Chapter 4: A Glimpse Inside

This was not the life that Kai had in mind, a life full of waking up late at night screaming from yet another nightmare. Her mind plaque by the thoughts of monsters all around people that they don't even notice. Thoughts keep on entering Kai's mind with the words of Finn - A Grim Reaper like her is to be killed at sight.

It never had truly sunk in when she was talking with him. All Kai knows was, she got to be as unpredictable as possible. To let a possible threat thinks of different persona's that she can't be read. Kai knows what she hated the most about her. One right stab of kind words, a soothing voice, and a touch light as a feather will crumble her resolve. It will destroy her wall build in-jokes, sarcasm, and obliviousness.

Kai never wanted to lose her mother, to gain power just to have a bullet in her head for having it, and to have such great purpose with her gained powers. This is what anyone would dream of though.

But not Kai. She would trade it to have her mother back, alive, and loving her for whatever she is. Flawed or not, Kai is and always be perfect to her mother's eyes. So, with a heavy heart and eyes with dark circles, she pushed her body to stand up from her bed and meet up with Finn. A Guardian who could easily end here with just a swipe of his hands.

And so, standing there beside her bedside, Kai wondered, was it so bad at all?

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It was seven-ish am when Kai came back. Her body sore and aching from all over places, but she knows she can't complain or be mad about it. This is what she needs, and whatever Finn is scheming with a Grim Reaper like her, she'd willingly participate as long as it won't get her killed in the future.

With a groan of exhaustion and dislike with the idea of school, Kai stood up as she went to get ready. She remembered the first time she got into one of the best public schools in Seren City. The school used to be a private school, but the owner of it decided it would be better to share a good education in Juleston High with those who are gifted but isn't in terms of financial stuff.

Kai's mother was so proud of her. She got in without even that studying hard. Kai was so insecure that her abilities were not on par with the other students there. She was like a peasant trying hard to be accepted inside the castle and somehow be one of those there.

She regretted not believing in herself more as she was shocked to hear that she was Ranked Five among all their year level who took the exam. Be it those students who were considered private students before and also the new ones like her. Despite that, her mother took her to their favorite sweet shop where they sell yummy and affordable cakes, sweets, candies, and ice creams! Even with little money for their daily expenses, her mother still bought her a custard sliced cake with a hint of lemon flavor, her favorite, despite Kai's protests.

It was the best day she had. And she wished - Kai wished she would have really cherished it even more with her mom. Maybe she should have used some money she was saving to buy something for he mom, just to share the moment of the two of them eating cakes. With her mom eating her favorite strawberry shortcake, and her custard with lemon flavor cake. Maybe she should have told her mom about the things she'd been seeing. Tell her mom, that she can see people's death with weird creatures involves with their deaths. And have her mom comfort her in her warm embrace, her soothing voice telling Kai that she's not mad and that she's going to be okay. That her mom would never leave her. She loves and hates that day.

That day, as full of regrets, maybe's and what if's.

A week after that, her mother died after ignoring her gut's warning signals. She ignored her unnatural instincts and just went with it and told this pretty girl with dark purple hair that seems to go lighter at the end of her hair, that she is going today if she doesn't go with whatever event she's going to.

Kai was conflicted at that moment, her chest with a long shadowy yet solid knife pierced to her chest. She was conflicted if she just shut her mouth, her mother would still be here. If she only followed her instinct, she would have arrived home with her mom cooking them a small yet hearty dinner. If she just didn't want to save people, even though they don't deserve it, she would still be going home with her mother alive and smiling at her. Welcoming her home with a smile and a ruffle to the head. If only. If only.

But her mother's soft smile entered her mind at that foggy moment as the shadowy creature entered her body. Kai's doubts were washed away. Her mother's soothing voice echoed inside her head. "Never judge a book by its cover Kai. Always put your shoes in their situation before you judge them, okay? Hear their reasons and, Kai? Always be kind and make people smile." She wondered that time what her mother was going away with this, but it seems her mother saw the confusion in her eyes and laughed. "Always stand with that belief of yours. It seems that you always share that with others and make them unknowingly agree and do it too. You are a kind soul Kai, just with a hard exterior. Maybe too hard for people to see that soft heart of yours." Kai was teary-eyed, remembering her mother's words at that moment.

She knows she's right. Kai knows she's too hard on others and especially on herself.

She can't help it, now that her mother is gone. Kai wants her back this instance. Soothe the agonizing pain her body is going through. She whimpered as she laid on the, her mother's words echoing and slowly fading out. "Always be kind my, little raven. Follow what your heart desires, alongside fighting for your beliefs. Be strong, and Kai, I love you."

Large tears flowed at the corner of her eyes as Kai started to lose consciousness due to the pain traveling even to her smallest veins. She thrashed, screamed, and whimpered. "But it's too hard Mom. Everyone doesn't get it..., everyone seems to be against it..." she breathed heavily, air seemingly decided to not be her friend at the moment. "But..I'll try...until the day...I die..." with whispering words, Kai's world went black.