The pain

'I am with you' please don't cry, said by someone hugging me. My eyes are full of tears, my heart dispirited, my body is quacking, my brain is in dilemma.

Yes, I am facing all these because my mom just passed leaving this world, leaving our family forever. It is the situation that I cant accept in my life. I cant believe this happened so soon. I cant believe the fact that I'll be motherless rest of my life. I cant hear her calling my name anymore is just killing me from inside. I never faced this kind of pain before, may be this is the hardest pain in life seeing mother's end. And yes what will be more painful than this.

Till now I don't know how pain will be ,I've just experienced an wound pain hardly in my life. and now I don't know how often I should bare this soreness in my heart.

I don't know what is the next step. I feel like my life ended. I want you back again mummy I am ready to do anything for that 'all these words are saying by inner me'.

'Daddy and brother are there for me but no one can replace you mummy. I miss you so much. I need all your blessings every day. Give me strength to face everything from now. Hope your soul rest in heaven's glory' I said all this words lastly seeing my mom.

All the ceremonials are done by our family. from now I should grow up all by my self, I should be very strong and also take care of my family.

Hi, my name is janvi, and I am a typical 14 years girl right now who depends on mom for everything. I am doing my schooling, I lost my mom at this age, I am so attached to her and I don't how I am going to survive without her. I feel like chase of the battle started in my life. I should face all the hurdles and thrones coming up in my life and achieve something big and make my mom and family proud.

I just opened my wardrobe, I am even confused which outfit to put on, I don't even know how to plait my hair properly or how to put a ponytail instead, this is my situation right now! Alas, every small work seems to be very hard for me. I am scared to attend my school today because I don't want to face any pettiness.

After 15 days of break I went back to school, I cant feel my steps that I am walking on corridor, I reached my classroom, just standing an inch back of the door I took a deep breath, cleared all my mind which is full of thoughts and entered the classroom.

Excuse me mam, may I get in. whole classroom went silent by seeing me. come in janvi said by my teacher, I just entered into the classroom, everyone is starring at me deeply and I am not dared enough to look into their eyes. I sat at my place and submitted the leave letter to my mam with my father's signature. she read the whole letter and just signed it normally, gave it back to me and said lend the notes from your friends and complete the incomplete notes ASAP. I am happy for her reaction.

"bell rings" its break now, till now every thing went normal with classes going on. I don't know why I dint felt comfortable to talk to any one. the girl sitting next to me started a conversation with me and I started replying to her questions. Finally she asked me about my mom, I told her what happened and she felt very sad for me, I can see that in her eyes. lastly all my friends came to me, talked with me and gave me confidence. some of them showed me pettiness, but I just ignored them.

I felt ignoring is the best healing process. from here I learnt how to ignore the things which I don't like. I pretend they are not for me. I felt like I should search my own happiness from now.