlight. It read:

Happy Birthday Caleb, Stephanie and I thought of making something that represented you. It was mostly my younger sister's idea but nonetheless, I hope it captures you well.

From Nathan and Stephanie

I pictured Nathan's light-skinned face like the paper in front of me radiating the moonlight. His eyes that smiled and the three dimples that would appear every time he laughed. His laugh echoed in my head. I imagine him speaking those words to me, gentle yet distinct in tone..

I reminisced about last year's year end interclass competitions, watching Nathan play basketball. Our class consisted more of the school's basketball team, so it was difficult for other classes to get ahead of us. I observed the match on the sidelines as a Red Crescent member during the match, the medical kit placed on my lap, my hands firmly pressed against the lid and starting to sweat.

I watched the match, but my focus was on him. I could see him, side-stepping the attackers, running around the defenders, Nathan making a three-pointer. His whole body in motion. I could see the articulated muscles as his shirt was lifted up when he made the shot. The heat of the sun that day, I feel the same intensity on my skin now.

Casper knocked on the door once more, louder this time. I put away the paper, opened the door for him and helped him into the upper deck of the bed.

Casper looked at me hesitantly, there was more on his mind then he was willing to say, but he quickly shook off the idea, piping out, "Hey Caleb, I'm sorry for not thinking about everyone when we were to share the cake."

I smiled, "It's alright. There's nothing wrong with what you did. You were just being honest. Maybe next time, you can save up more money to buy your own slice of cake. How about that?"

His face lit up. I could hear a faint growl coming from his stomach, "Only if you save your money and contribute something in the house. Is that fair?"

Casper nodded eagerly.

I messed up his hair once more. This time he fought back and messed up my hair, "Hah! I got you this time!"

We snickered at each other, calling it a tie.

I headed to the bathroom. Turning on the light would wake everyone in the house and besides, the moonlight shone brightly through the bathroom's tinted window. I turned on the faucet, the sound of the water going down the sink echoed throughout the bathroom.

I locked eyes with myself in the mirror, thinking about the dark voices I had earlier. Voices that were raw and still fresh in my mind, replaying through the words spoken. My body slumped down, feeling the weight of each word on my shoulders. My arms trying to support myself, outstretched, holding the edges of the sink. I turned off the faucet. The voices became more concentrated, potent.

They all screamed in unison.

You are worthless.

I wanted to scream or fight back, but I couldn't. This isn't the time to do that. Everyone is asleep. Not now. All I could do was to close my eyes. Close my eyes and inhale. I look back again at myself, this time leaning in closer. I exhaled slowly, my breath clouding the glass.

I whispered, "And so are you".

Staring back at my reflection, waiting for a response to see if the voices came back. It seemed to stop. For now...

Safe within the confines of my room, I pulled down a small lever to open the coated windows to the bedroom. A small breeze rushed in. Looking through the tiny gap, I gaze upon the lit-up skyline one last time. I see you mom. I see you dad. Please be safe.

Climbing into bed, I set Casper's alarm for 6.15 a.m and mine at 5.45 a.m. Both clocks read 1.34 a.m. Looking at the swan one more time, I stored it back in the box and went to bed.