16

I yanked my body back when a microphone was suddenly brought upon, a few inches away, my face. The staff who were surrounding me were also sensitive enough as they extended a few more hands out to protect me. They kind of also talked to the interviewer as it felt like they were being too pushy. I held the staff's arm. We've been together enough for me to know when they feel like they're restraining themselves and just a few more buttons to push and they'll explode.

"It's fine. I can answer this one." I whisper. Slowly, the arms around me were now softening, less protective than it was before but still enough to protect me from any kind of harm.

The interviewer seemed to have caught on because she, again, gives the microphone to ask me the question she's probably had in her notebook, praying that she'll come across somebody like me one day. And maybe the interview will be a plus.

"Just this one question and we won't entertain any more." I say it loudly enough that even the people at the back would hear it. Just like magic, they slowly disperse. Except for the interviewers that were waiting to get something.

"What is the reason that you've stayed hidden from the media for a few years, especially during the release of your first physical book? Are you ready to show yourself now after a few years of being in the shadows?" She waits. Stays silent for a few minutes while her hand is still a few inches away from me.

I find it laughable. This was my most ignored question, because it is simply just unfathomable. Why are they so interested in the choices I make in my life? And I also cannot help but notice the way her question was structured. It had a lot of work to do.

"I wasn't in the shadows, to be frank. I just didn't want to be a part of you guys' antics. You know, creating non-existent issues and stuff like that. And I was never one who liked to be in the spotlight. I just want to write books, not be surrounded by cameras everytime I go out. There's no difference between the year when I was 18, when I first had a physical book published , and now that I am 25." I stop for a brief moment, feeling a hand slowly engulfing mine. I look at Mina, my manager, with a reassuring smile.

"There is no /exact time/ for someone to be ready to do something. It's just that people mature as they grow up. Like I am. It's inevitable for me to not be a part of all of this, but I just don't care anymore as I know that it is my right to move freely, like a normal person albeit attracting attention. That's what I've gathered when I matured. Though I'm not totally sure if you'd relate." I chuckle teasingly as I finally wave my hand, telling them that I'd take my leave now.

As I move, the bodies circling around me follow. It was exhausting, truely. And it didn't stop there.

"Just one more door and you'll finally be able to breathe." I hear Mina say beside me. Her worried eyes pierced into the depths of my soul. I know she's worried. Has been since the beginning of this event.

Things have been hectic since the start of this year. Back to back interviews which I also decline back to back. Only accepting the sensible ones, ones that I know will be worth my time. Book signing events, meet and greet, and a lot more. Since signing with the company, my schedule's been busy. I had a lot of things to do, meetings to attend to as I was just starting to build up my reputation. It was fun, nevertheless. It felt like I was doing something for me. For the first time, I actually enjoyed doing my job, though I did have to work for my mother, still.

At first it was new to me. Schedules clashing with each other, as well as my obligations. My mother didn't know about this until I, well, told her. Yes, how courageous of me. But her knowing about it was inevitable, and no matter how much I even tried to keep it, she'll eventually know.

It was a funny interaction between us, to be honest. I just find it funny now, but I probably felt like shit back then. Things change. I remember that when I told her about the news, I saw her face turn into something even I couldn't distinguish. It's all good now, though. She doesn't really care about my endeavours as long as I do my job for her.

My mind has been flying for more time than I thought. I was surprised when it was cut off with a tight grip around my waist. Being under the spotlight is exhausting. For example, this one where when we opened the doors, multiple flashes of lights greeted me. It made my eyes hurt, my head as well.

"I told you to wear the shades I gave you. Just look down, it'll hurt your eyes less," says Mina with a dagger look in her eyes, enough to scare anyone who tries to get close to us. She's protective, we know it.

There were photographers, interviewers, and what I guessed were my fans. I couldn't really see clearly because raising my head was such a torture as what would greet me would be the white flashes. Thankfully, there were barricades to keep them off, but I tried. I tried to raise my head to smile at the fans who were probably standing there all day. Considering how hot it was, I was thankful for their perseverance and unending love that they give.

Before entering the van, I waved at them causing eruptions of loud screaming and shouting of my name. Some even dramatically acted as if they were going to faint from happiness. My readers have always been a strong motivation for me to keep going. Including now. My eyes might feel like they might pop out any second now but their bright smiles evident from far away convinces me that this might not be that bad. It's annoying but it may be bearable.

Fortunately, getting in the van wasn't much of a struggle. Getting through the large crowd of annoyingly persistent people, in short the photographers and interviewers, made it a tad bit hard but thanks to the guards, we got through them safely. As I was sitting on the van's seat, my phone rang. I panicked a little bit when I heard my ringtone because I'm used to it being on silent mode, yes I silent my phone now. Besides, I have 2 phones. One is contacted by mother's employees only, the second one is for the ones I am close enough.

And the call was coming from my second phone. It was Christian.

"Hey, we're in the van."

I hear him breathe out, loudly. "Thank god. Are you okay? No migraines or scratches?"

I chuckle. It seemed like Daniel's worrying rubbed on him. "I am okay, don't worry. And why would I have scratches? People aren't like the wild animals you think they are. Well, maybe the interviewers were a little bit pushy, but it was fine. Fans were there, too."

"I saw you answer a question. Mina told me about it. Were you okay with it?" Worry was still evident in his voice.

"Yeah, it was fine. Just a little bit shaky from the lights from the cameras. Just the usual. It's fine, I'll just sleep it off." I shake my head. The car started moving a few minutes ago and we're now stuck in traffic.

"You have your meds, right? Call me if you need anything. You can take the day off or something. Can't you not go attend to what your mo—"

"Christian, I'm alright." I softly say, following it with a warm laugh to reassure him more. "You sound like Daniel. Is that what happens if you've been hanging out with each other too much?"

"What? No! I do not sound anything like that old geezer!" He strongly disagrees. I imagine him standing up, waving his arms in full motion because he's extra like that.

I chuckle. "Right. Take note that you're an old geezer as well. You're the same age, in case you forgot." I shrug as if he'll see me do the movement.

"Same age, different mindset. I'm not like that old man who's overprotective and always nags at someone."

I can almost see him roll his eyes. It's now apparent to me why they became friends. "Right, okay. Whatever you wanna believe, Tian. Anyway, I'll sleep this off. I'll call you when I get home."

"And what time would that be?" he says, almost in a commanding manner. I can imagine him raising his brows with one of his hand on his waist.

I'm used to it by now. Meaning his constant nagging alongside Daniel about how late I go home, how I overwork myself when in fact it's only the right amount of work for me, how late I sleep, how I accept too much commissions, and many more. "Early."

"Early tonight or early tomorrow morning?"

"I'm hanging up." It was a normal thing for us to say to each other. Chuckling, I end the call with him saying something like 'no' and 'you have to answer me'. I just left a message before turning off my phone.

It was past 6 pm yet I asked them to drop me off at the office and told them to rest up. I was tired, but I still had to get my ass up to finish the work I have been given by my mother as it is part of my job to do so. With some neck and knuckles cracking, I take a deep breath before opening the door to the almost-too-familiar office.

God, the things I'd do just to pacify my parents' inner demons. Though sometimes I know it shows. I'm tired, to be honest. This week has been tough, me not having enough sleep and all that. But what can I do? I need to be the good daughter they expect me to be. Always, without fail.

Knowing myself, I tend to doze off or enter another realm when I am in my zone of working. That's why I do not have the sense of time. I do not check the clock nor do I mind how many hours I've worked.

Exactly after I've finished my work, sending the emails to Geleen (Yes, she's still working here, though she has been promoted) so she can send it to the board, stockholders, suppliers, and a lot more. Of course, I still have to do the reading about reports—only projects related and none of the staff ones— which was pure torture for me. My phone rang, and that was the only time I could check how late it was when Daniel's name popped on my screen.

With my hand pressing my eyes alternately, I answer the call. "Hey." I yawn quietly, making sure that he does not catch any of the noise. "It's late, you're still up?"

He scoffs. I'm guessing it was made purposely loud. "Obviously. And you are too. Christian was right about checking up on you." That was the only time I could properly hear his voice. It sounded like he had just woken up.

"You woke up just to check up on me? Aunt Zack's going to sulk on you again."

"No she won't. She loves you too much to make this a reason for her sulking. Speaking of, she's been acting reaaally weird these days. Like she's always on edge or something. Our children are even racking their brains about the reason."

Daniel keeps me really entertained no matter what time it is. I wonder who he gets his chattiness from. "Right, I'll visit her tomorrow. Maybe that'll put her in a good mood. I'll even talk to her about it."

Just like how haste he changed the topic, the emotions in his voice also changed quickly. "Really? That would be the greatest news I'll ever hear this week— And don't even try changing the topic. I know you're still in the office. Get home this instant."

"I will. Just need to finish a few things before going home." The papers on my table were scattered, irritating me, so I stacked them neatly. "And it wasn't me who changed the topic."

"Whatever. I'm going back to sleep."

"Mhmm. Good night, Dan."

"Get home safely. And get some more sleep, will you?"

"I will. Rest up and don't worry about me too much." I hear him tsk before ending the call. My lips sculpted into a smile naturally after talking with Dan. I took it as I sign for me to finally go home and get some shut eye if my insomnia ever lets me.

—

"No, Mina. I told you I won't be able to go. You know how much work I need to finish, right?" I sigh. Early in the morning, she barged into my house with me still half asleep just to talk to me about a trip I should go on.

I hear her sigh as well. "I know. That's why I'm telling you to finish everything /and then/ go on the trip." She rolls her eyes. Habit of hers.

Taking in a /deep/ breath filled with patience, I look her straight in the eyes. "You of all people should know that mother would not permit me to go. I have a lot of things to do in the company."

Maybe it was because of the frustration she felt, she stomped her feet like how a child often would when something they want would not be given. "Gem, for god's sake, you're not a child anymore. A grown ass woman would not need permission from her mother to go on a trip. And you can pass some of your work to somebody else. All I'm asking for is a few days off. I'm not asking you to leave your mother's company, as if she'll ever let you."

It fell silent.

She's right, I know she is. And god knows how much I wanted to have a trip with only me alone in a quiet place with beautiful scenery. Something I've always dreamt of. Waking up to the streaks of sunlight hitting my face, drinking coffee outside the balcony while enjoying the cold breeze and watching the leaves as it falls. Writing while having to listen to the leaves of the trees make a sound as they crash onto one another. It's something I've always wanted, but I'm contemplating if I should.

"I'll think about it." It was enough to get rid of the frown that she had on her face. "But can you please make some coffee for me? I haven't gotten any sleep. Just a few hours, I guess?"

"Again?"

As a force of habit, my hand raises to my temple to massage it. I was slowly getting out of bed, ready to head to the kitchen when I felt a sharp pain briefly hitting me on my head. It felt as if my head had its own heartbeat.

"Careful!" Thankfully, Mina was there to assist me. She kinda pushed me to lay down on the bed again. "You won't be drinking coffee today, I'm sorry. I'll cook something so you can drink your meds. I told you to take it easy. I'm calling Dan and Christian."

I instantly jerk half of my body up, ignoring the ache from my head I felt when I suddenly sat up. "What? You don't need to. Just…I'll drink the meds and rest up for today. Just don't call those two. That'll make my headache worse."

She scoffs, a mischievous smirk on her face that I badly want to wipe off. "And now you're scared about getting an earful from the two? Fine, if you behave well, I won't call the ancient gentlemen."

I burst into laughter when I heard her say the last line. "I think you're hanging out too much with me. I'll behave, just don't call them."

"Whatever. I'll go cook something for you, wait here."

She turned her back at me and slowly closed the door after her. I realized that I've been hearing the word /whatever/ so often these past few weeks. Is it like something they've talked about to answer to me? "Huh…"