13

Contrary to how I woke up yesterday—all smiles and energetic—today was… it felt nothing. It felt like I was more tired than usual, heavy head that seemed to want to be carried, heavy eyelids that wanted to close anytime soon, and a heavy heart for an unknown reason. or maybe that's what I want to believe.

Even after showering, checking my phone was the first thing that came to mind, maybe just in case he did reply. But to my disappointment, nothing. Still nothing from him, and it just made me sigh. Maybe later at the office we'll get to talk to each other again and everything will be back to normal. Maybe I'm just overreacting, but it feels different.

Entering the car, Daniel seemed to notice how my mood changed, and of course he knows me, so he instantly knows what's the reason behind the frown that has been plastered on my face the moment I woke up.

He sighs, though slightly not wanting me to hear it. "Bad morning, I guess?"

I just shrug as I feel like I don't have enough energy to formulate any coherent answer. And that makes his face twist like he's eaten something disgusting.

"Is this because of Theo?"

Although I wanted to hide it, wanted to not let anyone know that someone that's been part of my life ignoring me makes me sad because in all honesty, I am not the type to dwell on people disappearing so suddenly out of my life. But I flinch. I flinched at just the mention of his name, my eyes widened, my body stiffened.

Daniel scoffs, shaking his head while still driving. "So it is because of him. That kid still hasn't contacted you?"

I just shake my head, choosing to look outside the window because I don't want to talk about it. It makes my mood falter even more, my heart sinking than it already is. "It's okay. Maybe he has things to do." I shrug. "And I don't really want to be the clingy type or something. If he doesn't contact me, then he doesn't. He can't take anything against me because I'm the one that's been reaching out to him."

"Gem, I'm sure he's not gonna think that you're clingy nor will he take anything against you. And maybe you're right that he has things to do. We don't really know, Gem. I'm sure you're upset, but if you see him, talk to him."

I nod, because I don't have anything else to say. Yes, I'll talk to him if our paths cross later somehow, but if it doesn't, then so be it. I know I sound childish but I cannot comprehend anything that's been happening. He promised that he'll be there with me and that's what's breaking my heart. Because of all people, he's the one who knows very well that I do not want people who don't keep their promises, but he's the one who broke it.

The whole ride, Daniel let me have the peace of mind that I wanted. He didn't bother me or talked to me any further which I was very thankful for. It seemed that I was more intrigued in what was outside, what we were passing by. But really, I wasn't looking at them. I was just looking outside while my whole mind was on something else.

The trees, people, buildings seemed to be so blurry to me as I wasn't focusing on them. I was just letting my mind float, my thoughts totally scrambling, conversations with myself happening once again in my head. Why? That's the only question going around in my mind. I… I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm overthinking this.

"Gem?" Daniel's voice woke me up from my trance.

I didn't even realize that we were already at the parking lot because I was too preoccupied. I cleared my throat before putting my hand on the door's handle to open it. "Sorry." I shake my head. "Let's go?"

He, as well, shakes his head. Daniel knows me well and I am not like this, this is not like me. I am not one to be easily distracted nor am I one to think so long about an answer that I know is impossible to get. "Sure, let's go."

Before I open my door, he beats me to it. I just chuckle in amusement as I look at him standing in front of me, waiting for me to get out of the car. "Thank you. Sorry, I'm all over the place right now. I'll be okay in a while."

He closes the door behind me. "I know you'll be okay. It's just that… I haven't seen you be like this, so out of it, so distracted."

I nod in agreement, not really knowing what to say. But still, he accompanies me towards the office. I actually shooed him because he has a lot of things to do but he insisted on escorting me. Said that he didn't want me to suddenly collapse right then and there because I'll hit a wall. It's amusing, really. That's the first time I laughed for the day and it somehow eased how down I was feeling.

When I arrived at the office, the scent of my mother slowly fading away, the only thing I could hear was the sound of the enormous clock she bought for millions. It kinda did feel lonely to not hear anyone talk, giggle, or sing, just— you hear nothing. Back then it was my serenity, to work alone and the quietness along it, but now it's not normal for me anymore. It was deafening.

There was a knock on the door which, I'm not going to lie, it made my heart start beating fast. I was expecting that when that door opens, it'll reveal the person that I expect it to. But when the door opens, my shoulders just plunge down as it reveals Geleen holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

She seemed taken aback by the reaction I had given her—face twisted, eyes wide, and probably sad eyes that dug a hole into the depths of her soul, like I was pleading. "I'm sorry—I—" She looks back at the door, her thumb pointing at it. And she, again, turns her head back to me. It happens multiple times. "Should I— You don't want me here, Ms. Gem?"

I shake my head, letting out a sigh of disappointment as I walk towards the table with, yet again, a new pile of papers that seemed to be never ending. "No, no." I wave my hand in dismissal as I put my bag on the sofa. "Forgive me for my behavior. I'm acting weird today." I chuckle in the most usual way (because I don't really want to give away that I'm sad, you know).

To my surprise, she nods her head frivolously. "Yeah, you very much are. Is something going on?" She says as she puts down the cup of coffee she was holding earlier on my table.

"Thanks." I raise the cup. "Nothing's really going on. I'm just distracted, that's all." Without noticing, I raise the side of my lips slightly as my head turns down a little bit, as well.

She shrugs. "Doesn't really look like nothing to me, Ms. Gem."

I chuckle, softly, while bringing the cup slowly up to my mouth. And it's enough to let me know that this isn't the same coffee that I'm used to smelling nor tasting. It does make me pause for a while, though. It makes me think that /ah, I've been used to smelling my favorite coffee that he brings that I know what flavor it is just by taking in a bit of its smell./

"Is something wrong with the coffee, as well? Does it smell bad? I can get a new one for you if you'd like." She leans her body forward, tilting her head to see any reactions I've made.

And I just shake my head, finally taking a sip from it and putting it down afterwards. "It's fine. What's my schedule for today?"

Opening up another topic (especially about work) seemed to make Geleen forget about how I've been acting and her asking a reason for it. And I was thankful for that, because I'm not really sure if I'm ready to admit it to somebody else other than Daniel that I'm upset, maybe even sulking, that Theo hasn't replied a word yet nor have I seen even just the tiniest bit of his shadow.

Geleen walked me through the whole schedule for today in a detailed and organized manner that, also, got my mind off of Theo for the time being as I was more focused on the things I should get done for today. Maybe it was enough thinking about him for now, I've got better things to do. I can think about him later after I've finished work. Or maybe he'll show up later, like how he always does.

But I didn't even have enough time to think more about it since work called for me already. I was thankful for it, though. Work is always a great way for me to distract myself from the shitty things that's happening in my life.

(Un)fortunately, I wasn't assigned to his department today. To be honest, I want to see him. I really want to see him, I'm eager to. But then I wouldn't even know how to talk to him because maybe it's just me, but once I've gotten used to someone and then suddenly stops talking to me for days, it'll be awkward for me to start talking to you again. I know it's just been a day, but I still wouldn't know how to act if ever we do see each other. Do I act like I'm mad, sulking? Or do I act normally? I don't really know.

Naturally, the day went by so fast without me noticing it and it was now time for lunch. There was a part in me that was hopeful that maybe he'll magically show up but I set that aside. No matter what I did during the day, he still managed to sneak in my thoughts even though I didn't want to think of him. For example, now.

The interns and I were discussing something about their assigned department, and watch me pause for a while when thoughts of him suddenly pop in my head.

"Gem?" One of them called me out when I suddenly stopped functioning for a second. It's—we agreed that they can call me by my first name since our ages weren't that far from each other. And besides, I like these bunch of interns in this department. I felt rather comfortable around them, they're… interactive.

Slowly and absent-mindedly, I turn my head to look at them. When I realized that my mind, as well as I, was drifting away, I stiffened up and my vision slowly cleared. "Sorry!" I shake my head. "What were you saying?"

They all look at each other with curious eyes and turn their heads to me. And they chuckle as this happened a few times earlier. "Is something bothering you?"

They know me, I don't smile or laugh that much in front of them but at that time, I chuckle. But it's the kind of chuckle wherein you would only hear it if you were to listen closely to me. And surprisingly, they all heard, considering that they all have a shocked expression on their faces. "Sorry, it's just that I've heard that question for like 4 times today."

Cynthia, one of the interns, replies to me. "Then, let's just help you forget the thing that's been bothering you." She shrugs while a smug look on her face was painted.

"Yeah!" And all of them even agree with each other. "Let's all hang out later, then."

As if on cue, when hanging out was mentioned, my phone rang loudly which startled all of us. Some even jumped or shrieked by the sound of it. And afterwards, they all just laughed at each other's silliness while I excuse myself to answer the phone call.

"Yes?" I was maybe a meter away from their table, enough to hear subtly about the things they're talking about. But it didn't disturb the call I was on.

"Ms. Gem, there seems to be a problem with the factory. I am not quite sure with the details but they told me to call you, and you'll be the one to talk to them about it directly?" she says, quite unsure if she's saying the right thing.

I sigh, not too loud, because I do not want to sound rude. "Right. Thank you for telling me. Just tell them to give me five minutes and I'll call them right away."

I instantly end the call after she says goodbye and that she'll update the factory. My head was still looking at my phone to find the number of Geleen while walking back to the table. It was loud, they were loud. Some bursting into fits of giggles, slapping each other, and some telling stories.

Standing in front of their table, I bring up the phone to my right ear. "Geleen? Yeah, I'm on my way. Stop nagging." I turn my back slightly to the interns just to let the smile break out of my face. "Alright, I'll go there. Just, I need you to give me the number of the contact person at the factory. My phonebook has something wrong with it, I can't seem to find the other numbers I've saved."

"Yes, I'm looking for it right now." She pauses for a while. "Here it is! I'm sending it right now. And you need to come back here to the office. You need to eat, Ms. Gem."

"Okay, I'm coming back there right now." My brows suddenly crease when I hear a familiar voice in the background of Geleen's line. "Is that…Daniel?"

"Yes! And he won't stop bugging me, Ms. Gem. So, please come back here already." She sounded as if she was held hostage and was begging for me to come save her, so I just chuckled while saying a bunch of yes to her and ending the call afterwards.

When I faced the table again, they were still talking about something but Nathan said something that made all of their attention go towards me. "How old are you again?"

"16."

"And you seem quite used to doing this work."

"Been doing it for 2 years now. It's easy for me to adjust." I shrug, opening my phone when Geleen's name popped up.

"Have you ever had the time to live your life like you're a normal teenager? Having fun with friends, spending days just resting in your room? Because it seems like you're always… here. Always working, always running, answering calls, solving the company's problems."

"I don't really have friends. I've been homeschooled since and have been juggling work with it. It's fine, though. I have days off." I copy and paste the number and waited for it to finally ring. "I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll, we'll talk more next time." I send them an apologetic smile. "Enjoy your lunch!"

I couldn't really wait to receive an answer back from them because I was thinking of the factory. And as I was walking—speed walking— back to the office, someone finally picked up. "Hello, this is Gem. What's the current situation there?"

"Ms. Gem. I'm sorry to have bothered you when it's lunch time, but there's a problem with one of the machines and we're short on production. Two of the machines are already not working and if we don't fix it now, it'll be a bigger problem tomorrow."

Walking around the building felt like I was running in a maze. I ought to nod to every person I see, open doors that lead to stairs and more stairs. I wasn't really a fan of riding the elevator because it's too crowded there.

"Call the mechanic. Tell them to go there immediately. For now, those who don't have their machines working, lend help to those who are working. The machines working have to double their work. I don't really need to send someone for now. Please call me after talking with the mechanic."

I was practically huffing when I was opening the last door to where the floor of the office was. Thankfully, the call had already ended so he didn't really have to hear me breathe in and out so loudly before I opened the door. "Damn, I really need to up my cardio." I chuckle to myself as I finally enter.

The lights on the ceiling practically blinded me. Familiar sound of chattering and phones were also heard. And how it usually smells—the smell of the cold aircon mixed with the united smell of different perfumes—engulfed my nose. My nose kind of itched, though. That's a lot of perfumes combined together, you see.

But what catches my eyes while I scratch my itching nose (that is also signaling me that I'll soon sneeze) is him. Yes, /him/. Seeing his figure seems like I haven't seen the person for more than a decade, he feels so… foreign.

I don't know what possessed me to walk to him, I just do. My feet seem to have a life of their own, my hands tingling to touch his, and— like he always does to me—my heart beats faster. The closer I get the more burning I feel throughout my body, like I have a 40 degree celsius fever. But the closer I get, the farther he seems to be, so I call his name.

"Theo," I say, almost in a whisper. I was wishing for him to look at me, to look my way. To look me in the eyes once again like how he always does with his puppy ones. "Theo." This time, it was louder. Maybe even enough for him to hear it, but nothing. He stops for a second like he's taken aback from hearing his name but he never did turn my way. He went on talking with someone who seemed like a friend while laughing.

And it broke my heart into a million pieces, without me realizing it. It broke my heart that he suddenly stops looking at me, pretends that I'm not even there, just like that. In an instant, without giving me notice. He didn't even bother texting me that 'hey I won't talk to you anymore. Let's stop talking.' He didn't even bother telling me in person. He just… drifts away like that.

It's heartbreaking, and funny at the same time, that people have the tendency to make someone attach to them. Make them feel like they're someone important in their lives, understand you, try their best to learn everything about you. But in the end, when you're used to their presence, when you feel like you've created a bond, when your hand is tightly intertwined with theirs, that's when they let go. Leaving you all behind.