25

"Theo!" I waved my hand at him when he was a few meters away from me.

He waved back with a huge smile on his face. "You look happy to see me." He laughs.

I just roll my eyes but it's true. "It's because I have something to tell you."

Latey, I have been hanging out with Theo a lot. May it be in the office, at a cafe, at home, or just running my usual errands. Our conversations mostly consist of how our days went, annoying co-workers or customers, a little bit of gossiping because let's admit it that we all have that side, and really just a bunch of random stuff we want to talk about. It's like we say what we think and the topic changes from one to another without even finishing the previous one.

It's fun, though. Having someone to blabber all your thoughts and someone who's willing to listen. It's not like those three never listened, but with Theo, I'm comfortable enough to tell him the most random things and that's the difference. Although I can tell them my problems and concerns, with Theo I can tell even the smallest thing no one would care about. I wouldn't feel embarrassed nor feel like I'm wasting his time because he never made me feel like that.

"And then when I crossed the street, I remembered about it. You know how much I hate going back and forth, but I had no choice. I went back to the cafe again." I rolled my eyes.

He chuckles. "Ah, that's why you took quite some time to go back. I was about to follow you but before I could, you arrived. Your brows were even furrowed like this." He proceeds to tease me about how my brows were almost touching each other and how I was pouting.

"I don't look like that when I'm annoyed!" I defended myself.

"Trust me, you do." The guy even had the audacity to laugh! What's even more funny is that Theo's impression of my furrowed brows was completely cuter than I imagined it to be. But of course, I didn't say that.

"Theo, trust me, I don't. Maybe my brows were furrowed and I was pouting but I never looked as ugly as that."

He then stayed silent. It alarmed me because I may have hurt his feelings with what I said but then I was taken aback when he moved closer to me. Almost a little to close for us to hear the heartbeats of each other. "I know. You were much prettier than how I did it that I wanted to hold your face to take away your annoyance."

I couldn't move. I was just staring at him then down to where his lips were. It was reddish, plump, and shiny. It looked prettier than mine, huh.

"Keep looking and I don't know what I'll do next." His baritone voice beside my ear pulled me from my trance. "Kidding!"

I fake coughed to brush off the weird feeling. My eyes hastily averted its gaze from the man leaning on to me. Thankfully, he pulled away, chuckling as if he did something so amusing.

I fanned my face while walking a bit faster than he was. "Gosh, why is it so hot today."

His presence was not easy to shrug off. I felt him looking at me from behind, slowly walking on purpose. "Hazel, let's get lunch."

I roll my eyes before looking at him. My heart was still thumping loud enough for everyone to hear. But I didn't mind it. "Where? Your treat? Thanks."

Maybe I was too awkward about it? I mean when he said that, did he mean it or was it just like a prank? Something friends do? I curse at myself for thinking about it too much. He said he was kidding, Gem.

"Atleast wait for me, Gem." I was startled when he was walking beside me, hands slolwy meeting mine to make me walk slower.

I looked at him, dazed. "Y-yeah… uhm— yeah, sorry." God, what is happening to me. My heart's beating abnormally fast, and it felt like the world was moving slower. I only feel his hand against mine and how he smells like, how good he looks like with his hair neatly brushed back.

No, let's not think anymore.

"Hazel? Hey, you're spacing out again." He sighs. "I guess you need your third cup of coffee for today, huh?'

I just roll my eyes.

"Want pasta?" His voice was filled with so much softness that it almost made me want to pull him in a hug.

Actually, I wasn't speaking that much because I was afraid that I'd suddenly say something that I'll later regret. Theo was making me extra nervous today and it's not good for me.

"Are you mad at me, Hazel?" He stops walking, stands in front of me while I just lower my head a little bit more. I could feel my face starting to heat up and I don't know what I'd do if he were to see what I look like right now.

The only thing I was able to do was shake my head. I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at myself because I know I was (potentially) developing feelings for the guy.

"Are you sure?" Given that I was looking down, I saw how his hand slowly went up to place it on my cheeks. He guided my face so that I would look at him.

I'm not certain of how I look but my face was near his (at least that's what it felt like to me) and I couldn't do anything about it. Slowly, I swallowed the lump in my throat and answered him. "Yeah. I'm not mad." I shook my head so he could let go of me. "It's the lack of coffee flowing in my veins."

I then walked past him, not knowing where we were actually headed but I just wanted the air to be cleared of his smell. It's too intoxicating for me and that's dangerous for someone who sometimes word vomits things then regrets it later on.

"Gem, hey, wait." He grabs my arm again but carefully. "Wait for me, okay? You don't even know where we're going." He sighs.

My head, as if on instinct, turns to him after he lets out that deep breath. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry." I shake my head. "God, I am such a mess today."

When we were walking, his hand was holding mine but our fingers weren't intertwined, I saw him pouting when I glanced at him. Ah, it must be because he thinks I'm mad at him. But I'll let myself enjoy this one. I'll clear it out later.

Minutes after walking, we finally got a seat at our favorite restaurant. He was still pouting and I cannot help but laugh at how cute he is when sulking. I just shake my head to hide a smile.

We stayed silent after ordering our food. I was enjoying looking at him who was evidently avoiding my gaze and was slightly pouting. Although he did look cute, I decided it was time to let the guy show me his enthralling smile I've always admired.

"Theo," I call his name softly. It did not make him budge, though. He even huffed a breath and rolled his eyes, looking somewhere else.

I sigh. It was meant to be a joke, though, but I kind of meant it. Theo's a real kid when he sulks. You won't be able to make him look at you until he feels better or if you do something that'll really take his attention.

"Theo, hey," I say it now in a softer, tender voice which I rarely do. He knows me, I don't do stuff like that. I don't act mushy nor do I show my soft side. I don't know how to get rid of the feeling they have when they sulk, but I try my best in anything I do.

So, he slowly turned his head at me, his ears evidently red. "Say that again?" He looks so shocked that it made me chuckle.

I looked at him straight in his eyes like it was a book I greatly admired and found interesting. "Theo?" I say it again in the same tender voice.

Suddenly, he put his head down, his ears are more red now. He even shuffles his hair and covers his face.

"God, Hazel. The things you do to me." He shakes his head, now looking at me with his cheeks painted with a colour of somewhat pink in shade.

I was very much filled with adoration looking at him with a hint of wanting to pull his face close and pinch his cheeks. And it wasn't actually easy hiding a smile. "We okay now?"

He nods as an answer. And that was enough for me to smile. Soon, our food finally arrived and I was glad we could enjoy it without his sulking.

You know, the hardest part about liking someone is realising it. You'll become more aware of how you act around them, the things you say, and the way you look. It'll become more evident to you once you realise your feelings for someone and I don't like that. So as much as possible, for as long as I can, I will deny my feelings for him. I will never acknowledge it.

I refuse to be enslaved (big word) by an emotion I have no control over and something that could potentially break a great friendship I have right now with Theo. Risking my current relationship with the man is not worth it for the shallow feelings I could get rid of in a few weeks.

"So, I'll continue hiding this until it vanishes on its own. I won't put too much attention to it and act like I normally do around him."

That's what I said a few weeks back but look at me now. God! Even just a few meters closer to me and my heart suddenly beats faster, I feel my cheeks get hot with every second that passes, and the interactions we have seem to already have meaning for me.

And this is what I don't like about liking someone. I'm expecting too much from the person I like when in fact they are not accountable for how I feel. It's only me who expects and gives meaning to everything they do that when they don't meet those expectations I'd get hurt, I'd feel like they've betrayed me in some sort of way.

Let's be real, things like "Oh they're probably doing this to make me notice them" "He's giving me mixed signals" "He treated me differently" It's all just expectations we created on our own. It's all a product of what we expect or how we envision them. What if that's how they treated you because you're close friends? What if it's you who's making yourself believe he's giving you mixed signals. And you cannot have the answer directly if you won't ask them.

That's what I'll never do. I'll never ask him how he feels for me because it is also a way for me to accept the feelings I have. And if I don't get the answer I want, what? I'll cry. I've never been a fan of crying so I'd do anything to not arrive at a situation where I have to. So I'll just remind myself over and over again that this will vanish on its own. I can do this.

—

After a whole week of basically avoiding any kind of interaction that requires me to be close to Theo, I finally go home alone without anyone to bother me. It was actually tiring. See, having feelings for someone is tiring.

Anyway, I enjoyed my peace when I arrived at home. It was a quiet night with me on the sofa, hot coffee in my hand as I pressed the remote control upwards. I decided to watch Netflix today since I had no deadlines to finish any appointments scheduled. I rarely have time for myself so when I do, I find time to enjoy it alone and do things I can to relax.

Finally, I decided to watch a kdrama I've been wanting to watch for the last week. I had a great time watching the first few episodes but when I felt like I was gonna pass out from sleepiness, I headed to the bed.

I close my eyes almost instantly when my back hits the softness of the bed. It felt warm. I always wanted to live alone, and look at me now. I open my eyes realizing something. It was quiet living alone. Sometimes I'd get this feeling of loneliness but then I'd think that I enjoy living on my own, without anyone to make a noise. But really, it gets boring sometimes. Sometimes I'd call Mina over just to accompany me. I enjoy being alone but I don't like the feeling of being alone. Weird, I know.

A few more minutes of more random thoughts coming in my head, I finally fall asleep. The next day I woke up around 9 am, cooked breakfast for myself and scrolled on my emails while waiting for my coffee. Just when my coffee was ready, I received a text from Mina. She says we have a short meeting this afternoon then that's all I need to do for the day. Of course I said yes.

Today was not quite sunny but it didn't feel like it would rain. I just chose the clothes I'd wear for later after I ate my breakfast. It was a simple mocha-colored collared shirt with a white suit pants since I didn't want to overdress. It was just a simple meeting and I can go to the mall after.

I was early for the meeting, of course I didn't like to be late. So, I decide to go to Daniel.

"Hey, grandpa," I greet him jokingly as I see him burying his face on a few pile of papers.

He rolls his eyes. "Hey, lover girl." He shoots back.

This time it was me who rolls my eyes. "Where did that come from?" Daniel has always been good at reading what I feel albeit looking like nothing all the time.

Lifting his head from reading, he scoffs with a smug look on his face. "Oh, don't you dare deny it in front of my face, Gem. You know how much I know you."

I sigh in annoyance. "Okay. I'm not denying that maybe I have a crush on the guy but I'm sure it'll die down after a few days. Maybe it's nothing serious."

"Gem, you're thinking about it dying down meaning it won't. Trust me, it won't. You're just wanting yourself to believe that the blooming feelings you have will clear on its own because you claiming that it's just a shallow feeling you're having when in fact you do like the guy but you're just hesitant to let it grow because you're afraid of getting hurt." He stands up from where he was seated to go to the couch where I was on.

To be honest, every word that came out from his mouth was like a personal attack to me. It was true. I deny my feelings as a defense mechanism to not hurt myself. But Daniel already knows that. Without me even saying a word, he knows the reason behind my actions and I can even say that sometimes he knows more about how I feel than I do.

"Let's talk about this later. The meeting's starting soon."

He chuckles. "Way to avoid the topic." He walks a bit faster to catch up to me. "Believe me, it'll feel better when you admit it to yourself."

"Daniel, I'm trying my best not to think about it so please stop talking to me about it."

He chuckles again as if what he was doing was very entertaining. "Alright, whatever you say." When Daniel opened the door a few people were already there.

Minutes after we arrived, the meeting started. Christian wasn't present because of some personal reasons but he did say he could join us for a meal later. The meeting started and we all stopped when we heard the door open. Just like a scene from a movie, the people inside shifted their gaze on him.

It was Theo, wearing his navy blue coat and slacks, with a white shirt inside, and his hair magnificently styled making him look like a prince straight out of a movie. I just smiled at myself, not giving much attention to him. Although I won't deny that my heart fluttered a bit (it's actually a lot) and felt like I was going to puke from excitement when I saw him.

The meeting went on after he took his seat. Everybody was quiet while someone was discussing future plans for my book and for the other authors. We all silently listened there, the only noise coming from the air conditioner and from Christian's secretary. He further discussed plans for structural and system development, plans on changing some things with the rules and many more before it finally ended.

"Meeting adjourned," he says as he gathers his things, pushes his glasses upwards to fix it, and finally bowed to show respect before finally exiting the room.

Us, the authors, a few more managers, and employees stayed for a bit, including Theo. They were now standing up and roaming around the room to talk to people they were familiar with. I was just sitting there, looking at Daniel, Theo, and other gentlemen converse.

Soon enough, the other authors started to converse with each other as well. They were planning on hanging out in a nearby cafe to just chat with each other. I stayed silent but did not oppose the idea. I even said that I'd join them so they can contact me when they plan on going.

"So, how's your partner?" They asked out of the blue. Maybe they were more interested in him because of how undeniably handsome he is. I mean, we all had our own partners for our book, designers specifically. But they were interested in mine for some reason.

"Great." I pause to look at him. "He's an old friend so I guess that's a plus. With understanding each other and stuff. Our ideas don't clash often, we just combine our ideas if we think it'll look better. "

They nod approvingly. "I can't help but notice how close you two were every time you roam around the building. Is he really just an old friend?" They chuckle. Again, most of the authors were women but the boys were talking to other boys so I guess I'm stuck with this girly talk.

I chuckle awkwardly. "Well, he's really just a friend. You can ask him if you want." I shrug.

They all echo "Ohhh" and Trisha, another author, nodded at me and said, "Well, invite your /friend/ over here." Emphasis on the word "friend."

I sigh inwardly but keep a smile. Having Theo near me wasn't really that great because of how I react but let's keep my cool for now. I can do this.

Raising my hand, I waved it to get his attention which wasn't that hard because he looked at me instantly and mouthed "What?"

I asked for him to come and he also did without hesitation. He excused himself from their circle, as well as Daniel, and walked towards me. The room was quiet even with a few people inside.

"What is it?" He asked me.

"They want to ask you something." God, I sounded so awkward.

He looked up to the other girls and flashed them a friendly smile. "Good day, ladies. What is it that you want to ask? Gem doesn't shy away like this usually." He chuckles.

"Oh, we know how direct she is." They all laugh and I cannot help but to smile as well. "But we want her to be the one to ask you the question."

My eyes widened. I don't know how this became a big deal to them but what I said was true. Theo and I were just friends back then and until now, nothing more and nothing less. We both know that, and I know that's how he'll also answer.

"What is it, Gem?" He asks me in a tone slightly different from how he talked with the other girls earlier. That made one of my brows shot up. The others were giggling because of what he did.

"They're asking if we were really just friends back then." It was awkward coming from my mouth so I didn't really say it loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Hmm?" Because of how quiet I said it, he wasn't able to hear it. And I'd smack myself for doing that because now, Theo was leaning towards me, bending down a little as I was sitting down and he was standing up. "What was that, Hazel?" There he goes again with that tender tone.

And I was taken aback for a moment because I realized something. The feelings I have for Theo right now were nowhere near being gone because I had fallen deep. So deep that I won't be able to deny it from Daniel and especially not from myself. Pulling myself out of it wasn't possible now.

I cleared my throat to hide how fast my heart was beating. I do hear the girls squeal quietly. "They're asking if you— I mean we were friends back then."

"Ahhh." He stands up straight again as he touches the back of my head. "Yeah, we were friends back then."

I tried to focus on the conversation but I couldn't because of how his hands moved on the back of my head. But he did stop afterwards, maybe thinking I wasn't comfortable with it.

"Just friends?" Trisha asks. I do not know why she is so invested in our relationship. Maybe he likes Theo? "And you have a nickname for her, as well. I refuse to believe you were just friends."

Theo chuckles. "Well, that's a rather personal question, ma'am. But to feed your curiosity, we were really just friends back then. And don't pay too much attention to the nickname I call her, she doesn't like it when others know about it."

Like an orchestra, they all synchronously say "Aww."

"But to be frank, I had plans on courting Gem back then. For personal reasons, the uncertainty of life and its unexpectedness, we lost touch with each other. That's why she was mad at me the first time we saw each other again." He laughs deeply. "Kidding. She had no idea I wanted to court her."

He cannot just do that when I was there. I could feel my body become numb and my mind go blank. Not to mention how fast my heart was beating still. I didn't know what to do nor how to act later when we planned on eating together.