24

The following days felt like the wind. It was flowing fast, but it was light. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. There was a time that I had meal plans with Christian and Daniel.

"So, are you on good terms again?" Daniel asks.

Christian was just beside him, listening intently while eating. It was unusual for him to be this silent.

I shrug. "Maybe. I mean, last time we talked, I told him about how it made me feel, I mean when he left me. I even told him that I was willing to talk about it when the time comes, probably."

Daniel nods. "That's good. Take your time with it, Gem. Don't rush things, that's what I just want to remind you."

I nod. "I know. We both don't want to force ourselves to talk about it when we're not yet ready. And he's very understanding about it, he told me to take our time. I can come to him anytime if I'm ready."

Both of them nod. Now it was bothering me that Christian was keeping a straight face. He was, well, he looked like he wanted to say something but when he does open his mouth, he closes it again in an instant.

"Christian?"

"Right, sorry." He chuckles. "I just can't seem to find the words I want to tell you, Gem."

"It's okay. I just… maybe I want to hear what you feel about this? I know finding the right words to say to me can be hard, but just let it all out. Say what you think. I'll do my best not to get hurt." I chuckle.

He shakes his head with a small smile on his lips. "I'm happy." He starts. Daniel and I were just quiet, patiently waiting for what he had to say. Maybe a little surprised, too.

"I'm really happy for you, Gem. All these years, I watched you grow as a person and as a writer, saw how much you worked hard to reach where you are now, but sometimes it would bother me that after doing the work you love, you'd look…empty. You didn't want to attach yourself too much to people, you always worked, you didn't have fun. And it was because this was holding you back. Now that you're starting to talk about it with him, I can see how happy you are. Not only because you'd clear everything that happened then, but I can see how happy you are when you're with him."

To be honest, I know Christian's right. A part of me was hesitant to attach myself because I was afraid of being left again. And he's also right that it brings me so much happiness that I'll get to hear an explanation from him, that I have a chance to understand the reason why he left me. He's also right that the guy brings me a different kind of happiness. I know that with him, I am able to shine more. Just like back then, he made me shine by pushing me when I doubted myself.

"So if he hurts you again, I will never want you to see him again. Remember that."

Daniel nods in agreement. God, these two are really protective.

After a few days of being busy with work and nights without sleep, I finally had the time to rest. I still had to contact Theo so as much as I wanted to go to my bed and sleep, I dialed his number. I leaned back to let my back rest since I was feeling my back pain coming again. With my head laid back, the ringing stops and I hear his voice.

"Hazel?" And like how it always is, my heart beats faster when I hear him say that. He asked me a few days back if it was okay for him to call me that, and I said yes but only when it's just the two of us. I thought that maybe this'll be the first baby step I'll take.

"Theo, I'll send you some concepts I'd found for the book cover," I say in a tired voice. Without any intention to, I yawned as well.

"No sleep again?"

I nod as if he was going to see it. "Had to finish a lot of chapters plus I wanted to give you some ideas about the cover."

I hear him sigh, though he did move his phone away. Did he not want me to hear that?

"Just send it to me after you sleep, okay? There's no need to rush."

I smile, my eyes still closed. I hummed in response. "Alright, Theo." And because there's a part of me that's wanting someone to read the chapters I've written, I wanted to ask Theo if he wanted to. But I'm not very sure if he would like to, I don't know. It's making me nervous.

"Theo." Although having second thoughts, this is me asking him if he wants to read it.

"Hmm?" God, his voice. It's enough to be called a lullaby. And for some unknown reason, I don't want anyone to hear him talk in this kind of tone. Tender, warm, careful.

"Do you want me to send you a copy of the chapters I wrote? It's uh… I just wanted to know what you'd think about it?" I was biting my lips.

He chuckles softly. "Really? Is it okay for you to?"

"I mean if you want, I can. But if you don't—"

"I'd want it in a heartbeat, Hazel."

My heart was beating so fast, I couldn't explain what I was feeling. It felt like someone was tickling me inside my stomach, I felt giddy. Suddenly, the sleepiness I was feeling earlier vanished and what was left was me, flustered.

I clear my throat, shifting on my seat. "Alright, I'm sending it now."

"Send it later. Just… go to sleep, okay?"

I sigh in defeat. "Okay, Theo."

"Sleep well, Hazel."

——

I didn't know how many hours I was dead asleep but I woke up and it was dark. And guess how I woke up? Yes, a continuous ring of the doorbell. And I do not even have to guess who it is.

With no choice, I stood up. I fixed my hair in front of the mirror. I was only wearing an oversized shirt and a pair of shorts since I was just at home. I went down hastily.

"What is wrong—"

When I opened the door, it wasn't Daniel nor Christian. It was Theo. He scanned me from up and down and averted his gaze.

My eyes widened. "Sorry! I just woke up so don't mind what I look like." I laugh awkwardly. "Come in." I opened the door more so he could step inside.

He clears his throat. "It's okay. You look beautiful."

"I'm too tired to even argue with you right now." I chuckle.

He placed some paper bags he had with him on the dining table.

"Where's your plates? Also your bowls and drinking glass?"

He was already roaming around the kitchen like I wasn't there. I followed him from behind, though. I opened the drawers where he could find the things he was asking for and he just gave me a small smile and a pat on my head.

"You know, you don't have to act like you're treating a sick person. I can move on my own. I can even help you prepare the dinner table." My arms were crossed in front of me, a brow raised.

He laughs. "Don't go all sassy with me. How many hours did you spend writing without having proper sleep?"

I shrug. "I… don't know!"

He slowly shakes his head but there was a smile on his face. "See? You not knowing means it must've been a long time. I know how you are, Hazel."

I just roll my eyes. That's true, though. I often lose track of time when writing, especially when I have a deadline. Writing is something so familiar and natural to me. I'm comfortable enough with it that doing it doesn't feel like I'm just waiting for time to pass because when I'm doing it, I cannot even look at the time anymore. I just keep on writing until I think I'm done.

So I just quietly sat on the chair, waiting for him to finish preparing the food and plates. I opened some of the dishes so I can be of help even in a small way.

"Why are you here?" He seemed to be taken aback by the question because I suddenly asked it.

He shrugs. "If I'm not here, who would take care of you?"

I roll my eyes but I feel something electrifying in me. "Well, Mr. Villa, I can take care of myself very well even without anyone's help."

He scoffs.

"You don't believe me? I can cook, do the dishes, even wash my clothes by my own, I can even clean the whole house if I wanted—"

"I know how capable you are, Hazel. You've always been independent, you've always been the one to do things for others. That's why this time, I want to be someone who does things for you. I want to be the one to take care of you, and I want you to get used to it because I'll be doing it for quite some time, okay?"

With redness on my cheeks, I lower down my head so he won't see it. "Whatever."

It's true, I have Daniel, Christian, and Mina to take care of me. But they also have other people to take care of. I know Theo has others to take care of, but it feels different when the care comes from him. My heart feels a different kind of happiness and fulfillment.

We ate dinner while talking about work related stuff sometimes. We even talked about how the past days were since we didn't get to have a meal together. He likes to be around me and that scares me. If I get used to it, his presence, and when he leaves again, I wouldn't know what to do.

"Gem, you're zoning out again. Care to share your thoughts?" He asks while washing the dishes.

I shake my head. "Nothing. Just a bunch of stuff."

"What's that bunch of stuff?"

I shake my head again, slowly this time. I was hesitating whether to say it to him or not.

"I'm not forcing you to say anything, okay? I want you to go at your own pace and if that means that you're still not comfortable enough to tell me stuff again, that's perfectly fine."

"No… it's just that— I'm scared. That familiar feeling is haunting me again while I'm with you. I'm scared that what happened in the past has a probability of happening again. That you'll leave me again and it scares me, Theo. I may act all tough and careless about stuff like that, but I'm scared. It scares me that it'll hurt more than it did back then."

I was too afraid to look at him. Afraid that once I see him, I'll suddenly burst into tears because I could feel the emotions rushing right now. I just hear footsteps coming closer to me. When I looked up, there he was, looking at me like I was something so vulnerable, with tender eyes.

"Hazel, I'm sorry," he says as he caresses my hair. "I'm sorry that I caused you pain. I'm sorry that I caused you trust issues. I don't know how many sorry's I'll say to make up for the mistake I did back then. Or maybe sorry's aren't going to be enough, but I'm sorry. Hazel, I can't— I can't tell the exact reason right now but I promise you when I'm ready to, I will. I'll come to you like how I always do. Having you in my life makes me happier than I have ever been, trust me. I want to clear things up between us but like you, I'm still not ready."

Looking at him right now, he looks…hurt. He looks guilty mixed with different emotions I cannot name. I cannot help but raise my hand to slowly place it at the back of his head to caress it. I don't know but I felt like he needed it. He needed someone to touch him, to comfort him in some way. Because when I feel a whirlwind of emotions come to me, I need someone to assure me, to hold me, and I want him to feel that I'm here. Albeit scared, I will always be here.

"Theo, don't feel pressured, okay?" I smile at him. "Just like what you said to me, let's go at our own pace, okay? We don't need to rush things, we can take it slow for as long as we want. Just don't… don't leave again."

He smiles at me, holding my hand, slowly intertwining our fingers. "I promise, I won't"