- .-. ..- ... -

I brace myself for impact, shutting my eyes tight. My chest was suddenly overwhelmed with the weight of Nathan's body, my body felt like it caught on fire.

"Nathan, please, I can't breathe," his responded by tightening his grip around me, soon realising my hands that were still gripping onto his arms, being pulled behind my back because of it. Stuck in a warm, tight embrace from Nathan was something I definitely prepared for. My shoulders tense, feeling the fatigue from trying to wriggle out.

His body on mine, the memory from this morning seems almost nothing as compared to what's happening right now. With the alcohol, he feels like a warm blanket but getting the most pungent smell right on top of you. Nonetheless, my heart was racing, I was hyperventilating both from being embraced by Nathan but also the growing panic if I don't do something quick.

"Smell...nice, honey...sticky, wood...tase, good," Nathan gently rubs his head against my stomach. My stomach felt like it was going to explode.

After squirming and pulling myself out from his tight clutch, I pulled him up, now or never to get him in the bathroom and I don't have the luxury of time, hearing the front gate of the house banging loudly against the cement walls. Stephanie calls me. The engine reeves loudly and echoes through the house.

Hastily, with one last push, I hoisted him onto the toilet seat, placing him down as firmly as I could even though he was still not sober. Looking back one last time at him, shirtless but covered in the wretched smell of vomit pants down, he just looked rather calm.

I close the door gently, bolting down the stairs. Stephanie's face of pure fright almost scared me when I got down. The door clicked open. She didn't turn her head to the sound, pointing directly to the back of the house, behind the kitchen and past the gate.

Sprinting my way out of the house felt like a breath of fresh air. Looking back at the insides of the house as I hear the sharp sound of the door slamming. I turned away, afraid of what I would witness and faced the alleyway instead, quiet behind the row of houses. Most of the windows facing the alley were turned off, only the light from lamp posts illuminated my way home.

Looking up at the black night sky, all I ask whoever is up there, why? What must this happen to Stephanie and Nathan, would other people be experiencing the same thing and why do they deserve this? What have they done, what have the parents not done, tell me!

The nothingness stares back at me, believing the light from the lamp posts purposely obscure the meaning or hide the intense glare from the above, or just maybe everything is too bright I just can't see the stars.

Easing my way through a smaller lane, I come back on to the familiar path, standing right in front of my house now. The lights inside the house were still on. Sadly, still no car in the driveway. Imagining Catherine crying her eyes out, alone in her room while the two Casses wait outside the room, unless it is those days where nothing is being said, dead silence, waiting for me to open the door with three stern, no, furious faces glaring at me. I believe it's the latter.

With no energy left, pushing the gate open felt heavier than before. The rusted parts covering the gates looked like a disease and the wails it shouted weren't great either. The gate probably felt more of what I'm going through than the rest of them inside.

"You're back," Cassandra crossed her arms, her face swollen from crying, ran up to her room shortly after.

Caleb followed her actions but was soon overtaken by tears, following Cassandra in her pursuit. It's even worse when I don't have a response from him.

"Was it worth the trouble?" Catherine added, stepping forward, daring me to even say a word. Obviously, this just meant a more perfect opportunity to say something.

"It wasn't even trouble, and that's not what it even was," she rolled her eyes, believing it was harder than I thought.

"Ok, smarty pants, what was it then, was it also worth saying all of that crap in front of them?"

"Yeah, I won't take it back because that's still how you are! I got in and out without being involved in 'family matters'!"

"Then tell me, what happens to Stephanie and Nathan after you have left the house? How do you know if they are actually OK right now? What if you made it worse for them?"

Her voice was unsympathetic as she is but it made sense. I gulped down hard on how I did make it worse but I'm done yet.

"Cat, I don't know if I made it worse but everytime you accuse me it's like you're blaming me!"

"I am blaming you because you're not taking responsibility, if you really want to help, make sure you see things through, not just try to be a hero for a moment and retreat to your shell!"

"I'm not done yet!"

"Then what do you mean to say, Caleb?"

"I just don't like feeling helpless all the time and I just don't want things to go south even if I could have done something. Yes, I didn't think this through but what if it was Cassandra, or Casper in a dire situation, what would you do?"

"I would do what I can", lowering her head slightly

"Then what about me?"

"You can go die in a ditch," looking straight at me in the eye again, bursting out into laughter, "You can try to smarm me but don't think I will give you as much sympathy in return especially today, because it still hurts."

If I continue, she'll take back everything she said so I feignedly smile.